the lost road-第93节

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a　man　throw　away　his　life　for　his　officer；　or　for　a　chap　he　didn't
know；　just　as　though　it　was　a　cigarette　butt。　　I've　seen　the　women
nurses　of　our　corps　steer　a　car　into　a　village　and　yank　out　a　wounded
man　while　shells　were　breaking　under　the　wheels　and　the　houses
were　pitching　into　the　streets。〃　　He　stopped　and　laughed　consciously。

〃Understand；〃　he　warned　me；　〃I'm　not　talking　about　myself；　only　of
things　I've　seen。　　The　things　I'm　going　to　put　in　my　book。　　It　ought
to　be　a　pretty　good　book…what？〃

My　envy　had　been　washed　clean　in　admiration。

〃It　will　make　a　wonderful　book；〃　I　agreed。　　〃Are　you　going　to
syndicate　it　first？〃

Young　Mr。　Hamlin　frowned　importantly。

〃I　was　thinking；〃　he　said；　〃of　asking　John　for　letters　to　the　magazine
editors。　　So；　they'll　know　I'm　not　faking；　that　I've　really　been　through
it　all。　　Letters　from　John　would　help　a　lot。〃　　Then　he　asked　anxiously：
〃They　would；　wouldn't　they？〃

I　reassured　him。　　Remembering　the　Kid's　gibes　at　John　and　his
numerous　dependents；　I　said：　〃You　another　college　chum　of　John's？〃
The　young　man　answered　my　question　quite　seriously。　　〃No；〃　he　said；
〃John　graduated　before　I　entered；　but　we　belong　to　the　same　fraternity。
It　was　the　luckiest　chance　in　the　world　my　finding　him　here。　　There　was
a　month…old　copy　of　the　Balkan　News　blowing　around　camp；　and　his
name　was　in　the　list　of　arrivals。　　The　moment　I　found　he　was　in　Salonika；
I　asked　for　twelve　hours　leave；　and　came　down　in　an　ambulance。　　I　made
straight　for　John；　gave　him　the　grip；　and　put　it　up　to　him　to　help　me。〃

〃I　don't　understand；〃　I　said。　　〃I　thought　you　were　sailing　on　the
Adriaticus？〃

The　young　man　was　again　pacing　the　floor。　　He　halted　and　faced　the
harbor。

〃You　bet　I'm　sailing　on　the　Adriaticus；〃　he　said。　　He　looked　out　at
that　vessel；　at　the　Blue　Peter　flying　from　her　foremast；　and　grinned。
〃In　just　two　hours！〃

It　was　stupid　of　me；　but　I　still　was　unenlightened。　　〃But　your　twelve
hours'　leave？〃　I　asked。

The　young　man　laughed。　　〃They　can　take　my　twelve　hours'　leave；〃
he　said　deliberately；　〃and　feed　it　to　the　chickens。　　I'm　beating　it。〃

〃What　d'you　mean；　you're　beating　it？〃

〃What　do　you　suppose　I　mean？〃　he　demanded。　　〃What　do　you
suppose　I'm　doing　out　of　uniform；　what　do　you　suppose　I'm　lying
low　in　the　room　for？　So's　I　won't　catch　cold？〃

〃If　you're　leaving　the　army　without　a　discharge；　and　without
permission；〃　I　said；　〃I　suppose　you　know　it's　desertion。〃

Mr。　Hamlin　laughed　easily。　　〃It's　not　my　army；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　an
American。〃

〃It's　your　desertion；〃　I　suggested。

The　door　opened　and　closed　noiselessly；　and　Billy；　entering；
placed　a　new　travelling　bag　on　the　floor。　　He　must　have　heard　my
last　words；　for　he　looked　inquiringly　at　each　of　us。　　But　he　did
not　speak　and；　walking　to　the　window；　stood　with　his　hands　in　his
pockets；　staring　out　at　the　harbor。　　His　presence　seemed　to　encourage
the　young　man。　　〃Who　knows　I'm　deserting？〃　he　demanded。　　〃No
one's　ever　seen　me　in　Salonika　before；　and　in　these　'cits'　I　can　get　on
board　all　right。　　And　then　they　can't　touch　me。　　What　do　the　folks　at
home　care　how　I　left　the　British　army？　They'll　be　so　darned　glad　to
get　me　back　alive　that　they　won't　ask　if　I　walked　out　or　was　kicked
out。　　I　should　worry！〃

〃It's　none　of　my　business；〃　I　began；　but　I　was　interrupted。　　In
his　restless　pacings　the　young　man　turned　quickly。

〃As　you　say；〃　he　remarked　icily；　〃it　is　none　of　your　business。
It's　none　of　your　business　whether　I　get　shot　as　a　deserter；　or
go　home；　or〃

〃You　can　go　to　the　devil　for　all　I　care；〃　I　assured　him。　　〃I
wasn't　considering　you　at　all。　　I　was　only　sorry　that　I'll　never
be　able　to　read　your　book。〃

For　a　moment　Mr。　Hamlin　remained　silent；　then　he　burst　forth
with　a　jeer。

〃No　British　firing　squad；〃　he　boasted；　〃will　ever　stand　me　up。〃

〃Maybe　not；〃　I　agreed；　〃but　you　will　never　write　that　book。〃

Again　there　was　silence；　and　this　time　it　was　broken　by　the　Kid。
He　turned　from　the　window　and　looked　toward　Hamlin。　　〃That's
right！〃　he　said。

He　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　the　table；　and　at　the　deserter　pointed
his　forefinger。

〃Son；〃　he　said；　〃this　war　is　some　war。　　It's　the　biggest　war　in
history；　and　folks　will　be　talking　about　nothing　else　for　the　next
ninety　years；　folks　that　never　were　nearer　it　than　Bay　City；　Mich。
But　you　won't　talk　about　it。　　And　you've　been　all　through　it。
You've　been　to　hell　and　back　again。　　Compared　with　what　you
know　about　hell；　Dante　is　in　the　same　class　with　Dr。　Cook。　　But
you　won't　be　able　to　talk　about　this　war；　or　lecture；　or　write　a
book　about　it。〃

〃I　won't？〃　demanded　Hamlin。　　〃And　why　won't　I？〃

〃Because　of　what　you're　doing　now；〃　said　Billy。　　〃Because
you're　queering　yourself。　　Now；　you've　got　everything。〃　　The
Kid　was　very　much　in　earnest。　　His　tone　was　intimate；　kind；　and
friendly。　　〃You've　seen　everything；　done　everything。　　We'd　give
our　eye…teeth　to　see　what　you've　seen；　and　to　write　the　things　you
can　write。　　You've　got　a　record　now　that'll　last　you　until　you're
dead；　and　your　grandchildren　are　dead…and　then　some。　　When
you　talk　the　table　will　have　to　sit　up　and　listen。　　You　can　say　'I
was　there。'　　'I　was　in　it。'　　'I　saw。'　　'I　know。'　　When　this　war　is
over　you'll　have　everything　out　of　it　that's　worth　getting…all
the　experiences；　all　the　inside　knowledge；　all　the　'nosebag'
news；　you'll　have　wounds；　honors；　medals；　money；　reputation。
And　you're　throwing　all　that　away！〃

Mr。　Hamlin　interrupted　savagely。

〃To　hell　with　their　medals；〃　he　said。　　〃They　can　take　their　medals
and　hang　'em　on　Christmas　trees。　　I　don't　owe　the　British　army
anything。　　It　owes　me。　　I've　done　my　bit。　　I've　earned　what　I've
got；　and　there's　no　one　can　take　it　away　from　me。〃

〃You　can；〃　said　the　Kid。　　Before　Hamlin　could　reply　the　door
opened　and　John　came　in；　followed　by　Uncle　Jim。　　The　older
man　was　looking　very　grave；　and　John　very　unhappy。　　Hamlin
turned　quickly　to　John。

〃I　thought　these　men　were　friends　of　yours；〃　he　began；　〃and
Americans。　　They're　fine　Americans。　　They're　as　full　of　human
kindness　and　red　blood　as　a　kippered　herring！〃

John　looked　inquiringly　at　the　Kid。

〃He　wants　to　hang　himself；〃　explained　Billy；　〃and　because　we
tried　to　cut　him　down；　he's　sore。〃

〃They　talked　to　me；〃　protested　Hamlin；　〃as　though　I　was　a
yellow　dog。　　As　though　I　was　a　quitter。　　I'm　no　quitter！　But；
if　I'm　ready　to　quit；　who's　got　a　better　right？　I'm　not　an
Englishman；　but　there　are　several　million　Englishmen　haven't
done　as　much　for　England　in　this　was　as　I　have。　　What　do　you
fellows　know　about　it？　You　write　about　it；　about　the　'brave
lads　in　the　trenches'；　but　what　do　you　know　about　the　trenches？
What　you've　seen　from　automobiles。　　That's　all。　　That's　where
you　get　off！　I've　lived　in　the　trenches　for　fifteen　months；　froze
in　'em；　starved　in　'em；　risked　my　life　in　'em；　and　I've　saved　other
lives；　too；　by　hauling　men　out　of　the　trenches。　　And　that's　no　airy
persiflage；　either！〃

He　ran　to　the　wardrobe　where　John's　clothes　hung；　and　from　the
bottom　of　it　dragged　a　khaki　uniform。　　It　was　still　so　caked　with
mud　and　snow　that　when　he　flung　it　on　the　floor　it　splashed　like
a　wet　bathing　suit。　　〃How　would　you　like　to　wear　one　of　those？〃　he
Demanded。　　〃Stinking　with　lice　and　sweat　and　blood；　the　blood　of
other　men；　the　men　you've　helped　off　the　field；　and　your　own
blood。〃

As　though　committing　hara…kiri；　he　slashed　his　hand　across　his
stomach；　and　then　drew　it　up　from　his　waist　to　his　chin。　　〃I'm
scraped　with　shrapnel　from　there　to　there；〃　said　Mr。　Hamlin。
〃And　another　time　I　got　a　ball　in　the　shoulder。　　That　would　have
been　a　'blighty'　for　a　fighting　manthey're　always　giving　them
leavebut　all　I　got　was　six　weeks　at　Havre　in　hospital。　　Then　it
was　the　Dardanelles；　and　sunstroke　and　sand；　sleeping　in　sand；
eating　sand；　sand　in　your　boots；　sand　in　your　teeth；　hiding　in
holes　in　the　sand　like　a　dirty　prairie　dog。　　And　then；　'Off　to
Servia！'　And　the　next　act　opens　in　the　snow　and　the　mud！
Cold？　God；　how　cold　it　was！　And　most　of　us　in　sun　helmets。〃

As　though　the　cold　still　gnawed　at　his　bones；　he　shivered。

〃It　isn't　the　danger；〃　he　protested。　　〃It　isn't　that　I'm　getting
away　from。　　To　hell　with　the　danger！　It's　just　the　plain
discomfort　of　it！　It's　the　never　being　your　own　master；　never
being　clean；　never　being　warm。〃　　Again　he　shivered　and
rubbed　one　hand　against　the　other。　　〃There　were　no　bridges
over　the　streams；〃　he　went　on；　〃and　we　had　to　break　the　ice
and　wade　in；　and　then　sleep　in　the　open　with　the　khaki　frozen
to　us。　　There　was　no　firewood；　not　enough　to　warm　a　pot　of　tea。
There　were　no　wounded；　all　our　casualties　were　frost　bite　and
Pneumonia。　　When　we　take　them　out　of　the　blankets　their　toes
fall　off。　　We've　been　in　camp　for　a　month　now　near　Doiran；　and
it's　worse　there　than　on　the　march。　　It's　a　frozen　swamp。　　You　can't
sleep　for　the　cold；　can't　eat；　the　only　ration　we　get　is　bully　beef；
and　our　insides　are　frozen　so　damn　tight　we　can't　digest　it。　　The
cold　gets　into　your　blood；　gets　into　your　brains。　　It　won't　let　you
think；　or　else；　you　think　crazy　things。　　It　makes　you　afraid。〃　　He
shook　himself　like　a　man　coming　out　of　a　bad　dream。

So；　I'm　through；〃　he　said。　　In　turn　he　s