the new machiavelli-第49节

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Gallery；　the　Origin　of　the　Milky　Way。　　It　is　an　admirable　test　of　

tempera…mental　quality。　　In　spite　of　my　early　training　I　have　come　

to　regard　that　picture　as　altogether　delightful；　to　Margaret　it　has　

always　been　〃needlessly　offensive。〃　　In　that　you　have　our　

fundamental　breach。　　She　had　a　habit；　by　no　means　rare；　of　damning　

what　she　did　not　like　or　find　sympathetic　in　me　on　the　score　that　it　

was　not　my　〃true　self；〃　and　she　did　not　so　much　accept　the　universe　

as　select　from　it　and　do　her　best　to　ignore　the　rest。　　And　also　I　

had　far　more　initiative　than　had　she。　　This　is　no　catalogue　of　

rights　and　wrongs；　or　superiorities　and　inferiorities；　it　is　a　

catalogue　of　differences　between　two　people　linked　in　a　relationship　

that　constantly　becomes　more　intolerant　of　differences。



This　is　how　we　stood　to　each　other；　and　none　of　it　was　clear　to　

either　of　us　at　the　outset。　　To　begin　with；　I　found　myself　reserving　

myself　from　her；　then　slowly　apprehending　a　jarring　between　our　

minds　and　what　seemed　to　me　at　first　a　queer　little　habit　of　

misunderstanding　in　her。　。　。　。



It　did　not　hinder　my　being　very　fond　of　her。　。　。　。



Where　our　system　of　reservation　became　at　once　most　usual　and　most　

astounding　was　in　our　personal　relations。　　It　is　not　too　much　to　say　

that　in　that　regard　we　never　for　a　moment　achieved　sincerity　with　

one　another　during　the　first　six　years　of　our　life　together。　　It　

goes　even　deeper　than　that；　for　in　my　effort　to　realise　the　ideal　of　

my　marriage　I　ceased　even　to　attempt　to　be　sincere　with　myself。　　I　

would　not　admit　my　own　perceptions　and　interpretations。　　I　tried　to　

fit　myself　to　her　thinner　and　finer　determinations。　　There　are　

people　who　will　say　with　a　note　of　approval　that　I　was　learning　to　

conquer　myself。　　I　record　that　much　without　any　note　of　approval。　。　。　。



For　some　years　I　never　deceived　Margaret　about　any　concrete　fact　

nor；　except　for　the　silence　about　my　earlier　life　that　she　had　

almost　forced　upon　me；　did　I　hide　any　concrete　fact　that　seemed　to　

affect　her；　but　from　the　outset　I　was　guilty　of　immense　spiritual　

concealments；　my　very　marriage　was　based；　I　see　now；　on　a　spiritual　

subterfuge；　I　hid　moods　from　her；　pretended　feelings。　。　。　。







3





The　interest　and　excitement　of　setting…up　a　house；　of　walking　about　

it　from　room　to　room　and　from　floor　to　floor；　or　sitting　at　one's　

own　dinner　table　and　watching　one's　wife　control　conversation　with　a　

pretty；　timid　resolution；　of　taking　a　place　among　the　secure　and　

free　people　of　our　world；　passed　almost　insensibly　into　the　interest　

and　excitement　of　my　Parliamentary　candidature　for　the　Kinghamstead　

Division；　that　shapeless　chunk　of　agricultural　midland　between　the　

Great　Western　and　the　North　Western　railways。　　I　was　going　to　〃take　

hold〃　at　last；　the　Kinghamstead　Division　was　my　appointed　handle。　　I　

was　to　find　my　place　in　the　rather　indistinctly　sketched　

constructions　that　were　implicit　in　the　minds　of　all　our　circle。　　

The　precise　place　I　had　to　fill　and　the　precise　functions　I　had　to　

discharge　were　not　as　yet　very　clear；　but　all　that；　we　felt　sure；　

would　become　plain　as　things　developed。



A　few　brief　months　of　vague　activities　of　〃nursing〃　gave　place　to　

the　excitements　of　the　contest　that　followed　the　return　of　Mr。　

Camphell…Bannerman　to　power　in　1905。　　So　far　as　the　Kinghamstead　

Division　was　concerned　it　was　a　depressed　and　tepid　battle。　　I　went　

about　the　constituency　making　three　speeches　that　were　soon　

threadbare；　and　an　odd　little　collection　of　people　worked　for　me；　

two　solicitors；　a　cheap　photographer；　a　democratic　parson；　a　number　

of　dissenting　ministers；　the　Mayor　of　Kinghamstead；　a　Mrs。　Bulger；　

the　widow　of　an　old　Chartist　who　had　grown　rich　through　electric　

traction　patents；　Sir　Roderick　Newton；　a　Jew　who　had　bought　

Calersham　Castle；　and　old　Sir　Graham　Rivers；　that　sturdy　old　

soldier；　were　among　my　chief　supporters。　　We　had　headquarters　in　

each　town　and　village；　mostly　there　were　empty　shops　we　leased　

temporarily；　and　there　at　least　a　sort　of　fuss　and　a　coming　and　

going　were　maintained。　　The　rest　of　the　population　stared　in　a　state　

of　suspended　judgment　as　we　went　about　the　business。　　The　country　

was　supposed　to　be　in　a　state　of　intellectual　conflict　and　

deliberate　decision；　in　history　it　will　no　doubt　figure　as　a　

momentous　conflict。　　Yet　except　for　an　occasional　flare　of　bill…

sticking　or　a　bill　in　a　window　or　a　placard…plastered　motor…car　or　

an　argumentative　group　of　people　outside　a　public…house　or　a　

sluggish　movement　towards　the　schoolroom　or　village　hall；　there　was　

scarcely　a　sign　that　a　great　empire　was　revising　its　destinies。　　Now　

and　then　one　saw　a　canvasser　on　a　doorstep。　　For　the　most　part　

people　went　about　their　business　with　an　entirely　irresponsible　

confidence　in　the　stability　of　the　universe。　　At　times　one　felt　a　

little　absurd　with　one's　flutter　of　colours　and　one's　air　of　saving　

the　country。



My　opponent　was　a　quite　undistinguished　Major…General　who　relied　

upon　his　advocacy　of　Protection；　and　was　particularly　anxious　we　

should　avoid　〃personalities〃　and　fight　the　constituency　in　a　

gentlemanly　spirit。　　He　was　always　writing　me　notes；　apologising　for　

excesses　on　the　part　of　his　supporters；　or　pointing　out　the　

undesirability　of　some　course　taken　by　mine。



My　speeches　had　been　planned　upon　broad　lines；　but　they　lost　touch　

with　these　as　the　polling　approached。　　To　begin　with　I　made　a　real　

attempt　to　put　what　was　in　my　mind　before　the　people　I　was　to　supply　

with　a　political　voice。　　I　spoke　of　the　greatness　of　our　empire　and　

its　destinies；　of　the　splendid　projects　and　possibilities　of　life　

and　order　that　lay　before　the　world；　of　all　that　a　resolute　and　

constructive　effort　might　do　at　the　present　time。　　〃We　are　building　

a　state；〃　I　said；　〃secure　and　splendid；　we　are　in　the　dawn　of　the　

great　age　of　mankind。〃　　Sometimes　that　would　get　a　solitary　〃'Ear！　

'ear！〃　　Then　having　created；　as　I　imagined；　a　fine　atmosphere；　I　

turned　upon　the　history　of　the　last　Conservative　administration　and　

brought　it　into　contrast　with　the　wide　occasions　of　the　age；　

discussed　its　failure　to　control　the　grasping　financiers　in　South　

Africa；　its　failure　to　release　public　education　from　sectarian　

squabbles；　its　misconduct　of　the　Boer　War；　its　waste　of　the　world's　

resources。　。　。　。



It　soon　became　manifest　that　my　opening　and　my　general　spaciousness　

of　method　bored　my　audiences　a　good　deal。　　The　richer　and　wider　my　

phrases　the　thinner　sounded　my　voice　in　these　non…resonating　

gatherings。　　Even　the　platform　supporters　grew　restive　

unconsciously；　and　stirred　and　coughed。　　They　did　not　recognise　

themselves　as　mankind。　　Building　an　empire；　preparing　a　fresh　stage　

in　the　history　of　humanity；　had　no　appeal　for　them。　　They　were　

mostly　everyday；　toiling　people；　full　of　small　personal　solicitudes；　

and　they　came　to　my　meetings；　I　think；　very　largely　as　a　relaxation。　　

This　stuff　was　not　relaxing。　　They　did　not　think　politics　was　a　

great　constructive　process；　they　thought　it　was　a　kind　of　dog…fight。　　

They　wanted　fun；　they　wanted　spice；　they　wanted　hits；　they　wanted　

also　a　chance　to　say　〃'Ear'；　'ear！〃　in　an　intelligent　and　honourable　

manner　and　clap　their　hands　and　drum　with　their　feet。　　The　great　

constructive　process　in　history　gives　so　little　scope　for　clapping　

and　drumming　and　saying　〃'Ear；　'ear！〃　　One　might　as　well　think　of　

hounding　on　the　solar　system。



So　after　one　or　two　attempts　to　lift　my　audiences　to　the　level　of　

the　issues　involved；　I　began　to　adapt　myself　to　them。　　I　cut　down　my　

review　of　our　imperial　outlook　and　destinies　more　and　more；　and　

developed　a　series　of　hits　and　anecdotes　andwhat　shall　I　call　

them？〃crudifications〃　of　the　issue。　　My　helper's　congratulated　me　

on　the　rapid　improvement　of　my　platform　style。　　I　ceased　to　speak　of　

the　late　Prime　Minister　with　the　respect　I　bore　him；　and　began　to　

fall　in　with　the　popular　caricature　of　him　as　an　artful　rabbit…

witted　person　intent　only　on　keeping　his　leadership；　in　spite　of　the　

vigorous　attempts　of　Mr。　Joseph　Chamberlain　to　oust　him　therefrom。　　

I　ceased　to　qualify　my　statement　that　Protection　would　make　food　

dearer　for　the　agricultural　labourer。　　I　began　to　speak　of　Mr。　

Alfred　Lyttelton　as　an　influence　at　once　insane　and　diabolical；　as　a　

man　inspired　by　a　passionate　desire　to　substitute　manacled　but　still　

criminal　Chinese　for　honest　British　labourers　throughout　the　world。　　

And　when　it　came　to　the　mention　of　our　own　kindly　leader；　of　Mr。　

John　Burns　or　any　one　else　of　any　prominence　at　all　on　our　side　I　

fell　more　and　more　into　the　intonation　of　one　who　mentions　the　high　

gods。　　And　I　had　my　reward　in　brighter　meetings　and　readier　and　

readier　applause。



One　goes　on　from　phase　to　phase　in　these　things。



〃After　all；〃　I　told　myself；　〃if　one　wants　to　get　to　Westminster　one　

must　follow