roughing it-第20节

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esteem；　and　have　to　sleep　in　the　kitchen；　as　like　as　not。　　And　how　this
dreadful　sort　of　thing；　this　hiving　together　in　one　foul　nest　of　mother
and　daughters；　and　the　making　a　young　daughter　superior　to　her　own　mother
in　rank　and　authority；　are　things　which　Mormon　women　submit　to　because
their　religion　teaches　them　that　the　more　wives　a　man　has　on　earth；　and
the　more　children　he　rears；　the　higher　the　place　they　will　all　have　in
the　world　to　comeand　the　warmer；　maybe；　though　they　do　not　seem　to　say
anything　about　that。

According　to　these　Gentile　friends　of　ours；　Brigham　Young's　harem
contains　twenty　or　thirty　wives。　　They　said　that　some　of　them　had　grown
old　and　gone　out　of　active　service；　but　were　comfortably　housed　and　cared
for　in　the　heneryor　the　Lion　House；　as　it　is　strangely　named。　　Along
with　each　wife　were　her　childrenfifty　altogether。　　The　house　was
perfectly　quiet　and　orderly；　when　the　children　were　still。　　They　all　took
their　meals　in　one　room；　and　a　happy　and　home…like　sight　it　was
pronounced　to　be。　　None　of　our　party　got　an　opportunity　to　take　dinner
with　Mr。　Young；　but　a　Gentile　by　the　name　of　Johnson　professed　to　have
enjoyed　a　sociable　breakfast　in　the　Lion　House。　　He　gave　a　preposterous
account　of　the　〃calling　of　the　roll；〃　and　other　preliminaries；　and　the
carnage　that　ensued　when　the　buckwheat　cakes　came　in。　　But　he　embellished
rather　too　much。　　He　said　that　Mr。　Young　told　him　several　smart　sayings
of　certain　of　his　〃two…year…olds；〃　observing　with　some　pride　that　for
many　years　he　had　been　the　heaviest　contributor　in　that　line　to　one　of
the　Eastern　magazines；　and　then　he　wanted　to　show　Mr。　Johnson　one　of　the
pets　that　had　said　the　last　good　thing；　but　he　could　not　find　the　child。

He　searched　the　faces　of　the　children　in　detail；　but　could　not　decide
which　one　it　was。　　Finally　he　gave　it　up　with　a　sigh　and　said：

〃I　thought　I　would　know　the　little　cub　again　but　I　don't。〃　　Mr。　Johnson
said　further；　that　Mr。　Young　observed　that　life　was　a　sad；　sad　thing
〃because　the　joy　of　every　new　marriage　a　man　contracted　was　so　apt　to　be
blighted　by　the　inopportune　funeral　of　a　less　recent　bride。〃　　And　Mr。
Johnson　said　that　while　he　and　Mr。　Young　were　pleasantly　conversing　in
private；　one　of　the　Mrs。　Youngs　came　in　and　demanded　a　breast…pin；
remarking　that　she　had　found　out　that　he　had　been　giving　a　breast…pin　to
No。　6；　and　she；　for　one；　did　not　propose　to　let　this　partiality　go　on
without　making　a　satisfactory　amount　of　trouble　about　it。　　Mr。　Young
reminded　her　that　there　was　a　stranger　present。　　Mrs。　Young　said　that　if
the　state　of　things　inside　the　house　was　not　agreeable　to　the　stranger；
he　could　find　room　outside。　　Mr。　Young　promised　the　breast…pin；　and　she
went　away。　　But　in　a　minute　or　two　another　Mrs。　Young　came　in　and
demanded　a　breast…pin。　　Mr。　Young　began　a　remonstrance；　but　Mrs。　Young
cut　him　short。　　She　said　No。　6　had　got　one；　and　No。　11　was　promised　one；
and　it　was　〃no　use　for　him　to　try　to　impose　on　hershe　hoped　she　knew
her　rights。〃　　He　gave　his　promise；　and　she　went。　　And　presently　three
Mrs。　Youngs　entered　in　a　body　and　opened　on　their　husband　a　tempest　of
tears；　abuse；　and　entreaty。　　They　had　heard　all　about　No。　6；　No。　11；　and
No。　14。　　Three　more　breast…pins　were　promised。　　They　were　hardly　gone
when　nine　more　Mrs。　Youngs　filed　into　the　presence；　and　a　new　tempest
burst　forth　and　raged　round　about　the　prophet　and　his　guest。　　Nine
breast…pins　were　promised；　and　the　weird　sisters　filed　out　again。　　And　in
came　eleven　more；　weeping　and　wailing　and　gnashing　their　teeth。　　Eleven
promised　breast…pins　purchased　peace　once　more。

〃That　is　a　specimen；〃　said　Mr。　Young。　　〃You　see　how　it　is。　　You　see　what
a　life　I　lead。　　A　man　can't　be　wise　all　the　time。　　In　a　heedless　moment　I
gave　my　darling　No。　6excuse　my　calling　her　thus；　as　her　other　name　has
escaped　me　for　the　momenta　breast…pin。　　It　was　only　worth　twenty…five
dollarsthat　is；　apparently　that　was　its　whole　costbut　its　ultimate
cost　was　inevitably　bound　to　be　a　good　deal　more。　　You　yourself　have　seen
it　climb　up　to　six　hundred　and　fifty　dollarsand　alas；　even　that　is　not
the　end！　　For　I　have　wives　all　over　this　Territory　of　Utah。　　I　have
dozens　of　wives　whose　numbers；　even；　I　do　not　know　without　looking　in　the
family　Bible。　　They　are　scattered　far　and　wide　among　the　mountains　and
valleys　of　my　realm。　　And　mark　you；　every　solitary　one　of　them　will　hear
of　this　wretched　breast　pin；　and　every　last　one　of　them　will　have　one　or
die。　　No。　6's　breast　pin　will　cost　me　twenty…five　hundred　dollars　before
I　see　the　end　of　it。　　And　these　creatures　will　compare　these　pins
together；　and　if　one　is　a　shade　finer　than　the　rest；　they　will　all　be
thrown　on　my　hands；　and　I　will　have　to　order　a　new　lot　to　keep　peace　in
the　family。　　Sir；　you　probably　did　not　know　it；　but　all　the　time　you　were
present　with　my　children　your　every　movement　was　watched　by　vigilant
servitors　of　mine。　　If　you　had　offered　to　give　a　child　a　dime；　or　a　stick
of　candy；　or　any　trifle　of　the　kind；　you　would　have　been　snatched　out　of
the　house　instantly；　provided　it　could　be　done　before　your　gift　left　your
hand。　　Otherwise　it　would　be　absolutely　necessary　for　you　to　make　an
exactly　similar　gift　to　all　my　childrenand　knowing　by　experience　the
importance　of　the　thing；　I　would　have　stood　by　and　seen　to　it　myself　that
you　did　it；　and　did　it　thoroughly。　　Once　a　gentleman　gave　one　of　my
children　a　tin　whistlea　veritable　invention　of　Satan；　sir；　and　one
which　I　have　an　unspeakable　horror　of；　and　so　would　you　if　you　had　eighty
or　ninety　children　in　your　house。　　But　the　deed　was　donethe　man
escaped。　　I　knew　what　the　result　was　going　to　be；　and　I　thirsted　for
vengeance。　　I　ordered　out　a　flock　of　Destroying　Angels；　and　they　hunted
the　man　far　into　the　fastnesses　of　the　Nevada　mountains。　　But　they　never
caught　him。　　I　am　not　cruel；　sirI　am　not　vindictive　except　when　sorely
outragedbut　if　I　had　caught　him；　sir；　so　help　me　Joseph　Smith；　I　would
have　locked　him　into　the　nursery　till　the　brats　whistled　him　to　death。
By　the　slaughtered　body　of　St。　Parley　Pratt　（whom　God　assail！）　there
was　never　anything　on　this　earth　like　it！　　I　knew　who　gave　the　whistle　to
the　child；　but　I　could；　not　make　those　jealous　mothers　believe　me。　　They
believed　I　did　it；　and　the　result　was　just　what　any　man　of　reflection
could　have　foreseen：　I　had　to　order　a　hundred　and　ten　whistlesI　think
we　had　a　hundred　and　ten　children　in　the　house　then；　but　some　of　them　are
off　at　college　nowI　had　to　order　a　hundred　and　ten　of　those　shrieking
things；　and　I　wish　I　may　never　speak　another　word　if　we　didn't　have　to
talk　on　our　fingers　entirely；　from　that　time　forth　until　the　children　got
tired　of　the　whistles。　　And　if　ever　another　man　gives　a　whistle　to　a
child　of　mine　and　I　get　my　hands　on　him；　I　will　hang　him　higher　than
Haman！　　That　is　the　word　with　the　bark　on　it！　　Shade　of　Nephi！　　You　don't
know　anything　about　married　life。　　I　am　rich；　and　everybody　knows　it。　　I
am　benevolent；　and　everybody　takes　advantage　of　it。　　I　have　a　strong
fatherly　instinct　and　all　the　foundlings　are　foisted　on　me。

Every　time　a　woman　wants　to　do　well　by　her　darling；　she　puzzles　her　brain
to　cipher　out　some　scheme　for　getting　it　into　my　hands。　　Why；　sir；　a
woman　came　here　once　with　a　child　of　a　curious　lifeless　sort　of
complexion　（and　so　had　the　woman）；　and　swore　that　the　child　was　mine　and
she　my　wifethat　I　had　married　her　at　such…and…such　a　time　in　such…and…
such　a　place；　but　she　had　forgotten　her　number；　and　of　course　I　could　not
remember　her　name。　　Well；　sir；　she　called　my　attention　to　the　fact　that
the　child　looked　like　me；　and　really　it　did　seem　to　resemble　mea　common
thing　in　the　Territoryand；　to　cut　the　story　short；　I　put　it　in　my
nursery；　and　she　left。　　And　by　the　ghost　of　Orson　Hyde；　when　they　came　to
wash　the　paint　off　that　child　it　was　an　Injun！　　Bless　my　soul；　you　don't
know　anything　about　married　life。　　It　is　a　perfect　dog's　life；　sira
perfect　dog's　life。　　You　can't　economize。　　It　isn't　possible。　　I　have
tried　keeping　one　set　of　bridal　attire　for　all　occasions。　　But　it　is　of
no　use。　　First　you'll　marry　a　combination　of　calico　and　consumption
that's　as　thin　as　a　rail；　and　next　you'll　get　a　creature　that's　nothing
more　than　the　dropsy　in　disguise；　and　then　you've　got　to　eke　out　that
bridal　dress　with　an　old　balloon。　　That　is　the　way　it　goes。　　And　think　of
the　wash…bill（excuse　these　tears）nine　hundred　and　eighty…four　pieces
a　week！　　No；　sir；　there　is　no　such　a　thing　as　economy　in　a　family　like
mine。　　Why；　just　the　one　item　of　cradlesthink　of　it！　　And　vermifuge！
Soothing　syrup！　　Teething　rings！　　And　'papa's　watches'　for　the　babies　to
play　with！　　And　things　to　scratch　the　furniture　with！　　And　lucifer
matches　for　them　to　eat；　and　pieces　of　glass　to　cut　themselves　with！
The　item　of　glass　alone　would　support　your　family；　I　venture　to　say；　sir。
Let　me　scrimp　and　squeeze　all　I　can；　I　still　can't　get　ahead　as　fast　as　I
feel　I　ought　to；　with　my　opportunities。　　Bless　you；　sir；　at　a　time　when　I
had　seventy…two　wives　in　this　house；　I　groaned　under　the　pressure　of
keeping　thousands　of　dollars　tied　up　in　seventy…two　bedsteads　when　the
money　ought　to　have　been　out　at　interest；