pride and prejudice(傲慢与偏见)-第54节
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led me before； to preserve my friend from what I esteemed a most
unhappy connection。—He left Netherfield for London； on the day
following； as you； I am certain； remember； with the design of soon
returning。—The part which I acted； is now to be explained。—His
sisters’ uneasiness had been equally excited with my own； our
coincidence of feeling was soon discovered； and； alike sensible that
no time was to be lost in detaching their brother； we shortly
resolved on joining him directly in London。—We accordingly
went—and there I readily engaged in the office of pointing out to
my friend； the certain evils of such a choice。—I described； and
enforced them earnestly。—But； however this remonstrance might
have staggered or delayed his determination； I do not suppose that
it would ultimately have prevented the marriage； had it not been
seconded by the assurance which I hesitated not in giving； of your
sister’s indifference。 He had before believed her to return his
affection with sincere； if not with equal regard。—But Bingley has
great natural modesty； with a stronger dependence on my
judgment than on his own。—To convince him； therefore； that he
had deceived himself； was no very difficult point。 To persuade him
against returning into Hertfordshire； when that conviction had
been given； was scarcely the work of a moment。—I cannot blame
myself for having done thus much。 There is but one part of my
conduct in the whole affair； on which I do not reflect with
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satisfaction； it is that I condescended to adopt the measures of art
so far as to conceal from him your sister’s being in town。 I knew it
myself； as it was known to Miss Bingley； but her brother is even
yet ignorant of it。—That they might have met without ill
consequence； is perhaps probable；—but his regard did not appear
to me enough extinguished for him to see her without some
danger。—Perhaps this concealment； this disguise； was beneath
me。—It is done； however； and it was done for the best。—On this
subject I have nothing more to say； no other apology to offer。 If I
have wounded your sister’s feelings； it was unknowingly done； and
though the motives which governed me may to you very naturally
appear insufficient； I have not yet learnt to condemn them。—With
respect to that other； more weighty accusation； of having injured
Mr。 Wickham； I can only refute it by laying before you the whole of
his connection with my family。 Of what he has particularly
accused me I am ignorant； but of the truth of what I shall relate； I
can summon more than one witness of undoubted veracity。 Mr
Wickham is the son of a very respectable man； who had for many
years the management of all the Pemberley estates； and whose
good conduct in the discharge of his trust； naturally inclined my
father to be of service to him； and on George Wickham； who was
his god…son； his kindness was therefore liberally bestowed。 My
father supported him at school； and afterwards at Cambridge；—
most important assistance； as his own father； always poor from the
extravagance of his wife； would have been unable to give him a
gentleman’s education。 My father was not only fond of this young
man’s society； whose manners were always engaging； he had also
the highest opinion of him； and hoping the church would be his
profession； intended to provide for him in it。 As for myself； it is
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many； many years since I first began to think of him in a very
different manner。 The vicious propensities—the want of principle
which he was careful to guard from the knowledge of his best
friend； could not escape the observation of a young man of nearly
the same age with himself； and who had opportunities of seeing
him in unguarded moments； which Mr。 Darcy could not have。
Here again I shall give you pain—to what degree you only can tell。
But whatever may be the sentiments which Mr。 Wickham has
created； a suspicion of their nature shall not prevent me from
unfolding his real character。 It adds even another motive。 My
excellent father died about five years ago； and his attachment to
Mr。 Wickham was to the last so steady； that in his will he
particularly recommended it to me； to promote his advancement
in the best manner that his profession might allow； and if he took
orders； desired that a valuable family living might be his as soon
as it became vacant。 There was also a legacy of one thousand
pounds。 His own father did not long survive mine； and within half
a year from these events； Mr。 Wickham wrote to inform me that；
having finally resolved against taking orders； he hoped I should
not think it unreasonable for him to expect some more immediate
pecuniary advantage； in lieu of the preferment； by which he could
not be benefited。 He had some intention； he added； of studying the
law； and I must be aware that the interest of one thousand pounds
would be a very insufficient support therein。 I rather wished； than
believed him to be sincere； but at any rate； was perfectly ready to
accede to his proposal。 I knew that Mr。 Wickham ought not to be a
clergyman。 The business was therefore soon settled。 He resigned
all claim to assistance in the church； were it possible that he could
ever be in a situation to receive it； and accepted in return three
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thousand pounds。 All connection between us seemed now
dissolved。 I thought too ill of him； to invite him to Pemberley； or
admit his society in town。 In town I believe he chiefly lived； but his
studying the law was a mere pretence； and being now free from all
restraint； his life was a life of idleness and dissipation。 For about
three years I heard little of him； but on the decease of the
incumbent of the living which had been designed for him； he
applied to me again by letter for the presentation。 His
circumstances； he assured me； and I had no difficulty in believing
it； were exceedingly bad。 He had found the law a most
unprofitable study； and was now absolutely resolved on being
ordained； if I would present him to the living in question—of
which he trusted there could be little doubt； as he was well
assured that I had no other person to provide for； and I could not
have forgotten my revered father’s intentions。 You will hardly
blame me for refusing to comply with this entreaty； or for resisting
every repetition of it。 His resentment was in proportion to the
distress of his circumstances—and he was doubtless as violent in
his abuse of me to others； as in his reproaches to myself。 After this
period； every appearance of acquaintance was dropt。 How he lived
I know not。 But last summer he was again most painfully obtruded
on my notice。 I must now mention a circumstance which I would
wish to forget myself； and which no obligation less than the
present should induce me to unfold to any human being。 Having
said thus much； I feel no doubt of your secrecy。 My sister； who is
more than ten years my junior； was left to the guardianship of my
mother’s nephew； Colonel Fitzwilliam； and myself。 About a year
ago； she was taken from school； and an establishment formed for
her in London； and last summer she went with the lady who
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