the choir invisible-第5节

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　back　upon　his　own　undefended　strength；　and　stealthily　following　him　from　place　to　place；　always　closing　around　him；　always　seeking　to　strangle　him；　or　to　poison　him　in　some　vital　spot；　that　most　silent；　subtle　serpent　of　lifePoverty。　Knowing　this；　and　knowing　also　the　man　he　had　become；　she　would　in　secret　sometimes　liken　him　to　one　of　those　rare　unions　of　delicacy　and　hardihood　which　in　the　world　of　wild　flowers　Nature　refuses　to　bring　forth　except　from　the　cranny　of　a　cold　rock。　Its　home　is　the　battle…field　of　black　roaring　tempests；　the　red　lightnings　play　among　its　roots　；　all　night　seamless　snow…drifts　are　woven　around　its　heart；　no　bee　ever　rises　to　it　from　the　valley　below　where　the　green　spring　is　kneeling；　no　morning　bird　ever　soars　past　it　with　observant　song；　but　in　due　time；　with　unswerving　obedience　to　a　law　of　beauty　unfolding　from　within；　it　sets　forth　its　perfect　leaves　and　strains　its　steadfast　face　toward　the　sun。

These　paltry　thousands！　She　realized　that　they　would　lift　from　him　the　burden　of　debts　that　he　had　assumed；　and　give　him；　without　further　waiting；　the　libertyof　his　powers　and　the　opportunities　of　the　world。〃God　bless　you！〃　She　said　with　trembling　lips。　〃It　makes　me　happier　than　it　does　you。　No　one　else　in　the　whole　world　is　as　glad　as　I　am。〃Silence　fell　upon　them。　Both　were　thinking；　but　in　very　different　waysof　the　changes　that　would　now　take　place　in　his　life。

〃Do　you　know；〃　he　said　at　length；　looking　into　her　face　with　the　quietest　smile；　that　if　this　lawsuit　had　gone　against　me　it　would　have　been　the　first　great　defeat　of　my　life？　Sorely　as　I　have　struggled；　I　have　yet　to　encounter　that　common　myth　of　weak　men；　an　insurmountable　barrier。　The　imperfection　of　our　lives　what　is　it　but　the　imperfection　of　our　planning　and　doing？　Shattered　idealswhat　hand　shatters　them　but　one's　own？　I　declare　to　you　at　this　moment；　standing　here　in　the　clear　light　of　my　own　past；　that　I　firmly　believe　I　shall　be　what　I　will；　that　I　shall　have　what　I　want；　and　that　I　shall　now　go　on　rearing　the　structure　of　my　life；　to　the　last　detail；　just　as　I　have　long　planned　it。〃She　did　not　answer；　but　stood　looking　at　him　with　a　new　pity　in　her　eyes。　After　all；　was　he　so　young；　so　untaught　by　the　world？　　Had　a　little　prosperity　already　puffed　him　up？　〃There　will　be　this　difference；　of　course；〃　he　added。　〃Hitherto　I　have　had　to　build　slowly；　henceforth　there　will　be　no　delay；　now　that　I　am　free　to　lay　hold　upon　the　material。　But；　my　dear　friend；　I　cannot　bear　to　think　of　my　life　as　a　structure　to　be　successfully　reared　without　settling　at　once　how　it　is　to　be　lighted　from　within。　And；　therefore；　I　have　come　to　speak　to　you　aboutthe　lamp。〃　As　he　said　this　a　solemn　beauty　flashed　out　upon　his　face。　As　though　the　outer　curtain　of　his　nature　had　been　drawn　up；　she　now　gazed　into　the　depths　and　confidences。

Her　head　dropped　quickly　on　her　bosom；　and　she　drew　slightly　back；　as　though　to　escape　pain　or　danger。〃You　must　know　how　long　I　have　loved　Amy；〃　he　continued　in　a　tone　of　calmness。　〃I　have　not　spoken　sooner；　because　the　circumstances　of　my　life　made　it　necessary　for　me　to　wait；　and　now　I　wish　to　ask　her　to　become　my　wife；　and　I　am　here　to　beg　your　consent　first。〃

For　some　time　she　did　not　answer。　The　slip　of　an　elm　grew　beside　the　picket　fence；　and　she　stood　passing　her　fingers　over　the　topmost　leaves；　with　her　head　lowered　so　that　he　could　not　see　her　face。　At　length　she　said　in　a　voice　he　could　hardly　hear：

〃I　have　feared　for　a　long　time　that　this　would　come；　but　I　have　never　been　able　to　get　ready　for　it；　and　I　am　not　ready　now。〃

Neither　spoke　for　some　time　longer；　only　his　expression　changed；　and　he　looked　over　at　her　with　a　compassionate；　amused　gravity；　as　though　he　meant　to　be　very　patient　with　her　opposition。　On　her　part；　she　was　thinkingIs　it　possible　that　the　first　use　he　will　make　of　his　new　liberty　is　to　forge　the　chain　of　a　new　slavery？　Is　this　some　weak　spot　now　to　be　fully　revealed　in　his　character？　Is　this　the　drain　in　the　bottom　of　the　lake　that　will　in　the　end　bring　its　high；　clear　level　down　to　mud　and　stagnant　shallows　and　a　swarm　of　stinging　insects？　At　last　she　spoke；　but　with　difficulty：〃I　have　known　for　a　year　that　you　were　interested　in　Amy。　You　could　not　have　been　here　so　much　without　our　seeing　that。　But　let　me　ask　you　one　question：　Have　you　ever　thought　that　I　wished　you　to　marry　her？〃　〃I　have　always　beheld　in　you　an　unmasked　enemy；〃　he　replied；　smiling。

〃Then　I　can　go　on；〃　she　said。　〃But　I　feel　as　though　never　in　my　life　have　I　done　a　thing　that　is　as　near　being　familiar　and　unwomanly。　Nevertheless；　for　your　sakefor　hersfor　oursit　is　my　plain；　hard　duty　to　ask　you　whether　you　are　sureeven　if　you　should　have　her　consentthat　my　niece　is　the　woman　you　ought　to　marry。〃　And　she　lifted　to　him　her　clear；　calm　eyes；　prematurely　old　in　the　experience　of　life。

〃I　am　sure；〃　he　answered　with　the　readiness　of　one　who　has　foreseen　the　question。

The　negro　boy　approached　with　a　bucket　of　cold　crystal　water；　and　he　drank　a　big　gourd　full　of　it　gratefully。

〃You　can　go　and　kindle　the　fire　in　the　kitchen；〃　she　said　to　the　negro。　〃It　is　nearly　time　to　be　getting　supper。　I　will　be　in　by　and　by。〃

〃You　have　been　with　her　so　much！〃　she　continued　to　Gray　after　another　interval　of　embarrassment。　〃And　you　know；　or　you　ought　to　know；　her　disposition；　her　tastes；　her　ways　and　views　of　life。　Is　she　the　companion　you　need　now？　will　always　need？〃

〃I　have　been　much　with　her；〃　he　replied；　taking　up　her　words　with　humorous　gravity。　〃But　I　have　never　studied　her　as　I　have　studied　law。　I　have　never　cross…examined　her　for　a　witness；　or　prosecuted　her　as　an　attorney；　or　pronounced　sentence　on　her　is　a　judge。　I　am　her　advocateand　I　am　ready　to　defend　her　noweven　to　you！〃　〃John！〃〃I　love　herthat　is　all　there　is　of　it！〃

〃Suppose　you　wait　a　little　longer。〃

〃I　have　waited　too　long　already　from　necessity。〃　It　was　on　his　lips　to　add：　〃I　have　gone　too　far　with　her；　it　is　too　late　to　retreat；〃　but　he　checked　himself。

〃If　I　should　feel；　then；　that　I　must　withhold　my　consent？〃

He　grew　serious；　and　after　the　silence　of　a　few　moments；　he　said　with　great　respect：〃I　should　be　sorry；　but〃　and　then　he　forbore。

〃If　Major　Falconer　should　withhold　his？〃　He　shook　his　head；　and　set　his　lips；　turning　his　face　away　through　courtesy。　〃It　would　make　no　difference！　　Nothing　would　make　any　difference！〃　and　then　another　silence　followed。　〃I　suppose　all　this　would　be　considered　the　proof　that　you　loved　her；〃　she　began　at　length；　despairingly；　〃but　even　love　is　not　enough　to　begin　with；　much　less　is　it　enough　to　live　by。〃

〃You　don't　appreciate　her！　You　don't　do　her　justice！〃　he　cried　rudely。　〃But　perhaps　no　woman　can　ever　understand　why　a　man　loves　any　other　woman！〃　〃I　am　not　thinking　of　why　you　love　my　niece；〃　she　replied；　with　a　curl　of　pride　in　her　nostril　and　a　flash　of　anger　in　her　eyes。　〃I　am　thinking　of　why　you　will　cease　to　love　her；　and　why　you　will　both　be　unhappy　if　you　marry　her。　It　is　not　my　duty　to　analyze　your　affections；　it　is　my　duty　to　take　care　of　her　welfare。〃〃My　dear　friend；〃　he　cried；　his　face　aglow　with　impatient　enthusiasm　〃my　dear　friend〃　and　he　suddenly　lifted　her　hand　to　his　lips；　〃I　have　but　one　anxiety　in　the　whole　matter：　will　you　cease　to　be　my　friend　if　I　act　in　opposition　to　your　wishes？〃　〃Should　I　cease　to　be　your　friend　because　you　had　made　a　mistake？　It　is　not　to　me　you　are　unkind；〃　she　answered；　quickly　withdrawing　her　hand。　Spots　of　the　palest　rose　appeared　on　her　cheeks；　and　she　bent　over　and　picked　up　the　rake；　and　began　to　work。

〃I　must　be　going；〃　he　said　awkwardly；　〃it　is　getting　late。〃

〃Yes；〃　she　said；　〃it　is　getting　late。〃

Still　he　lingered；　swinging　his　hat　in　his　hand；　ill　at　case；　with　his　face　set　hard　away。　〃Is　that　all　you　have　to　say　to　me？〃　he　asked　at　length；　wheeling　and　looking　her　steadily　and　fondly　in　the　eyes。

〃That　is　all；〃　she　replied；　controlling　the　quiver　in　her　voice；　but　then　letting　herself　go　a　little；　she　added　with　slow　distinctness：　〃You　might　remember　this：　some　women　in　marrying　demand　all　and　give　all：　with　good　men　they　are　the　happy；　with　base　men　they　are　the　brokenhearted。　Some　demand　everything　and　give　little：　with　weak　men　they　are　tyrants；　with　strong　men　they　are　the　divorced。　Some　demand　little　and　give　all：　with　congenial　souls　they　are　already　in　heaven；　with　uncongenial　they　are　soon　in　their　graves。　Some　give　little　and　demand　little：　they　are　the　heartless；　and　they　bring　neither　the　joy　of　life　nor　the　peace　of　death。〃　〃And　which　of　these　is　Amy？〃　he　said；　after　a　minute　of　reflection。　〃And　which　of　the　men　am　I？〃　〃Don't　ask　her　to　marry　you　until　you　find　out　both；〃　she　answered。

She　watched　him　as　he　strode　away　from　her　across　the　clearing；　with　a　look　in　her　eyes　that　she　knew　nothing　ofwatched　him；　motionless；　until　his　tall；　black　figure　passed　from　sight　behind　the　green　sunlit　wall　of　the　wilderness。　What　undisciplined；　unawakened　strength　there　was　in　him！　how　far　such　a　stride　as　that　would　carry　him　on　in　life！　It　was　like　the　tread　of　one　of　his　own　forefathers　in　Cromwell's　unconquer…able；　hymn…singing　armies。　She　loved　to　think　of　him　as　holding　his　descent　from　a　line　so　pious　and　so　grim：　it　served　to　account　t