april hopes-第43节

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〃Look　up！　　See　the　stars　through　the　vines！　　But　when　she　lifted　her　face
he　bent　his　upon　it　for　a　wild　kiss。

〃Don't！　　don't！〃　she　murmured。　　〃I　want　to　think；　I　don't　know　what　I'm
doing。〃

〃Neither　do　I。　　I　feel　as　if　I　were　a　blessed　ghost。〃

Perhaps　it　is　only　in　these　ecstasies　of　the　senses　that　the　soul　ever
reaches　self…consciousness　on　earth；　and　it　seems　to　be　only　the　man…soul
which　finds　itself　even　in　this　abandon。　　The　woman…soul　has　always
something　else　to　think　of。

〃What　shall　we　do；〃　said　the　girl；　〃if　weOh；　I　dread　to　meet　your
mother！　　Is　she　like　either　of　your　sisters？〃

〃No；〃　he　cried　joyously；　〃she's　like　me。　　If　you're　not　afraid　of　me；　and
you　don't　seem　to　be　〃

〃You're　all　I　haveyou're　all　I　have　in　the　world。　　Do　you　think　she'll
like　me？　　Oh；　do　you　love　me；　Dan？

〃You　darling！　　you　divine〃　　The　rest　was　a　mad　embrace。　　〃If　you're　not
afraid　of　me；　you　won't　mind　mother。　　I　wanted　you　here　alone　for　just　a
last　word；　to　tell　you　you　needn't　be　afraid；　to　tell　you　to　　But　I
needn't　tell　you　how　to　act。　　You　mustn't　treat　her　as　an　invalidyou
must　treat　her　like　any　one　else；　that's　what　she　likes。　　But　you'll　know
what's　best；　Alice。　　Be　yourself；　and　she'll　like　you　well　enough。　　I'm
not　afraid。〃




XXXIII：

When　she　entered　Mrs。　Mavering's　room　Alice　first　saw　the　pictures；　the
bric…a…brac；　the　flowers；　the　dazzle　of　lights；　and　then　the　invalid
propped　among　her　pillows；　and　vividly　expectant　of　her。　　She　seemed　all
eager　eyes　to　the　girl；　aware　next　of　the　strong　resemblance　to　Dan　in　her
features；　and　of　the　careful　toilet　the　sick　woman　had　made　for　her。　　To
youth　all　forms　of　suffering　are　abhorrent；　and　Alice　had　to　hide　a
repugnance　at　sight　of　this　spectre　of　what　had　once　been　a　pretty　woman。
Through　the　egotism　with　which　so　many　years　of　flattering　subjection　in
her　little　world　had　armed　her；　Mrs。　Mavering　probably　did　not　feel　the
girl's　shrinking；　or；　if　she　did；　took　it　for　the　natural　embarrassment
which　she　would　feel。　　She　had　satisfied　herself　that　she　was　looking　her
best；　and　that　her　cap　and　the　lace　jacket　she　wore　were　very　becoming；
and　softened　her　worst　points；　the　hangings　of　her　bed　and　the　richly
embroidered　crimson　silk　coverlet　were　part　of　the　coquetry　of　her
costume；　from　which　habit　had　taken　all　sense　of　ghastliness；　she　was
proud　of　them；　and　she　was　not　aware　of　the　scent　of　drugs　that　insisted
through　the　odour　of　the　flowers。

She　lifted　herself　on　her　elbow　as　Dan　approached　with　Alice；　and　the　girl
felt　as　if　an　intense　light　had　been　thrown　upon　her　from　head　to　foot　in
the　moment　of　searching　scrutiny　that　followed。　　The　invalid's　set　look
broke　into　a　smile；　and　she　put　out　her　hand；　neither　hot　nor　cold；　but　of
a　dry　neutral；　spiritual　temperature；　and　pulled　Alice　down　and　kissed
her。

〃Why；　child；　your　hand's　like　ice！〃　she　exclaimed　without　preamble。　　〃We
used　to　say　that　came　from　a　warm　heart。〃

〃I　guess　it　comes　from　a　cold　grapery　in　this　case；　mother；〃　said　Dan；
with　his　laugh。　　〃I've　just　been　running　Alice　through　it。　　And　perhaps　a
little　excitement〃

〃Excitement？〃　echoed　his　mother。　　〃Cold　grapery；　I　dare　say；　and　very
silly　of　you；　Dan；　but　there's　no　occasion　for　excitement；　as　if　we　were
strangers。　　Sit　down　in　that　chair；　my　dear。　　And；　Dan；　you　go　round　to
the　other　side　of　the　bed；　I　want　Alice　all　to　myself。　　I　saw　your
photograph　a　week　ago；　and　I've　thought　about　you　for　ages　since；　and
wondered　whether　you　would　approve　of　your　old　friend。〃

〃Oh　yes；〃　whispered　the　girl；　suppressing　a　tremor；　and　Dan's　eyes　were
suffused　with　grateful　tears　at　his　mother's　graciousness。

Alice's　reticence　seemed　to　please　the　invalid。　　〃I　hope　you'll　like　all
your　old　friends　here；　you've　begun　with　the　worst　among　us；　but　perhaps
you　like　him　the　best　because　he　is　the　worst；　I　do。〃

〃You　may　believe　just　half　of　that；　Alice；〃　cried　Dan。

〃Then　believe　the　best　half；　or　the　half　you　like　best；〃　said　Mrs。
Mavering。　　〃There　must　be　something　good　in　him　if　you　like　him。　　Have
they　welcomed　you　home；　my　dear？〃

We've　all　made　a　stagger　at　it；〃　said　Dan；　while　Alice　was　faltering　over
the　words　which　were　so　slow　to　come。

〃Don't　try　to　answer　my　formal　stupidities。　　You　are　welcome；　and　that's
enough；　and　more　than　enough　of　speeches。　　Did　you　have　a　comfortable
journey　up？〃

〃Oh；　very。〃

〃Was　it　cold？〃

〃Not　at　all。　　The　cars　were　very　hot。〃

〃Have　you　had　any　snow　yet　at　Boston？〃

〃No；　none　at　all　yet。〃

〃Now　I　feel　that　we're　talking　sense。　　I　hope　you　found　everything　in　your
room？〃　　I　can't　look　after　things　as　I　would　like；　and　so　I　inquire。〃

〃There's　everything；〃　said　Alice。　　〃We're　very　comfortable。〃

〃I'm　very　glad。　　I　had　Dan　look；　he's　my　housekeeper；　he　understands　me
better　than　my　girls；　he's　like　me；　more。　　That's　what　makes　us　so　fond　of
each　other；　it's　a　kind　of　personal　vanity。　　But　he　has　his　good　points；
Dan　has。　　He's　very　amiable；　and　I　was　too；　at　his　ageand　till　I　came
here。　　But　I'm　not　going　to　tell　you　of　his　good　points；　I　dare　say　you've
found　them　out。　　I'll　tell　you　about　his　bad　ones。　　He　says　you're　very
serious。　　Are　you？〃　　She　pressed　the　girl's　hand；　which　she　had　kept　in
hers；　and　regarded　her　keenly。

Alice　dropped　her　eyes　at　the　odd　question。　　〃I　don't　know；〃　she　faltered。
〃Sometimes。〃

〃Well；　that's　good。　　Dan's　frivolous。〃

〃Oh；　sometimesonly　sometimes！〃　he　interposed。

〃He's　frivolous；　and　he's　very　light…minded；　but　he's　none　the　worse　for
that。〃

〃Oh；　thank　you；〃　said　Dan；　and　Alice；　still　puzzled；　laughed
provisionally。

〃No；　I　want　you　to　understand　that。　　He's　light…hearted　too；　and　that's　a
great　thing　in　this　world。　　If　you're　serious　you'll　be　apt　to　be
heavyhearted；　and　then　you'll　find　Dan　of　use。　　And　I　hope　he'll　know　how；
to　turn　your　seriousness　to　account　too。　　he　needs　something　to　keep　him
downto　keep　him　from　blowing　away。　　〃Yes；　it's　very　well　for　people　to
be　opposites。　　Only　they　must　understand　each　other；　If　they　do　that；　then
they　get　along。　　Light…heartedness　or　heavy…heartedness　comes　to　the　same
thing　if　they　know　how　to　use　it　for　each　other。　　You　see；　I've　got　to　be
a　great　philosopher　lying　here；　nobody　dares　contradict　me　or　interrupt　me
when　I'm　constructing　my　theories；　and　so　I　get　them　perfect。〃

〃I　wish　I　could　hear　them　all；〃　said　Alice；　with　sincerity　that　made　Mrs。
Mavering　laugh　as　light…heartedly　as　Dan　himself；　and　that　seemed　to
suggest　the　nest　thing　to　her。

〃You　can　for　the　asking；　almost　any　time。　　Are　you　a　very　truthful　person；
my　dear？　　Don't　take　the　trouble　to　deny　it　if　you　are；〃　she　added；　at
Alice's　stare。　　〃You　see；　I'm　not　at　all　conventional　and　you　needn't　be。
Come！　tell　the　truth　for　once；　at　any　rate。　　Are　you　habitually　truthful？〃

〃Yes；　I　think　I　am；〃　said　Alice；　still　staring。

〃Dan's　not；〃　said　his　mother　quietly。

〃Oh；　see　here；　now；　mother！　　Don't　give　me　away！〃

〃He'll　tell　the　truth　in　extremity；　of　course；　and　he'll　tell　it　if　it's
pleasant；　always；　but　if　you　don't　expect　much　more　of　him　you　won't　be
disappointed；　and　you　can　make　him　of　great　use。〃

〃You　see　where　I　got　it；　anyway；　Alice；〃　said　Dan；　laughing　across　the　bed
at　her。

〃Yes；　you　got　it　from　me：　I　own　it。　　A　great　part　of　my　life　was　made　up
of　making　life　pleasant　to　others　by　fibbing。　　I　stopped　it　when　I　came
here。〃

〃Oh；　not　altogether；　mother！〃　urged　her　son。　　〃You　mustn't　be　too　hard　on
yourself。〃

She　ignored　his　interruption：　〃You'll　find　Dan　a　great　convenience　with
that　agreeable　habit　of　his。　　You　can　get　him　to　make　all　your　verbal
excuses　for　you　（he'll；　do　it　beautifully）；　and　dictate　all　the　thousand
and　one　little　lying　notes　you'll　have　to　write；　he　won't　mind　it　in　the
least；　and　it　will　save　you　a　great　wear…and…tear　of　conscience。〃

〃Go　on；　mother；　go　on；〃　said　Dan；　with　delighted　eyes；　that　asked　of　Alice
if　it　were　not　all　perfectly　charming。

〃And　you　can　come　in　with　your　habitual　truthfulness　where　Dan　wouldn't
know　what　to　do；　poor　fellow。　　You'll　have　the　moral　courage　to　come　right
to　the　point　when　he　would　like　to　shillyshally；　and　you　can　be　frank
while　he's　trying　to　think　how　to　make　y…e…s　spell　no。〃

〃Any　other　little　compliments；　mother？〃　suggested　Dan。

〃No；〃　said　Mrs。　Mavering；　〃that's　all。　　I　thought　I'd　better　have　it　off
my　mind；　I　knew　you'd　never　get　it　off　yours；　and　Alice　had　better　know
the　worst。　　It　is　the　worst；　my　dear；　and　if　I　talked　of　him　till　doomsday
I　couldn't　say　any　more　harm　of　him。　　I　needn't　tell　you　how　sweet　he　is；
you　know　that；　I'm　sure；　but　you　can't　know　yet　how　gentle　and　forbearing
he　is；　how　patient；　how　full　of　kindness　to　every　living　soul；　how
unselfish；　how〃

She　lost　her　voice。　　〃Oh；　come　now；　mother；〃　Dan　protested　huskily。

Alice　did　not　say　anything；　she　bent　over；　without　repugnance；　and
gathered　the　shadowy　shape　into　her　strong　young　arms；　and　kissed　the
wasted　face　whose　unearthly　coolness　was　like　the　leaf　of　a　flower　against
her　lips。　　〃He　never　gave　me　a　moment's　trouble；〃　said　the　mother；　〃and
I'm　sure　he'll　make　you　happy。　　How　kind　of　you　not　to　be　afraid　of　me〃

〃Afraid！〃　cried　the　girl；　wi