the choir invisible-第10节

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　the　second　thing　was　landhis　share　in　the　possession　of　the　earth。　With　these　at　the　start；　the　one　unshakable　under　his　foot；　the　other　inseparable　from　his　side；　he　had　no　doubt　that　he　should　rise　in　the　world　and　lay　hold　by　steady　degrees　upon　all　that　he　should　care　to　have。　Naturally　now　these　two　blent　far　on　and　inseparably　in　the　thoughts　of　one　whose　temperament　doomed　him　always　to　be　planning　and　striving　for　the　future。

The　last　rays　of　the　sun　touched　the　summit　of　the　knoll　where　he　was　lying。　Its　setting　was　with　great　majesty　and　repose；　depth　after　depth　of　cloud　opening　inward　as　toward　the　presence　of　the　infinite　peace。　　The　boughs　of　the　trees　overhead　were　in　blossom；　there　were　blue　and　white　wild…flowers　at　his　feet。　As　he　looked　about　him；　he　said　to　himself　in　his　solemn　way　that　the　long　hard　winter　of　his　youth　had　ended；　the　springtime　of　his　manhood　was　turning　green　like　the　woods。

With　this　night　came　his　betrothal。　For　years　he　had　looked　forward　to　that　as　the　highest　white　mountain　peak　of　his　life。　As　he　drew　near　it　now；　his　thoughts　made　a　pathway　for　his　feet；　covering　it　as　with　a　fresh　fall　of　snow。　Complete　tenderness　overcame　him　as　he　beheld　Amy　in　this　new　sacred　relation；　a　look　of　religious　reverence　for　her　filled　his　eyes。　He　asked　himself　what　he　had　ever　done　to　deserve　all　this。Perhaps　it　is　the　instinctive　trait　of　most　of　us　to　seek　an　explanation　for　any　great　happiness　as　we　are　always　prone　to　discuss　the　causes　of　our　adversity。　Accordingly；　and　in　accord　with　our　differing　points　of　view　of　the　universe；　we　declare　of　our　joy　that　it　is　the　gift　of　God　to　us　despite　our　shortcomings　and　our　transgressions；　or　that　it　is　our　blind　share　of　things　tossed　out　impersonally　to　us　by　the　blind　operation　of　the　chances　of　life；　or　that　it　is　the　clearest　strictest　logic　of　our　own　being　and　doingthe　natural　vintage　of　our　own　grapes。

Of　all　these；　the　one　that　most　deeply　touches　the　heart　is　the　faith；　that　a　God　above　who　alone　knows　and　judges　aright；　still　loves　and　has　sent　a　blessing。　To　such　a　believer　the　heavens　seem　to　have　opened　above　his　head；　the　Divine　to　have　descended　and　returned；　and　left　alone　in　the　possession　of　his　joy；　he　lifts　his　softened　eyes　to　the　Light；　the　Life；　the　Love；　that　has　always　guided　him；　always　filled　him；　never　forgotten　him。

This　stark　audacity　of　faith　was　the　schoolmaster's。　It　belonged　to　him　through　the　Covenanter　blood　of　his　English　forefathers　and　through　his　Scotch　mother；　but　it　had　surrounded　him　also　in　the　burning　spiritual　heroism　of　the　time；　when　men　wandered　through　the　Western　wilderness；　girt　as　with　camel's　hair　and　fed　as　on　locusts；　but　carrying　from　cabin　to　cabin；　from　post　to　post；　through　darkness　and　snow　and　storm　the　lonely　banner　of　the　Christ　and　preaching　the　gospel　of　everlasting　peace　to　those　who　had　never　known　any　peace　on　earth。　So　that　all　his　thoughts　were　linked　with　the　eternal；　he　had　threaded　the　labyrinth　of　life；　evermore　awestruck　with　its　immensities　and　its　mysteries；　in　his　ear；　he　could　plainly　hear　immortality　sounding　like　a　muffled　bell　across　a　sea；　now　near；　now　farther　away；　according　as　he　was　in　danger　or　in　safety。　Therefore；　his　sudden　prosperityAmymarriagehappinessall　these　meant　to　him　that　Providence　was　blessing　him。

In　the　depth　of　the　wood　it　had　grown　dark。　With　all　his　thoughts　of　her　sounding　like　the　low　notes　of　a　cathedral　organ；　he　rose　and　walked　slowly　back　to　town。　He　did　not　care　for　his　supper；　he　did　not　wish　to　speak　with　any　other　person；　the　rude；　coarse　banter　of　the　taverns　and　the　streets　would　in　some　way　throw　a　stain　on　her。　Luckily　he　reached　his　room　unaccosted；　and　then　with　care　but　without　vanity　having　dressed　himself　in　his　best；　he　took　his　way　to　the　house　of　Father　Poythress。

VII

HE　was　kept　waiting　for　some　time。　More　than　once　he　heard　in　the　next　room　the　sounds　of　smothered　laughter　and　two　voices；　pitched　in　a　confidential　tone：　the　one　with　persistent　appeal；　the　other　with　persistent　refusal。　At　last　there　reached　him　the　laughter　of　a　merry　agreement；　and　Amy　entered　the　room；　holding　Kitty　Poythress　by　the　hand。

She　had　been　looking　all　day　for　her　lost　bundle。　Now　she　was　tired；　worried　over　the　loss　of　her　things　which　had　been　bought　by　her　aunt　at　great　cost　and　self…sacrifice；　and　disappointed　that　she　should　not　be　able　to　go　to　the　ball　on　Thursday　evening。　It　was　to　be　the　most　brilliant　assemblage　of　the　aristocratic　families　of　the　town　that　had　ever　been　known　in　the　wilderness　and　the　first　endeavour　to　transplant　beyond　the　mountains　the　old　social　elegance　of　Williamsburg；　Annapolis；　and　Richmond。　Not　to　be　seen　in　the　dress　that　Mrs。　Falconer；　dreaming　of　her　own　past；　had　deftly　madenot　to　have　her　beauty　reign　absolute　in　that　scene　of　lights　and　dance　and　musicit　was　the　long；　slow　crucifixion　of　all　the　impulses　of　her　gaiety　and　youth。

She　did　not　wish　to　see　any　one　to…night；　least　of　all　John　Gray　with　whom　she　had　had　an　engagement　to　go。　　No　doubt　he　had　come　to　ask　why　she　had　broken　it　in　the　note　which　she　had　sent　him　that　morning。　　She　had　not　given　him　any　reason　in　the　note；　she　did　not　intend　to　give　him　the　reason　now。　He　would　merely　look　at　her　in　his　grave；　reproachful；　exasperating　way　and　ask　what　was　the　difference：　could　she　not　wear　some　other　dress？　or　what　great　difference　did　it　make　whether　she　went　at　all？　He　was　always　ready　to　take　this　manner　of　patient　forbearance　toward　her；　as　though　she　were　one　of　his　school　children。　To…night　she　was　in　no　mood　to　have　her　troubles　treated　as　trifles　or　herself　soothed　like　an　infant　that　was　crying　to　be　rocked。

She　walked　slowly　into　the　room；　dragging　Kitty　behind　her。　She　let　him　press　the　tips　of　her　unbending　fingers；　pouted；　smiled　faintly；　dropped　upon　a　divan　by　Kitty's　side；　strengthened　her　hold　on　Kitty's　hand；　and　fixed　her　eyes　on　Kitty's　hair。　〃Aren't　you　tired？〃　she　said；　giving　it　an　absorbed　caressing　stroke；　with　a　low　laugh。　〃I　am。〃　〃I　am　going　to　look　again　to…morrow；　Kitty；〃　she　continued；　brightening　up　with　a　decisive　air；　〃and　the　next　day　and　the　next。〃　She　kept　her　face　turned　aside　from　John　and　did　not　include　him　in　the　conversation。　Women　who　imagine　themselves　far　finer　ladies　than　this　child　was　treat　a　man　in　this　wayrarelyvery　rarelysay；　once　in　the　same　man's　lifetime。

〃We　are　both　so　tired；〃　she　drowsily　remarked　at　length；　turning　to　John　after　some　further　parley　which　he　did　not　understand　and　tapping　her　mouth　prettily　with　the　palm　of　her　hand　to　fight　away　a　yawn。　〃You　know　we've　been　riding　all　day。　And　William　Penn　is　at　death's　door　with　hunger。　Poor　William　Penn！　I'm　afraid　he'll　suffer　to…night　at　the　tavern　stable。　They　never　take　care　of　him　and　feed　him　as　I　do　at　home。　He　is　so　unhappy　when　be　is　hungry；　and　when　he　is　unhappy；　I　am。　And　he　has　to　be　rubbed　down　so　beautifully；　or　he　doesn't　shine。〃　The　tallow　candles；　which　had　been　lighted　when　he　came；　needed　snuffing　by　this　time。　The　light　was　so　dim　that　she　could　not　see　his　faceblanched　with　bewilderment　and　pain　and　anger。　What　she　did　see　as　she　looked　across　the　room　at　him　was　his　large　black　figure　in　an　absent…minded　awkward　posture　and　his　big　head　held　very　straight　and　high　as　though　it　were　momentarily　getting　higher。　He　had　remained　simply　silent。　His　silence　irritated　her；　and　she　knew　she　was　treating　him　badly　and　that　irritated　her　with　him　all　the　more。　She　sent　one　of　her　light　arrows　at　him　barbed　with　further　mischief。

〃I　wish；　as　you　go　back；　you　would　stop　at　the　stable　and　see　whether　they　have　mistreated　him　in　any　way。　He　takes　things　so　hard　when　they　don't　go　to　suit　him；〃　and　she　turned　to　Kitty　and　laughed　significantly。

Then　she　heard　him　clear　his　throat；　and　in　a　voice　shaking　with　passion；　he　said：

〃Give　your　orders　to　a　servant。〃　A　moment　of　awkward　silence　followed。　She　did　not　recognize　that　voice　as　his　or　such　rude；　unreasonable　words。　〃I　suppose　you　want　to　know　why　I　broke　my　engagement　with　you；〃　she　said；　turning　toward　him　aggrievedly　and　as　though　the　subject　could　no　longer　be　waived。　〃But　I　don't　think　you　ought　to　ask　for　the　reason。　You　ought　to　accept　it　without　knowing　it。〃　〃I　do　accept　it。　I　had　never　meant　to　ask。〃

He　spoke　as　though　the　whole　affair　were　not　worth　recalling。　She　could　not　agree　with　him　in　this；　and　furthermore　his　manner　administered　a　rebuke。

〃Oh；　don't　be　too　indifferent；〃　she　said　sarcastically；　looking　to　Kitty　for　approval。　If　you　cared　to　go　to　the　party　with　me；　you　are　supposed　to　be　disappointed。〃

〃I　am　disappointed；〃　he　replied　briefly；　but　still　with　the　tone　of　wishing　to　be　done　with　the　subject。　Amy　rose　and　snuffed　the　candles。

〃And　you　really　don't　care　to　know　why　I　broke　my　engagement？〃　she　persisted；　returning　to　her　seat　and　seeing　that　she　worried　him。

〃Not　unless　you　should　wish　to　tell　me。〃

〃But　you　should　wish　to　know；　whether　I　tell　you　or　not。　Suppose　it　were　not　a　good　reason？〃

〃I　hadn't　supposed　you'd　give　me　a　poor　one。〃

〃At　least；　it's　serious；　Kitty。〃

〃I　had　never　doubted　it。〃

〃It　might　be　amusing　to　you。〃

〃It　could　hardly　be　both。〃

〃Yes；　it　is　both。　It　is　serious