the lost road-第46节

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Again　there　was　silence；　and　this　time　it　was　broken　by　the　Kid。
He　turned　from　the　window　and　looked　toward　Hamlin。　　〃That's
right！〃　he　said。

He　sat　down　on　the　edge　of　the　table；　and　at　the　deserter　pointed
his　forefinger。

〃Son；〃　he　said；　〃this　war　is　some　war。　　It's　the　biggest　war　in
history；　and　folks　will　be　talking　about　nothing　else　for　the　next
ninety　years；　folks　that　never　were　nearer　it　than　Bay　City；　Mich。
But　you　won't　talk　about　it。　　And　you've　been　all　through　it。
You've　been　to　hell　and　back　again。　　Compared　with　what　you
know　about　hell；　Dante　is　in　the　same　class　with　Dr。　Cook。　　But
you　won't　be　able　to　talk　about　this　war；　or　lecture；　or　write　a
book　about　it。〃

〃I　won't？〃　demanded　Hamlin。　　〃And　why　won't　I？〃

〃Because　of　what　you're　doing　now；〃　said　Billy。　　〃Because
you're　queering　yourself。　　Now；　you've　got　everything。〃　　The
Kid　was　very　much　in　earnest。　　His　tone　was　intimate；　kind；　and
friendly。　　〃You've　seen　everything；　done　everything。　　We'd　give
our　eye…teeth　to　see　what　you've　seen；　and　to　write　the　things　you
can　write。　　You've　got　a　record　now　that'll　last　you　until　you're
dead；　and　your　grandchildren　are　dead…and　then　some。　　When
you　talk　the　table　will　have　to　sit　up　and　listen。　　You　can　say　'I
was　there。'　　'I　was　in　it。'　　'I　saw。'　　'I　know。'　　When　this　war　is
over　you'll　have　everything　out　of　it　that's　worth　getting…all
the　experiences；　all　the　inside　knowledge；　all　the　'nosebag'
news；　you'll　have　wounds；　honors；　medals；　money；　reputation。
And　you're　throwing　all　that　away！〃

Mr。　Hamlin　interrupted　savagely。

〃To　hell　with　their　medals；〃　he　said。　　〃They　can　take　their　medals
and　hang　'em　on　Christmas　trees。　　I　don't　owe　the　British　army
anything。　　It　owes　me。　　I've　done　my　bit。　　I've　earned　what　I've
got；　and　there's　no　one　can　take　it　away　from　me。〃

〃You　can；〃　said　the　Kid。　　Before　Hamlin　could　reply　the　door
opened　and　John　came　in；　followed　by　Uncle　Jim。　　The　older
man　was　looking　very　grave；　and　John　very　unhappy。　　Hamlin
turned　quickly　to　John。

〃I　thought　these　men　were　friends　of　yours；〃　he　began；　〃and
Americans。　　They're　fine　Americans。　　They're　as　full　of　human
kindness　and　red　blood　as　a　kippered　herring！〃

John　looked　inquiringly　at　the　Kid。

〃He　wants　to　hang　himself；〃　explained　Billy；　〃and　because　we
tried　to　cut　him　down；　he's　sore。〃

〃They　talked　to　me；〃　protested　Hamlin；　〃as　though　I　was　a
yellow　dog。　　As　though　I　was　a　quitter。　　I'm　no　quitter！　But；
if　I'm　ready　to　quit；　who's　got　a　better　right？　I'm　not　an
Englishman；　but　there　are　several　million　Englishmen　haven't
done　as　much　for　England　in　this　was　as　I　have。　　What　do　you
fellows　know　about　it？　You　write　about　it；　about　the　'brave
lads　in　the　trenches'；　but　what　do　you　know　about　the　trenches？
What　you've　seen　from　automobiles。　　That's　all。　　That's　where
you　get　off！　I've　lived　in　the　trenches　for　fifteen　months；　froze
in　'em；　starved　in　'em；　risked　my　life　in　'em；　and　I've　saved　other
lives；　too；　by　hauling　men　out　of　the　trenches。　　And　that's　no　airy
persiflage；　either！〃

He　ran　to　the　wardrobe　where　John's　clothes　hung；　and　from　the
bottom　of　it　dragged　a　khaki　uniform。　　It　was　still　so　caked　with
mud　and　snow　that　when　he　flung　it　on　the　floor　it　splashed　like
a　wet　bathing　suit。　　〃How　would　you　like　to　wear　one　of　those？〃　he
Demanded。　　〃Stinking　with　lice　and　sweat　and　blood；　the　blood　of
other　men；　the　men　you've　helped　off　the　field；　and　your　own
blood。〃

As　though　committing　hara…kiri；　he　slashed　his　hand　across　his
stomach；　and　then　drew　it　up　from　his　waist　to　his　chin。　　〃I'm
scraped　with　shrapnel　from　there　to　there；〃　said　Mr。　Hamlin。
〃And　another　time　I　got　a　ball　in　the　shoulder。　　That　would　have
been　a　'blighty'　for　a　fighting　manthey're　always　giving　them
leavebut　all　I　got　was　six　weeks　at　Havre　in　hospital。　　Then　it
was　the　Dardanelles；　and　sunstroke　and　sand；　sleeping　in　sand；
eating　sand；　sand　in　your　boots；　sand　in　your　teeth；　hiding　in
holes　in　the　sand　like　a　dirty　prairie　dog。　　And　then；　'Off　to
Servia！'　And　the　next　act　opens　in　the　snow　and　the　mud！
Cold？　God；　how　cold　it　was！　And　most　of　us　in　sun　helmets。〃

As　though　the　cold　still　gnawed　at　his　bones；　he　shivered。

〃It　isn't　the　danger；〃　he　protested。　　〃It　isn't　that　I'm　getting
away　from。　　To　hell　with　the　danger！　It's　just　the　plain
discomfort　of　it！　It's　the　never　being　your　own　master；　never
being　clean；　never　being　warm。〃　　Again　he　shivered　and
rubbed　one　hand　against　the　other。　　〃There　were　no　bridges
over　the　streams；〃　he　went　on；　〃and　we　had　to　break　the　ice
and　wade　in；　and　then　sleep　in　the　open　with　the　khaki　frozen
to　us。　　There　was　no　firewood；　not　enough　to　warm　a　pot　of　tea。
There　were　no　wounded；　all　our　casualties　were　frost　bite　and
Pneumonia。　　When　we　take　them　out　of　the　blankets　their　toes
fall　off。　　We've　been　in　camp　for　a　month　now　near　Doiran；　and
it's　worse　there　than　on　the　march。　　It's　a　frozen　swamp。　　You　can't
sleep　for　the　cold；　can't　eat；　the　only　ration　we　get　is　bully　beef；
and　our　insides　are　frozen　so　damn　tight　we　can't　digest　it。　　The
cold　gets　into　your　blood；　gets　into　your　brains。　　It　won't　let　you
think；　or　else；　you　think　crazy　things。　　It　makes　you　afraid。〃　　He
shook　himself　like　a　man　coming　out　of　a　bad　dream。

So；　I'm　through；〃　he　said。　　In　turn　he　scowled　at　each　of　us；　as
though　defying　us　to　contradict　him。　　〃That's　why　I'm　quitting；〃
he　added。　　〃Because　I've　done　my　bit。　　Because　I'm　damn　well　fed
up　on　it。〃　　He　kicked　viciously　at　the　water…logged　uniform　on　the
floor。　　〃Any　one　who　wants　my　job　can　have　it！〃　　He　walked　to　the
window；　turned　his　back　on　us；　and　fixed　his　eyes　hungrily　on　the
Adriaticus。　　There　was　a　long　pause。　　For　guidance　we　looked　at
John；　but　he　was　staring　down　at　the　desk　blotter；　scratching　on　it
marks　that　he　did　not　see。

Finally；　where　angels　feared　to　tread；　the　Kid　rushed　in。　　〃That's
certainly　a　hard　luck　story；〃　he　said；　〃but；〃　he　added　cheerfully；
〃it's　nothing　to　the　hard　luck　you'll　strike　when　you　can't　tell
why　you　left　the　army。〃　　Hamlin　turned　with　an　exclamation；
but　Billy　held　up　his　hand。　　〃Now　wait；〃　he　begged；　〃we　haven't
time　to　get　mussy。　　At　six　o'clock　your　leave　is　up；　and　the　troop
train　starts　back　to　camp；　and〃

Mr。　Hamlin　interrupted　sharply。　　〃And　the　Adriaticus　starts　at
five。〃

Billy　did　not　heed　him。　　〃You've　got　two　hours　to　change　your
mind；〃　he　said。　　〃That's　better　than　being　sorry　you　didn't　the
rest　of　your　life。〃

Mr。　Hamlin　threw　back　his　head　and　laughed。　　It　was　a　most
unpleasant　laugh。　　〃You're　a　fine　body　of　men；〃　he　jeered。
〃America　must　be　proud　of　you！〃

〃If　we　weren't　Americans；〃　explained　Billy　patiently；　〃we
wouldn't　give　a　damn　whether　you　deserted　or　not。　　You're
drowning　and　you　don't　know　it；　and　we're　throwing　you　a
rope。　　Try　to　see　it　that　way。　　We'll　cut　out　the　fact　that　you
took　an　oath；　and　that　you're　breaking　it。　　That's　up　to　you。
We'll　get　down　to　results。　　When　you　reach　home；　if　you　can't
tell　why　you　left　the　army；　the　folks　will　darned　soon　guess。
And　that　will　queer　everything　you've　done。　　When　you　come
to　sell　your　stuff；　it　will　queer　you　with　the　editors；　queer　you
with　the　publishers。　　If　they　know　you　broke　your　word　to　the
British　army；　how　can　they　know　you're　keeping　faith　with　them？
How　can　they　believe　anything　you　tell　them？　Every　'story'　you
write；　every　statement　of　yours　will　make　a　noise　like　a　fake。
You　won't　come　into　court　with　clean　hands。　　You'll　be　licked
before　you　start。

〃Of　course；　you're　for　the　Allies。　　Well；　all　the　Germans　at　home
will　fear　that；　and　when　you　want　to　lecture　on　your　'Fifteen
Months　at　the　British　Front；'　they'll　look　up　your　record；　and
what　will　they　do　to　you？　This　is　what　they'll　do　to　you。　　When
you've　shown　'em　your　moving　pictures　and　say；　'Does　any
gentleman　in　the　audience　want　to　ask　a　question？'　a　German
agent　will　get　up　and　say；　'Yes；　I　want　to　ask　a　question。　　Is　it
true　that　you　deserted　from　the　British　army；　and　that　if　you
return　to　it；　they　will　shoot　you？'〃

I　was　scared。　　I　expected　the　lean　and　muscular　Mr。　Hamlin　to
fall　on　Billy；　and　fling　him　where　he　had　flung　the　soggy　uniform。
But　instead　he　remained　motionless；　his　arms　pressed　across　his
chest。　　His　eyes；　filled　with　anger　and　distress；　returned　to　the
Adriaticus。

〃I'm　sorry；〃　muttered　the　Kid。

John　rose　and　motioned　to　the　door；　and　guiltily　and　only　too
gladly　we　escaped。　　John　followed　us　into　the　hall。　　〃Let　me　talk
to　him；〃　he　whispered。　　〃The　boat　sails　in　an　hour。　　Please　don't
come　back　until　she's　gone。〃

We　went　to　the　moving　picture　palace　next　door；　but　I　doubt　if
the　thoughts　of　any　of　us　were　on　the　pictures。　　For　after　an
hour；　when　from　across　the　quay　there　came　the　long…drawn
warning　of　a　steamer's　whistle；　we　nudged　each　other　and　rose
and　went　out。

Not　a　hundred　yards　from　us　the　propeller　blades　of　the
Adriaticus　were　slowly　churning；　and　the　rowboats　were　falling
away　from　her　sides。

〃Good…bye；　Mr。　Hamlin；〃　called　Billy。　　〃You　had　everything　and
you　chucked　it　away。　　I　can　spell　your　finish。　　It's　'check'　for　yours。〃

But　when　we　entered　our　room；　in　the　centre　of　it；　under