the new machiavelli-第38节

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years　I　discussed　things　over　and　over　again　with　myself　and　others；　

filled　out　with　concrete　fact　forms　I　had　at　first　apprehended　

sketchily　and　conversationally；　measured　my　powers　against　my　ideals　

and　the　forces　in　the　world　about　me。　　It　was　evident　that　many　men　

no　better　than　myself　and　with　no　greater　advantages　than　mine　had　

raised　themselves　to　influential　and　even　decisive　positions　in　the　

worlds　of　politics　and　thought。　　I　was　gathering　the　confidence　and　

knowledge　necessary　to　attack　the　world　in　the　large　manner；　I　found　

I　could　write；　and　that　people　would　let　me　write　if　I　chose；　as　one　

having　authority　and　not　as　the　scribes。　　Socially　and　politically　

and　intellectually　I　knew　myself　for　an　honest　man；　and　that　quite　

without　any　deliberation　on　my　part　this　showed　and　made　things　easy　

for　me。　　People　trusted　my　good　faith　from　the　beginningfor　all　

that　I　came　from　nowhere　and　had　no　better　position　than　any　

adventurer。



But　the　growth　process　was　arrested；　I　was　nothing　bigger　at　twenty…

seven　than　at　twenty…two；　however　much　saner　and　stronger；　and　any　

one　looking　closely　into　my　mind　during　that　period　might　well　have　

imagined　growth　finished　altogether。　　It　is　particularly　evident　to　

me　now　that　I　came　no　nearer　to　any　understanding　of　women　during　

that　time。　　That　Locarno　affair　was　infinitely　more　to　me　than　I　had　

supposed。　　It　ended　somethingnipped　something　in　the　bud　perhaps

took　me　at　a　stride　from　a　vague；　fine；　ignorant；　closed　world　of　

emotion　to　intrigue　and　a　perfectly　definite　and　limited　sensuality。　　

It　ended　my　youth；　and　for　a　time　it　prevented　my　manhood。　　I　had　

never　yet　even　peeped　at　the　sweetest；　profoundest　thing　in　the　

world；　the　heart　and　meaning　of　a　girl；　or　dreamt　with　any　quality　

of　reality　of　a　wife　or　any　such　thing　as　a　friend　among　womanhood。　　

My　vague　anticipation　of　such　things　in　life　had　vanished　

altogether。　　I　turned　away　from　their　possibility。　　It　seemed　to　me　

I　knew　what　had　to　be　known　about　womankind。　　I　wanted　to　work　hard；　

to　get　on　to　a　position　in　which　I　could　develop　and　forward　my　

constructive　projects。　　Women；　I　thought；　had　nothing　to　do　with　

that。　　It　seemed　clear　I　could　not　marry　for　some　years；　I　was　

attractive　to　certain　types　of　women；　I　had　vanity　enough　to　give　me　

an　agreeable　confidence　in　love…making；　and　I　went　about　seeking　a　

convenient　mistress　quite　deliberately；　some　one　who　should　serve　my　

purpose　and　say　in　the　end；　like　that　kindly　first　mistress　of　mine；　

〃I've　done　you　no　harm；〃　and　so　release　me。　　It　seemed　the　only　wise　

way　of　disposing　of　urgencies　that　might　otherwise　entangle　and　

wreck　the　career　I　was　intent　upon。



I　don't　apologise　for；　or　defend　my　mental　and　moral　phases。　　So　it　

was　I　appraised　life　and　prepared　to　take　it；　and　so　it　is　a　

thousand　ambitious　men　see　it　to…day。　。　。　。



For　the　rest　these　five　years　were　a　period　of　definition。　　My　

political　conceptions　were　perfectly　plain　and　honest。　　I　had　one　

constant　desire　ruling　my　thoughts。　　I　meant　to　leave　England　and　

the　empire　better　ordered　than　I　found　it；　to　organise　and　

discipline；　to　build　up　a　constructive　and　controlling　State　out　of　

my　world's　confusions。　　We　had；　I　saw；　to　suffuse　education　with　

public　intention；　to　develop　a　new　better…living　generation　with　a　

collectivist　habit　of　thought；　to　link　now　chaotic　activities　in　

every　human　affair；　and　particularly　to　catch　that　escaped；　world…

making；　world…ruining；　dangerous　thing；　industrial　and　financial　

enterprise；　and　bring　it　back　to　the　service　of　the　general　good。　　I　

had　then　the　precise　image　that　still　serves　me　as　a　symbol　for　all　

I　wish　to　bring　about；　the　image　of　an　engineer　building　a　lock　in　a　

swelling　torrentwith　water　pressure　as　his　only　source　of　power。　　

My　thoughts　and　acts　were　habitually　turned　to　that　enterprise；　it　

gave　shape　and　direction　to　all　my　life。　　The　problem　that　most　

engaged　my　mind　during　those　years　was　the　practical　and　personal　

problem　of　just　where　to　apply　myself　to　serve　this　almost　innate　

purpose。　　How　was　I；　a　child　of　this　confusion；　struggling　upward　

through　the　confusion；　to　take　hold　of　things？　　　Somewhere　between　

politics　and　literature　my　grip　must　needs　be　found；　but　where？　　

Always　I　seem　to　have　been　looking　for　that　in　those　opening　years；　

and　disregarding　everything　else　to　discover　it。







2





The　Baileys；　under　whose　auspices　I　met　Margaret　again；　were　in　the　

sharpest　contrast　with　the　narrow　industrialism　of　the　Staffordshire　

world。　　They　were　indeed　at　the　other　extreme　of　the　scale；　two　

active　self…centred　people；　excessively　devoted　to　the　public　

service。　　It　was　natural　I　should　gravitate　to　them；　for　they　seemed　

to　stand　for　the　maturer；　more　disciplined；　better　informed　

expression　of　all　I　was　then　urgent　to　attempt　to　do。　　The　bulk　of　

their　friends　were　politicians　or　public　officials；　they　described　

themselves　as　publicistsa　vague　yet　sufficiently　significant　term。　　

They　lived　and　worked　in　a　hard　little　house　in　Chambers　Street；　

Westminster；　and　made　a　centre　for　quite　an　astonishing　amount　of　

political　and　social　activity。



Willersley　took　me　there　one　evening。　　The　place　was　almost　


pretentiously　matter…of…fact　and　unassuming。　　The　narrow　passage…

hall；　papered　with　some　ancient　yellowish　paper；　grained　to　imitate　

wood；　was　choked　with　hats　and　cloaks　and　an　occasional　feminine　

wrap。　　Motioned　rather　than　announced　by　a　tall　Scotch　servant　

woman；　the　only　domestic　I　ever　remember　seeing　there；　we　made　our　

way　up　a　narrow　staircase　past　the　open　door　of　a　small　study　packed　

with　blue…books；　to　discover　Altiora　Bailey　receiving　before　the　

fireplace　in　her　drawing…room。　　　She　was　a　tall　commanding　figure；　

splendid　but　a　little　untidy　in　black　silk　and　red　beads；　with　dark　

eyes　that　had　no　depths；　with　a　clear　hard　voice　that　had　an　almost　

visible　prominence；　aquiline　features　and　straight　black　hair　that　

was　apt　to　get　astray；　that　was　now　astray　like　the　head　feathers　of　

an　eagle　in　a　gale。　　She　stood　with　her　hands　behind　her　back；　and　

talked　in　a　high　tenor　of　a　projected　Town　Planning　Bill　with　Blupp；　

who　was　practically　in　those　days　the　secretary　of　the　local　

Government　Board。　　A　very　short　broad　man　with　thick　ears　and　fat　

white　hands　writhing　intertwined　behind　him；　stood　with　his　back　to　

us；　eager　to　bark　interruptions　into　Altiora's　discourse。　　A　slender　

girl　in　pale　blue；　manifestly　a　young　political　wife；　stood　with　one　

foot　on　the　fender　listening　with　an　expression　of　entirely　puzzled　

propitiation。　　A　tall　sandy…bearded　bishop　with　the　expression　of　a　

man　in　a　trance　completed　this　central　group。



The　room　was　one　of　those　long　apartments　once　divided　by　folding　

doors；　and　reaching　from　back　to　front；　that　are　common　upon　the　

first　floors　of　London　houses。　　Its　walls　were　hung　with　two　or　

three　indifferent　water　colours；　there　was　scarcely　any　furniture　

but　a　sofa　or　so　and　a　chair；　and　the　floor；　severely　carpeted　with　

matting；　was　crowded　with　a　curious　medley　of　people；　men　

predominating。　　Several　were　in　evening　dress；　but　most　had　the　

morning　garb　of　the　politician；　the　women　were　either　severely　

rational　or　radiantly　magnificent。　　Willersley　pointed　out　to　me　the　

wife　of　the　Secretary　of　State　for　War；　and　I　recognised　the　Duchess　

of　Clynes；　who　at　that　time　cultivated　intellectuality。　　I　looked　

round；　identifying　a　face　here　or　there；　and　stepping　back　trod　on　

some　one's　toe；　and　turned　to　find　it　belonged　to　the　Right　Hon。　G。　

B。　Mottisham；　dear　to　the　PUNCH　caricaturists。　　He　received　my　

apology　with　that　intentional　charm　that　is　one　of　his　most　

delightful　traits；　and　resumed　his　discussion。　　Beside　him　was　

Esmeer　of　Trinity；　whom　I　had　not　seen　since　my　Cambridge　days。　。　。　。



Willersley　found　an　ex…member　of　the　School　Board　for　whom　he　had　

affinities；　and　left　me　to　exchange　experiences　and　comments　upon　

the　company　with　Esmeer。　　Esmeer　was　still　a　don；　but　he　was　

nibbling；　he　said；　at　certain　negotiations　with　the　TIMES　that　might　

bring　him　down　to　London。　　He　wanted　to　come　to　London。　　〃We　peep　at　

things　from　Cambridge；〃　he　said。



〃This　sort　of　thing；〃　I　said；　〃makes　London　necessary。　　It's　the　

oddest　gathering。〃



〃Every　one　comes　here；〃　said　Esmeer。　　〃Mostly　we　hate　them　like　

poisonjealousyand　little　irritationsAltiora　can　be　a　horror　at　

timesbut　we　HAVE　to　come。〃



〃Things　are　being　done？〃



〃Oh！no　doubt　of　it。　　It's　one　of　the　parts　of　the　British　

machinerythat　doesn't　show。　。　。　。　　But　nobody　else　could　do　it。



〃Two　people；〃　said　Esmeer；　〃who've　planned　to　be　a　powerin　an　

original　way。　　And　by　Jove！　they've　done　it！〃



I　did　not　for　some　time　pick　out　Oscar　Bailey；　and　then　Esmeer　

showed　him　to　me　in　elaborately　confidential　talk　in　a　corner　with　a　

distinguished