the new machiavelli-第90节

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curious　and　I　think　a　very　significant　thing　that　since　we　had　

become　lovers；　we　had　talked　very　little　of　the　broader　things　that　

had　once　so　strongly　gripped　our　imaginations。



〃It's　good；〃　I　said；　〃to　talk　like　this　to　you；　to　get　back　to　youth　

and　great　ambitions　with　you。　　There　have　been　times　lately　when　

politics　has　seemed　the　pettiest　game　played　with　mean　tools　for　

mean　endsand　none　the　less　so　that　the　happiness　of　three　hundred　

million　people　might　be　touched　by　our　follies。　　I　talk　to　no　one　

else　like　this。　。　。　。　　And　now　I　think　of　parting；　I　think　but　of　

how　much　more　I　might　have　talked　to　you。〃　。　。　。



Things　drew　to　an　end　at　last；　but　after　we　had　spoken　of　a　thousand　

things。



〃We've　talked　away　our　last　half　day；〃　I　said；　staring　over　my　

shoulder　at　the　blazing　sunset　sky　behind　us。　　〃Dear；　it's　been　the　

last　day　of　our　lives　for　us。　。　。　。　　It　doesn't　seem　like　the　last　

day　of　our　lives。　　Or　any　day。〃



〃I　wonder　how　it　will　feel？〃　said　Isabel。



〃It　will　be　very　strange　at　firstnot　to　be　able　to　tell　you　

things。〃



〃I've　a　superstition　that　afterafter　we've　partedif　ever　I　go　

into　my　room　and　talk；　you'll　hear。　　You'll　besomewhere。〃



〃I　shall　be　in　the　worldyes。〃



〃I　don't　feel　as　though　these　days　ahead　were　real。　　Here　we　are；　

here　we　remain。〃



〃Yes；　I　feel　that。　　As　though　you　and　I　were　two　immortals；　who　

didn't　live　in　time　and　space　at　all；　who　never　met；　who　couldn't　

part；　and　here　we　lie　on　Olympus。　　And　those　two　poor　creatures　who　

did　meet；　poor　little　Richard　Remington　and　Isabel　Rivers；　who　met　

and　loved　too　much　and　had　to　part；　they　part　and　go　their　ways；　and　

we　lie　here　and　watch　them；　you　and　I。　　She'll　cry；　poor　dear。〃



〃She'll　cry。　　She's　crying　now！〃



〃Poor　little　beasts！　　I　think　he'll　cry　too。　　He　winces。　　He　could

for　tuppence。　　I　didn't　know　he　had　lachrymal　glands　at　all　until　a　

little　while　ago。　　I　suppose　all　love　is　hystericaland　a　little　

foolish。　　Poor　mites！　　Silly　little　pitiful　creatures！　　How　we　have　

blundered！　　Think　how　we　must　look　to　God！　　Well；　we'll　pity　them；　

and　then　we'll　inspire　him　to　stiffen　up　againand　do　as　we've　

determined　he　shall　do。　　We'll　see　it　through；we　who　lie　here　on　

the　cliff。　　They'll　be　mean　at　times；　and　horrid　at　times；　we　know　

them！　　Do　you　see　her；　a　poor　little　fine　lady　in　a　great　house；

she　sometimes　goes　to　her　room　and　writes。〃



〃She　writes　for　his　BLUE　WEEKLY　still。〃



〃Yes。　　SometimesI　hope。　　And　he's　there　in　the　office　with　a　bit　

of　her　copy　in　his　hand。〃



〃Is　it　as　good　as　if　she　still　talked　it　over　with　him　before　she　

wrote　it？　　Is　it？〃



〃Better；　I　think。　　Let's　play　it's　betteranyhow。　　It　may　be　that　

talking　over　was　rather　mixed　with　love…making。　　After　all；　love…

making　is　joy　rather　than　magic。　　Don't　let's　pretend　about　that　

even。　。　。　。　　Let's　go　on　watching　him。　　（I　don't　see　why　her　writing　

shouldn't　be　better。　　Indeed　I　don't。）　See！　　There　he　goes　down　

along　the　Embankment　to　Westminster　just　like　a　real　man；　for　all　

that　he's　smaller　than　a　grain　of　dust。　　What　is　running　round　

inside　that　speck　of　a　head　of　his？　　Look　at　him　going　past　the　

Policemen；　specks　tooselected　large　ones　from　the　country。　　I　

think　he's　going　to　dinner　with　the　Speakersome　old　thing　like　

that。　　Is　his　face　harder　or　commoner　or　stronger？I　can't　quite　

see。　。　。　。　　And　now　he's　up　and　speaking　in　the　House。　　Hope　he'll　

hold　on　to　the　thread。　　He'll　have　to　plan　his　speeches　to　the　very　

end　of　his　daysand　learn　the　headings。〃



〃Isn't　she　up　in　the　women's　gallery　to　hear　him？〃



〃No。　　Unless　it's　by　accident。〃



〃She's　there；〃　she　said。



〃Well；　by　accident　it　happens。　　Not　too　many　accidents；　Isabel。　　

Never　any　more　adventures　for　us；　dear；　now。　　No！　。　。　。　　They　play　

the　game；　you　know。　　They've　begun　late；　but　now　they've　got　to。　　

You　see　it's　not　so　very　hard　for　them　since　you　and　I；　my　dear；　are　

here　always；　always　faithfully　here　on　this　warm　cliff　of　love　

accomplished；　watching　and　helping　them　under　high　heaven。　　It　isn't　

so　VERY　hard。　　Rather　good　in　some　ways。　　Some　people　HAVE　to　be　

broken　a　little。　　Can　you　see　Altiora　down　there；　by　any　chance？〃



〃She's　too　little　to　be　seen；〃　she　said。



〃Can　you　see　the　sins　they　once　committed？〃



〃I　can　only　see　you　here　beside　me；　dearfor　ever。　　For　all　my　

life；　dear；　till　I　die。　　Was　thatthe　sin？〃　。　。　。



I　took　her　to　the　station；　and　after　she　had　gone　I　was　to　drive　to　

Dover；　and　cross　to　Calais　by　the　night　boat。　　I　couldn't；　I　felt；　

return　to　London。　　We　walked　over　the　crest　and　down　to　the　little　

station　of　Martin　Mill　side　by　side；　talking　at　first　in　broken　

fragments；　for　the　most　part　of　unimportant　things。



〃None　of　this；〃　she　said　abruptly；　〃seems　in　the　slightest　degree　

real　to　me。　　I've　got　no　sense　of　things　ending。〃



〃We're　parting；〃　I　said。



〃We're　partingas　people　part　in　a　play。　　It's　distressing。　　But　I　

don't　feel　as　though　you　and　I　were　really　never　to　see　each　other　

again　for　years。　　Do　you？〃



I　thought。　　〃No；〃　I　said。



〃After　we've　parted　I　shall　look　to　talk　it　over　with　you。〃



〃So　shall　I。〃



〃That's　absurd。〃



〃Absurd。〃



〃I　feel　as　if　you'd　always　he　there；　just　about　where　you　are　now。　　

Invisible　perhaps；　but　there。　　We've　spent　so　much　of　our　lives　

joggling　elbows。〃　。　。　。



〃Yes。　　Yes。　　I　don't　in　the　least　realise　it。　　I　suppose　I　shall　

begin　to　when　the　train　goes　out　of　the　station。　　Are　we　wanting　in　

imagination；　Isabel？〃



〃I　don't　know。　　We've　always　assumed　it　was　the　other　way　about。〃



〃Even　when　the　train　goes　out　of　the　station！　　I've　seen　you　into　

so　many　trains。〃



〃I　shall　go　on　thinking　of　things　to　say　to　youthings　to　put　in　

your　letters。　　For　years　to　come。　　How　can　I　ever　stop　thinking　in　

that　way　now？　　We've　got　into　each　other's　brains。〃



〃It　isn't　real；〃　I　said；　〃nothing　is　real。　　The　world's　no　more　than　

a　fantastic　dream。　　Why　are　we　parting；　Isabel？〃



〃I　don't　know。　　It　seems　now　supremely　silly。　　I　suppose　we　have　to。　　

Can't　we　meet？don't　you　think　we　shall　meet　even　in　dreams？〃



〃We'll　meet　a　thousand　times　in　dreams；〃　I　said。



〃I　wish　we　could　dream　at　the　same　time；〃　said　Isabel。　。　。　。　　〃Dream　

walks。　　I　can't　believe；　dear；　I　shall　never　have　a　walk　with　you　

again。〃



〃If　I'd　stayed　six　months　in　America；〃　I　said；　〃we　might　have　walked　

long　walks　and　talked　long　talks　for　all　our　lives。〃



〃Not　in　a　world　of　Baileys；〃　said　Isabel。　　〃And　anyhow〃



She　stopped　short。　　I　looked　interrogation。



〃We've　loved；〃　she　said。



I　took　her　ticket；　saw　to　her　luggage；　and　stood　by　the　door　of　the　

compartment。　　〃Good…bye；〃　I　said　a　little　stiffly；　conscious　of　the　

people　upon　the　platform。　　She　bent　above　me；　white　and　dusky；　

looking　at　me　very　steadfastly。



〃Come　here；〃　she　whispered。　　〃Never　mind　the　porters。　　What　can　they　

know？　　Just　one　time　moreI　must。〃



She　rested　her　hand　against　the　door　of　the　carriage　and　bent　down　

upon　me；　and　put　her　cold；　moist　lips　to　mine。







CHAPTER　THE　THIRD



THE　BREAKING　POINT







1





And　then　we　broke　down。　　We　broke　our　faith　with　both　Margaret　and　

Shoesmith；　flung　career　and　duty　out　of　our　lives；　and　went　away　

together。



It　is　only　now；　almost　a　year　after　these　events；　that　I　can　begin　

to　see　what　happened　to　me。　　At　the　time　it　seemed　to　me　I　was　a　

rational；　responsible　creature；　but　indeed　I　had　not　parted　from　her　

two　days　before　I　became　a　monomaniac　to　whom　nothing　could　matter　

but　Isabel。　　Every　truth　had　to　be　squared　to　that　obsession；　every　

duty。　　It　astounds　me　to　think　how　I　forgot　Margaret；　forgot　my　

work；　forgot　everything　but　that　we　two　were　parted。　　I　still　

believe　that　with　better　chances　we　might　have　escaped　the　

consequences　of　the　emotional　storm　that　presently　seized　us　both。　　

But　we　had　no　foresight　of　that；　and　no　preparation　for　it；　and　our　

circumstances　betrayed　us。　　It　was　partly　Shoesmith's　unwisdom　in　

delaying　his　marriage　until　after　the　end　of　the　sessionpartly　my　

own　amazing　folly　in　returning　within　four　days　to　Westminster。　　But　

we　were　all　of　us　intent　upon　the　defeat　of　scandal　and　the　complete　

restoration　of　appearances。　　It　seemed　necessary　that　Shoesmith's　

marriage　should　not　seem　to　be　hurried；　still　more　necessary　that　I　

should　not　vanish　inexplicably。　　I　had　to　be　visible　with　Margaret　

in　London　just　as　much　as　possible；　we　went　to　restaurants；　we　

visited　the　theatre；　we　could　even　contemplate　the　possibility　of　my　

presence　at　the　wedding。　　For　that；　however；　we　had　schemed　a　

weekend　visit　to　Wales；　and　a　fictitious　sprained　ankle　at　the　last　

moment　which　would　justify　my　absence。　。　。　。



I　cannot　convey　to　you　the　intolerable　wretchedness　and　rebellion　of　

my　separation　from　Isabel。　　It　seemed