the choir invisible-第11节

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〃At　least；　it's　serious；　Kitty。〃

〃I　had　never　doubted　it。〃

〃It　might　be　amusing　to　you。〃

〃It　could　hardly　be　both。〃

〃Yes；　it　is　both。　It　is　serious　and　it　is　amusing。〃

He　made　no　reply　but　by　an　impatient　gesture。

〃And　you　really　don't　wish　to　know？〃He　sat　silent　and　still。　〃Then；　I'll　tell　you：　I　lost　the　only　reason　I　had　for　going；〃　and　she　and　Kitty　exchanged　a　good　deal　of　laughter　of　an　innocent　kind。　The　mood　and　the　motive　with　which　he　had　sought　her　made　him　feel　that　he　was　being　unendurably　trifled　with　and　he　rose。　But　at　the　same　moment　Kitty　effected　an　escape　and　he　and　Amy　were　left　alone。　She　looked　quickly　at　the　door　through　which　Kitty　had　vanished；　dropped　her　arms　at　her　sides　and　uttered　a　little　sigh　of　inexpressible　relief。

〃Sit　down；〃　she　said；　repeating　her　grimace　at　absent　Kitty。

〃You　are　not　going！　I　want　to　talk　to　you。　Isn't　Kitty　dreadful？〃

Her　voice　and　manner　had　changed。　There　was　no　one　now　before　whom　she　could　actno　one　to　whom　she　could　show　that　she　could　slight　him；　play　with　him。　Furthermore；　she　had　gotten　some　relief　from　the　tension　of　her　ill　humour　by　what　she　had　already　said；　and　now　she　really　wanted　to　see　him。　The　ill　humour　had　not　been　very　deep；　nothing　in　her　was　very　deep。　　And　she　was　perfectly　sincere　againfor　the　moment。　What　does　one　expect？

〃Don't　look　so　solemn；〃　she　said　with　mock　ruefulness。　〃You　make　me　feel　as　though　you　had　come　to　baptize　me；　as　though　you　had　to　wash　away　my　sins。　Come　here！〃　and　she　laid　her　hand　invitingly　on　the　chair　that　Kitty　had　vacated　at　her　side。

He　stood　bolt　upright　in　the　middle　of　the　room；　looking　down　at　her　in　silence。　Then　he　walked　slowly　over　and　took　the　seat。　She　folded　her　hands　over　the　back　of　her　own　chair；　laid　her　cheek　softly　down　on　them　and　looked　up　with　a　smilesubdued；　submissive；　fond；　absolutely　his。

〃Don't　be　cross！〃　she　pleaded；　with　a　low　laugh　full　of　maddening　music　to　him。

He　could　not　speak　to　her　or　look　at　her　for　anger　and　shame　and　disappointment；　so　she　withdrew　one　hand　from　under　her　cheek　and　folded　it　softly　over　the　back　of　hishis　was　pressed　hard　down　on　the　cap　of　his　kneeand　took　hold　of　his　big　finders　one　by　one；　caressing　them。

〃Don't　be　cross！〃　she　pleaded。　〃Be　good　to　me！　I'm　tired　and　unhappy！〃

Still　he　would　not　speak；　or　look　at　her；　so　she　put　her　hand　back　under　her　cheek　again；　and　with　a　patient　little　sigh　closed　her　eyes　as　though　she　had　done　all　she　could。　The　next　moment　she　leaned　over　and　let　her　forehead　rest　on　the　back　of　his　hand。〃You　are　so　cross！〃　she　said。　〃I　don't　like　you！〃

〃Amy！〃　he　cried；　turning　fiercely　on　her　and　catching　her　hand　cruelly　in　his；　〃before　I　say　anything　else　to　you；　you've　got　to　promise　me〃And　then　he　broke　down　and　then　went　on　again　foolishly；you've　got　to　promise　me　one　thing　now。　You　sha'n't　treat　me　in　one　way　when　we　are　by　ourselves　and　go　in　another　way　when　other　people　are　present。　If　you　love　me；　as　you　always　make　me　believe　you　do　when　we　are　alone；　you　must　make　the　whole　world　believe　it！〃

〃What　right　would　I　have　to　make　the　whole　world　believe　I　loved　you？〃　she　asked；　looking　at　him　quizzically。

〃I'll　give　you　the　right！〃　The　rattle　of　china　at　the　cupboard　in　the　next　room　was　heard。　Amy　started　up　and　skipped　across　the　room　to　the　candle　on　the　mantelpiece。

〃If　Kitty　does　come　back　in　here〃　she　said；　in　a　disappointed　undertone；　and　with　the　snuffers　between　her　thumb　and　forefinger；　she　snipped　them　bitingly　several　times　at　the　door。　The　door　was　opened　slightly；　a　plate　was　thrust　through；　and　a　laughing　voice　called　apologetically：

〃Amy！〃　〃Come　in　here！　Come　in！〃　commanded　Amy；　delightedly；　and　as　Kitty　reluctantly　entered；　she　fixed　upon　her　a　telling　look。　〃Upon　my　word；〃　she　said；　〃what　do　you　mean　by　treating　me　this　way？〃　and　catching　Kitty's　eye；　she　made　a　grimace　at　John。

Kitty　offered　the　candy　to　John　with　the　assurance　that　it　was　made　out　of　that　year's　maple　sugar　in　their　own　camp。　〃He　never　eats　sweet　things　and　he　doesn't　care　for　trifles：　bring　it　here！〃　And　the　girls　seated　themselves　busily　side　by　side　on　the　opposite　side　of　the　room。　Amy　bent　over　the　plate　and　chose　the　largest；　beautiful　white　plait。〃Now　there'll　be　a　long　silence；〃　she　said；　holding　it　up　between　her　dainty　fingers　and　settling　herself　back　in　her　chair。　〃But；　Kitty；　you　talk。　And　if　you　do　leave　your　company　again！〃　She　threatened　Kitty　charmingly。

He　was　in　his　room　again；　thinking　it　all　over。　She　had　not　known　why　he　had　come：　how　could　she　know？　To　her　it　meant　simply　an　ordinary　call　at　an　unfortunate　hour；　for　she　was　tiredhe　could　see　thatand　worriedhe　could　see　that　also。　And　he！had　he　ever　been　so　solemn；　so　implacably　in　earnest；　so　impatient　of　the　playfulness　which　at　another　time　he　would　have　found　merely　amusing？　Why　was　he　all　at　once　growing　so　petty　with　her　and　exacting？　Little　by　little　he　went　over　the　circumstances　judicially；　in　an　effort　to　restore　her　to　lovable　supremacy　over　his　imagination。

His　imaginationfor　his　heart　was　not　in　it。　He　wrought　out　her　entire　acquittal；　but　it　did　no　good。　Who　at　any　time　sounds　the　depths　of　the　mind　which；　unlike　the　sea；　can　regain　calm　on　the　surface　and　remain　troubled　by　a　tempest　at　the　bottom？　What　is　the　name　of　that　imperial　faculty　dwelling　within　it　which　can　annul　the　decisions　of　the　other　associated　powers？　After　he　had　taken　the　entire　blame　upon　himself；　his　rage　and　disappointment　were　greater　than　ever。　Was　it　nothing　for　her　to　break　her　engagement　with　him　and　then　to　follow　it　up　with　treatment　like　that？　Was　it　nothing　to　force　Kitty　into　the　parlour　despite　the　silent　understanding　reached　by　all　three　long　ago　that　whenever　he　called　at　the　Poythress　home；　he　would　see　her　alone？　Was　it　nothing　to　take　advantage　of　his　faithfulness　to　her；　and　treat　him　as　though　he　had　no　spirit？　Was　it　nothing　to　be　shallow　and　silly　herself？

Was　it　nothingand　ah！　here　was　the　trouble　at　the　bottom　of　it　all！　Here　was　the　strain　of　conviction　pressing　sorely；　steadily　in　upon　him　through　the　tumult　of　his　thoughtswas　it　nothing　for　her　to　be　insincere？　Did　she　even　know　what　sincerity　was？　Would　he　marry　an　insincere　woman？　Insincerity　was　a　growth　not　only　ineradicable；　but　sure　to　spread　over　the　nature　as　one　grew　older。　He　knew　young　people　over　whose　minds　it　had　begun　to　creep　like　the　mere　slip　of　a　plant　up　a　wall；　old　ones　over　whose　minds　it　lay　like　a　poisonous　creeper　hiding　a　rotting　ruin。　To　be　married　and　sit　helplessly　by　and　see　this　growth　slowly　sprouting　outward　from　within；　enveloping　the　woman　he　loved；　concealing　her；　dragging　her　downan　unarrestable　diseasewas　that　to　be　his　fate？

Was　it　already　taking　palpable　possession　of　Amy？　Could　he　hide　his　eyes　any　longer　to　the　fact　that　he　had　felt　its　presence　in　her　all　the　timein　its　barely　discoverable　stages？　What　else　could　explain　her　conduct　in　allowing　him；　whenever　they　were　alone；　to　think　that　she　was　fond　of　him；　and　then　scattering　this　belief　to　the　winds　whenever　others　were　present？　Was　this　what　Mrs。　Falconer　had　meant？　He　could　never　feel　any　doubt　of　Mrs。　Falconer。　Merely　to　think　of　her　now　had　the　effect　of　instantly　clearing　the　whole　atmosphere　for　his　baffled；　bewildered　mind。So　the　day　ended。　He　had　been　beaten；　routed；　and　by　forces　how　insignificant！　Bitterly　he　recalled　his　lesson　to　the　children　that　morning。　What　a　McGary　he　had　beenreckless；　overconfident；　knowing　neither　theplan　nor　the　resources　of　the　enemy！　He　recalled　his　boast　to　Mrs。　Falconer　the　day　before；　that　he　had　never　been　defeated　and　that　now　he　would　proceed　to　carry　out　the　plans　of　his　life　without　interruption。　But　to…morrow　evening；　Amy　would　not　be　going　to　the　ball。　She　would　be　alone。　Then　he　would　not　go。　He　must　find　out　all　that　he　wished　to　knowor　all　that　he　did　not。　VIII

THE　evening　of　the　ball　had　come　at　last。Not　far　from　John's　school　on　the　square　stood　another　log　cabin；　from　which　another　and　much　more　splendid　light　streamed　out　across　the　wilderness：　this　being　the　printing　room　and　book…bindery　of　the　great　Mr。　John　Bradford。　His　portrait；　scrutinized　now　from　the　distance　and　at　the　disadvantage　of　a　hundred　years；　hands　him　down　to　posterity　as　a　bald…headed　man　with　a　seedy　growth　of　hair　sprouting　laterally　from　his　temples；　so　that　his　ears　look　like　little　flat…boats　half　hidden　in　little　canebrakes；　with　mutton…chop　whiskers　growing　far　up　on　the　overhanging　ledges　of　his　cheek…bones　and　suggesting　rather　a　daring　variety　of　lichen；　with　a　long　arched　nose；　running　on　its　own　hook　in　a　southwesterly　direction；　one　eye　a　little　higher　than　the　other；　a　protruding　upper　lip；　as　though　he　had　behind　it　a　set　of　the　false　teeth　of　the　time；　which　were　fixed　into　the　jaws　by　springs　and　hinges；　all　but　compelling　a　man　to　keep　his　mouth　shut　by　main　force；　and　a　very　short　neck　with　an　overflowing　jowl　which　weighed　too　heavily　on　his　high　shirt　collar。

Despite　his　maligning　portrait　a　foremost　personage　of　his　day；　of　indispensable　substance；　of　invaluable　port：　Revolutionary　soldier；　Indian　warrior；　editor　and　proprietor　of　the　Kentucky　Gazette；　the　first　newspaper　in　the　wilderness；　binde