the choir invisible-第16节

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earching　for　admiration；　forever　filling　the　forever　emptied　honeycomb　of　self…love。

With　him　love　was　a　sacred；　a　grim；　an　inviolate　selection。　He　would　no　more　have　wished　the　woman　he　had　chosen　to　seek　indiscriminate　admiration　with　her　eyes　than　with　her　lips　or　her　waist。　It　implied　the　same　fatal　flaw　in　her　refinement；　her　modesty；　her　faithfulness；　her　high　breeding。　A　light　wind　stirred　the　leaves　of　the　trees　overhead。　　A　few　drops　of　rain　fell　on　his　hat。　He　drew　his　hand　heavily　across　his　eyes　and　turned　away。　Reaching　his　room；　he　dropped　down　into　a　chair　before　his　open　window　and　sat　gazing　absently　into　the　black　east。

Within　he　faced　a　yet　blacker　voidthe　ruined　hopes　on　which　the　sun　would　never　rise　again。

It　was　the　end　of　everything　between　him　and　Amy：　that　was　his　one　thought。　It　did　not　occur　to　him　even　to　reflect　whether　he　had　been　right　or　wrong；　rude　or　gentle：　it　was　the　end：　nothing　else　appeared　worth　considering。

Life　to　him　meant　a　simple　straightforward　game　played　with　a　few　well…known　principles。　It　must　be　as　open　as　a　chess…board：　each　player　should　see　every　move　of　the　other：　and　all　who　chose　could　look　on。

He　was　still　very　young。

X　THE　glimmer　of　gray　dawn　at　last　and　he　had　never　moved　from　his　seat。　A　fine；　drizzling　rain　had　set　in。　　Clouds　of　mist　brushed　against　the　walls　of　his　cabin。　　In　the　stillness　he　could　hear　the　big　trees　shedding　their　drops　from　leaf　to　bending　leaf　and　the　musical　tinkle　of　these　as　they　took　their　last　leap　into　little　pools　below。　With　the　chilliness　which　misery　brings　he　got　up　at　last　and　wrapped　his　weather…coat　about　him。　If　it　were　only　day　when　he　could　go　to　his　work　and　try　to　forget！　Restless；　sleepless；　unable　to　read；　tired　of　sitting；　driven　on　by　the　desire　to　get　rid　of　his　own　thoughts；　he　started　out　to　walk。　As　he　passed　his　school…house　he　noticed　that　the　door　of　it；　always　fastened　by　a　simple　latch；　now　stood　open；　and　he　went　over　to　see　if　everything　inside　were　in　order。　　All　his　life；　when　any　trouble　had　come　upon　him；　he　had　quickly　returned　to　his　nearest　post　of　duty　like　a　soldier；　and　once　in　the　school…room　now；　he　threw　himself　down　in　his　chair　with　the　sudden　feeling　that　here　in　his　familiar　work　he　must　still　find　his　homethe　home　of　his　mind　and　his　affectionsas　so　long　in　the　past。　The　mere　aspect　of　the　poor　bare　place　had　never　been　so　kind。　The　very　walls　appeared　to　open　to　him　like　a　refuge；　to　enfold　themselves　around　him　with　friendly　strength　and　understanding。

He　sat　at　the　upper　end　of　the　room；　gazing　blankly　through　the　doorway　at　the　gray　light　and　clouds　of　white　mist　trailing。　Once　an　object　came　into　the　field　of　his　vision。　At　the　first　glimpse　he　thought　it　a　doglong；　lean；　skulking；　prowling；　tawnyon　the　scent　of　his　tracks。　Then　the　mist　passed　over　it。　　When　he　beheld　it　again　it　had　approached　nearer　and　was　creeping　rapidly　toward　the　door。　His　listless　eyes　grew　fascinated　by　its　motionsits　litheness；　suppleness；　grace；　stealth；　exquisite　caution。　Never　before　had　he　seen　a　dog　with　the　step　of　a　cat。　A　second　time　the　fog　closed　over　it；　and　then；　advancing　right　out　of　the　cloud　with　more　swiftness；　more　cunning；　its　large　feet　falling　as　lightly　as　flakes　of　snow；　the　weight　of　its　huge　body　borne　forward　as　noiselessly　as　the　trailing　mist；　it　came　straight　on。　　It　reached　the　hickory　block；　which　formed　the　doorstep；　it　paused　there　an　instant；　with　its　fore　quarters　in　the　doorway；　one　fore　foot　raised；　the　end　of　its　long　tail　waving；　and　then　it　stole　just　over　the　threshold　and　crouched；　its　head　pressed　down　until　its　long；　whitish　throat　lay　on　the　floor；　its　short；　jagged　ears　set　forward　stiffly　like　the　broken　points　of　a　javelin；　its　dilated　eye　blazing　with　steady　green　fireas　still　as　death。　And　then　with　his　blood　become　as　ice　in　his　veins　from　horror　and　all　the　strength　gone　out　of　him　in　a　deathlike　faintness；　the　school…　master　realized　that　he　was　face　to　face　unarmed　with　a　cougar；　gaunt　with　famine　and　come　for　its　kill。

This　dreaded　animal；　the　panther　or　painter　of　the　backwoodsman；　which　has　for　its　kindred　the　royal　tiger　and　the　fatal　leopard　of　the　Old　World；　the　beautiful　ocelot　and　splendid　unconquerable　jaguar　of　the　New；　is　now　rarely　found　in　the　Atlantic　States　or　the　fastnesses　of　the　Alleghanies。　It　too　has　crossed　the　Mississippi　and　is　probably　now　best　known　as　the　savage　puma　of　more　southern　zones。　But　a　hundred　years　ago　it　abounded　throughout　the　Western　wilderness；　making　its　deeper　dens　in　the　caverns　of　mountain　rocks；　its　lair　in　the　impenetrable　thickets　of　bramble　and　brakes　of　cane；　or　close　to　miry　swamps　and　watery　everglades；　and　no　other　region　was　so　loved　by　it　as　the　vast　game　park　of　the　Indians；　where　reined　a　semi…tropical　splendour　and　luxuriance　of　vegetation　and　where；　protected　from　time　immemorial　by　the　Indian　hunters　themselves；　all　the　other　animals　thatconstitute　its　prey　roved　and　ranged　in　unimaginable　numbers。　To　the　earliest　Kentuckians　who　cut　their　way　into　this；　the　most　royal　jungle　of　the　New　World；　to　wrest　it　from　the　Indians　and　subdue　it　for　wife　and　child；　it　was　the　noiseless　nocturnal　cougar　that　filled　their　imaginations　with　the　last　degree　of　dread。　To　them　its　crymost　peculiar　and　startling　at　the　love　season；　at　other　times　described　as　like　the　wail　of　a　child　or　of　a　traveller　lost　in　the　woodsaroused　more　terror　than　the　nearest　bark　of　the　wolf；　its　stealth　and　cunning　more　than　the　strength　and　courage　and　address　of　the　bear；　its　attack　more　than　the　rush　of　the　majestic；　resistless　bison；　or　the　furious　pass　with　antlers　lowered　of　the　noble；　ambereyed；　infuriated　elk。　Hidden　as　still　as　an　adder　in　long　grass　of　its　own　hue；　or　squat　on　a　log；　or　amid　the　foliage　of　a　sloping　tree；　it　waited　around　the　salt　licks　and　the　springs　and　along　the　woodland　pathways　for　the　other　wild　creatures。　It　possessed　the　strength　to　kill　and　drag　a　heifer　to　its　lair；　it　would　leap　upon　the　horse　of　a　traveller　and　hang　there　unshaken；　while　with　fang　and　claw　it　lacerated　the　hind　quarters　and　the　flanksas　the　tiger　of　India　tries　to　hamstring　its　nobler；　unmanageable　victims；　or　let　an　unwary　bullock　but　sink　a　little　way　in　a　swamp　and　it　was　upon　him；　rending　him；　devouring　him；　in　his　long　agony。

Some　hunter　once　had　encamped　at　the　foot　of　a　tree；　cooked　his　supper；　seen　his　fire　die　out　and　lain　down　to　sleep；　with　only　the　infinite　solitude　of　the　woods　for　his　blanket；　with　the　dreary；　dismal　silence　for　his　pillow。　Opening　his　eyes　to　look　up　for　the　last　time　at　the　peaceful　stars；　what　he　perceived　above　him　were　two　nearer　stars　set　close　together；　burning　with　a　green　light；　never　twinkling。　Or　another　was　startled　out　of　sleep　by　the　terrible　cry　of　his　tethered　horse。　　Or　after　a　long；　ominous　growl；　the　cougar　had　sprung　against　his　tent；　knocking　it　away　as　a　squirrel　would　knock　the　thin　shell　from　a　nut　to　reach　the　kernel；　or　at　the　edge　of　the　thicket　of　tall　grass　he　had　struck　his　foot　against　the　skeleton　of　some　unknown　hunter；　dragged　down　long　before。

To　such　adventures　with　all　their　natural　exaggeration　John　Gray　had　listened　many　a　time　as　they　were　recited　by　old　hunters　regarding　earlier　days　in　the　wilderness；　for　at　this　period　it　was　thought　that　the　cougar　had　retreated　even　from　the　few　cane…brakes　that　remained　unexplored　near　the　settlements。　But　the　deer；　timidest　of　animals；　with　fatal　persistence　returns　again　and　again　to　its　old…time　ranges　and　coverts　long　after　the　bison；　the　bear；　and　the　elk　have　wisely　abandoned　theirs；　and　the　cougar　besets　the　deer。

It　was　these　stories　that　he　remembered　now　and　that　filled　him　with　horror；　with　the　faintness　of　death。　　His　turn　had　come　at　last；　he　said；　and　as　to　the　others；　it　had　come　without　warning。　He　was　too　shackled　with　weakness　to　cry　out；　to　stand　up。　The　windows　on　each　side　were　fastened；　there　was　no　escape。　There　was　nothing　in　the　room　on　which　he　could　lay　holdno　weapon　or　piece　of　wood；　or　bar　of　iron。　　If　a　struggle　took　place；　it　would　be　a　clean　contest　between　will　and　will；　courage　and　courage；　strength　and　strength；　the　love　of　prey　and　the　love　of　life。It　was　well　for　him　that　this　was　not　the　first　time　he　had　ever　faced　death；　as　he　had　supposed；　and　that　the　first　thought　that　had　rushed　into　his　consciousness　before　returned　to　him　now。　That　thought　was　this：　that　death　had　come　far　too　soon；　putting　an　end　to　his　plans　to　live；　to　act；　to　succeed；　to　make　a　great　and　a　good　place　for　himself　in　this　world　before　he　should　leave　it　for　another。　Out　of　this　a　second　idea　now　liberated　itself　with　incredible　quickness　and　spread　through　him　like　a　living　flame：　it　was　his　lifelong　attitude　of　victory；　his　lifelong　determination　that　no　matter　what　opposed　him　he　must　conquer。　Young　as　he　was；　this　triumphant　habit　had　already　yielded　him　its　due　result　that　growth　of　character　which　arises　silently　within　us；　built　up　out　of　a　myriad　nameless　elementsbeginning　at　the　very　bottom　of　the　ocean　of　unconsciousness；　growing　as　from　cell　to　cell；　atom　to　atomthe　mere　dust　of　victorious　experiencethe　hardening　deposits　of　the　ever…living；　ever…working；　ever…rising　will；