the new machiavelli-第5节

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inevitably　ensure　the　Supply。　　An　industry　of　〃Grant　earning〃　was　

created；　and　this　would　give　education　as　a　necessary　by…product。



In　the　end　this　belief　was　found　to　need　qualification；　but　Grant…

earning　was　still　in　full　activity　when　I　was　a　small　boy。　　So　far　

as　the　Science　and　Art　Department　and　my　father　are　concerned；　the　

task　of　examination　was　entrusted　to　eminent　scientific　men；　for　the　

most　part　quite　unaccustomed　to　teaching。　　You　see；　if　they　also　

were　teaching　similar　classes　to　those　they　examined；　it　was　feared　

that　injustice　might　be　done。　　Year　after　year　these　eminent　persons　

set　questions　and　employed　subordinates　to　read　and　mark　the　

increasing　thousands　of　answers　that　ensued；　and　having　no　doubt　the　

national　ideal　of　fairness　well　developed　in　their　minds；　they　were　

careful　each　year　to　re…read　the　preceding　papers　before　composing　

the　current　one；　in　order　to　see　what　it　was　usual　to　ask。　　As　a　

result　of　this；　in　the　course　of　a　few　years　the　recurrence　and　

permutation　of　questions　became　almost　calculable；　and　since　the　

practical　object　of　the　teaching　was　to　teach　people　not　science；　

but　how　to　write　answers　to　these　questions；　the　industry　of　Grant…

earning　assumed　a　form　easily　distinguished　from　any　kind　of　genuine　

education　whatever。



Other　remarkable　compromises　had　also　to　be　made　with　the　spirit　of　

the　age。　　The　unfortunate　conflict　between　Religion　and　Science　

prevalent　at　this　time　was　mitigated；　if　I　remember　rightly；　by　

making　graduates　in　arts　and　priests　in　the　established　church　

Science　Teachers　EX　OFFICIO；　and　leaving　local　and　private　

enterprise　to　provide　schools；　diagrams；　books；　material；　according　

to　the　conceptions　of　efficiency　prevalent　in　the　district。　　Private　

enterprise　made　a　particularly　good　thing　of　the　books。　　A　number　of　

competing　firms　of　publishers　sprang　into　existence　specialising　in　

Science　and　Art　Department　work；　they　set　themselves　to　produce　

text…books　that　should　supply　exactly　the　quantity　and　quality　of　

knowledge　necessary　for　every　stage　of　each　of　five　and　twenty　

subjects　into　which　desirable　science　was　divided；　and　copies　and　

models　and　instructions　that　should　give　precisely　the　method　and　

gestures　esteemed　as　proficiency　in　art。　　Every　section　of　each　book　

was　written　in　the　idiom　found　to　be　most　satisfactory　to　the　

examiners；　and　test　questions　extracted　from　papers　set　in　former　

years　were　appended　to　every　chapter。　　By　means　of　these　last　the　

teacher　was　able　to　train　his　class　to　the　very　highest　level　of　

grant…earning　efficiency；　and　very　naturally　he　cast　all　other　

methods　of　exposition　aside。　　First　he　posed　his　pupils　with　

questions　and　then　dictated　model　replies。



That　was　my　father's　method　of　instruction。　　I　attended　his　classes　

as　an　elementary　grant…earner　from　the　age　of　ten　until　his　death；　

and　it　is　so　I　remember　him；　sitting　on　the　edge　of　a　table；　

smothering　a　yawn　occasionally　and　giving　out　the　infallible　

formulae　to　the　industriously　scribbling　class　sitting　in　rows　of　

desks　before　him。　　Occasionally　be　would　slide　to　his　feet　and　go　to　

a　blackboard　on　an　easel　and　draw　on　that　very　slowly　and　

deliberately　in　coloured　chalks　a　diagram　for　the　class　to　copy　in　

coloured　pencils；　and　sometimes　he　would　display　a　specimen　or　

arrange　an　experiment　for　them　to　see。　　The　room　in　the　Institute　in　

which　he　taught　was　equipped　with　a　certain　amount　of　apparatus　

prescribed　as　necessary　for　subject　this　and　subject　that　by　the　

Science　and　Art　Department；　and　this　my　father　would　supplement　with　

maps　and　diagrams　and　drawings　of　his　own。



But　he　never　really　did　experiments；　except　that　in　the　class　in　

systematic　botany　he　sometimes　made　us　tease　common　flowers　to　

pieces。　　He　did　not　do　experiments　if　he　could　possibly　help　it；　

because　in　the　first　place　they　used　up　time　and　gas　for　the　Bunsen　

burner　and　good　material　in　a　ruinous　fashion；　and　in　the　second　

they　were；　in　his　rather　careless　and　sketchy　hands；　apt　to　endanger　

the　apparatus　of　the　Institute　and　even　the　lives　of　his　students。　　

Then　thirdly；　real　experiments　involved　washing　up。　　And　moreover　

they　always　turned　out　wrong；　and　sometimes　misled　the　too　observant　

learner　very　seriously　and　opened　demoralising　controversies。　　Quite　

early　in　life　I　acquired　an　almost　ineradicable　sense　of　the　

unscientific　perversity　of　Nature　and　the　impassable　gulf　that　is　

fixed　between　systematic　science　and　elusive　fact。　　I　knew；　for　

example；　that　in　science；　whether　it　be　subject　XII。；　Organic　

Chemistry；　or　subject　XVII。；　Animal　Physiology；　when　you　blow　into　a　

glass　of　lime　water　it　instantly　becomes　cloudy；　and　if　you　continue　

to　blow　it　clears　again；　whereas　in　truth　you　may　blow　into　the　

stuff　from　the　lime…water　bottle　until　you　are　crimson　in　the　face　

and　painful　under　the　ears；　and　it　never　becomes　cloudy　at　all。　　And　

I　knew；　too；　that　in　science　if　you　put　potassium　chlorate　into　a　

retort　and　heat　it　over　a　Bunsen　burner；　oxygen　is　disengaged　and　

may　be　collected　over　water；　whereas　in　real　life　if　you　do　anything　

of　the　sort　the　vessel　cracks　with　a　loud　report；　the　potassium　

chlorate　descends　sizzling　upon　the　flame；　the　experimenter　says　

〃Oh！　Damn！〃　with　astonishing　heartiness　and　distinctness；　and　a　lady　

student　in　the　back　seats　gets　up　and　leaves　the　room。



Science　is　the　organised　conquest　of　Nature；　and　I　can　quite　

understand　that　ancient　libertine　refusing　to　cooperate　in　her　own　

undoing。　　And　I　can　quite　understand；　too；　my　father's　preference　

for　what　he　called　an　illustrative　experiment；　which　was　simply　an　

arrangement　of　the　apparatus　in　front　of　the　class　with　nothing　

whatever　by　way　of　material；　and　the　Bunsen　burner　clean　and　cool；　

and　then　a　slow　luminous　description　of　just　what　you　did　put　in　it　

when　you　were　so　ill…advised　as　to　carry　the　affair　beyond　

illustration；　and　just　exactly　what　ought　anyhow　to　happen　when　you　

did。　　He　had　considerable　powers　of　vivid　expression；　so　that　in　

this　way　he　could　make　us　see　all　he　described。　　The　class；　freed　

from　any　unpleasant　nervous　tension；　could　draw　this　still　life　

without　flinching；　and　if　any　part　was　too　difficult　to　draw；　then　

my　father　would　produce　a　simplified　version　on　the　blackboard　to　be　

copied　instead。　　And　he　would　also　write　on　the　blackboard　any　

exceptionally　difficult　but　grant…earning　words；　such　as　

〃empyreumatic〃　or　〃botryoidal。〃



Some　words　in　constant　use　he　rarely　explained。　　I　remember　once　

sticking　up　my　hand　and　asking　him　in　the　full　flow　of　description；　

〃Please；　sir；　what　is　flocculent？〃



〃The　precipitate　is。〃



〃Yes；　sir；　but　what　does　it　mean？〃



〃Oh！　flocculent！　〃　said　my　father；　〃flocculent！　　Why〃　he　extended　

his　hand　and　arm　and　twiddled　his　fingers　for　a　second　in　the　air。　　

〃Like　that；〃　he　said。



I　thought　the　explanation　sufficient；　but　he　paused　for　a　moment　

after　giving　it。　　〃As　in　a　flock　bed；　you　know；〃　he　added　and　

resumed　his　discourse。





3



My　father；　I　am　afraid；　carried　a　natural　incompetence　in　practical　

affairs　to　an　exceptionally　high　level。　　He　combined　practical　

incompetence；　practical　enterprise　and　a　thoroughly　sanguine　

temperament；　in　a　manner　that　I　have　never　seen　paralleled　in　any　

human　being。　　He　was　always　trying　to　do　new　things　in　the　briskest　

manner；　under　the　suggestion　of　books　or　papers　or　his　own　

spontaneous　imagination；　and　as　he　had　never　been　trained　to　do　

anything　whatever　in　his　life　properly；　his　futilities　were　

extensive　and　thorough。　　At　one　time　he　nearly　gave　up　his　classes　

for　intensive　culture；　so　enamoured　was　he　of　its　possibilities；　the　

peculiar　pungency　of　the　manure　he　got；　in　pursuit　of　a　chemical　

theory　of　his　own；　has　scarred　my　olfactory　memories　for　a　lifetime。　　

The　intensive　culture　phase　is　very　clear　in　my　memory；　it　came　near　

the　end　of　his　career　and　when　I　was　between　eleven　and　twelve。　　I　

was　mobilised　to　gather　caterpillars　on　several　occasions；　and　

assisted　in　nocturnal　raids　upon　the　slugs　by　lantern…light　that　

wrecked　my　preparation　work　for　school　next　day。　　My　father　dug　up　

both　lawns；　and　trenched　and　manured　in　spasms　of　immense　vigour　

alternating　with　periods　of　paralysing　distaste　for　the　garden。　　And　

for　weeks　he　talked　about　eight　hundred　pounds　an　acre　at　every　

meal。



A　garden；　even　when　it　is　not　exasperated　by　intensive　methods；　is　a　

thing　as　exacting　as　a　baby；　its　moods　have　to　he　watched；　it　does　

not　wait　upon　the　cultivator's　convenience；　but　has　times　of　its　

own。　　Intensive　culture　greatly　increases　this　disposition　to　

trouble　mankind；　it　makes　a　garden　touchy　and　hysterical；　a　drugged　

and　demoralised　and　over…irritated　garden。　　My　father　got　at　cross　

purposes　with　our　two　patches　at　an　early　stage。　　Everything　grew　

wrong　from　the　first　to　last；　and　i