the new machiavelli-第35节

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That　remained　the　state　of　our　relations　for　two　days。　　I　developed　

a　growing　irritation　with　and　resentment　against　cousin　Sybil；　

combined　with　an　intense　desire　to　get　that　kiss　for　which　I　

hungered　and　thirsted。　　Cousin　Sybil　went　about　in　the　happy　

persuasion　that　I　was　madly　in　love　with　her；　and　her　game；　so　far　

as　she　was　concerned；　was　played　and　won。　　It　wasn't　until　I　had　

fretted　for　two　days　that　I　realised　that　I　was　being　used　for　the　

commonest　form　of　excitement　possible　to　a　commonplace　girl；　that　

dozens　perhaps　of　young　men　had　played　the　part　of　Tantalus　at　

cousin　Sybil's　lips。　　I　walked　about　my　room　at　nights；　damning　her　

and　calling　her　by　terms　which　on　the　whole　she　rather　deserved；　

while　Sybil　went　to　sleep　pitying　〃poor　old　Dick！〃



〃Damn　it！〃　I　said；　〃I　WILL　be　equal　with　you。〃



But　I　never　did　equalise　the　disadvantage；　and　perhaps　it's　as　well；　

for　I　fancy　that　sort　of　revenge　cuts　both　people　too　much　for　a　

rational　man　to　seek　it。　。　。　。　　　



〃Why　are　men　so　silly？〃　said　cousin　Sybil　next　morning；　wriggling　

back　with　down…bent　head　to　release　herself　from　what　should　have　

been　a　compelling　embrace。



〃Confound　it！〃　I　said　with　a　flash　of　clear　vision。　　〃You　STARTED　

this　game。〃



〃Oh！〃



She　stood　back　against　a　hedge　of　roses；　a　little　flushed　and　

excited　and　interested；　and　ready　for　the　delightful　defensive　if　I　

should　renew　my　attack。



〃Beastly　hot　for　scuffling；〃　I　said；　white　with　anger。　　〃I　don't　

know　whether　I'm　so　keen　on　kissing　you；　Sybil；　after　all。　　I　just　

thought　you　wanted　me　to。〃



I　could　have　whipped　her；　and　my　voice　stung　more　than　my　words。



Our　eyes　met；　a　real　hatred　in　hers　leaping　up　to　meet　mine。



〃Let's　play　tennis；〃　I　said；　after　a　moment's　pause。



〃No；〃　she　answered　shortly；　〃I'm　going　indoors。〃



〃Very　well。〃



And　that　ended　the　affair　with　Sybil。



I　was　still　in　the　full　glare　of　this　disillusionment　when　Gertrude　

awoke　from　some　preoccupation　to　an　interest　in　my　existence。　　She　

developed　a　disposition　to　touch　my　hand　by　accident；　and　let　her　

fingers　rest　in　contact　with　it　for　a　moment；she　had　pleasant　soft　

hands；she　began　to　drift　into　summer　houses　with　me；　to　let　her　

arm　rest　trustfully　against　mine；　to　ask　questions　about　Cambridge。　　

They　were　much　the　same　questions　that　Sybil　had　asked。　　But　I　

controlled　myself　and　maintained　a　profile　of　intelligent　and　

entirely　civil　indifference　to　her　blandishments。



What　Gertrude　made　of　it　came　out　one　evening　in　some　talkI　forget　

about　whatwith　Sybil。



〃Oh；　Dick！〃　said　Gertrude　a　little　impatiently；　〃Dick's　Pi。〃



And　I　never　disillusioned　her　by　any　subsequent　levity　from　this　

theory　of　my　innate　and　virginal　piety。







6





It　was　against　this　harsh　and　crude　Staffordshire　background　that　I　

think　I　must　have　seen　Margaret　for　the　first　time。　　I　say　I　think　

because　it　is　quite　possible　that　we　had　passed　each　other　in　the　

streets　of　Cambridge；　no　doubt　with　that　affectation　of　mutual　

disregard　which　was　once　customary　between　undergraduates　and　

Newnham　girls。　　But　if　that　was　so　I　had　noted　nothing　of　the　

slender　graciousness　that　shone　out　so　pleasingly　against　the　

bleaker　midland　surroundings。



She　was　a　younger　schoolfellow　of　my　cousins'；　and　the　step…daughter　

of　Seddon；　a　prominent　solicitor　of　Burslem。　　She　was　not　only　not　

in　my　cousins'　generation　but　not　in　their　set；　she　was　one　of　a　

small　hardworking　group　who　kept　immaculate　note…books；　and　did　as　

much　as　is　humanly　possible　of　that　insensate　pile　of　written　work　

that　the　Girls'　Public　School　movement　has　inflicted　upon　school…

girls。　　She　really　learnt　French　and　German　admirably　and　

thoroughly；　she　got　as　far　in　mathematics　as　an　unflinching　industry　

can　carry　any　one　with　no　great　natural　aptitude；　and　she　went　up　to　

Bennett　Hall；　Newnham；　after　the　usual　conflict　with　her　family；　to　

work　for　the　History　Tripos。



There　in　her　third　year　she　made　herself　thoroughly　ill　through　

overwork；　so　ill　that　she　had　to　give　up　Newnham　altogether　and　go　

abroad　with　her　stepmother。　　She　made　herself　ill；　as　so　many　girls　

do　in　those　university　colleges；　through　the　badness　of　her　home　and　

school　training。　　She　thought　study　must　needs　be　a　hard　straining　

of　the　mind。　　She　worried　her　work；　she　gave　herself　no　leisure　to　

see　it　as　a　whole；　she　felt　herself　not　making　headway　and　she　cut　

her　games　and　exercise　in　order　to　increase　her　hours　of　toil；　and　

worked　into　the　night。　　She　carried　a　knack　of　laborious　

thoroughness　into　the　blind　alleys　and　inessentials　of　her　subject。　　

It　didn't　need　the　badness　of　the　food　for　which　Bennett　Hall　is　

celebrated　and　the　remarkable　dietary　of　nocturnal　cocoa；　cakes　and　

soft　biscuits　with　which　the　girls　have　supplemented　it；　to　ensure　

her　collapse。　　Her　mother　brought　her　home；　fretting　and　distressed；　

and　then　finding　her　hopelessly　unhappy　at　home；　took　her　and　her　

half…brother；　a　rather　ailing　youngster　of　ten　who　died　three　years　

later；　for　a　journey　to　Italy。



Italy　did　much　to　assuage　Margaret's　chagrin。　　I　think　all　three　of　

them　had　a　very　good　time　there。　　At　home　Mr。　Seddon；　her　step…

father；　played　the　part　of　a　well…meaning　blight　by　reason　of　the　

moods　that　arose　from　nervous　dyspepsia。　　They　went　to　Florence；　

equipped　with　various　introductions　and　much　sound　advice　from　

sympathetic　Cambridge　friends；　and　having　acquired　an　ease　in　Italy　

there；　went　on　to　Siena；　Orvieto；　and　at　last　Rome。　　They　returned；　

if　I　remember　rightly；　by　Pisa；　Genoa；　Milan　and　Paris。　　Six　months　

or　more　they　had　had　abroad；　and　now　Margaret　was　back　in　Burslem；　

in　health　again　and　consciously　a　very　civilised　person。



New　ideas　were　abroad；　it　was　Maytime　and　a　spring　of　abundant　

flowersdaffodils　were　particularly　good　that　yearand　Mrs。　Seddon　

celebrated　her　return　by　giving　an　afternoon　reception　at　short　

notice；　with　the　clear　intention　of　letting　every　one　out　into　the　

garden　if　the　weather　held。



The　Seddons　had　a　big　old　farmhouse　modified　to　modern　ideas　of　

comfort　on　the　road　out　towards　Misterton；　with　an　orchard　that　had　

been　rather　pleasantly　subdued　from　use　to　ornament。　　It　had　rich　

blossoming　cherry　and　apple　trees。　　Large　patches　of　grass　full　of　

nodding　yellow　trumpets　had　been　left　amidst　the　not　too　precisely　

mown　grass；　which　was　as　it　were　grass　path　with　an　occasional　lapse　

into　lawn　or　glade。　　And　Margaret；　hatless；　with　the　fair　hair　above　

her　thin；　delicately　pink　face　very　simply　done；　came　to　meet　our　

rather　too　consciously　dressed　party；we　had　come　in　the　motor　four　

strong；　with　my　aunt　in　grey　silk。　　Margaret　wore　a　soft　flowing　

flowered　blue　dress　of　diaphanous　material；　all　unconnected　with　the　

fashion　and　tied　with　pretty　ribbons；　like　a　slenderer；　unbountiful　

Primavera。



It　was　one　of　those　May　days　that　ape　the　light　and　heat　of　summer；　

and　I　remember　disconnectedly　quite　a　number　of　brightly　lit　figures　

and　groups　walking　about；　and　a　white　gate　between　orchard　and　

garden　and　a　large　lawn　with　an　oak　tree　and　a　red　Georgian　house　

with　a　verandah　and　open　French　windows；　through　which　the　tea　

drinking　had　come　out　upon　the　moss…edged　flagstones　even　as　Mrs。　

Seddon　had　planned。



The　party　was　almost　entirely　feminine　except　for　a　little　curate　

with　a　large　head；　a　good　voice　and　a　radiant　manner；　who　was　

obviously　attracted　by　Margaret；　and　two　or　three　young　husbands　

still　sufficiently　addicted　to　their　wives　to　accompany　them。　　One　

of　them　I　recall　as　a　quite　romantic　figure　with　abundant　blond　

curly　hair　on　which　was　poised　a　grey　felt　hat　encircled　by　a　

refined　black　band。　　He　wore；　moreover；　a　loose　rich　shot　silk　tie　

of　red　and　purple；　a　long　frock　coat；　grey　trousers　and　brown　shoes；　

and　presently　he　removed　his　hat　and　carried　it　in　one　hand。　　There　

were　two　tennis…playing　youths　besides　myself。　　There　was　also　one　

father　with　three　daughters　in　anxious　control；　a　father　of　the　old　

school　scarcely　half　broken　in；　reluctant；　rebellious　and　

consciously　and　conscientiously　〃reet　Staffordshire。〃　　The　daughters　

were　all　alert　to　suppress　the　possible　plungings；　the　undesirable　

humorous　impulses　of　this　almost　feral　guest。　　They　nipped　his　very　

gestures　in　the　bud。　　The　rest　of　the　people　were　mainly　mothers　

with　daughtersdaughters　of　all　ages；　and　a　scattering　of　aunts；　

and　there　was　a　tendency　to　clotting；　parties　kept　together　and　

regarded　parties　suspiciously。　　Mr。　Seddon　was　in　hiding；　I　think；　

all　the　time；　though　not　formally　absent。



Matters　centred　upon　the　tea　in　the　long　room　of　the　French　windows；　

where　four　trim　maids　went　to　and　fro　busily　between　the　house　and　

the　clumps　of　people　seated　or　standing　before　it；　and　tennis　and　

croquet　were　intermittently　visible　and　audible　beyond　a　bank　of