the new machiavelli-第72节

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see　things　as　I　do　now　in　terms　of　personality　and　imaginative　

range。　。　。　。〃　I　stopped。　　Her　stiff；　unhappy；　unlistening　silence　

broke　up　my　disquisition。



〃After　all；〃　I　remarked；　〃most　of　this　has　been　implicit　in　my　

writings。〃



She　made　no　sign　of　admission。



〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃　she　asked。



〃Keep　my　seat　for　a　time　and　make　the　reasons　of　my　breach　clear。　　

Then　either　I　must　resign　orprobably　this　new　Budget　will　lead　to　

a　General　Election。　　It's　evidently　meant　to　strain　the　Lords　and　

provoke　a　quarrel。〃



〃You　might；　I　think；　have　stayed　to　fight　for　the　Budget。〃



〃I'm　not；〃　I　said；　〃so　keen　against　the　Lords。〃



On　that　we　halted。



〃But　what　are　you　going　to　do？〃　she　asked。



〃I　shall　make　my　quarrel　over　some　points　in　the　Budget。　　I　can't　

quite　tell　you　yet　where　my　chance　will　come。　　Then　I　shall　either　

resign　my　seator　if　things　drift　to　dissolution　I　shall　stand　

again。〃



〃It's　political　suicide。〃



〃Not　altogether。〃



〃I　can't　imagine　you　out　of　Parliament　again。　　It's　just　likelike　

undoing　all　we　have　done。　　What　will　you　do？〃



〃Write。　　Make　a　new；　more　definite　place　for　myself。　　You　know；　of　

course；　there's　already　a　sort　of　group　about　Crupp　and　Gane。〃



Margaret　seemed　lost　for　a　time　in　painful　thought。



〃For　me；〃　she　said　at　last；　〃our　political　work　has　been　a　religion

it　has　been　more　than　a　religion。〃



I　heard　in　silence。　　I　had　no　form　of　protest　available　against　the　

implications　of　that。



〃And　then　I　find　you　turning　against　all　we　aimed　to　dotalking　of　

going　over；　almost　lightlyto　those　others。〃　。　。　。



She　was　white…lipped　as　she　spoke。　　In　the　most　curious　way　she　had　

captured　the　moral　values　of　the　situation。　　I　found　myself　

protesting　ineffectually　against　her　fixed　conviction。　　〃It's　

because　I　think　my　duty　lies　in　this　change　that　I　make　it；〃　I　said。



〃I　don't　see　how　you　can　say　that；〃　she　replied　quietly。



There　was　another　pause　between　us。



〃Oh！〃　she　said　and　clenched　her　hand　upon　the　table。　　〃That　it　

should　have　come　to　this！〃



She　was　extraordinarily　dignified　and　extraordinarily　absurd。　　She　

was　hurt　and　thwarted　beyond　measure。　　She　had　no　place　in　her　

ideas；　I　thought；　for　me。　　I　could　see　how　it　appeared　to　her；　but　I　

could　not　make　her　see　anything　of　the　intricate　process　that　had　

brought　me　to　this　divergence。　　The　opposition　of　our　intellectual　

temperaments　was　like　a　gag　in　my　mouth。　　What　was　there　for　me　to　

say？　　A　flash　of　intuition　told　me　that　behind　her　white　dignity　was　

a　passionate　disappointment；　a　shattering　of　dreams　that　needed　

before　everything　else　the　relief　of　weeping。



〃I've　told　you；〃　I　said　awkwardly；　〃as　soon　as　I　could。〃



There　was　another　long　silence。　　〃So　that　is　how　we　stand；〃　I　said　

with　an　air　of　having　things　defined。　　I　walked　slowly　to　the　door。



She　had　risen　and　stood　now　staring　in　front　of　her。



〃Good…night；〃　I　said；　making　no　movement　towards　our　habitual　kiss。



〃Good…night；〃　she　answered　in　a　tragic　note。　。　。　。



I　closed　the　door　softly。　　I　remained　for　a　moment　or　so　on　the　big　

landing；　hesitating　between　my　bedroom　and　my　study。　　As　I　did　so　I　

heard　the　soft　rustle　of　her　movement　and　the　click　of　the　key　in　

her　bedroom　door。　　Then　everything　was　still。　。　。　。



She　hid　her　tears　from　me。　　Something　gripped　my　heart　at　the　

thought。



〃Damnation！〃　I　said　wincing。　　〃Why　the　devil　can't　people　at　least　

THINK　in　the　same　manner？〃







2





And　that　insufficient　colloquy　was　the　beginning　of　a　prolonged　

estrangement　between　us。　　It　was　characteristic　of　our　relations　

that　we　never　reopened　the　discussion。　　The　thing　had　been　in　the　

air　for　some　time；　we　had　recognised　it　now；　the　widening　breach　

between　us　was　confessed。　　My　own　feelings　were　curiously　divided。　　

It　is　remarkable　that　my　very　real　affection　for　Margaret　only　

became　evident　to　me　with　this　quarrel。　　The　changes　of　the　heart　

are　very　subtle　changes。　　I　am　quite　unaware　how　or　when　my　early　

romantic　love　for　her　purity　and　beauty　and　high…principled　devotion　

evaporated　from　my　life；　but　I　do　know　that　quite　early　in　my　

parliamentary　days　there　had　come　a　vague；　unconfessed　resentment　at　

the　tie　that　seemed　to　hold　me　in　servitude　to　her　standards　of　

private　living　and　public　act。　　I　felt　I　was　caught；　and　none　the　

less　so　because　it　had　been　my　own　act　to　rivet　on　my　shackles。　　So　

long　as　I　still　held　myself　bound　to　her　that　resentment　grew。　　Now；　

since　I　had　broken　my　bonds　and　taken　my　line　it　withered　again；　and　

I　could　think　of　Margaret　with　a　returning　kindliness。



But　I　still　felt　embarrassment　with　her。　　I　felt　myself　dependent　

upon　her　for　house　room　and　food　and　social　support；　as　it　were　

under　false　pretences。　　I　would　have　liked　to　have　separated　our　

financial　affairs　altogether。　　But　I　knew　that　to　raise　the　issue　

would　have　seemed　a　last　brutal　indelicacy。　　So　I　tried　almost　

furtively　to　keep　my　personal　expenditure　within　the　scope　of　the　

private　income　I　made　by　writing；　and　we　went　out　together　in　her　

motor　brougham；　dined　and　made　appearances；　met　politely　at　

breakfastparted　at　night　with　a　kiss　upon　her　cheek。　　The　locking　

of　her　door　upon　me；　which　at　that　time　I　quite　understood；　which　I　

understand　now；　became　for　a　time　in　my　mind；　through　some　obscure　

process　of　the　soul；　an　offence。　　I　never　crossed　the　landing　to　her　

room　again。



In　all　this　matter；　and；　indeed；　in　all　my　relations　with　Margaret；　

I　perceive　now　I　behaved　badly　and　foolishly。　　My　manifest　blunder　

is　that　I；　who　was　several　years　older　than　she；　much　subtler　and　in　

many　ways　wiser；　never　in　any　measure　sought　to　guide　and　control　

her。　　After　our　marriage　I　treated　her　always　as　an　equal；　and　let　

her　go　her　way；　held　her　responsible　for　all　the　weak　and　

ineffective　and　unfortunate　things　she　said　and　did　to　me。　　She　

wasn't　clever　enough　to　justify　that。　　It　wasn't　fair　to　expect　her　

to　sympathise；　anticipate；　and　understand。　　I　ought　to　have　taken　

care　of　her；　roped　her　to　me　when　it　came　to　crossing　the　difficult　

places。　　If　I　had　loved　her　more；　and　wiselier　and　more　tenderly；　if　

there　had　not　been　the　consciousness　of　my　financial　dependence　on　

her　always　stiffening　my　pride；　I　think　she　would　have　moved　with　me　

from　the　outset；　and　left　the　Liberals　with　me。　　But　she　did　not　get　

any　inkling　of　the　ends　I　sought　in　my　change　of　sides。　　It　must　

have　seemed　to　her　inexplicable　perversity。　　She　had；　I　knewfor　

surely　I　knew　it　thenan　immense　capacity　for　loyalty　and　devotion。　　

There　she　was　with　these　treasures　untouched；　neglected　and　

perplexed。　　A　woman　who　loves　wants　to　give。　　It　is　the　duty　and　

business　of　the　man　she　has　married　for　love　to　help　her　to　help　and　

give。　　But　I　was　stupid。　　My　eyes　had　never　been　opened。　　I　was　

stiff　with　her　and　difficult　to　her；　because　even　on　my　wedding　

morning　there　had　been；　deep　down　in　my　soul；　voiceless　though　

present；　something　weakly　protesting；　a　faint　perception　of　wrong…

doing；　the　infinitesimally　small；　slow…multiplying　germs　of　shame。







3





I　made　my　breach　with　the　party　on　the　Budget。



In　many　ways　I　was　disposed　to　regard　the　1909　Budget　as　a　fine　

piece　of　statecraft。　　Its　production　was　certainly　a　very　unexpected　

display　of　vigour　on　the　Liberal　side。　　But；　on　the　whole；　this　

movement　towards　collectivist　organisation　on　the　part　of　the　

Liberals　rather　strengthened　than　weakened　my　resolve　to　cross　the　

floor　of　the　house。　　It　made　it　more　necessary；　I　thought；　to　leaven　

the　purely　obstructive　and　reactionary　elements　that　were　at　once　

manifest　in　the　opposition。　　I　assailed　the　land　taxation　proposals　

in　one　main　speech；　and　a　series　of　minor　speeches　in　committee。　　

The　line　of　attack　I　chose　was　that　the　land　was　a　great　public　

service　that　needed　to　be　controlled　on　broad　and　far…sighted　lines。　　

I　had　no　objection　to　its　nationalisation；　but　I　did　object　most　

strenuously　to　the　idea　of　leaving　it　in　private　hands；　and　

attempting　to　produce　beneficial　social　results　through　the　pressure　

of　taxation　upon　the　land…owning　class。　　That　might　break　it　up　in　

an　utterly　disastrous　way。　　The　drift　of　the　government　proposals　

was　all　in　the　direction　of　sweating　the　landowner　to　get　immediate　

values　from　his　property；　and　such　a　course　of　action　was　bound　to　

give　us　an　irritated　and　vindictive　land…owning　class；　the　class　

upon　which　we　had　hitherto　reliednot　unjustifiablyfor　certain　

broad；　patriotic　services　and　an　influence　upon　our　collective　

judgments　that　no　other　class　seemed　prepared　to　exercise。　　Abolish　

landlordism　if　you　will；　I　said；　buy　it　out；　but　do　not　drive　it　to　

a　defensive　fight；　and　leave　it　still　sufficiently　strong　and　

wealthy　to　become　a　malcontent　element　in　your　state。　　You　have