mark twain, a biography, 1900-1907-µÚ1½Ú
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Mark¡¡Twain£»¡¡A¡¡Biography£»¡¡1900¡1907
By¡¡Albert¡¡Bigelow¡¡Paine
VOLUME¡¡III£»¡¡Part¡¡1£º¡¡1900¡1907
CCXII
THE¡¡RETURN¡¡OF¡¡THE¡¡CONQUEROR
It¡¡would¡¡be¡¡hard¡¡to¡¡exaggerate¡¡the¡¡stir¡¡which¡¡the¡¡newspapers¡¡and¡¡the
public¡¡generally¡¡made¡¡over¡¡the¡¡homecoming¡¡of¡¡Mark¡¡Twain¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡had¡¡left
America£»¡¡staggering¡¡under¡¡heavy¡¡obligation¡¡and¡¡set¡¡out¡¡on¡¡a¡¡pilgrimage¡¡of
redemption¡£¡¡¡¡At¡¡the¡¡moment¡¡when¡¡this¡¡Mecca£»¡¡was¡¡in¡¡view¡¡a¡¡great¡¡sorrow
had¡¡befallen¡¡him¡¡and£»¡¡stirred¡¡a¡¡world¡wide¡¡and¡¡soul¡deep¡¡tide¡¡of¡¡human
sympathy¡£¡¡¡¡Then¡¡there¡¡had¡¡followed¡¡such¡¡ovation¡¡as¡¡has¡¡seldom¡¡been
conferred¡¡upon¡¡a¡¡private¡¡citizen£»¡¡and¡¡now¡¡approaching¡¡old¡¡age£»¡¡still¡¡in
the¡¡fullness¡¡of¡¡his¡¡mental¡¡vigor£»¡¡he¡¡had¡¡returned¡¡to¡¡his¡¡native¡¡soil¡¡with
the¡¡prestige¡¡of¡¡these¡¡honors¡¡upon¡¡him¡¡and¡¡the¡¡vast¡¡added¡¡glory¡¡of¡¡having
made¡¡his¡¡financial¡¡fight¡¡single¡handed¡and¡¡won¡£
He¡¡was¡¡heralded¡¡literally¡¡as¡¡a¡¡conquering¡¡hero¡£¡¡¡¡Every¡¡paper¡¡in¡¡the¡¡land
had¡¡an¡¡editorial¡¡telling¡¡the¡¡story¡¡of¡¡his¡¡debts£»¡¡his¡¡sorrow£»¡¡and¡¡his
triumphs¡£
¡¨He¡¡had¡¡behaved¡¡like¡¡Walter¡¡Scott£»¡¨¡¡says¡¡Howells£»¡¡¡¨as¡¡millions¡¡rejoiced
to¡¡know¡¡who¡¡had¡¡not¡¡known¡¡how¡¡Walter¡¡Scott¡¡had¡¡behaved¡¡till¡¡they¡¡knew¡¡it
was¡¡like¡¡Clemens¡£¡¨
Howells¡¡acknowledges¡¡that¡¡he¡¡had¡¡some¡¡doubts¡¡as¡¡to¡¡the¡¡permanency¡¡of¡¡the
vast¡¡acclaim¡¡of¡¡the¡¡American¡¡public£»¡¡remembering£»¡¡or¡¡perhaps¡¡assuming£»¡¡a
national¡¡fickleness¡£¡¡¡¡Says¡¡Howells£º
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡He¡¡had¡¡hitherto¡¡been¡¡more¡¡intelligently¡¡accepted¡¡or¡¡more¡¡largely
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡imagined¡¡in¡¡Europe£»¡¡and¡¡I¡¡suppose¡¡it¡¡was¡¡my¡¡sense¡¡of¡¡this¡¡that
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡inspired¡¡the¡¡stupidity¡¡of¡¡my¡¡saying¡¡to¡¡him¡¡when¡¡we¡¡came¡¡to¡¡consider
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¨the¡¡state¡¡of¡¡polite¡¡learning¡¨¡¡among¡¡us£»¡¡¡¨You¡¡mustn't¡¡expect¡¡people
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡to¡¡keep¡¡it¡¡up¡¡here¡¡as¡¡they¡¡do¡¡in¡¡England¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡But¡¡it¡¡appeared¡¡that¡¡his
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡countrymen¡¡were¡¡only¡¡wanting¡¡the¡¡chance£»¡¡and¡¡they¡¡kept¡¡it¡¡up¡¡in
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡honor¡¡of¡¡him¡¡past¡¡all¡¡precedent¡£
Clemens¡¡went¡¡to¡¡the¡¡Earlington¡¡Hotel¡¡and¡¡began¡¡search¡¡for¡¡a¡¡furnished
house¡¡in¡¡New¡¡York¡£¡¡¡¡They¡¡would¡¡not¡¡return¡¡to¡¡Hartfordat¡¡least¡¡not¡¡yet¡£¡¡
The¡¡associations¡¡there¡¡were¡¡still¡¡too¡¡sad£»¡¡and¡¡they¡¡immediately¡¡became
more¡¡so¡£¡¡¡¡Five¡¡days¡¡after¡¡Mark¡¡Twain's¡¡return¡¡to¡¡America£»¡¡his¡¡old¡¡friend
and¡¡co¡worker£»¡¡Charles¡¡Dudley¡¡Warner£»¡¡died¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens¡¡went¡¡to¡¡Hartford¡¡to
act¡¡as¡¡a¡¡pall¡bearer¡¡and¡¡while¡¡there¡¡looked¡¡into¡¡the¡¡old¡¡home¡£¡¡¡¡To
Sylvester¡¡Baxter£»¡¡of¡¡Boston£»¡¡who¡¡had¡¡been¡¡present£»¡¡he¡¡wrote¡¡a¡¡few¡¡days
later£º
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡It¡¡was¡¡a¡¡great¡¡pleasure¡¡to¡¡me¡¡to¡¡renew¡¡the¡¡other¡¡days¡¡with¡¡you£»¡¡&
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡there¡¡was¡¡a¡¡pathetic¡¡pleasure¡¡in¡¡seeing¡¡Hartford¡¡&¡¡the¡¡house¡¡again£»
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡but¡¡I¡¡realized¡¡that¡¡if¡¡we¡¡ever¡¡enter¡¡the¡¡house¡¡again¡¡to¡¡live¡¡our
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡hearts¡¡will¡¡break¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡am¡¡not¡¡sure¡¡that¡¡we¡¡shall¡¡ever¡¡be¡¡strong
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡enough¡¡to¡¡endure¡¡that¡¡strain¡£
Even¡¡if¡¡the¡¡surroundings¡¡had¡¡been¡¡less¡¡sorrowful¡¡it¡¡is¡¡not¡¡likely¡¡that
Clemens¡¡would¡¡have¡¡returned¡¡to¡¡Hartford¡¡at¡¡this¡¡time¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡had¡¡become¡¡a
world¡character£»¡¡a¡¡dweller¡¡in¡¡capitals¡£¡¡¡¡Everywhere¡¡he¡¡moved¡¡a¡¡world
revolved¡¡about¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡Such¡¡a¡¡figure¡¡in¡¡Germany¡¡would¡¡live¡¡naturally¡¡in
Berlin£»¡¡in¡¡England¡¡London£»¡¡in¡¡France£»¡¡Paris£»¡¡in¡¡Austria£»¡¡Vienna£»¡¡in
America¡¡his¡¡headquarters¡¡could¡¡only¡¡be¡¡New¡¡York¡£
Clemens¡¡empowered¡¡certain¡¡of¡¡his¡¡friends¡¡to¡¡find¡¡a¡¡home¡¡for¡¡him£»¡¡and¡¡Mr¡£¡¡
Frank¡¡N¡£¡¡Doubleday¡¡discovered¡¡an¡¡attractive¡¡and¡¡handsomely¡¡furnished
residence¡¡at¡¡14¡¡West¡¡Tenth¡¡Street£»¡¡which¡¡was¡¡promptly¡¡approved¡£¡¡
Doubleday£»¡¡who¡¡was¡¡going¡¡to¡¡Boston£»¡¡left¡¡orders¡¡with¡¡the¡¡agent¡¡to¡¡draw
the¡¡lease¡¡and¡¡take¡¡it¡¡up¡¡to¡¡the¡¡new¡¡tenant¡¡for¡¡signature¡£¡¡¡¡To¡¡Clemens¡¡he
said£º
¡¨The¡¡house¡¡is¡¡as¡¡good¡¡as¡¡yours¡£¡¡¡¡All¡¡you've¡¡got¡¡to¡¡do¡¡is¡¡to¡¡sign¡¡the
lease¡£¡¡¡¡You¡¡can¡¡consider¡¡it¡¡all¡¡settled¡£¡¨
When¡¡Doubleday¡¡returned¡¡from¡¡Boston¡¡a¡¡few¡¡days¡¡later¡¡the¡¡agent¡¡called¡¡on
him¡¡and¡¡complained¡¡that¡¡he¡¡couldn't¡¡find¡¡Mark¡¡Twain¡¡anywhere¡£¡¡¡¡It¡¡was
reported¡¡at¡¡his¡¡hotel¡¡that¡¡he¡¡had¡¡gone¡¡and¡¡left¡¡no¡¡address¡£¡¡¡¡Doubleday
was¡¡mystified£»¡¡then£»¡¡reflecting£»¡¡he¡¡had¡¡an¡¡inspiration¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡walked¡¡over
to¡¡14¡¡West¡¡Tenth¡¡Street¡¡and¡¡found¡¡what¡¡he¡¡had¡¡suspectedMark¡¡Twain¡¡had
moved¡¡in¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡had¡¡convinced¡¡the¡¡caretaker¡¡that¡¡everything¡¡was¡¡all¡¡right
and¡¡he¡¡was¡¡quite¡¡at¡¡home¡£¡¡¡¡Doubleday¡¡said£º
¡¨Why£»¡¡you¡¡haven't¡¡executed¡¡the¡¡lease¡¡yet¡£¡¨
¡¨No£»¡¨¡¡said¡¡Clemens£»¡¡¡¨but¡¡you¡¡said¡¡the¡¡house¡¡was¡¡as¡¡good¡¡as¡¡mine£»¡¨¡¡to
which¡¡Doubleday¡¡agreed£»¡¡but¡¡suggested¡¡that¡¡they¡¡go¡¡up¡¡to¡¡the¡¡real¡estate
office¡¡and¡¡give¡¡the¡¡agent¡¡notice¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡in¡¡possession¡¡of¡¡the
premises¡£
Doubleday's¡¡troubles¡¡were¡¡not¡¡quite¡¡over£»¡¡however¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens¡¡began¡¡to¡¡find
defects¡¡in¡¡his¡¡new¡¡home¡¡and¡¡assumed¡¡to¡¡hold¡¡Doubleday¡¡responsible¡¡for
them¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡sent¡¡a¡¡daily¡¡postal¡¡card¡¡complaining¡¡of¡¡the¡¡windows£»¡¡furnace£»
the¡¡range£»¡¡the¡¡water¡whatever¡¡he¡¡thought¡¡might¡¡lend¡¡interest¡¡to
Doubleday's¡¡life¡£¡¡¡¡As¡¡a¡¡matter¡¡of¡¡fact£»¡¡he¡¡was¡¡pleased¡¡with¡¡the¡¡place¡£¡¡
To¡¡MacAlister¡¡he¡¡wrote£º
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡We¡¡were¡¡very¡¡lucky¡¡to¡¡get¡¡this¡¡big¡¡house¡¡furnished¡£¡¡¡¡There¡¡was¡¡not
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡another¡¡one¡¡in¡¡town¡¡procurable¡¡that¡¡would¡¡answer¡¡us£»¡¡but¡¡this¡¡one¡¡is
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡all¡¡right¡space¡¡enough¡¡in¡¡it¡¡for¡¡several¡¡families£»¡¡the¡¡rooms¡¡all
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡old¡fashioned£»¡¡great¡¡size¡£
The¡¡house¡¡at¡¡14¡¡West¡¡Tenth¡¡Street¡¡became¡¡suddenly¡¡one¡¡of¡¡the¡¡most
conspicuous¡¡residences¡¡in¡¡New¡¡York¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡papers¡¡immediately¡¡made¡¡its
appearance¡¡familiar¡£¡¡¡¡Many¡¡people¡¡passed¡¡down¡¡that¡¡usually¡¡quiet¡¡street£»
stopping¡¡to¡¡observe¡¡or¡¡point¡¡out¡¡where¡¡Mark¡¡Twain¡¡lived¡£¡¡¡¡There¡¡was¡¡a
constant¡¡procession¡¡of¡¡callers¡¡of¡¡every¡¡kind¡£¡¡¡¡Many¡¡were¡¡friends£»¡¡old¡¡and
new£»¡¡but¡¡there¡¡was¡¡a¡¡multitude¡¡of¡¡strangers¡£¡¡¡¡Hundreds¡¡came¡¡merely¡¡to
express¡¡their¡¡appreciation¡¡of¡¡his¡¡work£»¡¡hoping¡¡for¡¡a¡¡personal¡¡word¡¡or¡¡a
hand¡shake¡¡or¡¡an¡¡autograph£»¡¡but¡¡there¡¡were¡¡other¡¡hundreds¡¡who¡¡came¡¡with
this¡¡thing¡¡and¡¡that¡¡thingaxes¡¡to¡¡grindand¡¡there¡¡were¡¡newspaper
reporters¡¡to¡¡ask¡¡his¡¡opinion¡¡on¡¡politics£»¡¡or¡¡polygamy£»¡¡or¡¡woman's
suffrage£»¡¡on¡¡heaven¡¡and¡¡hell¡¡and¡¡happiness£»¡¡on¡¡the¡¡latest¡¡novel£»¡¡on¡¡the
war¡¡in¡¡Africa£»¡¡the¡¡troubles¡¡in¡¡China£»¡¡on¡¡anything¡¡under¡¡the¡¡sun£»
important¡¡or¡¡unimportant£»¡¡interesting¡¡or¡¡inane£»¡¡concerning¡¡which¡¡one
might¡¡possibly¡¡hold¡¡an¡¡opinion¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡was¡¡unfailing¡¡¡¨copy¡¨¡¡if¡¡they¡¡could
but¡¡get¡¡a¡¡word¡¡with¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡Anything¡¡that¡¡he¡¡might¡¡choose¡¡to¡¡say¡¡upon¡¡any
subject¡¡whatever¡¡was¡¡seized¡¡upon¡¡and¡¡magnified¡¡and¡¡printed¡¡with
head¡lines¡£¡¡¡¡Sometimes¡¡opinions¡¡were¡¡invented¡¡for¡¡him¡£¡¡¡¡If¡¡he¡¡let¡¡fall¡¡a
few¡¡words¡¡they¡¡were¡¡multiplied¡¡into¡¡a¡¡column¡¡interview¡£
¡¨That¡¡reporter¡¡worked¡¡a¡¡miracle¡¡equal¡¡to¡¡the¡¡loaves¡¡and¡¡fishes£»¡¨¡¡he¡¡said
of¡¡one¡¡such¡¡performance¡£
Many¡¡men¡¡would¡¡have¡¡become¡¡annoyed¡¡and¡¡irritable¡¡as¡¡these¡¡things
continued£»¡¡but¡¡Mark¡¡Twain¡¡was¡¡greater¡¡than¡¡that¡£¡¡¡¡Eventually¡¡he¡¡employed
a¡¡secretary¡¡to¡¡stand¡¡between¡¡him¡¡and¡¡the¡¡wash¡¡of¡¡the¡¡tide£»¡¡as¡¡a¡¡sort¡¡of
breakwater£»¡¡but¡¡he¡¡seldom¡¡lost¡¡his¡¡temper¡¡no¡¡matter¡¡what¡¡was¡¡the¡¡request
which¡¡was¡¡laid¡¡before¡¡him£»¡¡for¡¡he¡¡recognized¡¡underneath¡¡it¡¡the¡¡great
tribute¡¡of¡¡a¡¡great¡¡nation¡£
Of¡¡course¡¡his¡¡literary¡¡valuation¡¡would¡¡be¡¡affected¡¡by¡¡the¡¡noise¡¡of¡¡the
general¡¡applause¡£¡¡¡¡Magazines¡¡and¡¡syndicates¡¡besought¡¡him¡¡for¡¡manuscripts¡£¡¡
He¡¡was¡¡offered¡¡fifty¡¡cents¡¡and¡¡even¡¡a¡¡dollar¡¡a¡¡word¡¡for¡¡whatever¡¡he¡¡might
give¡¡them¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡felt¡¡a¡¡child¡like¡¡gratification¡¡in¡¡these¡¡evidences¡¡of¡¡his
market¡¡advancement£»¡¡but¡¡he¡¡was¡¡not¡¡demoralized¡¡by¡¡them¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡confined¡¡his
work¡¡to¡¡a¡¡few¡¡magazines£»¡¡and¡¡in¡¡November¡¡concluded¡¡an¡¡arrangement¡¡with
the¡¡new¡¡management¡¡of¡¡Harper¡¡&¡¡Brothers£»¡¡by¡¡which¡¡that¡¡firm¡¡was¡¡to¡¡have
the¡¡exclusive¡¡serial¡¡privilege¡¡of¡¡whatever¡¡he¡¡might¡¡write¡¡at¡¡a¡¡fixed¡¡rate
of¡¡twenty¡¡cents¡¡per¡¡worda¡¡rate¡¡increased¡¡to¡¡thirty¡¡cents¡¡by¡¡a¡¡later
contract£»¡¡which¡¡also¡¡provided¡¡an¡¡increased¡¡royalty¡¡for¡¡the¡¡publication¡¡of
his¡¡books¡£
The¡¡United¡¡States£»¡¡as¡¡a¡¡nation£»¡¡does¡¡not¡¡confer¡¡any¡¡special¡¡honors¡¡upon
private¡¡citizens¡£¡¡¡¡We¡¡do¡¡not¡¡have¡¡decorations¡¡and¡¡titles£»¡¡even¡¡though
there¡¡are¡¡times¡¡when¡¡it¡¡seems¡¡that¡¡such¡¡things¡¡might¡¡be¡¡not
inappropriately¡¡conferred¡£¡¡¡¡Certain¡¡of¡¡the¡¡newspapers£»¡¡more¡¡lavish¡¡in
their¡¡enthusiasm¡¡than¡¡others£»¡¡were¡¡inclined¡¡to¡¡propose£»¡¡as¡¡one¡¡paper
phrased¡¡it£»¡¡¡¨Some¡¡peculiar¡¡recognitionsomething¡¡that¡¡should¡¡appeal¡¡to
Samuel¡¡L¡£¡¡¡¡Clemens£»¡¡the¡¡man£»¡¡rather¡¡than¡¡to¡¡Mark¡¡Twain£»¡¡the¡¡literate¡£¡¡
Just¡¡what¡¡form¡¡this¡¡recognition¡¡should¡¡take¡¡is¡¡doubtful£»¡¡for¡¡the¡¡case¡¡has
no¡¡exact¡¡precedent¡£¡¨
Perhaps¡¡the¡¡paper¡¡thought¡¡that¡¡Mark¡¡Twain¡¡was¡¡entitledas¡¡he¡¡himself
once¡¡humorously¡¡suggested¡to¡¡the¡¡¡¨thanks¡¡of¡¡Congress¡¨¡¡for¡¡having¡¡come
home¡¡alive¡¡and¡¡out¡¡of¡¡debt£»¡¡but¡¡it¡¡is¡¡just¡¡as¡¡well¡¡that¡¡nothing¡¡of¡¡the
sort¡¡was¡¡ever¡¡seriously¡¡considered¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡thanks¡¡of¡¡the¡¡public¡¡at¡¡large
contained¡¡more¡¡substance£»¡¡and¡¡was¡¡a¡¡tribute¡¡much¡¡more¡¡to¡¡his¡¡mind¡£¡¡¡¡The
paper¡¡above¡¡quoted¡¡ended¡¡by¡¡suggesting¡¡a¡¡very¡¡large¡¡dinner¡¡and¡¡memorial
of¡¡welcome¡¡as¡¡being¡¡more¡¡in¡¡keeping¡¡with¡¡the¡¡republican¡¡idea¡¡and¡¡the
American¡¡expression¡¡of¡¡good¡will¡£
But¡¡this¡¡was¡¡an¡¡unneeded¡¡suggestion¡£¡¡¡¡If¡¡he¡¡had¡¡eaten¡¡all¡¡the¡¡dinners
proposed¡¡he¡¡would¡¡not¡¡have¡¡lived¡¡to¡¡enjoy¡¡his¡¡public¡¡honors¡¡a¡¡month¡£¡¡¡¡As
it¡¡was£»¡¡he¡¡accepted¡¡many¡¡more¡¡dinners¡¡than¡¡he¡¡could¡¡eat£»¡¡and¡¡presently
fell¡¡into¡¡the¡¡habit¡¡of¡¡arriving¡¡when¡¡the¡¡banqueting¡¡was¡¡about¡¡over¡¡and
the¡¡after¡dinner¡¡speaking¡¡about¡¡to¡¡begin¡£¡¡¡¡Even¡¡so¡¡the¡¡strain¡¡told¡¡on
him¡£
¡¨His¡¡friends¡¡saw¡¡that¡¡he¡¡was¡¡wearing¡¡himself¡¡out£»¡¨¡¡says¡¡Howells£»¡¡and
perhaps¡¡this¡¡was¡¡true£»¡¡for¡¡he¡¡grew¡¡thin¡¡and¡¡pale¡¡and¡¡contracted¡¡a¡¡hacking
cough¡£¡¡¡¡He¡¡did¡¡not¡¡spare¡¡himself¡¡as¡¡often¡¡as¡¡he¡¡should¡¡have¡¡done¡£¡¡¡¡Once
to¡¡Richard¡¡Watson¡¡Gilder¡¡he¡¡sent¡¡this¡¡line¡¡of¡¡regrets£º
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡In¡¡bed¡¡with¡¡a¡¡chest¡¡cold¡¡and¡¡other¡¡companyWednesday¡£
¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡DEAR¡¡GILDER£»I¡¡can't¡£¡¡