desperate remedies-第56节

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reproach。　　'Why　did　you　leave　me　to　return　to　her？　　Why　did　you
write　me　that　cruel；　cruel　letter　that　nearly　killed　me！'

'Cytherea！　　Why；　you　had　grown　to　lovelikeMr。　Manston；　and　how
could　you　be　anything　to　meor　care　for　me？　　Surely　I　acted
naturally？'

'O　nonever！　　I　loved　youonly　younot　himalways　you！till
lately。　。　。　。　　I　try　to　love　him　now。'

'But　that　can't　be　correct！　　Miss　Aldclyffe　told　me　that　you　wanted
to　hear　no　more　of　meproved　it　to　me！'　said　Edward。

'Never！　she　couldn't。'

'She　did；　Cytherea。　　And　she　sent　me　a　lettera　love…letter；　you
wrote　to　Mr。　Manston。'

'A　love…letter　I　wrote？'

'Yes；　a　love…letteryou　could　not　meet　him　just　then；　you　said　you
were　sorry；　but　the　emotion　you　had　felt　with　him　made　you　forgetful
of　realities。'

The　strife　of　thought　in　the　unhappy　girl　who　listened　to　this
distortion　of　her　meaning　could　find　no　vent　in　words。　　And　then
there　followed　the　slow　revelation　in　return；　bringing　with　it　all
the　misery　of　an　explanation　which　comes　too　late。　　The　question
whether　Miss　Aldclyffe　were　schemer　or　dupe　was　almost　passed　over
by　Cytherea；　under　the　immediate　oppressiveness　of　her　despair　in
the　sense　that　her　position　was　irretrievable。

Not　so　Springrove。　　He　saw　through　all　the　cunning　half…
misrepresentationsworse　than　downright　lieswhich　had　just　been
sufficient　to　turn　the　scale　both　with　him　and　with　her；　and　from
the　bottom　of　his　soul　he　cursed　the　woman　and　man　who　had　brought
all　this　agony　upon　him　and　his　Love。　　But　he　could　not　add　more
misery　to　the　future　of　the　poor　child　by　revealing　too　much。　　The
whole　scheme　she　should　never　know。

'I　was　indifferent　to　my　own　future；'　Edward　said；　'and　was　urged　to
promise　adherence　to　my　engagement　with　my　cousin　Adelaide　by　Miss
Aldclyffe：　　now　you　are　married　I　cannot　tell　you　how；　but　it　was　on
account　of　my　father。　　Being　forbidden　to　think　of　you；　what　did　I
care　about　anything？　　My　new　thought　that　you　still　loved　me　was
first　raised　by　what　my　father　said　in　the　letter　announcing　my
cousin's　marriage。　　He　said　that　although　you　were　to　be　married　on
Old　Christmas　Daythat　is　to…morrowhe　had　noticed　your　appearance
with　pity：　　he　thought　you　loved　me　still。　　It　was　enough　for　meI
came　down　by　the　earliest　morning　train；　thinking　I　could　see　you
some　time　to…day；　the　day；　as　I　thought；　before　your　marriage；
hoping；　but　hardly　daring　to　hope；　that　you　might　be　induced　to
marry　me。　　I　hurried　from　the　station；　when　I　reached　the　village　I
saw　idlers　about　the　church；　and　the　private　gate　leading　to　the
House　open。　　I　ran　into　the　church　by　the　small　door　and　saw　you
come　out　of　the　vestry；　I　was　too　late。　　I　have　now　told　you。　　I　was
compelled　to　tell　you。　　O；　my　lost　darling；　now　I　shall　live
contentor　die　content！'

'I　am　to　blame；　Edward；　I　am；'　she　said　mournfully；　'I　was　taught　to
dread　pauperism；　my　nights　were　made　sleepless；　there　was
continually　reiterated　in　my　ears　till　I　believed　it

　　　　　'〃The　world　and　its　ways　have　a　certain　worth；
　　　　　　　And　to　press　a　point　where　these　oppose
　　　　　　　Were　a　simple　policy。〃

But　I　will　say　nothing　about　who　influencedwho　persuaded。　　The　act
is　mine；　after　all。　　Edward；　I　married　to　escape　dependence　for　my
bread　upon　the　whim　of　Miss　Aldclyffe；　or　others　like　her。　　It　was
clearly　represented　to　me　that　dependence　is　bearable　if　we　have
another　place　which　we　can　call　home；　but　to　be　a　dependent　and　to
have　no　other　spot　for　the　heart　to　anchor　uponO；　it　is　mournful
and　harassing！。　。　。　　But　that　without　which　all　persuasion　would
have　been　as　air；　was　added　by　my　miserable　conviction　that　you　were
false；　that　did　it；　that　turned　me！　　You　were　to　be　considered　as
nobody　to　me；　and　Mr。　Manston　was　invariably　kind。　　Well；　the　deed
is　doneI　must　abide　by　it。　　I　shall　never　let　him　know　that　I　do
not　love　himnever。　　If　things　had　only　remained　as　they　seemed　to
be；　if　you　had　really　forgotten　me　and　married　another　woman；　I
could　have　borne　it　better。　　I　wish　I　did　not　know　the　truth　as　I
know　it　now！　　But　our　life；　what　is　it？　　Let　us　be　brave；　Edward；
and　live　out　our　few　remaining　years　with　dignity。　　They　will　not　be
long。　　O；　I　hope　they　will　not　be　long！。　。　。　　Now；　good…bye；　good…
bye！'

'I　wish　I　could　be　near　and　touch　you　once；　just　once；'　said
Springrove；　in　a　voice　which　he　vainly　endeavoured　to　keep　firm　and
clear。

They　looked　at　the　river；　then　into　it；　a　shoal　of　minnows　was
floating　over　the　sandy　bottom；　like　the　black　dashes　on　miniver；
though　narrow；　the　stream　was　deep；　and　there　was　no　bridge。

'Cytherea；　reach　out　your　hand　that　I　may　just　touch　it　with　mine。'

She　stepped　to　the　brink　and　stretched　out　her　hand　and　fingers
towards　his；　but　not　into　them。　　The　river　was　too　wide。

'Never　mind；'　said　Cytherea；　her　voice　broken　by　agitation；　'I　must
be　going。　　God　bless　and　keep　you；　my　Edward！　　God　bless　you！'

'I　must　touch　you；　I　must　press　your　hand；'　he　said。

They　came　nearnearernearer　stilltheir　fingers　met。　　There　was
a　long　firm　clasp；　so　close　and　still　that　each　hand　could　feel　the
other's　pulse　throbbing　beside　its　own。

'My　Cytherea！　my　stolen　pet　lamb！'

She　glanced　a　mute　farewell　from　her　large　perturbed　eyes；　turned；
and　ran　up　the　garden　without　looking　back。　　All　was　over　between
them。　　The　river　flowed　on　as　quietly　and　obtusely　as　ever；　and　the
minnows　gathered　again　in　their　favourite　spot　as　if　they　had　never
been　disturbed。

Nobody　indoors　guessed　from　her　countenance　and　bearing　that　her
heart　was　near　to　breaking　with　the　intensity　of　the　misery　which
gnawed　there。　　At　these　times　a　woman　does　not　faint；　or　weep；　or
scream；　as　she　will　in　the　moment　of　sudden　shocks。　　When　lanced　by
a　mental　agony　of　such　refined　and　special　torture　that　it　is
indescribable　by　men's　words；　she　moves　among　her　acquaintances　much
as　before；　and　contrives　so　to　cast　her　actions　in　the　old　moulds
that　she　is　only　considered　to　be　rather　duller　than　usual。

5。　　HALF…PAST　TWO　TO　FIVE　O'CLOCK　P。M。

Owen　accompanied　the　newly…married　couple　to　the　railway…station；
and　in　his　anxiety　to　see　the　last　of　his　sister；　left　the　brougham
and　stood　upon　his　crutches　whilst　the　train　was　starting。

When　the　husband　and　wife　were　about　to　enter　the　railway…carriage
they　saw　one　of　the　porters　looking　frequently　and　furtively　at
them。　　He　was　pale；　and　apparently　very　ill。

'Look　at　that　poor　sick　man；'　said　Cytherea　compassionately；　'surely
he　ought　not　to　be　here。'

'He's　been　very　queer　to…day；　madam；　very　queer；'　another　porter
answered。　　'He　do　hardly　hear　when　he's　spoken　to；　and　d'　seem
giddy；　or　as　if　something　was　on　his　mind。　　He's　been　like　it　for
this　month　past；　but　nothing　so　bad　as　he　is　to…day。'

'Poor　thing。'

She　could　not　resist　an　innate　desire　to　do　some　just　thing　on　this
most　deceitful　and　wretched　day　of　her　life。　　Going　up　to　him　she
gave　him　money；　and　told　him　to　send　to　the　old　manor…house　for　wine
or　whatever　he　wanted。

The　train　moved　off　as　the　trembling　man　was　murmuring　his
incoherent　thanks。　　Owen　waved　his　hand；　Cytherea　smiled　back　to　him
as　if　it　were　unknown　to　her　that　she　wept　all　the　while。

Owen　was　driven　back　to　the　Old　House。　　But　he　could　not　rest　in　the
lonely　place。　　His　conscience　began　to　reproach　him　for　having
forced　on　the　marriage　of　his　sister　with　a　little　too　much
peremptoriness。　　Taking　up　his　crutches　he　went　out　of　doors　and
wandered　about　the　muddy　roads　with　no　object　in　view　save　that　of
getting　rid　of　time。

The　clouds　which　had　hung　so　low　and　densely　during　the　day　cleared
from　the　west　just　now　as　the　sun　was　setting；　calling　forth　a
weakly　twitter　from　a　few　small　birds。　　Owen　crawled　down　the　path
to　the　waterfall；　and　lingered　thereabout　till　the　solitude　of　the
place　oppressed　him；　when　he　turned　back　and　into　the　road　to　the
village。　　He　was　sad；　he　said　to　himself

'If　there　is　ever　any　meaning　in　those　heavy　feelings　which　are
called　presentimentsand　I　don't　believe　there　isthere　will　be　in
mine　to…day。　。　。　。　　Poor　little　Cytherea！'

At　that　moment　the　last　low　rays　of　the　sun　touched　the　head　and
shoulders　of　a　man　who　was　approaching；　and　showed　him　up　to　Owen's
view。　　It　was　old　　Mr。　Springrove。　　They　had　grown　familiar　with
each　other　by　reason　of　Owen's　visits　to　Knapwater　during　the　past
year。　　The　farmer　inquired　how　Owen's　foot　was　progressing；　and　was
glad　to　see　him　so　nimble　again。

'How　is　your　son？'　said　Owen　mechanically。

'He　is　at　home；　sitting　by　the　fire；'　said　the　farmer；　in　a　sad
voice。　　'This　morning　he　slipped　indoors　from　God　knows　where；　and
there　he　sits　and　mopes；　and　thinks；　and　thinks；　and　presses　his
head　so　hard；　that　I　can't　help　feeling　for　him。'

'Is　he　married？'　said　Owen。　　Cytherea　had　feared　to　tell　him　of　the
interview　in　the　garden。

'No。　　I　can't　quite　understand　how　the　matter　rests。　。　。　。　　Ah！
Edward；　too；　who　started　with　such　promise；　that　he　should　now　have
become　such　a　careless　fellownot　a　month　in　one　place。　　There；　Mr。
Graye；　I　know　what　it　is　mainly　owing　to。　　If　it　hadn't　been　for
that　heart　affair；　he　might　have　donebut　the　less　said　about　him
the　better。　　I　don't　know