april hopes-第49节

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exaltations；　mistaken　ideals；　which　really　represent　no　intelligent
purpose；　and　come　from　disordered　nerves；　ill…advised　reading；　and　the
erroneous　perspective　of　inexperience。　　Mrs。　Pasmer　felt　this；　and　she　was
tempted　to　break　into　a　laugh　over　Alice's　heroics；　but　she　preferred　to
keep　a　serious　countenance；　partly　because　she　did　not　feel　the　least
seriously。　　She　was　instantly　resolved　not　to　let　this　letter　accomplish
anything　more　than　Dan's　temporary　abasement；　and　she　would　have　preferred
to　shorten　this　to　the　briefest　moment　possible。　　She　liked　him；　and　she
was　convinced　that　Alice　could　never　do　better；　if　half　so　well。　　She
would　now　have　preferred　to　treat　him　with　familiar　confidence；　to　tell
him　that　she　had　no　idea　of　Alice's　writing　him　that　nonsensical　letter；
and　he　was　not　to　pay　the　least　attention　to　it；　for　of　course　it　meant
nothing；　but　another　principle　of　her　complex　nature　came　into　play；　and
she　silently　folded　the　note　and　returned　it　to　Dan；　trembling　before　her。

〃Well？〃　he　quavered。

〃Well；〃　returned　Mrs。　Pasmer　judicially；　while　she　enjoyed　his　tremor；
whose　needlessness　inwardly　amused　her〃well；　of　course；　Alice　was〃

〃Annoyed；　I　know。　　And　it　was　all　my　faultor　my　misfortune。　　But　I
assure　you；　Mrs。　Pasmer；　that　I　thought　I　was　doing　something　that　would
please　herin　the　highest　and　noblest　way。　　Now　don't　you　know　I　did？〃

Mrs。　Pasmer　again　wished　to　laugh；　but　in　the　face　of　Dan's　tragedy　she
had　to　forbear。　　She　contented　herself　with　saying：　〃Of　course。　　But
perhaps　it　wasn't　the　best　time　for　pleasing　her　just　in　that　way。〃

〃It　was　then　or　never。　　I　can　see　nowwhy；　I　could　see　all　the　timejust
how　it　might　look；　but　I　supposed　Alice　wouldn't　care　for　that；　and　if　I
hadn't　tried　to　make　some　reparation　then　to　Mrs。　Frobisher　and　her
sister；　I　never　could。　　Don't　you　see？〃

〃Yes；　certainly。　　But〃

〃And　Alice　herself　told　me　to　go　and　look　after　them；〃　interposed
Mavering。　　He　suppressed；　a　little　uncandidly；　the　fact　of　her　first
reluctance。

〃But　you　know　it　was　the　first　time　you　had　been　out　together？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃And　naturally　she　would　wish　to　have　you　a　good　deal　to　herself；　or　at
least　not　seeming　to　run　after　other　people。〃

〃Yes；　yes；　I　know　that。〃

〃And　no　one　ever　likes　to　be　taken　at　their　word　in　a　thing　like　that。〃

〃I　ought　to　have　thought　of　that；　but　I　didn't。　　I　wish　I　had　gone　to　you
first；　Mrs。　Pasmer。　　Somehow　it　seems　to　me　as　if　I　were　very　young　and
inexperienced；　I　didn't　use　to　feel　so。　　I　wish　you　were　always　on　hand　to
advise　me；　Mrs。　Pasmer。〃　　Dan　hung　his　head；　and　his　face；　usually　so　gay；
was　blotted　with　gloom。

〃Will　you　take　my　advice　now？〃　asked　Mrs。　Pasmer。

〃Indeed　I　will！〃　cried　the　young　fellow；　lifting　his　head。　　〃What　is　it？〃

〃See　Alice　about　this。〃

Dan　jumped　to　his　feet；　and　the　sunshine　broke　out　over　his　face　again。
〃Mrs。　Pasmer；　I　promised　to　take　your　advice；　and　I'll　do　it。　　I　will　see
her。　　But　how？　　Where？　　Let　me　have　your　advice　on　that　point　too。〃

They　began　to　laugh　together；　and　Dan　was　at　once　inexpressibly　happy。
Those　two　light　natures　thoroughly　comprehended　each　other。

Mrs。　Pasmer　had　proposed　his　seeing　Alice　with　due　seriousness；　but　now
she　had　a　longing　to　let　herself　go；　she　felt　all　the　pleasure　that　other
people　felt　in　doing　Dan　Mavering　a　pleasure；　and　something　more；　because
he　was　so　perfectly　intelligible　to　her。　　She　let　herself　go。

〃You　might　stay　to　breakfast。〃

〃Mrs。　Pasmer；　I　willI　will　do　that　too。　　I'm　awfully　hungry；　and　I　put
myself　in　your　hands。〃

〃Let　me　see；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer　thoughtfully；　〃how　it　can　be　contrived。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Mavering；　ready　for　a　panic。　　〃How？　　She　wouldn't　stand　a
surprise？〃

〃No；　I　had　thought　of　that。〃

〃No　behind…a…screen　or　next…room　business？〃

〃No；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer；　with　a　light　sigh。　　〃Alice　is　peculiar。　　I'm
afraid　she　wouldn't　like　it。〃

〃Isn't　there　any　little　ruse　she　would　like？〃

〃I　can't　think　of　any。　　Perhaps　I'd　better　go　and　tell　her　you're　here　and
wish　to　see　her。〃

〃Do　you　think　you'd　better？〃　asked　Dan　doubtfully。　　〃Perhaps　she　won't
come。〃

〃She　will　come；〃　said　Mrs。　Pasmer　confidently。

She　did　not　say　that　she　thought　Alice　would　be　curious　to　know　why　he　had
come；　and　that　she　was　too　just　to　condemn　him　unheard。

But　she　was　right　about　the　main　point。　　Alice　came；　and　Dan　could　see
with　his　own　weary　eyes　that　she　had　not　slept　either。

She　stopped　just　inside　the　portiere；　and　waited　for　him　to　speak。　　But　he
could　not；　though　a　smile　from　his　sense　of　the　absurdity　of　their
seriousness　hovered　about　his　lips。　　His　first　impulse　was　to　rush　upon
her　and　catch　her　in　his　arms；　and　perhaps　this　might　have　been　well；　but
the　moment　for　it　passed；　and　then　it　became　impossible。

〃Well？〃　she　said　at　last；　lifting　her　head；　and　looking　at　him　with
impassioned　solemnity。　　〃You　wished　to　see　me？　　I　hoped　you　wouldn't。　　It
would　have　spared　me　something。　　But　perhaps　I　had　no　right　to　your
forbearance。〃

〃Alice；　how　can　you　say　such　things　to　me？〃　asked　the　young　fellow；　deeply
hurt。

She　responded　to　his　tone。　　〃I'm　sorry　if　it　wounds　you。　　But　I　only　mean
what　I　say。〃

〃You've　a　right　to　my　forbearance；　and　not　only　that；　but　to　mymy　life；
to　everything　that　I　am；〃　cried　Dan；　in　a　quiver　of　tenderness　at　the
sight　of　her　and　the　sound　of　her　voice。　　〃Alice；　why　did　you　write　me
that　letter？why　did　you　send　me　back　my　ring？〃

〃Because；〃　she　said；　looking　him　seriously　in　the　face〃because　I　wished
you　to　be　free；　to　be　happy。〃

〃Well；　you've　gone　the　wrong　way　about　it。　　I　can　never　be　free　from　you；
I　never　can　be　happy　without　you。〃

〃I　did　it　for　your　good；　then；　which　ought　to　be　above　your　happiness。
Don't　think　I　acted　hastily。　　I　thought　it　over　all　night　long。　　I　didn't
sleep〃

〃Neither　did　I；〃　interposed　Dan。

〃And　I　saw　that　I　had　no　claim　to　you；　that　you　never　could　be　truly　happy
with　me〃

〃I'll　take　the　chances；〃　he　interrupted。　　〃Alice；　you　don't　suppose　I
cared　for　those　women　any　more　than　the　ground　under　your　feet；　do　you？　　I
don't　suppose　I　should　ever　have　given　them　a　second　thought　if　you　hadn't
seemed　to　feel　so　badly　about　my　neglecting　them；　and　I　thought　you'd　be
pleased　to　have　me　try　to　make　it　up　to　them　if　I　could。〃

〃I　know　your　motive　was　goodthe　noblest。　　Don't　think　that　I　did　you
injustice；　or　that　I　was　vexed　because　you　went　away　with　them。〃

〃You　sent　me。〃

〃Yes；　and　now　I　give　you　up　to　them　altogether。　　It　was　a　mistake；　a
crime；　for　me　to　think　we　could　he　anything　to　each　other　when　our　love
began　with　a　wrong　to　some　one　else。〃

〃With　a　wrong　to　some　one　else？〃

〃You　neglected　them　on　Class　Day　after　you　saw　me。〃

〃Why；　of　course　I　did。　　How　could　I　help　it？〃

A　flush　of　pleasure　came　into　the　girl's　pale　face；　but　she　banished　it；
and　continued　gravely；　〃Then　at　Portland　you　were　with　them　all　day。〃

〃You'd　given　me　upyou'd　thrown　me　over；　Alice；〃　he　pleaded。

〃I　know　that；　I　don't　blame　you。　　But　you　made　them　believe　that　you　were
very　much　interested　in　them。〃

〃I　don't　know　what　I　did。　　I　was　perfectly　desperate。〃

〃Yes；　it　was　my　fault。　　And　then；　when　they　came　to　meet　you　at　the
Museum；　I　had　made　you　forget　them；　I'd　made　you　wound　them　and　insult
them　again。　　No。　　I've　thought　it　all　out；　and　we　never　could　be　happy。
Don't　think　that　I　do　it　from　any　resentful　motive。〃

〃Alice？　how　could　I　think　that？Of　you！〃

〃I　have　triedprayedto　be　purified　from　that；　and　I　believe　that　I　have
been。〃

〃You　never　had　a　selfish　thought。〃

〃And　I　have　come　to　see　that　you　were　perfectly　right　in　what　you　did　last
night。　　At　first　I　was　wounded。〃

〃Oh；　did　I　wound　you；　Alice？〃　he　grieved。

〃But　afterward　I　could　see　that　you　belonged　to　them；　and　not　me；　andand
I　give　you　up　to　them。　　Yes；　freely；　fully。〃

Alice　stood　there；　beautiful；　pathetic；　austere；　and　Dan　had　halted　in　the
spot　to　which　he　had　advanced；　when　her　eye　forbade　him　to　approach
nearer。　　He　did　not　mean　to　joke；　and　it　was　in　despair　that　he　cried　out：
〃But　which；　Alice？　　There　are　two　of　them。〃

〃Two？〃　she　repeated　vaguely。

〃Yes；　Mrs。　Frobisher　and　Miss　Wrayne。　　You　can't　give　me　up　to　both　of
them。〃

〃Both？〃　she　repeated　again。　　She　could　not　condescend　to　specify；　it　would
be　ridiculous；　and　as　it　was；　she　felt　her　dignity　hopelessly　shaken。　　The
tears　came　into　her　eyes。

〃Yes。　　And　neither　of　them　wants　methey　haven't　got　any　use　for　me。
Mrs。　Frobisher　is　married　already；　and　Miss　Wrayne　took　the　trouble　last
night　to　let　me　feel　that；　so　far　as　she　was　concerned；　I　hadn't　made　it
all　right；　and　couldn't。　　I　thought　I　had　rather　a　cold　parting　with　you；
Alice；　but　it　was　quite　tropical　to　what　you　left　me　to。〃　　A　faint　smile；
mingled　with　a　blush　of　relenting；　stole　into　her　face；　and　he　hurried　on。
〃I　don't　suppose　I　tried　very　hard　to　thaw　her　out。　　I　wasn't　much
interested。　　If　you　must　give　me　up；　you　must　give　me　up　to　some　one　else；
for　they　don't　want　me；　and　I　don't　want　them。〃　　Alice's　head　dropped
lover；　and　he　could　come　nearer　now　without　her　seeming　to　know　it。　　〃But
why　need　you　give　me　up？　　There's　really　no　occasion　for　it；　I　a