the haunted bookshop(闹鬼的书店)-第14节
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THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP
Roger。
〃Well； if he did steal it；〃 said Helen； 〃I wish him joy of it。 I tried to
read it once； you talked so much about it； and I found it dreadfully dull。〃
〃If he did steal it；〃 cried the bookseller； 〃I'm perfectly delighted。 It
shows that my contention is right： people DO really care for good books。
If an assistant chef is so fond of good books that he has to steal them； the
world is safe for democracy。 Usually the only books any one wants to steal
are sheer piffle； like Making Life Worth While by Douglas Fairbanks or
Mother Shipton's Book of Oracles。 I don't mind a man stealing books if
he steals good ones！〃
〃You see the remarkable principles that govern this business；〃 said
Helen to Titania。 They sat down by the fire and took up their knitting
while the bookseller ran out to see if the volume had by any chance
returned to his shelves。
〃Is it there？〃 said Helen； when he came back。
〃No；〃 said Roger； and picked up the advertisement again。 〃I wonder
why he wants it returned before midnight on Tuesday？〃
〃So he can read it in bed； I guess；〃 said Helen。 〃Perhaps he suffers
from insomnia。〃
〃It's a darn shame he lost it before he had a chance to read it。 I'd like to
have known what he thought of it。 I've got a great mind to go up and call
on him。〃
〃Charge it off to profit and loss and forget about it；〃 said Helen。 〃How
about that reading aloud？〃
Roger ran his eye along his private shelves； and pulled down a well…
worn volume。
〃Now that Thanksgiving is past；〃 he said； 〃my mind always turns to
Christmas； and Christmas means Charles Dickens。 My dear； would it
bore you if we had a go at the old Christmas Stories？〃
Mrs。 Mifflin held up her hands in mock dismay。 〃He reads them to
me every year at this time；〃 she said to Titania。 〃Still； they're worth it。 I
know good old Mrs。 Lirriper better than I do most of my friends。〃
〃What is it； the Christmas Carol？〃 said Titania。 〃We had to read that
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in school。〃
〃No；〃 said Roger； 〃the other stories； infinitely better。 Everybody gets
the Carol dinned into them until they're weary of it； but no one nowadays
seems to read the others。 I tell you； Christmas wouldn't be Christmas to
me if I didn't read these tales over again every year。 How homesick they
make one for the good old days of real inns and real beefsteak and real ale
drawn in pewter。 My dears； sometimes when I am reading Dickens I get a
vision of rare sirloin with floury boiled potatoes and plenty of horse…radish；
set on a shining cloth not far from a blaze of English coal〃
〃He's an incorrigible visionary；〃 said Mrs。 Mifflin。 〃To hear him talk
you might think no one had had a square meal since Dickens died。 You
might think that all landladies died with Mrs。 Lirriper。〃
〃Very ungrateful of him；〃 said Titania。 〃I'm sure I couldn't ask for
better potatoes； or a nicer hostess； than I've found in Brooklyn。〃
〃Well； well；〃 said Roger。 〃You are right； of course。 And yet
something went out of the world when Victorian England vanished；
something that will never come again。 Take the stagecoach drivers； for
instance。 What a racy； human type they were！ And what have we now
to compare with them？ Subway guards？ Taxicab drivers？ I have
hung around many an all…night lunchroom to hear the chauffeurs talk。 But
they are too much on the move； you can't get the picture of them the way
Dickens could of his types。 You can't catch that sort of thing in a
snapshot； you know： you have to have a time exposure。 I'll grant you；
though； that lunchroom food is mighty good。 The best place to eat is
always a counter where the chauffeurs congregate。 They get awfully
hungry； you see； driving round in the cold； and when they want food they
want it hot and tasty。 There's a little hash…alley called Frank's； up on
Broadway near 77th； where I guess the ham and eggs and French fried is
as good as any Mr。 Pickwick ever ate。〃
〃I must get Edwards to take me there；〃 said Titania。 〃Edwards is our
chauffeur。 I've been to the Ansonia for tea； that's near there。〃
〃Better keep away；〃 said Helen。 〃When Roger comes home from
those places he smells so strong of onions it brings tears to my eyes。〃
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〃We've just been talking about an assistant chef；〃 said Roger； that
suggests that I read you Somebody's Luggage； which is all about a head
waiter。 I have often wished I could get a job as a waiter or a bus boy； just
to learn if there really are any such head waiters nowadays。 You know
there are all sorts of jobs I'd like to have； just to fructify my knowledge of
human nature and find out whether life is really as good as literature。 I'd
love to be a waiter； a barber； a floorwalker〃
〃Roger； my dear；〃 said Helen； 〃why don't you get on with the
reading？〃
Roger knocked out his pipe； turned Bock out of his chair； and sat down
with infinite relish to read the memor able character sketch of Christopher；
the head waiter； which is dear to every lover of taverns。 〃The writer of
these humble lines being a Waiter；〃 he began。 The knitting needles flashed
with diligence； and the dog by the fender stretched himself out in the
luxuriant vacancy of mind only known to dogs surrounded by a happy
group of their friends。 And Roger； enjoying himself enormously； and
particularly pleased by the chuckles of his audience； was approaching the
ever…delightful items of the coffee…room bill which is to be found about
ten pages on in the first chapterhow sad it is that hotel bills are not so
rendered in these timeswhen the bell in the shop clanged。 Picking up his
pipe and matchbox； and grumbling 〃It's always the way；〃 he hurried out of
the room。
He was agreeably surprised to find that his caller was the young
advertising man； Aubrey Gilbert。
〃Hullo！〃 he said。 〃I've been saving something for you。 It's a
quotation from Joseph Conrad about advertising。〃
〃Good enough；〃 said Aubrey。 〃And I've got something for you。 You
were so nice to me the other evening I took the liberty of bringing you
round some tobacco。 Here's a tin of Blue…Eyed Mixture； it's my favourite。
I hope you'll like it。〃
〃Bully for you。 Perhaps I ought to let you off the Conrad quotation
since you're so kind。〃
〃Not a bit。 I suppose it's a knock。 Shoot！〃 The bookseller led the
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way back to his desk； where he rummaged among the litter and finally
found a scrap of paper on which he had written：
Being myself animated by feelings of affection toward my fellowmen；
I am saddened by the modern system of advertising。 Whatever evidence
it offers of enterprise； ingenuity； impudence； and resource in certain
individuals； it proves to my mind the wide prevalence of that form of
mental degradation which is called gullibility。JOSEPH CONRAD。
〃What do you think of that？〃 said Roger。 〃You'll find that in the
story called The Anarchist。〃
〃I think less than nothing of it；〃 said Aubrey。 〃As your friend Don
Marquis observed the other evening； an idea isn't always to be blamed for
the people who believe in it。 Mr。 Conrad has been reading some quack
ads； that's all。 Because there are fake ads； that doesn't condemn the
principle of Publicity。 But look here； what I really came round to see you
for is to show you this。 It was in the Times this morning。〃
He pulled out of his pocket a clipping of the LOST insertion to whi
