phyllis of philistia-第22节

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Then　she　turned　her　head　away　so　that　his　kisses　fell　upon　her　cheek　instead　of　her　mouth。　She　turned　it　still　farther　and　they　fell　upon　her　neckit　was　exquisite　in　its　shapeand　lay　there　like　red　rose…　leaves　clinging　to　a　carved　marble　pillar。

〃Wait；〃　she　said。　〃Wait；　let　me　talk　to　you。〃

She　untwined　his　arms　from　about　herthe　tears　were　still　in　her　eyes　as　she　tried　to　face　him。

〃Why　should　you　still　have　tears？〃　said　he。　〃If　anything　stood　between　us　and　love；　there　might　be　room　for　tears；　but　nothing　stands　between　us　now。　I　am　yours；　you　are　mine。〃

〃That　is　the　boast　of　a　man　who　sees　only　the　beginning　of　a　love；　mine　are　the　tears　of　a　woman　who　sees　its　end；　and　knows　that　it　is　not　far　off。〃

〃How　can　you　say　that？　The　end？　the　end　of　love　such　as　ours？　Oh；　Ella！〃

〃Oh；　listen　to　me；　my　love！　I　am　ashamed　of　the　part　I　have　played　during　the　past　six　monthssince　we　were　together　on　the　Arno；　and　you　are　ashamed；　too。〃

〃I　am　not　ashamed。　I　have　no　reason　to　be　ashamed。〃

〃No；　you　are　not　ashamed　of　the　part　you　have　played；　but　you　are　ashamed　of　me；　Bertie。〃

〃Oh　you？　Iashamed　of　you？　Oh；　my　darling；　if　you　talk　longer　in　that　strain　I　will　be　ashamed　of　you。〃

〃You　are　ashamed　of　meI　have　sometimes　felt　it。　A　man　with　a　heart　such　as　I　know　yours　to　be；　cannot　but　be　ashamed　of　a　woman；　who；　though　the　wife　of　another　man；　allows　him　to　kiss　heryes；　and　who　gives　him　kiss　for　kiss。　Oh；　go　awaygo　away！　I　have　had　enough　of　your　loveenough　of　your　kisses；　enough　shame！　Go　away！　I　never　wish　to　see　you　againto　kiss　you　again。〃

She　had　walked　to　the　other　end　of　the　room；　and　stood　under　a　Venetian　mirrorit　shone　like　a　monstrous　jewel　above　her　head　looking　at　him；　her　hands　clenched；　her　eyes　flashing　through　the　tears　that　had　not　yet　fallen。

He　had　had　no　experience　of　women　and　their　moods；　and　he　was　consequently　amazed　at　her　attitude。　He　took　a　step　toward　her。

〃Nono；〃　she　cried　angrily。　〃I　will　not　have　any　more　of　you。　I　tell　you　that　I　have　had　enough。　I　find　now　that　what　I　mistook　for　love　was　just　the　opposite。　I　believe　that　I　hate　you。　Nono；　Bertie；　not　that；　it　cannot　be　that；　only　Oh；　I　know　now　that　it　is　not　hate　for　you　that　I　feelit　is　hate　for　myself；　hate　for　the　creature　who　is　hateful　enough　to　stand　between　you　and　the　happiness　which　you　have　earned　by　patience；　by　constancy；　by　self…control。　Yes；　I　hate　the　creature　who　is　idiotic　enough　to　put　honor　between　us；　to　put　religion　between　us；　to　put　her　soul's　salvation　between　us。〃

〃Ella；　Ella；　why　will　you　not　trust　me？〃　he　said；　when　she　had　flung　herself　into　a　chair。　He　was　standing　over　her　with　his　hands　clasped　behind　him。　He　was　beginning　to　understand　something　of　her　nature；　of　the　nature　of　the　woman　to　whom　love　has　come　as　a　thief　in　the　night。　He　was　beginning　to　perceive　that　she　had；　in　her　ignorance；　been　ready　to　entertain　love　without　knowing　what　was　entailed　by　entertaining　him。　〃If　you　would　only　trust　me；　all　would　be　well。〃

She　almost　leaped　from　her　chair。

〃Would　it？〃　she　cried。　〃Would　all　be　well？　Would　it　be　well　with　my　soul？　Would　it　be　well　with　both　of　us　in　the　future？　Would　it　be　well　with　my　husband？〃

He　laughed。

〃I　know　your　husband；〃　he　said。

〃And　I　know　him；　too；〃　said　she。　〃He　cares　for　me　no　more　than　I　care　for　him；　but　he　has　never　been　otherwise　than　kind　to　me。　I　think　of　himI　think　of　him。　I　know　the　name　that　men　give　to　the　man　who　tries　to　make　his　friend's　wife　love　him。　It　is　not　my　husband　who　has　earned　that　name；　Mr。　Courtland。〃

He　looked　into　her　face；　but　he　spoke　no　word。　Even　hethe　loverwas　beginning　to　see；　as　in　a　glass；　darkly；　something　of　the　conflict　that　was　going　on　in　the　heart　of　the　woman　before　him。　She　had　uttered　words　against　him；　and　they　had　stung　him；　and　yet　he　had　a　feeling　that；　if　he　had　put　his　arms　about　her　again；　she　would　have　held　him　close　to　her　as　she　had　done　before；　she　would　have　given　him　kiss　for　kiss　as　she　had　done　before。　It　is　the　decree　of　nature　that　the　lover　shall　think　of　himself　only；　but　had　he　not　told　Phyllis　that　his　belief　was　that　Nature　and　Satan　were　the　same？　He　was　sometimes　able　to　say；　〃/Retro　me；　Sathana/〃not　always。　He　said　it　now；　but　not　boldly；　not　loudlyin　a　whisper。　The　best　way　of　putting　Satan　behind　one　is　to　run　away　from　him。　Resist　the　devil；　and　he　will　flee　from　you。　Yes；　but；　on　the　whole；　it　is　safer　to　show　him　a　clean　pair　of　heels　than　to　enter　on　an　argument　with　him；　hoping　that　he　will　be　amenable　to　logic。　Herbert　Courtland　said　his；　〃/Retro　me/；〃　in　a　whisper；　half　hoping；　as　the　gentlewoman　with　the　muffins　for　sale　hoped；　that　he　would　escape　notice。　For　a　few　moments　he　ceased　to　think　of　himself。　He　thought　of　that　beautiful　thing　before　himshe　was　tall；　and　her　rosy　white　flesh　was　as　a　peach　that　has　reached　its　one　hour　of　ripenesshe　thought　of　her　and　pitied　her。

He　had　not　the　heart　to　put　his　arms　about　her；　though　he　knew　that　to　do　so　would　be　to　give　him　all　the　happiness　for　which　he　longed。　What　was　he　that　he　should　stand　by　and　see　that　struggle　tearing　her　heart　asunder？

〃My　poor　child！〃　said　he；　and　then　he　repeated　his　words；　〃My　poor　child！　It　would　have　been　better　if　we　had　never　come　together。　We　are　going　to　part　now。〃

She　looked　at　him　and　laughed　in　his　face。

He　did　not　know　what　this　meant。　Had　she　been　simply　acting　a　part　all　along？　Had　she　been　playing　a　comedy　part　all　the　while　he　was　thinking　that　a　great　tragedy　was　being　enacted？　Or　was　it　possible　that　she　was　mocking　him？　that　her　laugh　was　the　laugh　of　the　jailer　who　hears　a　prisoner　announce　his　intention　of　walking　out　of　his　cell？

〃Good…by；〃　said　he。

She　fixed　her　eyes　upon　his　face；　then　she　laughed　again。

He　now　knew　what　she　meant　by　her　laugh。

〃Perhaps　you　may　think　that　you　have　too　firm　a　hold　upon　me　to　give　me　a　chance　of　parting　from　you；〃　said　he。　〃You　may　be　right；　but　if　you　tell　me　to　go　I　shall　try　and　obey　you。　But　think　what　it　means　before　you　tell　me　to　leave　you　forever。〃

She　did　think　what　it　meant。　She　looked　at　him；　and　she　thought　of　his　passing　away　from　her　forever　more。　She　wondered　what　her　life　would　be　when　he　should　have　passed　out　of　it。　A　blank？　Oh；　worse　than　a　blank；　for　she　would　have　ever　present　with　her　the　recollection　of　how　he　had　once　stood　before　her　as　he　was　standing　nowtall；　with　his　brown　hands　clenched；　and　a　paleness　underlying　the　tan　of　his　face。　〃The　bravest　man　alive〃that　was　what　Phyllis　had　called　him；　and　Phyllis　had　been　right。　He　was　a　man　who　had　fought　his　way　single…handed　through　such　perils　as　made　those　who　merely　read　about　them　throb　with　anxiety。

This　was　the　man　of　whom　she　knew　that　she　would　ever　retain　a　memory　this　was　the　man　whom　she　was　ready　to　send　back　to　the　uttermost　ends　of　the　earth。

And　this　was　to　be　the　reward　of　his　devotion　to　her！　What　was　she　that　she　could　do　this　thing？　What　was　she　that　she　should　refrain　from　sacrificing　herself　for　him？　She　had　known　women　who　had　sacrificed　themselves　to　mensuch　men！　Wretched　things！　Not　like　that　man　of　men　who　stood　before　her　with　such　a　look　on　his　face　as　it　had　worn；　she　knew；　in　the　most　desperate　moments　of　his　life；　when　the　next　moment　might　bring　death　to　himdeath　from　an　arrowfrom　a　wild　beastfrom　a　hurricane。

What　could　she　do？

She　did　nothing。

She　made　no　effort　to　save　herself。

If　he　had　put　his　arms　about　her　and　had　carried　her　away　from　her　husband's　house　to　the　uttermost　ends　of　the　earth；　she　would　not　have　resisted。　It　was　not　in　her　power　to　resist。

And　it　was　because　he　saw　this　he　went　away；　leaving　her　standing　with　that　lovely　Venetian　mirror　glittering　in　silver　and　ruby　and　emerald　just　above　her　head。

〃You　have　been　right；　I　have　been　wrong；〃　said　he。　〃Don't　try　to　speak；　Ella。　Don't　try　to　keep　me。　I　know　how　you　love　me；　and　I　know　that　if　I　ask　you　to　keep　me　you　will　keep　me　until　you　die。　Forgive　me　for　my　selfishness；　my　beloved。　Good…by。〃

She　felt　him　approach　her　and　she　felt　the　hands　that　he　laid　upon　her　bare　shouldersone　on　each　side　of　her　neck。　She　closed　her　eyes　as　he　put　his　face　down　to　hers　and　kissed　her　on　the　mouthnot　with　rapturous；　passionate　lips；　but　still　with　warm　and　trembling　lips。　She　did　not　know　where　the　kiss　ended；　she　did　not　know　when　his　hands　were　taken　off　her　shoulders。　She　kept　her　eyes　closed　and　her　mouth　sealed。　She　did　not　even　give　him　a　farewell　kiss。

When　she　opened　her　eyes　she　found　herself　alone　in　the　room。

And　then　there　came　to　her　ears　the　sound　of　the　double　whistle　for　a　hansom。　She　stood　silently　there　listening　to　the　driving　up　of　the　vehicleshe　even　heard　the　sound　of　the　closing　of　the　apron　and　then　the　tinkling　of　the　horse's　bells　dwindling　into　the　distance。

A　sense　of　loneliness　came　to　her　that　was　overwhelming　in　its　force。

〃Fool！　fool！　fool！〃　she　cried；　through　her　set　teeth。　〃What　have　I　done？　Sent　him　away？　Sent　him　away？　My　beloved！my　best　belovedmy　man　of　men。　Gonegone！　Oh；　fool！　fool！〃

She　threw　herself　on　a　sofa　and　stared　at　the　Watteau　group　of　masquerading　shepherds　and　shepherdesses　on　the　great　Sevres　vase　that　stood　on　a　pedestal　near　her。　The　masks　at　the　joinin