confessions of an english opium-eater-第8节

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remarkable　that　the　first　easy　or　refreshing　sleep　which　I　had　enjoyed　for　some　months；　was　on　the　outside　of　a　mail…coacha　bed　which　at　this　day　I　find　rather　an　uneasy　one。　　Connected　with　this　sleep　was　a　little　incident　which　served；　as　hundreds　of　others　did　at　that　time；　to　convince　me　how　easily　a　man　who　has　never　been　in　any　great　distress　may　pass　through　life　without　knowing；　in　his　own　person　at　least；　anything　of　the　possible　goodness　of　the　human　heartor；　as　I　must　add　with　a　sigh；　of　its　possible　vileness。　　So　thick　a　curtain　of　MANNERS　is　drawn　over　the　features　and　expression　of　men's　NATURES；　that　to　the　ordinary　observer　the　two　extremities；　and　the　infinite　field　of　varieties　which　lie　between　them；　are　all　confounded；　the　vast　and　multitudinous　compass　of　their　several　harmonies　reduced　to　the　meagre　outline　of　differences　expressed　in　the　gamut　or　alphabet　of　elementary　sounds。　　The　case　was　this：　　for　the　first　four　or　five　miles　from　London　I　annoyed　my　fellow…passenger　on　the　roof　by　occasionally　falling　against　him　when　the　coach　gave　a　lurch　to　his：　side；　and　indeed；　if　the　road　had　been　less　smooth　and　level　than　it　is；　I　should　have　fallen　off　from　weakness。　　Of　this　annoyance　he　complained　heavily；　as　perhaps；　in　the　same　circumstances；　most　people　would；　he　expressed　his　complaint；　however；　more　morosely　than　the　occasion　seemed　to　warrant；　and　if　I　had　parted　with　him　at　that　moment　I　should　have　thought　of　him　（if　I　had　considered　it　worth　while　to　think　of　him　at　all）　as　a　surly　and　almost　brutal　fellow。　　However；　I　was　conscious　that　I　had　given　him　some　cause　for　complaint；　and　therefore　I　apologized　to　him；　and　assured　him　I　would　do　what　I　could　to　avoid　falling　asleep　for　the　future；　and　at　the　same　time；　in　as　few　words　as　possible；　I　explained　to　him　that　I　was　ill　and　in　a　weak　state　from　long　suffering；　and　that　I　could　not　afford　at　that　time　to　take　an　inside　place。　　This　man's　manner　changed；　upon　hearing　this　explanation；　in　an　instant；　and　when　I　next　woke　for　a　minute　from　the　noise　and　lights　of　Hounslow　（for　in　spite　of　my　wishes　and　efforts　I　had　fallen　asleep　again　within　two　minutes　from　the　time　I　had　spoken　to　him）　I　found　that　he　had　put　his　arm　round　me　to　protect　me　from　falling　off；　and　for　the　rest　of　my　journey　he　behaved　to　me　with　the　gentleness　of　a　woman；　so　that　at　length　I　almost　lay　in　his　arms；　and　this　was　the　more　kind；　as　he　could　not　have　known　that　I　was　not　going　the　whole　way　to　Bath　or　Bristol。　　Unfortunately；　indeed；　I　DID　go　rather　farther　than　I　intended；　for　so　genial　and　so　refreshing　was　my　sleep；　that　the　next　time　after　leaving　Hounslow　that　I　fully　awoke　was　upon　the　sudden　pulling　up　of　the　mail　（possibly　at　a　post…office）；　and　on　inquiry　I　found　that　we　had　reached　Maidenheadsix　or　seven　miles；　I　think；　ahead　of　Salthill。　　Here　I　alighted；　and　for　the　half…　minute　that　the　mail　stopped　I　was　entreated　by　my　friendly　companion　（who；　from　the　transient　glimpse　I　had　had　of　him　in　Piccadilly；　seemed　to　me　to　be　a　gentleman's　butler；　or　person　of　that　rank）　to　go　to　bed　without　delay。　　This　I　promised；　though　with　no　intention　of　doing　so；　and　in　fact　I　immediately　set　forward；　or　rather　backward；　on　foot。　　It　must　then　have　been　nearly　midnight；　but　so　slowly　did　I　creep　along　that　I　heard　a　clock　in　a　cottage　strike　four　before　I　turned　down　the　lane　from　Slough　to　Eton。　　The　air　and　the　sleep　had　both　refreshed　me；　but　I　was　weary　nevertheless。　　I　remember　a　thought　（obvious　enough；　and　which　has　been　prettily　expressed　by　a　Roman　poet）　which　gave　me　some　consolation　at　that　moment　under　my　poverty。　　There　had　been　some　time　before　a　murder　committed　on　or　near　Hounslow　Heath。　　I　think　I　cannot　be　mistaken　when　I　say　that　the　name　of　the　murdered　person　was　STEELE；　and　that　he　was　the　owner　of　a　lavender　plantation　in　that　neighbourhood。　　Every　step　of　my　progress　was　bringing　me　nearer　to　the　Heath；　and　it　naturally　occurred　to　me　that　I　and　the　accused　murderer；　if　he　were　that　night　abroad；　might　at　every　instant　be　unconsciously　approaching　each　other　through　the　darkness；　in　which　case；　said　Isupposing　I；　instead　of　being　（as　indeed　I　am）　little　better　than　an　outcast　…


Lord　of　my　learning；　and　no　land　beside　…


were；　like　my　friend　Lord　…；　heir　by　general　repute　to　70；000　pounds　per　annum；　what　a　panic　should　I　be　under　at　this　moment　about　my　throat！　　Indeed；　it　was　not　likely　that　Lordshould　ever　be　in　my　situation。　　But　nevertheless；　the　spirit　of　the　remark　remains　true…　…that　vast　power　and　possessions　make　a　man　shamefully　afraid　of　dying；　and　I　am　convinced　that　many　of　the　most　intrepid　adventurers；　who；　by　fortunately　being　poor；　enjoy　the　full　use　of　their　natural　courage；　would；　if　at　the　very　instant　of　going　into　action　news　were　brought　to　them　that　they　had　unexpectedly　succeeded　to　an　estate　in　England　of　50；000　pounds　a…year；　feel　their　dislike　to　bullets　considerably　sharpened；　｛6｝　and　their　efforts　at　perfect　equanimity　and　self…possession　proportionably　difficult。　　So　true　it　is；　in　the　language　of　a　wise　man　whose　own　experience　had　made　him　acquainted　with　both　fortunes；　that　riches　are　better　fitted


To　slacken　virtue；　and　abate　her　edge；　Than　tempt　her　to　do　ought　may　merit　praise。　Paradise　Regained。


I　dally　with　my　subject　because；　to　myself；　the　remembrance　of　these　times　is　profoundly　interesting。　　But　my　reader　shall　not　have　any　further　cause　to　complain；　for　I　now　hasten　to　its　close。　　In　the　road　between　Slough　and　Eton　I　fell　asleep；　and　just　as　the　morning　began　to　dawn　I　was　awakened　by　the　voice　of　a　man　standing　over　me　and　surveying　me。　　I　know　not　what　he　was：　　he　was　an　ill…looking　fellow；　but　not　therefore　of　necessity　an　ill…meaning　fellow；　or；　if　he　were；　I　suppose　he　thought　that　no　person　sleeping　out…of…doors　in　winter　could　be　worth　robbing。　　In　which　conclusion；　however；　as　it　regarded　myself；　I　beg　to　assure　him；　if　he　should　be　among　my　readers；　that　he　was　mistaken。　　After　a　slight　remark　he　passed　on；　and　I　was　not　sorry　at　his　disturbance；　as　it　enabled　me　to　pass　through　Eton　before　people　were　generally　up。　　The　night　had　been　heavy　and　lowering；　but　towards　the　morning　it　had　changed　to　a　slight　frost；　and　the　ground　and　the　trees　were　now　covered　with　rime。　　I　slipped　through　Eton　unobserved；　washed　myself；　and　as　far　as　possible　adjusted　my　dress；　at　a　little　public…house　in　Windsor；　and　about　eight　o'clock　went　down　towards　Pote's。　　On　my　road　I　met　some　junior　boys；　of　whom　I　made　inquiries。　　An　Etonian　is　always　a　gentleman；　and；　in　spite　of　my　shabby　habiliments；　they　answered　me　civilly。　　My　friend　Lordwas　gone　to　the　University　of　　…。　　〃Ibi　omnis　effusus　labor！〃　　I　had；　however；　other　friends　at　Eton；　but　it　is　not　to　all　that　wear　that　name　in　prosperity　that　a　man　is　willing　to　present　himself　in　distress。　　On　recollecting　myself；　however；　I　asked　for　the　Earl　of　D…；　to　whom　（though　my　acquaintance　with　him　was　not　so　intimate　as　with　some　others）　I　should　not　have　shrunk　from　presenting　myself　under　any　circumstances。　　He　was　still　at　Eton；　though　I　believe　on　the　wing　for　Cambridge。　　I　called；　was　received　kindly；　and　asked　to　breakfast。

Here　let　me　stop　for　a　moment　to　check　my　reader　from　any　erroneous　conclusions。　　Because　I　have　had　occasion　incidentally　to　speak　of　various　patrician　friends；　it　must　not　be　supposed　that　I　have　myself　any　pretension　to　rank　and　high　blood。　　I　thank　God　that　I　have　not。　　I　am　the　son　of　a　plain　English　merchant；　esteemed　during　his　life　for　his　great　integrity；　and　strongly　attached　to　literary　pursuits　（indeed；　he　was　himself；　anonymously；　an　author）。　　If　he　had　lived　it　was　expected　that　he　would　have　been　very　rich；　but　dying　prematurely；　he　left　no　more　than　about　30；000　pounds　amongst　seven　different　claimants。　　My　mother　I　may　mention　with　honour；　as　still　more　highly　gifted；　for　though　unpretending　to　the　name　and　honours　of　a　LITERARY　woman；　I　shall　presume　to　call　her　（what　many　literary　women　are　not）　an　INTELLECTUAL　woman；　and　I　believe　that　if　ever　her　letters　should　be　collected　and　published；　they　would　be　thought　generally　to　exhibit　as　much　strong　and　masculine　sense；　delivered　in　as　pure　〃mother　English；〃　racy　and　fresh　with　idiomatic　graces；　as　any　in　our　languagehardly　excepting　those　of　Lady　M。　W。　Montague。　　These　are　my　honours　of　descent；　I　have　no　other；　and　I　have　thanked　God　sincerely　that　I　have　not；　because；　in　my　judgment；　a　station　which　raises　a　man　too　eminently　above　the　level　of　his　fellow…creatures　is　not　the　most　favourable　to　moral　or　to　intellectual　qualities。

Lord　D…　placed　before　me　a　most　magnificent　breakfast。　　It　was　really　so；　but　in　my　eyes　it　seemed　trebly　magnificent；　from　being　the　first　regular　meal；　the　first　〃good　man's　table；〃　that　I　had　sate　down　to　for　months。　　Strange　to　say；　however；　I　could　scarce　eat　anything。　　On　the　day　when　I　first　received　my　10　pound　bank…　note　I　had　gone　to　a　baker's　shop　and　bought　a　couple　of　rolls；　this　very　shop　I　had　two　months　or　six　weeks　before　surveyed　with　an　eagerness　of　desire　which　it　was　almost　humiliating　to　me　to　recollect。　　I　remembered　the　story　about　Otway；　and　feared　that　there　might　be　danger　in　eating　too　rapidly。　　But　I