my memories of eighty years-第52节

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〃Did　you　ever　visit　that　capital？〃　asked　the　prince。

〃Yes；　several　times；〃　I　answered；　〃but　not　for　divorce。　　My　domestic　relations　have　always　been　very　happy；　but　it　is　also　a　famous　health　resort；　and　I　went　there　for　the　cure。〃

〃Tell　us　about　your　visit；〃　said　the　prince。

〃Well；〃　I　continued；　〃it　was　out　of　season　when　I　was　first　there；　so　the　only　amusement　or　public　occasions　of　interest　were　prayer…meetings。〃

The　old　lady　asked　excitedly：　　〃Share　meetings？〃　　She　had　been　a　large　and　unfortunate　investor　in　American　stocks。

I　relieved　her　by　saying：　　〃No；　not　share　meetings；　but　religious　prayer…meetings。　　I　remember　one　evening　that　the　gentleman　who　sat　beside　me　turned　suddenly　to　his　wife　and　said：　　'We　must　get　out　of　here　at　once；　the　air　is　too　close。'　　'Why；　no；'　she　said；　'the　windows　are　all　open　and　the　breeze　is　fresh。'　　'Yes；'　he　quickly　remarked；　'but　next　to　you　are　your　two　predecessors　from　whom　I　was　divorced；　and　that　makes　the　air　too　close　for　me。'〃

The　old　lady　exclaimed：　　〃What　a　frightful　condition！〃

〃Tell　us　more；〃　said　the　prince。

〃Well；〃　I　continued；　〃one　day　the　mayor　of　the　city　invited　me　to　accompany　him　to　the　station；　as　the　divorce　train　was　about　to　arrive。　　I　found　at　the　station　a　judge　and　one　of　the　court　attendants。　　The　attendant　had　a　large　package　of　divorce　decrees　to　which　the　seal　of　the　court　had　been　attached；　and　also　the　signature　of　the　judge。　　They　only　required　to　have　the　name　of　the　party　desiring　divorce　inserted。　　Alongside　the　judge　stood　a　clergyman　of　the　Established　Church　in　full　robes　of　his　sacred　office。　　When　the　passengers　had　all　left　the　cars；　the　conductor　jumped　on　to　one　of　the　car　platforms　and　shouted　to　the　crowd：　'All　those　who　desire　divorce　will　go　before　the　judge　and　make　their　application。'

〃When　they　had　all　been　released　by　the　court　the　conductor　again　called　out：　　'All　those　who　have　been　accompanied　by　their　partners；　or　where　both　have　been　to…day　released　from　their　former　husbands　and　wives　to　be　remarried；　will　go　before　the　rector。'　　He　married　them　in　a　body；　whereupon　they　all　resumed　their　places　on　the　train。　　The　blowing　of　the　whistle　and　the　ringing　of　the　bell　on　the　locomotive　was　the　music　of　their　first；　second；　or　third　honeymoon　journey。〃

The　old　lady　threw　up　her　hands　in　horror　and　cried：　　〃Such　an　impious　civilization　must　come　speedily　not　only　to　spiritual　and　moral　destruction；　but　chaos。〃

Most　of　the　company　saw　what　an　amazing　caricature　the　whole　story　was　and　received　it　with　great　hilarity。　　The　effect　of　it　was　to　end；　for　that　circle；　at　least；　and　their　friends；　a　serious　discussion　of　the　universality　of　American　divorces。

The　prince　was　always　an　eager　sportsman　and　a　very　chivalric　one。　　At　the　time　of　one　of　the　races　at　Cowes　he　became　very　indignant　at　the　conduct　of　an　American　yachtsman　who　had　entered　his　boat。　　It　was　charged　by　the　other　competitors　that　this　American　yachtsman　violated　all　the　unwritten　laws　of　the　contest。

After　the　race　the　prince　said　to　me：　　〃A　yacht　is　a　gentleman's　home；　whether　it　is　racing　or　sailing　about　for　pleasure。　　The　owner　of　this　yacht；　to　make　her　lighter　and　give　her　a　better　chance；　removed　all　the　furniture　and　stripped　her　bare。　　He　even　went　so　far；　I　am　told；　that　when　he　found　the　steward　had　left　his　stateroom　a　tooth…brush；　he　threw　it　out　of　the　port　window。〃

It　will　be　seen　from　these　few　anecdotes　how　intensely　human　was　the　Prince　of　Wales。　　He　did　much　for　his　country；　both　as　prince　and　king；　and　filled　in　a　wise　and　able　way　the　functions　of　his　office。　　Certainly　no　official　did　quite　so　much　for　the　peace　of　Europe　during　his　time；　and　no　royalty　ever　did　more　to　make　the　throne　popular　with　the　people。　　I　heard　him　speak　at　both　formal　and　informal　occasions；　and　his　addresses　were　always　tactful　and　wise。

While　at　Homburg　we　used　to　enjoy　the　delightful　excursions　to　Nauheim；　the　famous　nerve…cure　place。　　I　met　there　at　one　time　a　peculiar　type　of　Americans；　quite　common　in　former　years。　　They　were　young　men　who；　having　inherited　fortunes　sufficient　for　their　needs；　had　no　ambitions。　　After　a　strenuous　social　life　at　home　and　in　Europe；　they　became　hypochondriacs　and　were　chasing　cures　for　their　imaginary　ills　from　one　resort　to　another。

One　of　them；　who　had　reached　middle　life；　had；　of　course；　become　in　his　own　opinion　a　confirmed　invalid。　　I　asked　him：　　〃What　brought　you　here？　　You　look　very　well。〃

〃That　is　just　my　trouble；〃　he　answered。　　〃I　look　very　well　and　so　get　no　sympathy；　but　my　nervous　system　is　so　out　of　order　that　it　only　takes　a　slight　shock　to　completely　disarrange　it。　　For　instance；　the　cause　of　my　present　trouble。　　I　was　dining　in　Paris　at　the　house　of　a　famous　hostess；　and　a　distinguished　company　was　present。　　The　only　three　Americans　were　two　ladies　and　myself。　I　was　placed　between　them。　　You　know　one　of　these　ladies；　while　a　great　leader　at　home；　uses　very　emphatic　language　when　she　is　irritated。　　The　dinner；　like　most　French　dinners；　with　many　courses；　was　unusually　long。　　Suddenly　this　lady；　leaning　over　me；　said　to　her　sister：　　'Damn　it；　Fan；　will　this　dinner　never　end？'　The　whole　table　was　shocked　and　my　nerves　were　completely　shattered。〃　The　great　war；　as　I　think；　exterminated　this　entire　tribe。

I　was　delighted　to　find　at　Nauheim　my　old　friends；　Mark　Twain　and　the　Reverend　Doctor　Joseph　Twichell；　of　Hartford；　Conn。　　Doctor　Twichell　was　Mark　Twain's　pastor　at　home。　　He　was　in　college　with　me　at　Yale；　and　I　was　also　associated　with　him　in　the　governing　corporation　of　Yale　University。　　He　was　one　of　the　finest　wits　and　remarkable　humorists　of　his　time。　　Wit　and　humor　were　with　him　spontaneous；　and　he　bubbled　over　with　them。　　Mark　Twain's　faculties　in　that　line　were　more　labored　and　had　to　be　worked　out。　Doctor　Twichell　often　furnished　in　the　rough　the　jewels　which　afterwards　in　Mark　Twain's　workshop　became　perfect　gems。

I　invited　them　to　come　over　and　spend　the　day　and　dine　with　me　in　the　evening　at　Homburg。　　Mark　Twain　at　that　time　had　the　reputation　in　England　of　being　the　greatest　living　wit　and　humorist。　It　soon　spread　over　Homburg　that　he　was　in　town　and　was　to　dine　with　me　in　the　evening；　and　requests　came　pouring　in　to　be　invited。　I　kept　enlarging　my　table　at　the　Kursaal；　with　these　requests；　until　the　management　said　they　could　go　no　farther。　　I　placed　Mark　Twain　alongside　Lady　Cork；　one　of　the　most　brilliant　women　in　England。　　In　the　course　of　years　of　acquaintance　I　had　met　Mark　Twain　under　many　conditions。　　He　was　very　uncertain　in　a　social　gathering。　　Sometimes　he　would　be　the　life　of　the　occasion　and　make　it　one　to　be　long　remembered；　but　generally　he　contributed　nothing。　　At　this　dinner；　whenever　he　showed　the　slightest　sign　of　making　a　remark；　there　was　dead　silence；　but　the　remark　did　not　come。　　He　had　a　charming　time；　and　so　did　Lady　Cork；　but　the　rest　of　the　company　heard　nothing　from　the　great　humorist；　and　they　were　greatly　disappointed。

The　next　morning　Mark　Twain　came　down　to　the　springs　in　his　tramping…suit；　which　had　fairly　covered　the　continent。　　I　introduced　him　to　the　Prince　of　Wales；　and　he　was　charmed　with　him　in　their　hour　of　walk　and　talk。　　At　dinner　that　evening　the　prince　said　to　me：　　〃I　would　have　invited　Mark　Twain　this　evening；　if　I　thought　he　had　with　him　any　dinner　clothes。〃

〃At　my　dinner　last　night；〃　I　said；　〃he　met　every　conventional　requirement。〃

〃Then；〃　continued　the　prince；　〃I　would　be　much　obliged　if　you　would　get　him　for　dinner　with　me　to…morrow　evening。〃

It　was　very　much　the　same　company　as　had　dined　with　the　prince　the　night　before。　　Again　Twain　was　for　a　long　time　a　complete　disappointment。　　I　knew　scores　of　good　things　of　his　and　tried　my　best　to　start　him　off；　but　without　success。　　The　prince；　who　was　unusually　adroit　and　tactful　in　drawing　a　distinguished　guest　out；　also　failed。　　When　the　dinner　was　over；　however；　and　we　had　reached　the　cigars；　Mark　Twain　started　in　telling　a　story　in　his　most　captivating　way。　　His　peculiar　drawl；　his　habit　in　emphasizing　the　points　by　shaking　his　bushy　hair；　made　him　a　dramatic　narrator。　He　never　had　greater　success。　　Even　the　veteran　Mark　himself　was　astonished　at　the　uproarious　laughter　which　greeted　almost　every　sentence　and　was　overwhelming　when　he　closed。

There　are　millions　of　stories　in　the　world；　and　several　hundred　of　them　good　ones。　　No　one　knew　more　of　them　than　Mark　Twain；　and　yet　out　of　this　vast　collection　he　selected　the　one　which　I　had　told　the　night　before　to　the　same　company。　　The　laughter　and　enjoyment　were　not　at　the　story；　but　because　the　English　had；　as　they　thought；　caught　me　in　retailing　to　them　from　Mark　Twain's　repertoire　one　of　his　stories。　　It　so　happened　that　it　was　a　story　which　I　had　heard　as　happening　upon　our　railroad　in　one　of　my　tours　of　inspection。　　I　had　told　it　in　a　speech；　and　it　had　been　generally　copied　in　the　American　newspapers。　　Mark　Twain's　reputation　as　the　greatest　living　humorist　caused　that　crowd　to　doubt　the　originality　of　my　stories。

Mark　had　declined　the　cigars；　but　the　prince　was　so　delighted　that　he　offered　him　one　of　the　highly　prized　selection　from　his　own　case。　　This　drew　from　him　a　story；　which　I　have　not　seen　in