the choir invisible-第31节
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er things。
〃Next week。〃
The knitting fell again。
〃And you have allowed all this time to go by without coming to see us！ You are to come everyday till you go： promise！〃
He had been repeating that he would not trust himself to come at all again； except to say good…bye。
〃I can't promise that。〃
〃But we want you so much！ The major wants you； I want you more than the major。 Why should meeting Amy be so hard？ Remember how long it will be before you get back。 When will you be back？〃
He was thinking it were better never。
〃It is uncertain；〃 he said。
〃I shall begin to look for you as soon as you are gone。 I can hear your horse's feet now； rustling in the leaves of October。 But what will become of me till then？ Ah； you don't begin to realize how much you are to me！〃
〃Oh！〃
He stretched his arms out into vacancy and folded them again quickly。
〃I'd better go。〃
He stood up and walked several paces into the garden； where he feigned to be looking at the work she had left。 Was he to break down now？ Was the strength which he had relied on in so many temptations to fail him now； when his need was sorest？
In a few minutes he wheeled round to the bench and stopped full before her； no longer avoiding her eyes。 She had taken up the book which he had laid on his end of the seat and was turning the pages。
〃Have you read it？〃
〃Over and over。〃
〃Ah！ I knew I could trust you！ You never disappoint。 Sit down a little while。〃
〃I'dbetter go！〃
〃And haven't you a word？ Bring this book back to me in silence？ After all I said to you？ I want to know how you feel about itall your thoughts。〃
She looked up at him with a reproachful smile
The blood had rushed guiltily into his face； and she seeing this； without knowing what it meant； the blood rushed into hers。
〃I don't understand；〃 she said proudly and coldly； dropping her eyes and dropping her head a little forward before him； and soon becoming very pale； as from a death…wound。
He stood before her； trembling； trying to speak； trying not to speak。 Then he turned and strode rapidly away。
XVIII
THE next morning the parson was standing before his scant congregation of Episcopalians。
It was the first body of these worshippers gathered together in the wilderness mainly from the seaboard aristocracy of the Church of England。 A small frame building on the northern slope of the wide valley served them for a meeting…house。 No mystical half…lights there but the mystical half…lights of Faith； no windows but the many…hued windows of Hope； no arches but the vault of Love。 What more did those men and women need in that land； over…shadowed always by the horror of quick or waiting death？
In addition to his meagre flock many an unclaimed goat of the world fell into that meek valley…path of Sunday mornings and came to hear； if not to heed； the voice of this quiet shepherd； so that now； as be stood delivering his final exhortation； his eyes ranged over wild； lawless； desperate countenances； rimming him darkly around。 They glowered in at him through the door； where some sat upon the steps； others leaned in at the windows on each side of the room。 Over the closely packed rough heads of these he could see others lounging further away on the grass beside their rifles； listening； laughing and talking。 Beyond these stretched near fields green with maize； and cabins embosomed in orchards and gardens。 Once a far…off band of children rushed across his field of vision； playing at Indian warfare and leaving in the bright air a cloud of dust from an old Indian war trail。
As he observed it allthis singularly mixed concourse of God…fearing men and women and of men and women who feared neither God nor man nor devilas he beheld the young fields and the young children and the sweet transition of the whole land from bloodshed to innocence； the recollection of his mission in it and of the message of his Master brough out upon his cold； bleak； beautiful face the light of the Divine： so from a dark valley one may sometime have seen a snow…clad peak of the Alps lit up with the rays of the hidden sun。
He had chosen for his text the words 〃My peace I give unto you；〃 and long before the closing sentences were reached； his voice was floating out with silvery； flute…like clearness on the still air of the summer morning； holding every soul； however unreclaimed； to intense and reverential silence：
〃It is now twenty years since you scaled the mountains and hewed your path into this wilderness； never again to leave it。 Since then you have known but war。 As I look into your faces； I see the scar of many a wound； but more than the wounds I see are the wounds I do not see： of the body as well as of the spiritthe lacerations of sorrow； the strokes of bereavement。 So that perhaps not one of you here but bears some brave visible or invisible sin of this awful past and of his share in the common strife。 Twenty years are a long time to fight enemies of any kind； a long time to bold out against such as you have faced； and had you not been a mighty people sprung from the loins of a mighty race； no one of you would be here this day to worship the God of your fathers in the faith of your fathers。 The victory upon which you are entering at last is never the reward of the feeble； the cowardly； the faint…hearted。 Out of your strength alone you have won your peace。
〃But； O my brethren； while your land is now at peace； are you at peace？ In the name of my Master； look each of you into his heart and answer： Is it not still a wilderness？ full of the wild beasts of the appetites？ the favourite hunting…ground of the passions？ And is each of you； tried and faithful and fearless soldier that he may be on every other field； is each of you doing anything to conquer this？〃
〃My cry to…day then is the war…cry of the spirit。 Subdue the wilderness within you！ Step by step； little by little； as you have fought your way across this land from the Eastern mountains to the Western river； driven out every enemy and now hold it as your own； begin likewise to take possession of the other until in the end you may rule it also。 If you are feeble； if fainthearted； if you do not bring into your lonely； silent； unwitnessed battles every virtue that you have relied on in this outward warfare of twenty years； you may never hope to come forth conquerors。 By your strength； your courage； patience； watchfulness； constancy；by the in…most will and beholden face of victory you are to overmaster the evil within yourselves as you have overmastered the peril in Kentucky。〃
〃Then in truth you may dwell in green and tranquil pastures； where the will of God broods like summer light。 Then you may come to realize the meaning of this promise of our Lord； 'My peace I give unto you'： it is the gift of His peace to those alone who have learned to hold in quietness their land of the spirit。〃
White； cold； aflame with holiness； he stood before them； and every beholder； awe…stricken by the vision of that face； of a surety was thinking that this man's life was behind his speech： whether in ease or agony； he had found for his nature that victory of rest that was never to be taken from him。
But even as he stood thus； the white splendour faded from his countenance； leaving it shadowed with care。 In one corner of the room； against the wall； shielding his face from the light of the window with his big black hat and the palm of his hand； sat the school…master。 He was violently flushed； his eyes swollen and cloudy； his hair tossed； his linen rumpled； his posture bespeaking wretchedness and self…abandonment。 Always in preaching the parson had looked for the face of his friend； always it had been his mainstay； interpreter； steadfast advocate in every plea for perfection of life。 But to…day it had been kept concealed from him； nor until he had reached his closing exhortation； had the school…master once looked him in the eye； and he had done so then in a most remarkable manner： snatching the hat from before his face； straightening his big body up； and transfixing him with an expression of such resentment and reproach； that among all the wild faces before him； he could see none to match this one for disordered and evil passion。 If he could have harboured a conviction so monstrous； he would have said that his words had pierced the owner of that face like a spear and that he was writhing under the torture。
As soon as he had pronounced the benediction he looked toward the corner again； but the school…master had already left the room。 Usually he waited until the others were gone and the two men walked homeward together； discussing the sermon。
To…day the others slowly scattered； and the parson sat alone at the tipper end of the room disappointed and troubled。
John strode up to the door。
〃Are you ready？〃 he asked in a curt unnatural voice。
〃Ah！〃 The parson sprang up gladly。 〃I was hoping you'd come！〃
They started slowly off along the path； John walking unconsciously in it； the parson stumbling along through the grass and weeds on one side。 It had been John's unvarying wont to yield the path to him。
〃It is easy to preach；〃 he muttered with gloomy； sarcastic emphasis。
〃If you tried it once； you might think it easier to practise；〃 retort
