lady baltimore-第49节
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ell my friend he's doing wrong。 Going to write him to…night。 Where's ink？〃
〃It won't go to…night；〃 said John。 〃What are you going to tell him？〃
〃Going to tell him； since only one wife； wicked not to break his engagement。〃
John looked at me very hard； as he stood by the window； leaning on the sill。 But my will was getting all the while a stronger hold； and my thoughts were less and less inclined to stray to other world…problems； moreover； below the confusion that still a little reigned in them was the primal cunning of the old Adam； the native man； quite untroubled and alertit saw John's look at me and it prompted my course。
〃Yes；〃 I said。 〃He wants the truth from me。 Where's his letter？ No harm reading you without names。〃 And I fumbled in my pocket。
〃Letter gone。 Never mind。 Facts are： friend's asked girl。 Girl's said yes。 Now he thinks he's bound by that。〃
〃He thinks right；〃 said John。
〃Not a bit of it。 You take Tannhauser。 Engagement to Venus all a mistake。 Perfectly proper to break it。 Much more than proper。 Only honorable thing he could do。 I'm going to write it to him。 Where's ink？〃 And I got up。
John came from his window and sat down at the table。 His glass was empty； his cigar gone out； and he looked at me。 But I looked round the room for the ink； noting in my search the big fireplace； simple； wooden； unornamented； but generous； and the plain plaster walls of the lodge； whereon hung two or three old prints of gamebirds； and all the while I saw John out of the corner of my eye； looking at me。
He spoke first。 〃Your friend has given his word to a lady； he must stand by it like a gentleman。
〃Lot of difference；〃 I returned； still looking round the room； 〃between spirit and letter。 If his heart has broken the word； his lips can't make him a gentleman。〃
John brought his fist down on the table。 〃He had no business to get engaged to her！ He must take the consequences。〃
That blow of the fist on the table brought my thoughts wholly clear and fixed on the one subject； my will had no longer to struggle with them； they worked of themselves in just the way that I wanted them to do。
〃If he's a gentleman； he must stand to his word；〃 John repeated； 〃unless she releases him。〃
I fumbled again for my letter。 〃That's just about what he says himself；〃 I rejoined； sitting down。 〃He thinks he ought to take the consequences。〃
〃Of course！〃 John Mayrant's face was very stern as he sat in judgment on himself。
〃But why should she take the consequences？〃 I asked。
〃What consequences？〃
〃Being married to a man who doesn't want her； all her life； until death them do part。 How's that？ Having the daily humiliation of his indif… ference； and the world's knowledge of his indifference。 How's that？ Perhaps having the further humiliation of knowing that his heart belongs to another woman。 How's that？ That's not what a girl bargains for。 His standing to his word is not an act of honor； but a deception。 And in talking about 'taking the consequences；' he's patting his personal sacrifice on the back and forgetting all about her and the sacrifice he's putting her to。 What's the brief suffering of a broken engagement to that？ No： the true consequences that a man should shoulder for making such a mistake is the poor opinion that society holds of him for placing a woman in such a position； and to free her is the most honorable thing he can do。 Her dignity suffers less so than if she were a wife chained down to perpetual disregard。〃
John； after a silence； said： 〃That is a very curious view。〃
〃That is the view I shall give my friend；〃 I answered。 〃I shall tell him that in keeping on he is not at bottom honestly thinking of the girl and her welfare； but of himself and the public opinion he's afraid of； if he breaks his engagement。 And I shall tell him that if I'm in church and they come to the place where they ask if any man knows just cause or impediment； I shall probably call out； 'He does！ His heart's not in it。 This is not marriage that he's committing。 You're pronouncing your blessing upon a fraud。'〃
John sat now a long time silent； holding his extinct cigar。 The lamp was almost burned dry； we had blown out the expiring candles some while since。 〃That is a very curious view；〃 he repeated。 〃I should like to hear what your friend says in answer。〃
This finished our late sitting。 We opened the door and went out for a brief space into the night to get its pure breath into our lungs； and look to the distant place where the moon had sailed。 Then we went to bed； or rather； I did； for the last thing that I remembered was John； standing by the window of our bedroom still dressed； looking out into the forest。
XX： What She Wanted Him For
He was neither at the window； nor in his bed； nor anywhere else to be seen； when I opened my eyes upon the world next morning； nor did any answer come when I called his name。 I raised myself and saw outside the great branches of the wood； bathed from top to trunk in a sunshine that was no early morning's light； and upon this； the silence of the house spoke plainly to me not of man still sleeping； but of man long risen and gone about his business。 I stepped barefoot across the wooden floor to where lay my watch； but it marked an unearthly hour； for I had neglected to wind it at the end of our long and convivial eveningof which my head was now giving me some news。 And then I saw a note addressed to me from John Mayrant。
〃You are a good sleeper；〃 it began； 〃but my conscience is clear as to the Bombo； called by some Kill…devil； about which I hope you will remember that I warned you。〃
He hoped I should remember！ Of course I remembered everything； why did he say that？ An apology for his leaving me followed； he had been obliged to take the early train because of the Custom House； where he was serving his final days； they would give me breakfast when ever I should be ready for it； and I was to make free of the place； I had better visit the old church （they had orders about the keys） and drive myself into Kings Port after lunch； the horses would know the way； if I did not。 It was the boy's closing sentence which fixed my attention wholly； took it away from Kill…devil Bombo and my Aunt Carola's commission； for the execution of which I now held the clue； and sent me puzzling for the right interpretation of his words：
〃I believe that you will help your friend by that advice which startled me last night； but which I now begin to see more in than I did。 Only between alternate injuries； he may find it harder to choose which is the least he can inflict； than you； who look on； find it。 For in following your argument； he benefits himself so plainly that the benefit to the other person is very likely obscured to him。 But； if you wish to； tell him a Southern gentleman would feel he ought to be shot either way。 That's the honorable price for changing your mind in such a case。〃
No interpretation of this came to me。 I planned and carried out my day according to his suggestion； a slow dressing with much cold water； a slow breakfast with much good hot coffee； a slow wandering beneath the dreamy branches of Udolpho；this course cleared my head of the Bombo； and brought back to me our whole evening； and every word I had said to John； except that I had lost the solution which； last night； the triangle had held for me。 At that moment； the triangle； and my whole dealing with the subject of monogamy； had seemed to contain the simplicity of genius； but it had all gone now； and I couldn't get it back； only； what I had contrived to say to John about his own predicament had been certainly well said； I would say that over again to…day。 It was the boy and the meaning of his words which escaped me still； baffled me； and formed the whole subject of my attention； even when I was inside the Tern Creek church； so that I retain nothing of that； save a general quaintness； a general loneliness； a little deserted； forgotten token of human doings long since done； standing on its little acre of wilderness amid that solitude which suggests the departed presence of man； and which is so much more potent in the flavor of its desolation than the virgin wilderness whose solitude is still waiting for man to come。
It made no matter whether John had believed in the friend to whom I intended writing advice； or had seen through and accepted in good part my manoeuvre； he had considered my words； that was the point； and he had not slept in his bed； but on it； if sleep had come to him at all； this I found out while dressing。 Several times I read his note over。 〃Between alternate injuries he may find it harder to choose。〃 This was not an answer to me； but an explanation of his own perplexity。 At times it sounded almost like an appeal； as if he were saying； 〃Do not blame me for not being convinced；〃 and if it was such appeal； why； then； taken with his resolve to do right at any cost； and his night of inward contention； it was poignant。 〃I believe that you will help your friend。〃 Those words sounded better。 But〃tell him a Southern gentleman ought to be shot either way。〃 What was the meaning of this？ A chill import rose from it into my thoughts； but that I dismissed。 To die on account of Hortense！ Such a thing was not to be conceived
