april hopes-第28节

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〃I　came　down　here　to　do　a　sort　of　one…horse　yacht　race　to…day；〃　Boardman
explained。

〃Going　to　be　a　yacht　race？　　Better　have　some　breakfast。　　Or　better　not
here。　　Flies　under　your　bacon。〃

〃Rough　on　the　flies；〃　said　Boardman；　snapping　the　bell　which　summoned　the
spectre　in　the　black　jersey；　and　he　sat　down。　　〃What　are　you　doing　in
Portland？〃

Mavering　told　him；　and　then　Boardman　asked　him　how　he　had　left　the
Pasmers。　　Mavering　needed　no　other　hint　to　speak；　and　he　spoke　fully；
while　Boardman　listened　with　an　agreeable　silence；　letting　the　hero　of
the　tale　break　into　self…scornful　groans　and　doleful　laughs；　and　ease　his
heart　with　grotesque；　inarticulate　noises；　and　made　little　or　no
comments。

By　the　time　his　breakfast　came；　Boardman　was　ready　to　say；　〃I　didn't
suppose　it　was　so　much　of　a　mash。〃

〃I　didn't　either；〃　said　Mavering；　〃when　I　left　Boston。　　Of　course　I　knew
I　was　going　down　there　to　see　her；　but　when　I　got　there　it　kept　going　on；
just　like　anything　else；　up　to　the　last　moment。　　I　didn't　realise　till　it
came　to　the　worst　that　I　had　become　a　mere　pulp。〃

〃Well；　you　won't　stay　so；〃　said　Boardman；　making　the　first　vain　attempt
at　consolation。　　He　lifted　the　steak　he　had　ordered；　and　peered　beneath
it。　　All　right　this　time；　any　way。〃

〃I　don't　know　what　you　mean　by　staying　so；〃　replied　Mavering；　with　gloomy
rejection　of　the　comfort　offered。

〃You'll　see　that　it's　all　for　the　best；　that　you're　well　out　of　it。　　If
she　could　throw　you　over；　after　leading　you　on〃

〃But　she　didn't　lead　me　on！〃　exclaimed　Mavering。　　〃Don't　you　understand
that　it　was　all　my　mistake　from　the　first？　　If　I　hadn't　been　perfectly
besotted　I　should　have　seen　that　she　was　only　tolerating　me。　　Don't　you
see？　　Why；　hang　it；　Boardman；　I　must　have　had　a　kind　of　consciousness　of
it　under　my　thick…skinned　conceit；　after　all；　for　when　I　came　to　the
pointwhen　I　did　come　to　the　pointI　hadn't　the　sand　to　stick　to　it
like　a　man；　and　I　tried　to　get　her　to　help　me。　　Yes；　I　can　see　that　I　did
now。　　I　kept　fooling　about；　and　fooling　about；　and　it　was　because　I　had
that　sort　of　prescienceof　whatever　you　call　itthat　I　was　mistaken
about　it　from　the　very　beginning。〃

He　wished　to　tell　Boardman　about　the　events　of　the　night　before；　but　he
could　not。　　He　said　to　himself　that　he　did　not　care　about　their　being
hardly　to　his　credit；　but　he　did　not　choose　to　let　Alice　seem　to　have
resented　anything　in　them；　it　belittled　her；　and　claimed　too　much　for
him。　　So　Boardman　had　to　proceed　upon　a　partial　knowledge　of　the　facts。

〃I　don't　suppose　that　boomerang　way　of　yours；　if　that's　what　you　mean；
was　of　much　use；〃　he　said。

〃Use？　　It　ruined　me！　　But　what　are　you　going　to　do？〃　　How　are　you　going
to　presuppose　that　a　girl　like　Miss　Pasmer　is　interested　in　an　idiot　like
you？　　I　mean　me；　of　course。〃　　Mavering　broke　off　with　a　dolorous　laugh。
〃And　if　you　can't　presuppose　it；　what　are　you　going　to　do　when　it　comes
to　the　point？　　You've　got　to　shillyshally；　and　then　you've　got　to　go　it
blind。　　I　tell　you　it's　a　leap　in　the　dark。〃

〃Well；　then；　if　you've　got　yourself　to　blame〃

〃How　am　I　to　blame；　I　should　like　to　know？〃　retorted　Mavering；　rejecting
the　first　offer　from　another　of　the　censure　which　he　had　been　heaping
upon　himself：　the　irritation　of　his　nerves　spoke。　　〃I　did　speak　out　at
lastwhen　it　was　too　late。　Well；　let　it　all　go；〃　he　groaned　aimlessly。
〃I　don't　care。　　But　she　isn't　to　blame。　　I　don't　think　I　could　admire
anybody　very　much　who　admired　me。　　No；　sir。　　She　did　just　right。　　I　was　a
fool；　and　she　couldn't　have　treated　me　differently。〃

〃Oh；　I　guess　it'll　come　out　all　right；〃　said　Boardman；　abandoning　himself
to　mere　optimism。

〃How　come　all　right？〃　demanded　Mavering；　flattered　by　the　hope　he
refused。　　〃It's　come　right　now。　　I've　got　my　deserts；　that's　all。〃

〃Oh　no；　you　haven't。　　What　harm　have　you　done？　　It's　all　right　for　you　to
think　small　beer　of　yourself；　and　I　don't　see　how　you　could　think
anything　else　just　at　present。　　But　you　wait　awhile。　　When　did　it
happen？〃

Mavering　took　out　his　watch。　　〃One　day；　one　hour；　twenty　minutes；　and
fifteen　seconds　ago。〃

〃Sure　about　the　seconds？　　I　suppose　you　didn't　hang　round　a　great　while
afterward？〃

〃Well；　people　don't；　generally；〃　said　Mavering；　with　scorn。

〃Never　tried　it；〃　said　Boardman；　looking　critically　at　his　fried　potatoes
before　venturing　upon　them。　　〃If　you　had　stayed；　perhaps　she　might　have
changed　her　mind；〃　he　added；　as　if　encouraged　to　this　hopeful　view　by　the
result　of　his　scrutiny。

〃Where　did　you　get　your　fraudulent　reputation　for　common…sense；
Boardman？〃　retorted　Mavering；　who　had　followed　his　examination　of　the
potatoes　with　involuntary　interest。　　〃She　won't　change　her　mind；　she
isn't　one　of　that　kind。　　But　she's　the　one　woman　in　this　world　who　could
have　made　a　man　of　me；　Boardman。〃

〃Is　that　so？〃　asked　Boardman　lightly。　　〃Well；　she　is　a　good…looking
girl。〃

〃She's　divine！〃

〃What　a　dress　that　was　she　had　on　Class　Day！〃

〃I　never　think　what　she　has　on。　　She　makes　everything　perfect；　and　then
makes　you　forget　it。〃

〃She's　got　style；　there's　no　mistake　about　that。〃

〃Style！〃　sighed　Mavering；　but　he　attempted　no　exemplification。

〃She's　awfully　graceful。　　What　a　walk　she's　got！〃

〃Oh；　don't；　don't；　Boardman！　　All　that's　true；　and　all　that's　nothing
nothing　to　her　goodness。　　She's　so　good；　Boardman！　　Well；　I　give　it　up！
She's　religious。　　You　wouldn't　think　that；　may　be；　you　can't　imagine　a
pretty　girl　religious。　　And　she's　all　the　more　intoxicating　when　she's
serious；　and　when　she's　forgotten　your　whole　worthless　existence　she's
ten　thousand　times　more　fascinating　than　and　other　girl　when　she's　going
right　for　you。　　There's　a　kind　of　look　comes　into　her　eyeskind　of
absence；　rapture；　don't　you　knowwhen　she's　serious；　that　brings　your
heart　right　into　your　mouth。　　She　makes　you　think　of　some　of　those
picturesI　want　to　tell　you　what　she　said　the　other　day　at　a　picnic　when
we　were　off　getting　blueberries；　and　you'll　understand　that　she　isn't
like　other　girlsthat　she　has　a　soul　fall　ofofyou　know　what；
Boardman。　　She　has　high　thoughts　about　everything。　　I　don't　believe　she's
ever　had　a　mean　or　ignoble　impulseshe　couldn't　have。〃　　In　the　business
of　imparting　his　ideas　confidentially；　Mavering　had　drawn　himself　across
the　table　toward　Boardman；　without　heed　to　what　was　on　it。

〃Look　out！　　You'll　be　into　my　steak　first　thing　you　know。〃

〃0h；　confound　your　steak？〃　cried　Mavering；　pushing　the　dish　away。　　What
difference　does　it　make？　　I've　lost　her；　anyway。〃

〃I　don't　believe　you've　lost　her；〃　said　Boardman。

〃What's　the　reason　you　don't？〃　retorted　Mavering；　with　contempt。

〃Because；　if　she's　the　serious　kind　of　a　girl　you　say　she　is；　she
wouldn't　let　you　come　up　there　and　dangle　round　a　whole　fortnight　without
letting　you　know　she　didn't　like　it；　unless　she　did　like　it。　　Now　you
just　go　a　little　into　detail。〃

Mavering　was　quite　willing。　　He　went　so　much　into　detail　that　he　left
nothing　to　Boardman's　imagination。　　He　lost　the　sense　of　its　calamitous
close　in　recounting　the　facts　of　his　story　at　Campobello；　he　smiled　and
blushed　and　laughed　in　telling　certain　things；　he　described　Miss　Anderson
and　imitated　her　voice；　he　drew　heads　of　some　of　the　ladies　on　the　margin
of　a　newspaper；　and　the　tears　came　into　his　eyes　when　he　repeated　the
cruel　words　which　Alice　had　used　at　their　last　meeting。

〃Oh；　well；　you　must　brace　up；〃　said　Boardman。　　〃I've　got　to　go　now。　　She
didn't　mean　it；　of　course。〃

〃Mean　what？〃

〃That　you　were　ungentlemanly。　　Women　don't　know　half　the　time　how　hard
they're　hitting。〃

〃I　guess　she　meant　that　she　didn't　want　me；　anyway；〃　said　Mavering
gloomily。

〃Ah；　I　don't　know　about　that。　　You'd　better　ask　her　the　next　time　you　see
her。　　Good…bye。〃　　He　had　risen；　and　he　offered　his　hand　to　Mavering；　who
was　still　seated。

〃Why；　I've　half　a　mind　to　go　with　you。〃

〃All　right；　come　along。　　But　I　thought　you　might　be　going　right　on　to
Boston。〃

〃No；　I'll　wait　and　go　on　with　you。　　How；　do　you　go　to　the　race？〃

〃In　the　press　boat。〃

〃Any　women？〃

〃No；　we　don't　send　them　on　this　sort　of　duty。〃

〃That　settles　it。　　I　have　got　all　I　want　of　that　particular　sex　for　the
time　being。〃　　Mavering　wore　a　very　bitter　air　as　he　said　this；　it　seemed
to　him　that　he　would　always　be　cynical；　he　rose；　and　arranged　to　leave
his　bag　with　the　restaurateur；　who　put　it　under　the　counter；　and　then　he
went　out　with　his　friend。

The　sun　had　come　out；　and　the　fog　was　burning　away；　there　was　life　and
lift　in　the　air；　which　the　rejected　lover　could　not　refuse　to　feel；　and
he　said；　looking　round；　and　up　and　down　the　animated　street。　　〃I　guess
you're　going　to　have　a　good　day　for　it。〃

The　pavement　was　pretty　well　filled　with　women　who　had　begun　shopping。
Carriages　were　standing　beside　the　pavement；　a　lady　crossed　the　pavement
from　a　shop　door　toward　a　coupe　just　in　front　of　them；　with　her　hand　full
of　light　packages；　she　dropped　one　of　them；　and　Mavering　sprang　forward
instinctively　and　picked　it　up　for　her。

〃Oh；　thank　you！〃　she　said；　with　the　deep　gratitude　which　society
cultivates　for　the　smallest　services。　　Then　she　lifted　her　drooped
eyelashes；　and；　with