april hopes-第69节

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the　last　part　of　the　time　there。　　I　feel　as　if　I　could　make　my　whole　life
a　reparation；〃　she　added　passionately。

Mrs。　Brinkley　believed　that　this　was　the　mere　frenzy　of　sentimentality；
the　exaltation　of　a　selfish　asceticism；　but　at　the　break　in　the　girl's
voice　and　the　aversion　of　her　face　she　could　not　help　a　thrill　of　motherly
tenderness　for　her。　　She　wanted　to　tell　her　she　was　an　unconscious　humbug；
bent　now　as　always　on　her　own　advantage；　and　really　indifferent　to　others
she　also　wanted　to　comfort　her；　and　tell　her　that　she　exaggerated；　and　was
not　to　blame。　　She　did　neither；　but　when　Alice　turned　her　face　back　she
seemed　encouraged　by　Mrs。　Brinkley's　look　to　go　on：　〃I　didn't　appreciate
her　then；　she　was　very　generous　and　high…mindedtoo　high…minded　for　me　to
understand；　even。　　But　we　don't　seem　to　know　how　good　others　are　till　we
wrong　them。〃

〃Yes；　that　is　very　true；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley。　　She　knew　that　Alice　was
obviously　referring　to　the　breach　between　herself　and　Miss　Anderson
following　the　night　of　the　Trevor　theatricals；　and　the　dislike　for　her
that　she　had　shown　with　a　frankness　some　of　the　ladies　had　thought　brutal。
Mrs。　Brinkley　also　believed　that　her　words　had　a　tacit　meaning；　and　she
would　have　liked　to　have　the　hardness　to　say　she　had　seen　an　unnamed
victim　of　Alice　doing　his　best　to　console　the　other　she　had　specified。
But　she　merely　said　drily；　〃Yes；　perhaps　that's　the　reason　why　we're
allowed　to　injure　people。〃

〃It　must　be；〃　said　Alice　simply。　　〃Did　Miss　Anderson　ever　speak　of　me？〃

〃No；　I　can't　remember　that　she　ever　did。〃　　Mrs。　Brinkley　did　not　feel
bound　to　say　that　she　and　Miss　Van　Hook　had　discussed　her　at　large；　and
agreed　perfectly　about　her。

〃I　should　like　to　see　her；　I　should　like　to　write　to　her。〃

Mrs。　Brinkley　felt　that　she　ought　not　to　suffer　this　intimate　tendency　in
the　talk：

〃You　must　find　a　great　many　other　acquaintances　in　the　hotel；　Miss
Pasmer。〃

〃Some　of　the　Frankland　girds　are　here；　and　the　two　Bellinghams。　　I　have
hardly　spoken　to　them　yet。　　Do　you　think　that　where　you　have　even　been　in
the　right；　if　you　have　been　harsh；　if　you　have　been　hasty；　if　you　haven't
made　allowances；　you　ought　to　offer　some　atonement？〃

〃Really；　I　can't　say；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　with　a　smile　of　distaste。　　〃I'm
afraid　your　question　isn't　quite　in　my　line　of　thinking；　it's　more　in　Miss
Cotton's　way。　　You'd　better　ask　her　some　time。〃

〃No；〃　said　Alice　sadly；　〃she　would　flatter　me。〃

〃Ah！　I　always　supposed　she　was　very　conscientious。〃

〃She's　conscientious；　but　she　likes　me　too　well。〃

〃Oh！〃　commented　Mrs。　Brinkley　to　herself；　〃then　you　know　I　don't　like　you；
and　you'll　use　me　in　one　way；　if　you　can't　in　another。　　Very　well！〃　　But
she　found　the　girl's　trust　touching　somehow；　though　the　sentimentality　of
her　appeal　seemed　as　tawdry　as　ever。

〃I　knew　you　would　be　just；〃　added　Alice　wistfully。

〃Oh；　I　don't　know　about　atonements！〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley；　with　an　effect　of
carelessness。　　〃It　seems　to　me　that　we　usually　make　them　for　our　own
sake。〃

〃I　have　thought　of　that；〃　said　Alice；　with　a　look　of　expectation。

〃And　we　usually　astonish　other　people　when　we　offer　them。〃

〃Either　they　don't　like　it；　or　else　they　don't　feel　so　much　injured　as　we
had　supposed。〃

〃0h；　but　there's　no　question〃

〃If　Miss　Anderson〃

〃Miss　Anderson？　　Ohoh　yes！〃

〃If　Miss　Anderson　for　example；〃　pursued　Mrs。　Brinkley；　〃felt　aggrieved
with　you。　　But　really　I've　no　right　to　enter　into　your　affairs；　Miss
Pasmer。〃

〃Oh　Yes；　yes！do！　　I　asked　you　to；〃　the　girl　implored。

〃I　doubt　if　it　will　help　matters　for　her　to　know　that　you　regret　anything；
and　if　she　shouldn't　happen　to　have　thought　that　you　were　unjust　to　her；
it　would　make　her　uncomfortable　for　nothing。〃

〃Do　you　think　so？〃　asked　the　girl；　with　a　disappointment　that　betrayed
itself　in　her　voice　and　eyes。

〃I　never　feel　I　myself　competent　to　advise；〃　said　Mrs。　Brinkley。　　〃I　can
criticiseanybody　canand　I　do；　pretty　freely；　but　advice　is　a　more
serious　matter。　　Each　of　us　must　act　from　herselffrom　what　she　thinks　is
right。〃

〃Yes；　I　see。　　Thank　you　so　much；　Mrs。　Brinkley。〃

〃After　all；　we　have　a　right　to　do　ourselves　good；　even　when　we　pretend
that　it's　good　to　others；　if　we　don't　do　them　any　harm。〃

〃Yes；　I　see。〃　　Alice　looked　away；　and　then　seemed　about　to　speak　again；
but　one　of　Mrs。　Brinkley's　acquaintance　came　up；　and　the　girl　rose　with　a
frightened　air　and　went　away。

〃Alice's　talk　with　you　this　morning　did　her　so　much　good！〃　said　Mrs。
Pasmer；　later。　　〃She　has　always　felt　so　badly　about　Miss　Anderson！〃

Mrs。　Brinkley　saw　that　Mrs。　Pasmer　wished　to　confine　the　meaning　of　their
talk　to　Miss　Anderson；　and　she　assented；　with　a　penetration　of　which　she
saw　that　Mrs。　Pasmer　was　gratefully　aware。

She　grew　more　tolerant　of　both　the　Pasmers　as　the　danger　of　greater
intimacy　from　them；　which　seemed　to　threaten　at　first　seemed　to　pass　away。
She　had　not　responded　to　their　advances；　but　there　was　no　reason　why　she
should　not　be　civil　to　them；　there　had　never　been　any　open　quarrel　with
them。　　She　often　found　herself　in　talk　with　them；　and　was　amused　to　note
that　she　was　the　only　Bostonian　whom　they　did　not　keep　aloof　from。

It　could　not　be　said　that　she　came　to　like　either　of　them　better。　　She
still　suspected　Mrs。　Pasmer　of　design；　though　she　developed　none　beyond
manoeuvring　Alice　out　of　the　way　of　people　whom　she　wished　to　avoid；　and
she　still　found　the　girl；　as　she　always　thought　her；　as　egotist；　whose
best　impulses　toward　others　had　a　final　aim　in　herself。　　She　thought　her
very　crude　in　her　ideascruder　than　she　had　seemed　at　Campobello；　where
she　had　perhaps　been　softened　by　her　affinition　with　the　gentler　and
kindlier　nature　of　Dan　Mavering。　　　Mrs。　Brinkley　was　never　tired　of　saying
that　he　had　made　the　most　fortunate　escape　in　the　world；　and　though
Brinkley　owned　he　was　tired　of　hearing　it；　she　continued　to　say　it　with　a
great　variety　of　speculation。　　She　recognised　that　in　most　girls　of
Alice's　age　many　traits　are　in　solution；　waiting　their　precipitation　into
character　by　the　chemical　contact　which　time　and　chances　must　bring；　and
that　it　was　not　fair　to　judge　her　by　the　present　ferment　of　hereditary
tendencies；　but　she　rejoiced　all　the　same　that　it　was　not　Dan　Mavering's
character　which　was　to　give　fixity　to　hers。　　The　more　she　saw　of　the　girl
the　more　she　was　convinced　that　two　such　people　could　only　make　each　other
unhappy；　from　day　to　day；　almost　from　hour　to　hour；　she　resolved　to　write
to　Mavering　and　tell　him　not　to　come。

She　was　sure　that　the　Pasmers　wished　to　have　the　affair　on　again；　and　part
of　her　fascination　with　a　girl　whom　she　neither　liked　nor　approved　was　her
belief　that　Alice's　health　had　broken　under　the　strain　of　her　regrets　and
her　despair。　　She　did　not　get　better　from　the　change　of　air；　she　grew　more
listless　and　languid；　and　more　dependent　upon　Mrs。　Brinkley's　chary
sympathy。　　The　older　woman　asked　herself　again　and　again　what　made　the
girl　cling　to　her？　　Was　she　going　to　ask　her　finally　to　intercede　with
Dan？　or　was　it　really　a　despairing　atonement　to　him；　the　most　disagreeable
sacrifice　she　could　offer；　as　Mr。　Brinkley　had　stupidly　suggested？　　She
believed　that　Alice's　selfishness　and　morbid　sentiment　were　equal　to
either。

Brinkley　generally　took　the　girl's　part　against　his　wife；　and　in　a　heavy
jocose　way　tried　to　cheer　her　up。　　He　did　little　things　for　her；　fetched
and　carried　chairs　and　cushions　and　rugs；　and　gave　his　attentions　the　air
of　pleasantries。　　One　of　his　offices　was　to　get　the　ladies'　letters　for
them　in　the　evening；　and　one　night　he　came　in　beaming　with　a　letter　for
each　of　them　where　they　sat　together　in　the　parlour。　　He　distributed　them
into　their　laps。

〃Hello！　　I've　made　a　mistake；〃　he　said；　putting　down　his　head　to　take　back
the　letter　he　had　dropped　in　Miss　Pasmer's　lap。　　〃I've　given　you　my　wife's
letter。〃

The　girl　glanced　at　it；　gave　a　moaning　kind　of　cry；　and　fell　beak　in　her
chair；　hiding　her　face　in　her　hands。

Mrs。　Brinkley；　possessed　herself　of　the　other　letter；　and；　though　past　the
age　when　ladies　wish　to　kill　their　husbands　for　their　stupidity；　she　gave
Brinkley　a　look　of　massacre　which　mystified　even　more　than　it　murdered　his
innocence。　　He　had　to　learn　later　from　his　wife's　more　elicit　fury　what
the　women　had　all　known　instantly。

He　showed　his　usefulness　in　gathering　Alice　up　and　getting　her　to　her
mother's　room。〃

〃Oh；　Mrs。　Brinkley；〃　implored　Mrs。　Pasmer；　following　her　to　the　door；　〃is
Mr。　Mavering　coming　here？〃

〃I　don't　knowI　can't　sayI　haven't　read　the　letter　yet。〃

〃Oh；　do　let　me　know　when　you've　read　it；　won't　you？　　I　don't　know　what　we
shall　do。〃

Mrs。　Brinkley　read　the　letter　in　her　own　room。　　〃You　go　down；〃　she　said　to
her　husband；　with　unabated　ferocity；　〃and　telegraph　Dan　Mavering　at
Wormley's　not　to　came。　　Say　we're　going　away　at　once。〃

Then　she　sent　Mrs。　Pasmer　a　slip　of　paper　on　which　she　had　written；　〃Not
coming。〃

It　has　been　the　experience　of　every　one　to　have　some　alien　concern　come
into　his　life　and　torment　him　with　more　anxiety　than　any　affair　of　his
ovn。　　This　is；　perhaps；　a　hint　from　the　infinite　sympathy　which　feels　for
us　all　that　none