the new machiavelli-第34节

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table　had　been　new；　my　uncle　had　taken　to　asking　in　a　few　approved　

friends　for　an　occasional　game；　but　mostly　the　billiard…room　was　for　

glory　and　the　girls。　　Both　of　them　played　very　well。　　They　never；　so　

far　as　I　know；　dined　out；　and　when　at　last　after　bitter　domestic　

conflicts　they　began　to　go　to　dances；　they　went　with　the　quavering　

connivance　of　my　aunt；　and　changed　into　ball　frocks　at　friends'　

houses　on　the　way。　　There　was　a　tennis　club　that　formed　a　convenient　

afternoon　rendezvous；　and　I　recall　that　in　the　period　of　my　earlier　

visits　the　young　bloods　of　the　district　found　much　satisfaction　in　

taking　girls　for　drives　in　dog…carts　and　suchlike　high…wheeled　

vehicles；　a　disposition　that　died　in　tangled　tandems　at　the　

apparition　of　motor…car's。



My　aunt　and　uncle　had　conceived　no　plans　in　life　for　their　daughters　

at　all。　　In　the　undifferentiated　industrial　community　from　which　

they　had　sprung；　girls　got　married　somehow；　and　it　did　not　occur　to　

them　that　the　concentration　of　property　that　had　made　them　wealthy；　

had　cut　their　children　off　from　the　general　social　sea　in　which　

their　own　awkward　meeting　had　occurred；　without　necessarily　opening　

any　other　world　in　exchange。　　My　uncle　was　too　much　occupied　with　

the　works　and　his　business　affairs　and　his　private　vices　to　

philosophise　about　his　girls；　he　wanted　them　just　to　keep　girls；　

preferably　about　sixteen；　and　to　be　a　sort　of　animated　flowers　and　

make　home　bright　and　be　given　things。　　He　was　irritated　that　they　

would　not　remain　at　this；　and　still　more　irritated　that　they　failed　

to　suppress　altogether　their　natural　interest　in　young　men。　　The　

tandems　would　be　steered　by　weird　and　devious　routes　to　evade　the　

bare　chance　of　his　bloodshot　eye。　　My　aunt　seemed　to　have　no　ideas　

whatever　about　what　was　likely　to　happen　to　her　children。　　She　had　

indeed　no　ideas　about　anything；　she　took　her　husband　and　the　days　as　

they　came。



I　can　see　now　the　pathetic　difficulty　of　my　cousins'　position　in　

life；　the　absence　of　any　guidance　or　instruction　or　provision　for　

their　development。　　They　supplemented　the　silences　of　home　by　the　

conversation　of　schoolfellows　and　the　suggestions　of　popular　

fiction。　　They　had　to　make　what　they　could　out　of　life　with　such　

hints　as　these。　　The　church　was　far　too　modest　to　offer　them　any　

advice。　　It　was　obtruded　upon　my　mind　upon　my　first　visit　that　they　

were　both　carrying　on　correspondences　and　having　little　furtive　

passings　and　seeings　and　meetings　with　the　mysterious　owners　of　

certain　initials；　S。　and　L。　K。；　and；　if　I　remember　rightly；　〃the　R。　

N。〃　brothers　and　cousins；　I　suppose；　of　their　friends。　　The　same　

thing　was　going　on；　with　a　certain　intensification；　at　my　next　

visit；　excepting　only　that　the　initials　were　different。　　But　when　I　

came　again　their　methods　were　maturer　or　I　was　no　longer　a　

negligible　quantity；　and　the　notes　and　the　initials　were　no　longer　

flaunted　quite　so　openly　in　my　face。



My　cousins　had　worked　it　out　from　the　indications　of　their　universe　

that　the　end　of　life　is　to　have　a　〃good　time。〃　　They　used　the　

phrase。　　That　and　the　drives　in　dog…carts　were　only　the　first　of　

endless　points　of　resemblance　between　them　and　the　commoner　sort　of　

American　girl。　　When　some　years　ago　I　paid　my　first　and　only　visit　

to　America　I　seemed　to　recover　my　cousins'　atmosphere　as　soon　as　I　

entered　the　train　at　Euston。　　There　were　three　girls　in　my　

compartment　supplied　with　huge　decorated　cases　of　sweets；　and　being　

seen　off　by　a　company　of　friends；　noisily　arch　and　eager　about　the　

〃steamer　letters〃　they　would　get　at　Liverpool；　they　were　the　very　

soul…sisters　of　my　cousins。　　The　chief　elements　of　a　good　time；　as　

my　cousins　judged　it；　as　these　countless　thousands　of　rich　young　

women　judge　it；　are　a　petty　eventfulness；　laughter；　and　to　feel　that　

you　are　looking　well　and　attracting　attention。　　Shopping　is　one　of　

its　leading　joys。　　You　buy　things；　clothes　and　trinkets　for　yourself　

and　presents　for　your　friends。　　Presents　always　seemed　to　be　flying　

about　in　that　circle；　flowers　and　boxes　of　sweets　were　common　

currency。　　My　cousins　were　always　getting　and　giving；　my　uncle　

caressed　them　with　parcels　and　cheques。　　They　kissed　him　and　he　

exuded　sovereigns　as　a　stroked　APHIS　exudes　honey。　　It　was　like　the　

new　language　of　the　Academy　of　Lagado　to　me；　and　I　never　learnt　how　

to　express　myself　in　it；　for　nature　and　training　make　me　feel　

encumbered　to　receive　presents　and　embarrassed　in　giving　them。　　But　

then；　like　my　father；　I　hate　and　distrust　possessions。



Of　the　quality　of　their　private　imagination　I　never　learnt　anything；　

I　suppose　it　followed　the　lines　of　the　fiction　they　read　and　was　

romantic　and　sentimental。　　So　far　as　marriage　went；　the　married　

state　seemed　at　once　very　attractive　and　dreadfully　serious　to　them；　

composed　in　equal　measure　of　becoming　important　and　becoming　old。　　I　

don't　know　what　they　thought　about　children。　　I　doubt　if　they　

thought　about　them　at　all。　　It　was　very　secret　if　they　did。



As　for　the　poor　and　dingy　people　all　about　them；　my　cousins　were　

always　ready　to　take　part　in　a　Charitable　Bazaar。　　They　were　unaware　

of　any　economic　correlation　of　their　own　prosperity　and　that　

circumambient　poverty；　and　they　knew　of　Trade　Unions　simply　as　

disagreeable　external　things　that　upset　my　uncle's　temper。　　They　

knew　of　nothing　wrong　in　social　life　at　all　except　that　there　were　

〃Agitators。〃　　It　surprised　them　a　little；　I　think；　that　Agitators　

were　not　more　drastically　put　down。　　But　they　had　a　sort　of　

instinctive　dread　of　social　discussion　as　of　something　that　might　

breach　the　happiness　of　their　ignorance。　。　。　。







5





My　cousins　did　more　than　illustrate　Marx　for　me；　they　also　undertook　

a　stage　of　my　emotional　education。　　Their　method　in　that　as　in　

everything　else　was　extremely　simple；　but　it　took　my　inexperience　by　

surprise。



It　must　have　been　on　my　third　visit　that　Sybil　took　me　in　hand。　　

Hitherto　I　seemed　to　have　seen　her　only　in　profile；　but　now　she　

became　almost　completely　full　face；　manifestly　regarded　me　with　

those　violet　eyes　of　hers。　　She　passed　me　things　I　needed　at　

breakfastit　was　the　first　morning　of　my　visitbefore　I　asked　for　

them。



When　young　men　are　looked　at　by　pretty　cousins；　they　become　

intensely　aware　of　those　cousins。　　　It　seemed　to　me　that　I　had　

always　admired　Sybil's　eyes　very　greatly；　and　that　there　was　

something　in　her　temperament　congenial　to　mine。　　It　was　odd　I　had　

not　noted　it　on　my　previous　visits。



We　walked　round　the　garden　somewhen　that　morning；　and　talked　about　

Cambridge。　　She　asked　quite　a　lot　of　questions　about　my　work　and　my　

ambitions。　　She　said　she　had　always　felt　sure　I　was　clever。



The　conversation　languished　a　little；　and　we　picked　some　flowers　for　

the　house。　　Then　she　asked　if　I　could　run。　　I　conceded　her　various　

starts　and　we　raced　up　and　down　the　middle　garden　path。　　　Then；　a　

little　breathless；　we　went　into　the　new　twenty…five　guinea　summer…

house　at　the　end　of　the　herbaceous　border。



We　sat　side　by　side；　pleasantly　hidden　from　the　house；　and　she　

became　anxious　about　her　hair；　which　was　slightly　and　prettily　

disarranged；　and　asked　me　to　help　her　with　the　adjustment　of　a　

hairpin。　　I　had　never　in　my　life　been　so　near　the　soft　curly　hair　

and　the　dainty　eyebrow　and　eyelid　and　warm　soft　cheek　of　a　girl；　and　

I　was　stirred



It　stirs　me　now　to　recall　it。



I　became　a　battleground　of　impulses　and　inhibitions。



〃Thank　you；〃　said　my　cousin；　and　moved　a　little　away　from　me。



She　began　to　talk　about　friendship；　and　lost　her　thread　and　forgot　

the　little　electric　stress　between　us　in　a　rather　meandering　

analysis　of　her　principal　girl　friends。



But　afterwards　she　resumed　her　purpose。



I　went　to　bed　that　night　with　one　propostion　overshadowing　

everything　else　in　my　mind；　namely；　that　kissing　my　cousin　Sybil　was　

a　difficult；　but　not　impossible；　achievement。　　I　do　not　recall　any　

shadow　of　a　doubt　whether　on　the　whole　it　was　worth　doing。　　The　

thing　had　come　into　my　existence；　disturbing　and　interrupting　its　

flow　exactly　as　a　fever　does。　　Sybil　had　infected　me　with　herself。



The　next　day　matters　came　to　a　crisis　in　the　little　upstairs　

sitting…room　which　had　been　assigned　me　as　a　study　during　my　visit。　　

I　was　working　up　there；　or　rather　trying　to　work　in　spite　of　the　

outrageous　capering　of　some　very　primitive　elements　in　my　brain；　

when　she　came　up　to　me；　under　a　transparent　pretext　of　looking　for　a　

book。



I　turned　round　and　then　got　up　at　the　sight　of　her。　　I　quite　forget　

what　our　conversation　was　about；　but　I　know　she　led　me　to　believe　I　

might　kiss　her。　　Then　when　I　attempted　to　do　so　she　averted　her　

face。



〃How　COULD　you？〃　she　said；　〃I　didn't　mean　that！〃



That　remained　the　state　of　our　relations　for　two　days。　　I　developed　

a　growing　irritation　with　and　rese