the gentle grafter-第26节

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in　the　ready…made　rutabaga　regalia。　Me　and　old　Misfitzky　stuffed　him
into　a　bright　blue　suit　with　a　Nile　green　visible　plaid　effect；　and
riveted　on　a　fancy　vest　of　a　light　Tuskegee　Normal　tan　color；　a　red
necktie；　and　the　yellowest　pair　of　shoes　in　town。

〃They　were　the　first　clothes　Rufe　had　ever　worn　except　the　gingham
layette　and　the　butternut　top…dressing　of　his　native　kraal；　and　he
looked　as　self…conscious　as　an　Igorrote　with　a　new　nose…ring。

〃That　night　I　went　down　to　the　circus　tents　and　opened　a　small　shell
game。　Rufe　was　to　be　the　capper。　I　gave　him　a　roll　of　phony　currency
to　bet　with　and　kept　a　bunch　of　it　in　a　special　pocket　to　pay　his
winnings　out　of。　No；　I　didn't　mistrust　him；　but　I　simply　can't
manipulate　the　ball　to　lose　when　I　see　real　money　bet。　My　fingers　go
on　a　strike　every　time　I　try　it。

〃I　set　up　my　little　table　and　began　to　show　them　how　easy　it　was　to
guess　which　shell　the　little　pea　was　under。　The　unlettered　hinds
gathered　in　a　thick　semicircle　and　began　to　nudge　elbows　and　banter
one　another　to　bed。　Then　was　when　Rufe　ought　to　have　single…footed　up
and　called　the　turn　on　the　little　joker　for　a　few　tens　and　fives　to
get　them　started。　But；　no　Rufe。　I'd　seen　him　two　or　three　times
walking　about　and　looking　at　the　side…show　pictures　with　his　mouth
full　of　peanut　candy；　but　he　never　came　nigh。

〃The　crowd　piked　a　little；　but　trying　to　work　the　shells　without　a
capper　is　like　fishing　without　a　bait。　I　closed　the　game　with　only
forty…two　dollars　of　the　unearned　increment；　while　I　had　been　counting
on　yanking　the　yeomen　for　two　hundred　at　least。　I　went　home　at　eleven
and　went　to　bed。　I　supposed　that　the　circus　had　proved　too　alluring
for　Rufe；　and　that　he　had　succumbed　to　it；　concert　and　all；　but　I
meant　to　give　him　a　lecture　on　general　business　principles　in　the
morning。

〃Just　after　Morpheus　had　got　both　my　shoulders　to　the　shuck　mattress　I
hears　a　houseful　of　unbecoming　and　ribald　noises　like　a　youngster
screeching　with　green…apple　colic。　I　opens　my　door　and　calls　out　in
the　hall　for　the　widow　lady；　and　when　she　sticks　her　head　out；　I　says：
'Mrs。　Peevy；　ma'am；　would　you　mind　choking　off　that　kid　of　yours　so
that　honest　people　can　get　their　rest？'

〃'Sir；'　says　she；　'it's　no　child　of　mine。　It's　the　pig　squealing　that
your　friend　Mr。　Tatum　brought　home　to　his　room　a　couple　of　hours　ago。
And　if　you　are　uncle　or　second　cousin　or　brother　to　it；　I'd　appreciate
your　stopping　its　mouth；　sir；　yourself；　if　you　please。'

〃I　put　on　some　of　the　polite　outside　habiliments　of　external　society
and　went　into　Rufe's　room。　He　had　gotten　up　and　lit　his　lamp；　and　was
pouring　some　milk　into　a　tin　pan　on　the　floor　for　a　dingy…white；　half…
grown；　squealing　pig。

〃'How　is　this；　Rufe？'　says　I。　'You　flimflammed　in　your　part　of　the
work　to…night　and　put　the　game　on　crutches。　And　how　do　you　explain　the
pig？　It　looks　like　back…sliding　to　me。'

〃'Now；　don't　be　too　hard　on　me；　Jeff；'　says　he。　'You　know　how　long
I've　been　used　to　stealing　shoats。　It's　got　to　be　a　habit　with　me。　And
to…night；　when　I　see　such　a　fine　chance；　I　couldn't　help　takin'　it。'

〃'Well；'　says　I；　'maybe　you've　really　got　kleptopigia。　And　maybe　when
we　get　out　of　the　pig　belt　you'll　turn　your　mind　to　higher　and　more
remunerative　misconduct。　Why　you　should　want　to　stain　your　soul　with
such　a　distasteful；　feeble…minded；　perverted；　roaring　beast　as　that　I
can't　understand。'

〃'Why；　Jeff；'　says　he；　'you　ain't　in　sympathy　with　shoats。　You　don't
understand　'em　like　I　do。　This　here　seems　to　me　to　be　an　animal　of
more　than　common　powers　of　ration　and　intelligence。　He　walked　half
across　the　room　on　his　hind　legs　a　while　ago。'

〃'Well；　I'm　going　back　to　bed；'　says　I。　'See　if　you　can　impress　it
upon　your　friend's　ideas　of　intelligence　that　he's　not　to　make　so　much
noise。'

〃'He　was　hungry；'　says　Rufe。　'He'll　go　to　sleep　and　keep　quiet　now。'

〃I　always　get　up　before　breakfast　and　read　the　morning　paper　whenever
I　happen　to　be　within　the　radius　of　a　Hoe　cylinder　or　a　Washington
hand…press。　The　next　morning　I　got　up　early；　and　found　a　Lexington
daily　on　the　front　porch　where　the　carrier　had　thrown　it。　The　first
thing　I　saw　in　it　was　a　double…column　ad。　on　the　front　page　that　read
like　this：

FIVE　THOUSAND　DOLLARS　REWARD

　　The　above　amount　will　be　paid；　and　no　questions　asked；　for　the
　　return；　alive　and　uninjured；　of　Beppo；　the　famous　European
　　educated　pig；　that　strayed　or　was　stolen　from　the　side…show　tents
　　of　Binkley　Bros。'　circus　last　night。

Geo。　B。　Tapley；　Business　Manager。
At　the　circus　grounds。


〃I　folded　up　the　paper　flat；　put　it　into　my　inside　pocket；　and　went　to
Rufe's　room。　He　was　nearly　dressed；　and　was　feeding　the　pig　the　rest
of　the　milk　and　some　apple…peelings。

〃'Well；　well；　well；　good　morning　all；'　I　says；　hearty　and　amiable。　'So
we　are　up？　And　piggy　is　having　his　breakfast。　What　had　you　intended
doing　with　that　pig；　Rufe？'

〃'I'm　going　to　crate　him　up；'　says　Rufe；　'and　express　him　to　ma　in
Mount　Nebo。　He'll　be　company　for　her　while　I　am　away。'

〃'He's　a　mighty　fine　pig；'　says　I；　scratching　him　on　the　back。

〃'You　called　him　a　lot　of　names　last　night；'　says　Rufe。

〃'Oh；　well；'　says　I；　'he　looks　better　to　me　this　morning。　I　was　raised
on　a　farm；　and　I'm　very　fond　of　pigs。　I　used　to　go　to　bed　at　sundown；
so　I　never　saw　one　by　lamplight　before。　Tell　you　what　I'll　do；　Rufe；'
I　says。　'I'll　give　you　ten　dollars　for　that　pig。'

〃'I　reckon　I　wouldn't　sell　this　shoat；'　says　he。　'If　it　was　any　other
one　I　might。'

〃'Why　not　this　one？'　I　asked；　fearful　that　he　might　know　something。

〃'Why；　because；'　says　he；　'it　was　the　grandest　achievement　of　my　life。
There　ain't　airy　other　man　that　could　have　done　it。　If　I　ever　have　a
fireside　and　children；　I'll　sit　beside　it　and　tell　'em　how　their　daddy
toted　off　a　shoat　from　a　whole　circus　full　of　people。　And　maybe　my
grandchildren；　too。　They'll　certainly　be　proud　a　whole　passel。　Why；'
says　he；　'there　was　two　tents；　one　openin'　into　the　other。　This　shoat
was　on　a　platform；　tied　with　a　little　chain。　I　seen　a　giant　and　a　lady
with　a　fine　chance　of　bushy　white　hair　in　the　other　tent。　I　got　the
shoat　and　crawled　out　from　under　the　canvas　again　without　him
squeakin'　as　loud　as　a　mouse。　I　put　him　under　my　coat；　and　I　must　have
passed　a　hundred　folks　before　I　got　out　where　the　streets　was　dark。　I
reckon　I　wouldn't　sell　that　shoat；　Jeff。　I'd　want　ma　to　keep　it；　so
there'd　be　a　witness　to　what　I　done。'

〃'The　pig　won't　live　long　enough；'　I　says；　'to　use　as　an　exhibit　in
your　senile　fireside　mendacity。　Your　grandchildren　will　have　to　take
your　word　for　it。　I'll　give　you　one　hundred　dollars　for　the　animal。'

〃Rufe　looked　at　me　astonished。

〃'The　shoat　can't　be　worth　anything　like　that　to　you；'　he　says。　'What
do　you　want　him　for？'

〃'Viewing　me　casuistically；'　says　I；　with　a　rare　smile；　'you　wouldn't
think　that　I've　got　an　artistic　side　to　my　temper。　But　I　have。　I'm　a
collector　of　pigs。　I've　scoured　the　world　for　unusual　pigs。　Over　in
the　Wabash　Valley　I've　got　a　hog　ranch　with　most　every　specimen　on　it；
from　a　Merino　to　a　Poland　China。　This　looks　like　a　blooded　pig　to　me；
Rufe；'　says　I。　'I　believe　it's　a　genuine　Berkshire。　That's　why　I'd
like　to　have　it。'

〃'I'd　shore　like　to　accommodate　you；'　says　he；　'but　I've　got　the
artistic　tenement；　too。　I　don't　see　why　it　ain't　art　when　you　can
steal　a　shoat　better　than　anybody　else　can。　Shoats　is　a　kind　of
inspiration　and　genius　with　me。　Specially　this　one。　I　wouldn't　take
two　hundred　and　fifty　for　that　animal。'

〃'Now；　listen；'　says　I；　wiping　off　my　forehead。　'It's　not　so　much　a
matter　of　business　with　me　as　it　is　art；　and　not　so　much　art　as　it　is
philanthropy。　Being　a　connoisseur　and　disseminator　of　pigs；　I　wouldn't
feel　like　I'd　done　my　duty　to　the　world　unless　I　added　that　Berkshire
to　my　collection。　Not　intrinsically；　but　according　to　the　ethics　of
pigs　as　friends　and　coadjutors　of　mankind；　I　offer　you　five　hundred
dollars　for　the　animal。'

〃'Jeff；'　says　this　pork　esthete；　'it　ain't　money；　it's　sentiment　with
me。'

〃'Seven　hundred；'　says　I。

〃'Make　it　eight　hundred；'　says　Rufe；　'and　I'll　crush　the　sentiment　out
of　my　heart。'

〃I　went　under　my　clothes　for　my　money…belt；　and　counted　him　out　forty
twenty…dollar　gold　certificates。

〃'I'll　just　take　him　into　my　own　room；'　says　I；　'and　lock　him　up　till
after　breakfast。'

〃I　took　the　pig　by　the　hind　leg。　He　turned　on　a　squeal　like　the　steam
calliope　at　the　circus。

〃'Let　me　tote　him　in　for　you；'　says　Rufe；　and　he　picks　up　the　beast
under　one　arm；　holding　his　snout　with　the　other　hand；　and　packs　him
into　my　room　like　a　sleeping　baby。

〃After　breakfast　Rufe；　who　had　a　chronic　case　of　haberdashery　ever
since　I　got　his　trousseau；　says　he　believes　he　will　amble　down　to
Misfitzky's　and　look　over　some　royal…purple　socks。　And　then　I　got　as
busy　as　a　one…armed　man　with　the　nettle…rash　pasting　on　wall…paper。　I
found　an　old　Negro　man　with　an　express　wagon　to　hire；　and　we　tied　the
pig　in　a　sack　and　drove　down　to　the　circus　grounds。

〃I　found　George　B。　Tapley　in　a　little　tent　with　a　window　flap　open。　He
was　a　fattish　man　with　an　immediate　eye；　in　a　black　skull…cap；　with　a
four…ounce　dia