the efficiency expert-第1节

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The　Efficiency　Expert

by　Edgar　Rice　Burroughs







CHAPTER　I。

JIMMY　TORRANCE；　JR。

The　gymnasium　was　packed　as　Jimmy　Torrance　stepped　into　the　ring　for　the　final　event　of　the　evening　that　was　to　decide　the　boxing　championship　of　the　university。　Drawing　to　a　close　were　the　nearly　four　years　of　his　college　careerprofitable　years；　Jimmy　considered　them；　and　certainly　successful　up　to　this　point。　In　the　beginning　of　his　senior　year　he　had　captained　the　varsity　eleven；　and　in　the　coming　spring　he　would　again　sally　forth　upon　the　diamond　as　the　star　initial　sacker　of　collegedom。

His　football　triumphs　were　in　the　past；　his　continued　baseball　successes　a　foregone　conclusionif　he　won　to…night　his　cup　of　happiness；　and　an　unassailably　dominant　position　among　his　fellows；　would　be　assured；　leaving　nothing　more；　in　so　far　as　Jimmy　reasoned；　to　be　desired　from　four　years　attendance　at　one　of　America's　oldest　and　most　famous　universities。

The　youth　who　would　dispute　the　right　to　championship　honors　with　Jimmy　was　a　dark　horse　to　the　extent　that　he　was　a　freshman；　and；　therefore；　practically　unknown。　He　had　worked　hard；　however；　and　given　a　good　account　of　himself　in　his　preparations　for　the　battle；　and　there　were　rumors；　as　there　always　are　about　every　campus；　of　marvelous　exploits　prior　to　his　college　days。　It　was　even　darkly　hinted　that　he　was　a　professional　pugilist。　As　a　matter　of　fact；　he　was　the　best　exponent　of　the　manly　art　of　self…defense　that　Jimmy　Torrance　had　ever　faced；　and　in　addition　thereto　he　outweighed　the　senior　and　outreached　him。

The　boxing　contest；　as　the　faculty　members　of　the　athletic　committee　preferred　to　call　it；　was；　from　the　tap　of　the　gong；　as　pretty　a　two…fisted　scrap　as　ever　any　aggregation　of　low…browed　fight　fans　witnessed。　The　details　of　this　gory　contest；　while　interesting；　have　no　particular　bearing　upon　the　development　of　this　tale。　What　interests　us　is　the　outcome；　which　occurred　in　the　middle　of　a　very　bloody　fourth　round；　in　which　Jimmy　Torrance　scored　a　clean　knock…out。

It　was　a　battered　but　happy　Jimmy　who　sat　in　his　room　the　following　Monday　afternoon；　striving　to　concentrate　his　mind　upon　a　college　text…book　which　should；　by　all　the　laws　of　fiction；　have　been　'well　thumbed；'　but　in　reality；　possessed　unruffled　freshness　which　belied　its　real　age。

〃I　wish；〃　mused　Jimmy；　〃that　I　could　have　got　to　the　bird　who　invented　mathematics　before　he　inflicted　all　this　unnecessary　anguish　upon　an　already　unhappy　world。　In　about　three　rounds　I　could　have　saved　thousands　from　the　sorrow　which　I　feel　every　time　I　open　this　blooming　book。〃

He　was　still　deeply　engrossed　in　the　futile　attempt　of　accomplishing　in　an　hour　that　for　which　the　college　curriculum　set　aside　several　months　when　there　came　sounds　of　approaching　footsteps　rapidly　ascending　the　stairway。　His　door　was　unceremoniously　thrown　open；　and　there　appeared　one　of　those　strange　apparitions　which　is　the　envy　and　despair　of　the　small…town　youtha　naturally　good…looking　young　fellow；　the　sartorial　arts　of　whose　tailor　had　elevated　his　waist…line　to　his　arm…pits；　dragged　down　his　shoulders；　and　caved　in　his　front　until　he　had　the　appearance　of　being　badly　dished　from　chin　to　knees。　His　trousers　appeared　to　have　been　made　for　a　man　with　legs　six　inches　longer　than　his；　while　his　hat　was　evidently　several　sizes　too　large；　since　it　would　have　entirely　extinguished　his　face　had　it　not　been　supported　by　his　ears。

〃Hello；　Kid！〃　cried　Jimmy。　　〃What's　new？〃

〃Whiskers　wants　you；〃　replied　the　other。　　〃Faculty　meeting。　They　just　got　through　with　me。〃

〃Hell！〃　muttered　Jimmy　feelingly。　　〃I　don't　know　what　Whiskers　wants　with　me；　but　he　never　wants　to　see　anybody　about　anything　pleasant。〃

〃I　am　here；〃　agreed　the　other；　〃to　announce　to　the　universe　that　you　are　right；　Jimmy。　He　didn't　have　anything　pleasant　to　say　to　me。　In　fact；　he　insinuated　that　dear　old　alma　mater　might　be　able　to　wiggle　along　without　me　if　I　didn't　abjure　my　criminal　life。　Made　some　nasty　comparison　between　my　academic　achievements　and　foxtrotting。　I　wonder；　Jimmy；　how　they　get　that　way？〃

〃That's　why　they　are　profs。〃　explained　Jimmy。　　〃There　are　two　kinds　of　people　in　this　worldhuman　beings　and　profs。　When　does　he　want　me？〃

〃Now。〃

Jimmy　arose　and　put　on　his　hat　and　coat。　　〃Good…by；　Kid；〃　he　said。　　〃Pray　for　me；　and　leave　me　one　cigarette　to　smoke　when　I　get　back。〃　and；　grinning；　he　left　the　room。

James　Torrance；　Jr。；　was　not　greatly　abashed　as　he　faced　the　dour　tribunal　of　the　faculty。　The　younger　members；　among　whom　were　several　he　knew　to　be　mighty　good　fellows　at　heart；　sat　at　the　lower　end　of　the　long　table；　and　with　owlish　gravity　attempted　to　emulate　the　appearance　and　manners　of　their　seniors。　At　the　head　of　the　table　sat　Whiskers；　as　the　dignified　and　venerable　president　of　the　university　was　popularly　named。　It　was　generally　believed　and　solemnly　sworn　to　throughout　the　large　corps　of　undergraduates　that　within　the　knowledge　of　any　living　man　Whiskers　had　never　been　known　to　smile；　and　to…day　he　was　running　true　to　form。

〃Mr。　Torrance；〃　he　said；　sighing；　〃it　has　been　my　painful　duty　on　more　than　one　occasion　to　call　your　attention　to　the　uniformly　low　average　of　your　academic　standing。　At　the　earnest　solicitation　of　the　faculty　members　of　the　athletic　committee；　I　have　been　influenced；　against　my　better　judgment；　to　temporize　with　an　utterly　insufferable　condition。

〃You　are　rapidly　approaching　the　close　of　your　senior　year；　and　in　the　light　of　the　records　which　I　have　before　me　I　am　constrained　to　believe　that　it　will　he　utterly　impossible　for　you　to　graduate；　unless　from　now　to　the　end　of　the　semester　you　devote　yourself　exclusively　to　your　academic　work。　If　you　cannot　assure　me　that　you　will　do　this；　I　believe　it　would　be　to　the　best　interests　of　the　university　for　you　to　resign　now；　rather　than　to　fail　of　graduation。　And　in　this　decision　I　am　fully　seconded　by　the　faculty　members　of　the　athletic　committee；　who　realize　the　harmful　effect　upon　university　athletics　in　the　future　were　so　prominent　an　athlete　as　you　to　fail　at　graduation。〃

If　they　had　sentenced　Jimmy　to　be　shot　at　sunrise　the　blow　could　scarcely　have　been　more　stunning　than　that　which　followed　the　realization　that　he　was　not　to　be　permitted　to　round　out　his　fourth　successful　season　at　first　base。　But　if　Jimmy　was　momentarily　stunned　he　gave　no　outward　indication　of　the　fact；　and　in　the　brief　interval　of　silence　following　the　president's　ultimatum　his　alert　mind　functioned　with　the　rapidity　which　it　had　often　shown　upon　the　gridiron；　the　diamond；　and　the　squared　circle。

Just　for　a　moment　the　thought　of　being　deprived　of　the　pleasure　and　excitement　of　the　coming　baseball　season　filled　his　mind　to　the　exclusion　of　every　other　consideration；　but　presently　a　less　selfish　impulse　projected　upon　the　screen　of　recollection　the　figure　of　the　father　he　idolized。　The　boy　realized　the　disappointment　that　this　man　would　feel　should　his　four　years　of　college　end　thus　disastrously　and　without　the　coveted　diploma。

And　then　it　was　that　he　raised　his　eyes　to　those　of　the　president。

〃I　hope；　sir；〃　he　said；　〃that　you　will　give　me　one　more　chancethat　you　will　let　me　go　on　as　I　have　in　the　past　as　far　as　baseball　is　concerned；　with　the　understanding　that　if　at　the　end　of　each　month　between　now　and　commencement　I　do　not　show　satisfactory　improvement　I　shall　not　be　permitted　to　play　on　the　team。　But　please　don't　make　that　restriction　binding　yet。　If　I　lay　off　the　track　work　I　believe　I　can　make　up　enough　so　that　baseball　will　not　interfere　with　my　graduation。〃

And　so　Whiskers；　who　was　much　more　human　than　the　student　body　gave　him　credit　for　being；　and　was；　in　the　bargain；　a　good　judge　of　boys；　gave　Jimmy　another　chance　on　his　own　terms；　and　the　university's　heavyweight　champion　returned　to　his　room　filled　with　determination　to　make　good　at　the　eleventh　hour。

Possibly　one　of　the　greatest　obstacles　which　lay　in　Jimmy's　path　toward　academic　honors　was　the　fact　that　he　possessed　those　qualities　of　character　which　attracted　others　to　him；　with　the　result　that　there　was　seldom　an　hour　during　the　day　that　he　had　his　room　to　himself。　On　his　return　from　the　faculty　meeting　he　found　a　half…dozen　of　his　classmates　there；　awaiting　his　return。

〃Well？〃　they　inquired　as　he　entered。

〃It's　worse　than　that；〃　said　Jimmy；　as　he　unfolded　the　harrowing　details　of　what　had　transpired　at　his　meeting　with　the　faculty。　〃And　now；〃　he　said；　〃if　you　birds　love　me；　keep　out　of　here　from　now　until　commencement。　There　isn't　a　guy　on　earth　can　concentrate　on　anything　with　a　roomful　of　you　mental　ciphers　sitting　around　and　yapping　about　girls　and　other　non…essential　creations。〃

〃Non…essential！〃　gasped　one　of　his　visitors；　letting　his　eyes　wander　over　the　walls　of　Jimmy's　study；　whereon　were　nailed；　pinned　or　hung　countless　framed　and　unframed　pictures　of　non…essential　creations。

〃All　right；　Jimmy；〃　said　another。　　〃We　are　with　you；　horse；　foot　and　artillery。　When　you　want　us；　give　us　the　high…sign　and　we　will　come。　Otherwise　we　will　leave　you　to　your　beloved　books。　It　is　too　bad；　though；　as　the　bar…boy　was　just　explaining　how　the　great　drought　might　be　circumvented　by　means　of　carrots；　potato