april hopes-第52节

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way。　　If　it's　your　way；　it'll　be　the　right　wayfor　me。〃　　She　looked
sublimely　resolved；　with　a　grand　lift　of　the　eyes；　and　Dan　caught　her　to
him　in　a　rapture；　breaking　into　laughter。

〃Oh；　don't！　　Mine's　a　bad　waythe　worst　kind　of　a　way；〃　he　cried。

〃It　makes　everybody　like　you；　and　mine　makes　nobody　like　me。〃

〃It　makes　me　like　you；　and　that's　quite　enough。　　I　don't　want　other　people
to　like　you！〃

〃Yes；　that's　what　I　mean！〃　cried　Alice；　and　now　she　flung　herself　on　his
neck；　and　the　tears　came。　　〃Do　you　suppose　it　can　be　very　pleasant　to　have
everybody　talking　of　you　as　if　everybody　loved　you　as　muchas　much　as　I
do？〃　　She　clutched　him　tighter　and　sobbed。

〃O　Alice！　　Alice！　　Alice！　　Nobody　could　ever　be　what　you　are　to　me！〃　He
soothed　and　comforted　her　with　endearing　words　and　touches；　but　before　he
could　have　believed　her　half　consoled　she　pulled　away　from　him；　and　asked；
with　shining　eyes；　〃Do　you　think　Mr。　Boardman　is　a　good　influence　in　your
life？〃

〃Boardman！〃　cried　Mavering；　in　astonishment。　　〃Why；　I　thought　you　liked
Boardman？〃

〃I　do；　and　I　respect　him　very　much。　　But　that　isn't　the　question。　　Don't
you　think　we　ought　to　ask　ourselves　how　others　influence　us？〃

〃Well；　I　don't　see　much　of　Boardy　nowadays；　but　I　like　to　drop　down　and
touch　earth　in　Boardy　once　in　a　whileI'm　in　the　air　so　much。　　Board　has
more　common…sense；　more　solid　chunk…wisdom；　than　anybody　I　know。　　He's
kept　me　from　making　a　fool　of　myself　more　times〃

〃Wasn't　he　with　you　that　day　withwith　those　women　in　Portland？〃

Dan　winced　a　little；　and　then　laughed。　　〃No；　he　wasn't。　　That　was　the
trouble。　　Boardman　was　off　on　the　press　boat。　　I　thought　I　told　you。　　But
if　you　object　to　Boardman〃

〃I　don't。　　You　mustn't　think　I　object　to　people　when　I　ask　you　about　them。
All　that　I　wished　was　that　you　should　think　yourself　what　sort　of
influence　he　was。　　I　think　he's　a　very　good　influence。〃

〃He's　a　splendid　fellow；　Boardman　is；　Alice！〃　cried　Dan。　　〃You　ought　to
have　seen　how　he　fought　his　way　through　college　on　such　a　little　money；
and　never　skulked　or　felt　mean。　　He　wasn't　appreciated　for　it；　the　men
don't　notice　these　things　much；　but　he　didn't　want　to　have　it　noticed；
always　acted　as　if　it　was　neither　here　nor　there；　and　now　I　guess　he　sends
out　home　whatever　he　has　left　after　keeping　soul　and　body　together　every
week。〃

He　spoke；　perhaps；　with　too　great　an　effect　of　relief。　　Alice　listened；　as
it　seemed；　to　his　tone　rather　than　his　words；　and　said　absently

〃Yes；　that's　grand。　　But　I　don't　want　you　to　act　as　if　you　were　afraid　of
me　in　such　things。〃

〃　Afraid？〃　Dan　echoed。

〃I　don't　mean　actually　afraid；　but　as　if　you　thought　I　couldn't　be
reasonable；　as　if　you　supposed　I　didn't　expect　you　to　make　mistakes　or　to
be　imperfect。〃

〃Yes；　I　know　you're　very　reasonable；　and　you're　more　patient　with　me　than
I　deserve；　I　know　all　that；　and　it's　only　my　wish　to　come　up　to　your
standard；　I　suppose；　that　gives　me　that　apprehensive　appearance。〃

〃That　was　what　vexed　me　with　you　there　at　Campobello；　when　youasked　me　〃

〃Yes；　I　know。〃

〃You　ought　to　have　understood　me　better。　　You　ought　to　know　now　that　I
don't　wish　you　to　do　anything　on　my　account；　but　because　it's　something　we
owe　to　others。〃

〃Oh；　excuse　me！　　I'd　much　rather　do　it　for　you；〃　cried　Dan；　but　Alice
looked　so　grave；　so　hurt；　that　he　hastened　on：　〃How　in　the　world　does　it
concern　others　whether　we　are　devoted　or　not；　whether　we're　harmonious　and
two…souls…with…but…a…single…thought；　and　all　that？〃　　He　could　not　help
being　light　about　it。

〃How？〃　Alice　repeated。　　〃Won't　it　give　them　an　idea　of　whatwhatof　how
muchhow　trulyif　we　care　for　each　otherhow　people　ought　to　care？　　We
don't　do　it　for　ourselves。　　That　would　be　selfish　and　disgusting。　　We　do
it　because　it's　something　that　we　owe　to　the　idea　of　being　engagedof
having　devoted　our　lives　to　each　other；　and　would　showwould　teach〃

〃Oh　yes！　　I　know　what　you　mean；〃　said　Dan；　and　he　gave　way　in　a　sputtering
laugh。　　〃But　they　wouldn't　understand。　　They'd　only　think　we　were　spoons
on　each　other；　and　if　they　noticed　that　I　cooled　off　toward　people　I'd
liked；　and　warmed　up　toward　those　you　liked；　they'd　say　you　made　me。〃

〃Should　you　care？〃　asked　Alice　sublimely；　withdrawing　a　little　from　his
arm。

〃Oh　no！　only　on　your　account；〃　he　answered；　checking　his　laugh。

〃You　needn't　on　my　account；〃　she　returned。　　〃If　we　sacrifice　some　little
preferences　to　each　other；　isn't　that　right？　　I　shall　be　glad　to　sacrifice
all　of　mine　to　you。　　Isn't　ourmarriage　to　be　full　of　such　sacrifices？　　I
expect　to　give　up　everything　to　you。〃　　She　looked　at　him　with　a　sad
severity。

He　began　to　laugh　again。　　〃Oh　no；　Alice！　　Don't　do　that！　　I　couldn't　stand
it。　　I　want　some　little　chance　at　the　renunciations　myself。〃

She　withdrew　still　further　from　his　side；　and　said；　with　a　cold　anger；
〃It's　that　detestable　Mrs。　Brinkley。〃

〃Mrs。　Brinkley！〃　shouted　Dan。

〃Yes；　with　her　pessimism。　　I　have　heard　her　talk。　　She　influences　you。
Nothing　is　sacred　to　her。　　It　was　she　who　took　up　with　those　army　women
that　night。〃

〃Well；　Alice；　I　must　say　you　can　give　things　as　ugly　names　as　the　next
one。　　I　haven't　seen　Mrs。　Brinkley　the　whole　winter；　except　in　your
company。　　But　she　has　more　sense　than　all　the　other　women　I　know。〃

〃Oh；　thank　you！〃

〃You　know　I　don't　mean　you；〃　he　pushed　on。　　〃And　she　isn't　a　pessimist。
She's　very　kindhearted；　and　that　night　she　was　very　polite　and　good　to
those　army　women；　as　you　call　them；　when　you　had　refused　to　say　a　word　or
do　anything　for　them。〃

〃I　knew　it　had　been　rankling　in　your　mind　all　along；〃　said　the　girl　〃I
expected　it　to　coma　out　sooner　or　later。　　And　you　talk　about　renunciation！
You　never　forget　nor　forgive　the　slightest　thing。　　But　I　don't　ask　your
forgiveness。〃

〃Alice！〃

〃No。　　You　are　as　hard　as　iron。　　You　have　that　pleasant　outside　manner　that
makes　people　think　you're　very　gentle　and　yielding；　but　all　the　time
you're　like　adamant。　　I　would　rather　die　than　ask　your　forgiveness　for
anything；　and　you'd　rather　let　me　than　give　it。〃

〃Well；　then；　I　ask　your　forgiveness；　Alice；　and　I'm　sure　you　won't　let　me
die　without　it。〃

They　regarded　each　other　a　moment。　　Then　the　tenderness　gushed　up　in　their
hearts；　a　passionate　tide；　and　swept　them　into　each　other's　arms。

〃O　Dan；〃　she　cried；　〃how　sweet　you　are！　how　good！　how　lovely！　　Oh；　how
wonderful　it　is！　　I　wanted　to　hate　you；　but　I　couldn't。　　I　couldn't　do
anything　but　love　you。　　Yes；　now　I　understand　what　love　is；　and　how　it　can
do　everything；　and　last　for　ever。〃




XLI。

Mavering　came　to　lunch　the　next　day；　and　had　a　word　with　Mrs。　Pasmer
before　Alice　came　in。　　Mr。　Pasmer　usually　lunched　at　the　club。

〃We　don't　see　much　of　Mrs。　Saintsbury　nowadays；〃　he　suggested。

〃No；　it's　a　great　way　to　Cambridge；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　stifling；　in　a
little　sigh　of　apparent　regret　for　the　separation；　the　curiosity　she　felt
as　to　Dan's　motive　in　mentioning　Mrs。　Saintsbury。　　She　was　very　patient
with　him　when　he　went　on。

〃Yes；　it　is　a　great　way。　　And　a　strange　thing　about　it　is　that　when　you're
living　here　it's　a　good　deal　further　from　Boston　to　Cambridge　than　it　is
from　Cambridge　to　Boston。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　〃every　one　notices　that。〃

Dan　sat　absently　silent　for　a　time　before　he　said；　〃Yes；　I　guess　I　must　go
out　and　see　Mrs。　Saintsbury。〃

〃Yes；　you　ought。　　She's　very　fond　of　you。　　You　and　Alice　ought　both　to
go。〃

〃Does　Mrs。　Saintsbury　like　me？〃　asked　Dan。　　〃Well；　she's　awfully　nice。
Don't　you　think　she's　awfully　fond　of　formulating　people？〃

〃Oh；　everybody　in　Cambridge　does　that。　　They　don't　gossip；　they　merely
accumulate　materials　for　the　formulation　of　character。〃

〃And　they　get　there　just　the　same！〃　cried　Dan。　　〃Mrs。　Saintsbury　used　to
think　she　had　got　me　down　pretty　fine；〃　he　suggested。

〃Yes！〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　with　an　indifference　which　they　both　knew　she　did
not　feel。

〃Yes。　　She　used　to　accuse　me　of　preferring　to　tack；　even　in　a　fair　wind。〃

He　looked　inquiringly　at　Mrs。　Pasmer；　and　she　said；　〃How　ridiculous！〃

〃Yes；　it　was。　　Well；　I　suppose　I　am　rather　circuitous　about　some　things。〃

〃Oh；　not　at　all！〃

〃And　I　suppose　I'm　rather　a　trial　to　Alice　in　that　way。〃

He　looked　at　Mrs。　Pasmer　again；　and　she　said：　　〃I　don't　believe　you　are；
in　the　least。　　You　can't　tell　what　is　trying　to　a　girl。〃

〃No；〃　said　Dan　pensively；　〃I　can't。〃　　Mrs。　Pasmer　tried　to　render　the
interest　in　her　face　less　vivid。　　〃I　can't　tell　where　she's　going　to　bring
up。　　Talk　about　tacking！〃

〃Do　you　mean　the　abstract　girl；　or　Alice？〃

〃Oh；　the　abstract　girl；〃　said　Dan；　and　they　laughed　together。　　〃You　think
Alice　is　very　straightforward；　don't　you？〃

〃Very；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　looking　down　with　a　smile〃for　a　girl。〃

〃Yes；　that's　what　I　mean。　　And　don't　you　think　the　most　circuitous　kind　of
fellow　would　be　pretty　direct　compared　with　the　straight…forwardest　kind
of　girl？〃

There　was　a　rueful　defeat　and　bewilderment　in　Dan's　face　that　made　Mrs。
Pasmer　laugh。　　〃What　has　she　been　doing　now？〃　she　asked。

〃Mrs。　Pasmer；〃　said　Dan；　〃you　and　I　are　the　only　frank　and　open　people　I
know。　　Well；　she　began　to　talk　last　night　about　influencethe　influence
of