april hopes-第30节
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sure now that Dan had been jilted; otherwise he would have put forth some
objection to a scheme which must interrupt his lovemaking。 〃There's no
reason why; with our resources; we shouldn't take the lead in this
business。〃
He went on to speak more fully of his plans; and Dan listened with a
nether reference of it all to Alice; but still with a surface
intelligence on which nothing was lost。
〃Are you going home with me to…morrow?〃 asked his father as they rose
from the table。
〃Well; perhaps not to…morrow。 I've got some of my things to put together
in Cambridge yet; and perhaps I'd better look after them。 But I've a
notion I'd better spend the winter at home; and get an idea of the
manufacture before I go abroad。 I might sail in January; they say it's a
good month。〃
〃Yes; there's sense in that;〃 said his father。
〃And perhaps I won't break up in Cambridge till I've been to New York and
Philadelphia。 What do you think? It's easier striking them from here。〃
〃I don't know but you're right;〃 said his father easily。
They had come out of the dining…room; and Dan stopped to get some
cigarettes in the office。 He looked mechanically at the theatre bills
over the cigar case。 〃I see Irving's at the 'Boston。'〃
〃Oh; you don't say!〃 said his father。 〃Let's go and see him。〃
〃If you wish it; sir;〃 said Dan; with pensive acquiescence。 All the
Maverings were fond of the theatre; and made any mood the occasion or the
pretext of going to the play。 If they were sad; they went; if they were
gay; they went。 As long as Dan's mother could get out…of…doors she used
to have herself carried to a box in the theatre whenever she was in town;
now that she no longer left her room; she had a dominant passion for
hearing about actors and acting; it was almost a work of piety in her
husband and children to see them and report to her。
His father left him the next afternoon; and Dan; who had spent the day
with him looking into business for the first time; with a running
accompaniment of Alice in all the details; remained to uninterrupted
misery。 He spent the evening in his room; too wretched even for the
theatre。 It is true that he tried to find Boardman; but Boardman was
again off on some newspaper duty; and after trying at several houses in
the hope; which he knew was vain; of finding any one in town yet; he shut
himself up with his thoughts。 They did not differ from the thoughts of
the night before; and the night before that; but they were calmer; and
they portended more distinctly a life of self…abnegation and solitude
from that time forth。 He tested his feelings; and found that it was not
hurt vanity that he was suffering from: it was really wounded affection。
He did not resent Alice's cruelty; he wished that she might be happy; he
could endure to see her happy。
He wrote a letter to the married one of the two ladies he had spent the
day with in Portland; and thanked them for making pass pleasantly a day
which he would not otherwise have known how to get through。 He let a
soft; mysterious melancholy pervade his letter; he hinted darkly at
trouble and sorrow of which he could not definitely speak。 He had the
good sense to tear his letter up when he had finished it; and to send a
short; sprightly note instead; saying that if Mrs。 Frobisher and her
sister came to Boston at the end of the month; as they had spoken of
doing; they must be sure to let him know。 Upon the impulse given him by
this letter he went more cheerfully to bed; and fell instantly asleep。
During the next three weeks he bent himself faithfully to the schemes
of work his father had outlined for him。 He visited New York and
Philadelphia; and looked into the business and the processes there; and
he returned to Ponkwasset Falls to report and compare his facts
intelligently with those which he now examined in his father's
manufactory for the first time。 He began to understand how his father;
who was a man of intellectual and artistic interests; should be fond of
the work。
He spent a good deal of time with his mother; and read to her; and got
upon better terms with her than they usually were。 They were very much
alike; and she objected to him that he was too light and frivolous。 He
sat with his sisters; and took an interest in their pursuits。 He drove
them about with his father's sorrels; and resumed something of the old
relations with them which the selfish years of his college life had
broken off。 As yet he could not speak of Campobello or of what had
happened there; and his mother and sisters; whatever they thought; made
no more allusion to it than his father had done。
They mercifully took it for granted that matters must have gone wrong
there; or else he would speak about them; for there had been some gay
banter among them concerning the objects of his expedition before he left
home。 They had heard of the heroine of his Class Day; and they had their
doubts of her; such as girls have of their brothers' heroines。 They were
not inconsolably sorry to have her prove unkind; and their mother found
in the probable event another proof of their father's total want of
discernment where women were concerned; for the elder Mavering had come
home from Class Day about as much smitten with this mysterious Miss
Pasmer as Dan was。 She talked it over indignantly with her daughters;
they were glad of Dan's escape; but they were incensed with the girl who
could let him escape; and they inculpated her in a high degree of
heartless flirtation。 They knew how sweet Dan was; and they believed him
most sincere and good。 He had been brilliantly popular in college; and
he was as bright as he could be。 What was it she chose not to like in
him? They vexed themselves with asking how or in what way she thought
herself better。 They would not have had her love Dan; but they were hot
against her for not loving him。
They did not question him; but they tried in every way to find out how
much he was hurt; and they watched him in every word and look for signs
of change to better or worse; with a growing belief that he was not very
much hurt。
It could not be said that in three weeks he forgot Alice; or had begun to
forget her; but he had begun to reconcile himself to his fate; as people
do in their bereavements by death。 His consciousness habituated itself
to the facts as something irretrievable。 He no longer framed in his mind
situations in which the past was restored。 He knew that he should never
love again; but he had moments; and more and more of them; in which he
experienced that life had objects besides love。 There were times when he
tingled with all the anguish of the first moment of his rejection; when
he stopped in whatever he was doing; or stood stock…still; as a man does
when arrested by a physical pang; breathless; waiting。 There were other
times when he went about steeped in gloom so black that all the world
darkened with it; and some mornings when he woke he wished that the night
had lasted for ever; and felt as if the daylight had uncovered his misery
and his shame to every one。 He never knew when he should have these
moods; and he thought he should have them as long as he lived。 He
thought this would be something rather fine。 He had still other moods;
in which he saw an old man with a grey moustache; like Colonel Newcome;
meeting a beautiful white…haired lady; the man had never married; and he
had not seen this lady for fifty years。 He bent over; and kissed her
hand。
〃You idiot!〃 said Mavering to himself。 Throughout he kept a good
appetite。 In fact; after that first morning in Portland; he had been
hungry three times a day with perfect regularity。 He lost the idea of
being sick; he had not even a furred tongue。 He fell asleep pretty
early; and he slept through the night without a break。 He had to laugh a
great deal with his mother and sisters; since he could not very well mope
without expecting them to ask why; and he did not wish to say why。 But
there were some laughs which he really enjoyed with the Yankee foreman of
the works; who was a droll; after a common American pattern; and said
things that were killingly funny; especially about women; of whom his
opinions were sarcastic。
Dan Mavering suffered; but not solidly。 His suffering was short; and
crossed with many gleams of respite and even joy。 His disappointment
made him really unhappy; but not wholly so; it was a genuine sorrow; but
a sorrow to which he began to resign himself even in the monotony of
Ponkwasset Falls; and which admitted the thought of Mrs。 Frobisher's
sister by the time business called him to Boston。
XXIV。
Before the end of the first week after Dan came back to town; that which
was likely to happen whenever chance brought him and Alice together had
taken place。
It was one of the soft days that fall in late October; when the impending
winter seems stayed; and the warm breath of the land draws seaward and
over a thousand miles of Indian summer。 The bloom came and went in quick
pulses over the girl's temples as she sat with her head thrown back in
the corner of the car; and from moment to moment she stirred slightly as
if some stress