the gentle grafter-第18节

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was　preordained　to　labor。　When　a　No。　1　burglar　tries　to　make　a　James
out　of　his　jimmy　he　perpetrates　an　improfundity。　You　have　a　well…oiled
and　efficacious　system　of　luck　at　cards；'　says　he。　'Peace　go　with
you。'　And　I　never　afterward　sees　Bill　Bassett　again。〃

*****

〃Well；　Jeff；〃　said　I；　when　the　Autolycan　adventurer　seemed　to　have
divulged　the　gist　of　his　tale；　〃I　hope　you　took　care　of　the　money。
That　would　be　a　respectathat　is　a　considerable　working　capital　if
you　should　choose　some　day　to　settle　down　to　some　sort　of　regular
business。〃

〃Me？〃　said　Jeff；　virtuously。　〃You　can　bet　I've　taken　care　of　that　five
thousand。〃

He　tapped　his　coat　over　the　region　of　his　chest　exultantly。

〃Gold　mining　stock；〃　he　explained；　〃every　cent　of　it。　Shares　par　value
one　dollar。　Bound　to　go　up　500　per　cent。　within　a　year。　Non…
assessable。　The　Blue　Gopher　mine。　Just　discovered　a　month　ago。　Better
get　in　yourself　if　you've　any　spare　dollars　on　hand。〃

〃Sometimes；〃　said　I；　〃these　mines　are　not〃

〃Oh；　this　one's　solid　as　an　old　goose；〃　said　Jeff。　〃Fifty　thousand
dollars'　worth　of　ore　in　sight；　and　10　per　cent。　monthly　earnings
guaranteed。〃

He　drew　out　a　long　envelope　from　his　pocket　and　cast　it　on　the　table。

〃Always　carry　it　with　me；〃　said　he。　〃So　the　burglar　can't　corrupt　or
the　capitalist　break　in　and　water　it。〃

I　looked　at　the　beautifully　engraved　certificate　of　stock。

〃In　Colorado；　I　see；〃　said　I。　〃And；　by　the　way；　Jeff；　what　was　the
name　of　the　little　man　who　went　to　Denverthe　one　you　and　Bill　met　at
the　station？〃

〃Alfred　E。　Ricks；〃　said　Jeff；　〃was　the　toad's　designation。〃

〃I　see；〃　said　I；　〃the　president　of　this　mining　company　signs　himself
A。　L。　Fredericks。　I　was　wondering〃

〃Let　me　see　that　stock；〃　said　Jeff　quickly；　almost　snatching　it　from
me。

To　mitigate；　even　though　slightly；　the　embarrassment　I　summoned　the
waiter　and　ordered　another　bottle　of　the　Barbera。　I　thought　it　was　the
least　I　could　do。



XII

A　TEMPERED　WIND

The　first　time　my　optical　nerves　was　disturbed　by　the　sight　of
Buckingham　Skinner　was　in　Kansas　City。　I　was　standing　on　a　corner　when
I　see　Buck　stick　his　straw…colored　head　out　of　a　third…story　window　of
a　business　block　and　holler；　〃Whoa；　there！　Whoa！〃　like　you　would　in
endeavoring　to　assuage　a　team　of　runaway　mules。

I　looked　around；　but　all　the　animals　I　see　in　sight　is　a　policeman；
having　his　shoes　shined；　and　a　couple　of　delivery　wagons　hitched　to
posts。　Then　in　a　minute　downstairs　tumbles　this　Buckingham　Skinner；
and　runs　to　the　corner；　and　stands　and　gazes　down　the　other　street　at
the　imaginary　dust　kicked　up　by　the　fabulous　hoofs　of　the　fictitious
team　of　chimerical　quadrupeds。　And　then　B。　Skinner　goes　back　up　to　the
third…story　room　again；　and　I　see　that　the　lettering　on　the　window　is
〃The　Farmers'　Friend　Loan　Company。〃

By　and　by　Straw…top　comes　down　again；　and　I　crossed　the　street　to　meet
him；　for　I　had　my　ideas。　Yes；　sir；　when　I　got　close　I　could　see　where
he　overdone　it。　He　was　Reub　all　right　as　far　as　his　blue　jeans　and
cowhide　boots　went；　but　he　had　a　matinee　actor's　hands；　and　the　rye
straw　stuck　over　his　ear　looked　like　it　belonged　to　the　property　man
of　the　Old　Homestead　Co。　Curiosity　to　know　what　his　graft　was　got　the
best　of　me。

〃Was　that　your　team　broke　away　and　run　just　now？〃　I　asks　him；　polite。
〃I　tried　to　stop　'em；〃　says　I；　〃but　I　couldn't。　I　guess　they're　half
way　back　to　the　farm　by　now。〃

〃Gosh　blame　them　darned　mules；〃　says　Straw…top；　in　a　voice　so　good
that　I　nearly　apologized；　〃they're　a'lus　bustin'　loose。〃　And　then　he
looks　at　me　close；　and　then　he　takes　off　his　hayseed　hat；　and　says；　in
a　different　voice：　〃I'd　like　to　shake　hands　with　Parleyvoo　Pickens；
the　greatest　street　man　in　the　West；　barring　only　Montague　Silver；
which　you　can　no　more　than　allow。〃

I　let　him　shake　hands　with　me。

〃I　learned　under　Silver；〃　I　said；　〃I　don't　begrudge　him　the　lead。　But
what's　your　graft；　son？　I　admit　that　the　phantom　flight　of　the　non…
existing　animals　at　which　you　remarked　'Whoa！'　has　puzzled　me
somewhat。　How　do　you　win　out　on　the　trick？〃

Buckingham　Skinner　blushed。

〃Pocket　money；〃　says　he；　〃that's　all。　I　am　temporarily　unfinanced。
This　little　coup　de　rye　straw　is　good　for　forty　dollars　in　a　town　of
this　size。　How　do　I　work　it？　Why；　I　involve　myself；　as　you　perceive；
in　the　loathsome　apparel　of　the　rural　dub。　Thus　embalmed　I　am　Jonas
Stubblefielda　name　impossible　to　improve　upon。　I　repair　noisily　to
the　office　of　some　loan　company　conveniently　located　in　the　third…
floor；　front。　There　I　lay　my　hat　and　yarn　gloves　on　the　floor　and　ask
to　mortgage　my　farm　for　2；000　to　pay　for　my　sister's　musical
education　in　Europe。　Loans　like　that　always　suit　the　loan　companies。
It's　ten　to　one　that　when　the　note　falls　due　the　foreclosure　will　be
leading　the　semiquavers　by　a　couple　of　lengths。

〃Well；　sir；　I　reach　in　my　pocket　for　the　abstract　of　title；　but　I
suddenly　hear　my　team　running　away。　I　run　to　the　window　and　emit　the
wordor　exclamation；　which…ever　it　may　beviz；　'Whoa！'　Then　I　rush
down…stairs　and　down　the　street；　returning　in　a　few　minutes。　'Dang
them　mules；'　I　says；　'they　done　run　away　and　busted　the　doubletree　and
two　traces。　Now　I　got　to　hoof　it　home；　for　I　never　brought　no　money
along。　Reckon　we'll　talk　about　that　loan　some　other　time；　gen'lemen。'

〃Then　I　spreads　out　my　tarpaulin；　like　the　Israelites；　and　waits　for
the　manna　to　drop。

〃'Why；　no；　Mr。　Stubblefield；'　says　the　lobster…colored　party　in　the
specs　and　dotted　pique　vest；　'oblige　us　by　accepting　this　ten…dollar
bill　until　to…morrow。　Get　your　harness　repaired　and　call　in　at　ten。
We'll　be　pleased　to　accommodate　you　in　the　matter　of　this　loan。'

〃It's　a　slight　thing；〃　says　Buckingham　Skinner；　modest；　〃but；　as　I
said；　only　for　temporary　loose　change。〃

〃It's　nothing　to　be　ashamed　of；〃　says　I；　in　respect　for　his
mortification；　〃in　case　of　an　emergency。　Of　course；　it's　small
compared　to　organizing　a　trust　or　bridge　whist；　but　even　the　Chicago
University　had　to　be　started　in　a　small　way。〃

〃What's　your　graft　these　days？〃　Buckingham　Skinner　asks　me。

〃The　legitimate；〃　says　I。　〃I'm　handling　rhinestones　and　Dr。　Oleum
Sinapi's　Electric　Headache　Battery　and　the　Swiss　Warbler's　Bird　Call；
a　small　lot　of　the　new　queer　ones　and　twos；　and　the　Bonanza　Budget；
consisting　of　a　rolled…gold　wedding　and　engagement　ring；　six　Egyptian
lily　bulbs；　a　combination　pickle　fork　and　nail…clipper；　and　fifty
engraved　visiting　cardsno　two　names　alikeall　for　the　sum　of　38
cents。〃

〃Two　months　ago；〃　says　Buckingham　Skinner；　〃I　was　doing　well　down　in
Texas　with　a　patent　instantaneous　fire　kindler；　made　of　compressed
wood　ashes　and　benzine。　I　sold　loads　of　'em　in　towns　where　they　like
to　burn　niggers　quick；　without　having　to　ask　somebody　for　a　light。　And
just　when　I　was　doing　the　best　they　strikes　oil　down　there　and　puts　me
out　of　business。　'Your　machine's　too　slow；　now；　pardner；'　they　tells
me。　'We　can　have　a　coon　in　hell　with　this　here　petroleum　before　your
old　flint…and…tinder　truck　can　get　him　warm　enough　to　perfess
religion。'　And　so　I　gives　up　the　kindler　and　drifts　up　here　to　K。C。
This　little　curtain…raiser　you　seen　me　doing；　Mr。　Pickens；　with　the
simulated　farm　and　the　hypothetical　teams；　ain't　in　my　line　at　all；
and　I'm　ashamed　you　found　me　working　it。〃

〃No　man；〃　says　I；　kindly；　〃need　to　be　ashamed　of　putting　the　skibunk
on　a　loan　corporation　for　even　so　small　a　sum　as　ten　dollars；　when　he
is　financially　abashed。　Still；　it　wasn't　quite　the　proper　thing。　It's
too　much　like　borrowing　money　without　paying　it　back。〃

I　liked　Buckingham　Skinner　from　the　start；　for　as　good　a　man　as　ever
stood　over　the　axles　and　breathed　gasoline　smoke。　And　pretty　soon　we
gets　thick；　and　I　let　him　in　on　a　scheme　I'd　had　in　mind　for　some
time；　and　offers　to　go　partners。

〃Anything；〃　says　Buck；　〃that　is　not　actually　dishonest　will　find　me
willing　and　ready。　Let　us　perforate　into　the　inwardness　of　your
proposition。　I　feel　degraded　when　I　am　forced　to　wear　property　straw
in　my　hair　and　assume　a　bucolic　air　for　the　small　sum　of　ten　dollars。
Actually；　Mr。　Pickens；　it　makes　me　feel　like　the　Ophelia　of　the　Great
Occidental　All…Star　One…Night　Consolidated　Theatrical　Aggregation。〃

This　scheme　of　mine　was　one　that　suited　my　proclivities。　By　nature　I
am　some　sentimental；　and　have　always　felt　gentle　toward　the　mollifying
elements　of　existence。　I　am　disposed　to　be　lenient　with　the　arts　and
sciences；　and　I　find　time　to　instigate　a　cordiality　for　the　more　human
works　of　nature；　such　as　romance　and　the　atmosphere　and　grass　and
poetry　and　the　Seasons。　I　never　skin　a　sucker　without　admiring　the
prismatic　beauty　of　his　scales。　I　never　sell　a　little　auriferous
beauty　to　the　man　with　the　hoe　without　noticing　the　beautiful　harmony
there　is　between　gold　and　green。　And　that's　why　I　liked　this　scheme；
it　was　so　full　of　outdoor　air　and　landscapes　and　easy　money。

We　had　to　have　a　young　lady　assistant　to　help　us　work　this　graft；　and
I　asked　Buck　if　he　knew　of　one　to　fill　the　bill。

〃One；〃　says　I；　〃that　is　cool　and　wise　and　strictly　business　from　her
pompadour　to　her　Oxfords。　No　ex…toe…dancers　or　gum…chewers　or　crayon
portrait　canvassers