the surprising adventures of baron munchausen-第26节

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In　this　dilemma　I　had　recourse　to　the　advice　of　my　noble　friend　Hilaro　Frosticos。　In　his　good　sense　I　now　expected　some　resource；　for　the　rest　of　the　council；　who　had　advised　me　to　the　former　method；　had　given　but　a　poor　specimen　of　their　abilities　and　discernment；　or　I　should　have　succeeded　more　happily。　In　short；　he　addressed　himself　to　me　and　to　the　council　as　follows：

〃It　is　in　vain；　most　noble　Munchausen；　that　your　Excellency　endeavours　to　compel　or　force　these　people　to　a　life　to　which　they　have　never　been　accustomed。　In　vain　do　you　tell　them　that　apple…pies；　pudding；　roast　beef；　minced　pies；　or　tarts；　are　delicious；　that　sugar　is　sweet；　that　wine　is　exquisite。　Alas！　they　cannot；　they　will　not　comprehend　what　deliciousness　is；　what　sweetness；　or　what　the　flavour　of　the　grape。　And　even　if　they　were　convinced　of　the　superior　excellence　of　your　way　of　life；　never；　never　would　they　be　persuaded；　and　that　if　for　no　other　reason；　but　because　force　or　persuasion　is　employed　to　induce　them　to　it。　Abandon　that　idea　for　the　present；　and　let　us　try　another　method。　My　opinion；　therefore；　is；　that　we　should　at　once　cease　all　endeavours　to　compel　or　persuade　them。　But　let　us；　if　possible；　procure　a　quantity　of　/fudge/　from　England；　and　carelessly　scatter　it　over　all　the　country；　and　from　this　disposal　of　matters　I　presumenay；　I　have　a　moral　certainty；　that　we　shall　reclaim　this　people　from　horror　and　barbarity。〃

Had　this　been　proposed　at　any　other　time；　it　would　have　been　violently　opposed　in　the　council；　but　now；　when　every　other　attempt　had　failed；　when　there　seemed　no　other　resource；　the　majority　willingly　submitted　to　they　knew　not　what；　for　they　absolutely　had　no　idea　of　the　manner；　the　possibilities　of　success；　or　how　they　could　bring　matters　to　bear。　However；　'twas　a　scheme；　and　as　such　they　submitted。　For　my　part；　I　listened　with　ecstasy　to　the　words　of　Hilaro　Frosticos；　for　I　knew　that　he　had　a　most　singular　knowledge　of　human　kind；　and　could　humour　and　persuade　them　on　to　their　own　happiness　and　universal　good。　Therefore；　according　to　the　advice　of　Hilaro；　I　despatched　a　balloon　with　four　men　over　the　desert　to　the　Cape　of　Good　Hope；　with　letters　to　be　forwarded　to　England；　requiring；　without　delay；　a　few　cargoes　of

fudge。

The　people　had　all　this　time　remained　in　a　general　state　of　ferment　and　murmur。　Everything　that　rancour；　low　wit；　and　deplorable　ignorance　could　conceive　to　asperse　my　government；　was　put　in　execution。　The　most　worthy；　even　the　most　beneficent　actions；　everything　that　was　amiable；　were　perverted　into　opposition。

The　heart　of　Munchausen　was　not　made　of　such　impenetrable　stuff　as　to　be　insensible　to　the　hatred　of　even　the　most　worthless　wretch　in　the　whole　kingdom；　and　once；　at　a　general　assembly　of　the　states；　filled　with　an　idea　of　such　continued　ingratitude；　I　spoke　as　pathetic　as　possible；　not；　methought；　beneath　my　dignity；　to　make　them　feel　for　me：　that　the　universal　good　and　happiness　of　the　people　were　all　I　wished　or　desired；　that　if　my　actions　had　been　mistaken；　or　improper　surmises　formed；　still　I　had　no　wish；　no　desire；　but　the　public　welfare；　&c。　&c。　&c。

Hilaro　Frosticos　was　all　this　time　much　disturbed；　he　looked　sternly　at　mehe　frowned；　but　I　was　so　engrossed　with　the　warmth　of　my　heart；　my　intentions；　that　I　understood　him　not：　in　a　minute　I　saw　nothing　but　as　if　through　a　cloud　（such　is　the　force　of　amiable　sensibility）　lords；　ladies；　chiefsthe　whole　assembly　seemed　to　swim　before　my　sight。　The　more　I　thought　on　my　good　intentions；　the　lampoons　which　so　much　affected　my　delicacy；　good　nature；　tendernessI　forgot　myselfI　spoke　rapid；　violentbeneficencefiretendernessalas！　I　melted　into　tears！

〃Pish！　pish！〃　said　Hilaro　Frosticos。

Now；　indeed；　was　my　government　lampooned；　satirised；　carribonadoed；　bepickled；　and　bedevilled。　One　day；　with　my　arm　full　of　lampoons；　I　started　up　as　Hilaro　entered　the　room；　the　tears　in　my　eyes：　〃Look；　look　here；　Hilaro！how　can　I　bear　all　this？　It　is　impossible　to　please　them；　I　will　leave　the　governmentI　cannot　bear　it！　See　what　pitiful　anecdoteswhat　surmises：　I　will　make　my　people　feel　for　meI　will　leave　the　government！〃

〃Pshaw！〃　says　Hilaro。　At　that　simple　mono…syllable　I　found　myself　changed　as　if　by　magic！　for　I　ever　looked　on　Hilaro　as　a　person　so　experiencedsuch　fortitude；　such　good　sense。　〃There　are　three　sails；　under　the　convoy　of　a　frigate；〃　added　Hilaro；　〃just　arrived　at　the　Cape；　after　a　fortunate　passage；　laden　with　the　fudge　that　we　demanded。　No　time　is　to　be　lost；　let　it　be　immediately　conducted　hither；　and　distributed　through　the　principal　granaries　of　the　empire。〃



　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　CHAPTER　XXVII

　　/A　proclamation　by　the　BaronExcessive　curiosity　of　the　people　to　　　know　what　fudge　wasThe　people　in　a　general　ferment　about　it　　　They　break　open　all　the　granaries　in　the　empireThe　affections　of　　　the　people　conciliatedAn　ode　performed　in　honour　of　the　Baron　　　His　discourse　with　Fragrantia　on　the　excellence　of　the　music。/

Some　time　after　I　ordered　the　following　proclamation　to　be　published　in　the　Court　Gazette；　and　in　all　the　other　papers　of　the　empire：

　　BY　THE　MOST　MIGHTY　AND　PUISSANT　LORD；　　　HIS　EXCELLENCY　THE　　　LORD　BARON　MUNCHAUSEN。

　　Whereas　a　quantity　of　fudge　has　been　distributed　through　all　the　　　granaries　of　the　empire　for　particular　uses；　and　as　the　natives　　　have　ever　expressed　their　aversion　to　all　manner　of　European　　　eatables；　it　is　hereby　strictly　forbidden；　under　pain　of　the　　　severest　penalties；　for　any　of　the　officers　charged　with　the　　　keeping　of　the　said　fudge　to　give；　sell；　or　suffer　to　be　sold；　any　　　part　or　quantity　whatever　of　the　said　material；　until　it　be　　　agreeable　unto　our　good　will　and　pleasure。

　　Dated　in　our　Castle　of　Gristariska　　　　　this　Triskill　of　the　month　of　　　　　Griskish；　in　the　year　Moulikasra…　　　　　navas…kashna…vildash。

This　proclamation　excited　the　most　ardent　curiosity　all　over　the　empire。　〃Do　you　know　what　this　fudge　is？〃　said　Lady　Mooshilgarousti　to　Lord　Darnarlaganl。　〃Fudge！〃　said　he；　〃Fudge！　no：　what　fudge？〃　〃I　mean；〃　replied　her　Ladyship；　〃the　enormous　quantity　of　fudge　that　has　been　distributed　under　guards　in　all　the　strong　places　in　the　empire；　and　which　is　strictly　forbidden　to　be　sold　or　given　to　any　of　the　natives　under　the　severest　penalties。〃　〃Lord！〃　replied　he；　〃what　in　the　name　of　wonder　can　it　be？　Forbidden！　why　it　must；　but　pray　do　you；　Lady　Fashashash；　do　you　know　what　this　fudge　is？　Do　you；　Lord　Trastillauex？　or　you；　Miss　Gristilarkask？　What！　nobody　know　what　this　fudge　can　be？〃

It　engrossed　for　several　days　the　chit…chat　of　the　whole　empire。　Fudge；　fudge；　fudge；　resounded　in　all　companies　and　in　all　places；　from　the　rising　until　the　setting　of　the　sun；　and　even　at　night；　when　gentle　sleep　refreshed　the　rest　of　mortals；　the　ladies　of　all　that　country　were　dreaming　of　fudge！

〃Upon　my　honour；〃　said　Kitty；　as　she　was　adjusting　her　modesty　piece　before　the　glass；　just　after　getting　out　of　bed；　〃there　is　scarce　anything　I　would　not　give　to　know　what　this　fudge　can　be。〃　〃La！　my　dear；〃　replied　Miss　Killnariska；　〃I　have　been　dreaming　the　whole　night　of　nothing　but　fudge；　I　thought　my　lover　kissed　my　hand；　and　pressed　it　to　his　bosom；　while　I；　frowning；　endeavoured　to　wrest　it　from　him：　that　he　kneeled　at　my　feet。　No；　never；　never　will　I　look　at　you；　cried　I；　till　you　tell　me　what　this　fudge　can　be；　or　get　me　some　of　it。　Begone！　cried　I；　with　all　the　dignity　of　offended　beauty；　majesty；　and　a　tragic　queen。　Begone！　never　see　me　more；　or　bring　me　this　delicious　fudge。　He　swore；　on　the　honour　of　a　knight；　that　he　would　wander　o'er　the　world；　encounter　every　danger；　perish　in　the　attempt；　or　satisfy　the　angel　of　his　soul。〃

The　chiefs　and　nobility　of　the　nation；　when　they　met　together　to　drink　their　kava；　spoke　of　nothing　but　fudge。　Men；　women；　and　children　all；　all　talked　of　nothing　but　fudge。　'Twas　a　fury　of　curiosity；　one　general　ferment；　and　universal　fevernothing　but　fudge　could　allay　it。

But　in　one　respect　they　all　agreed；　that　government　must　have　had　some　interested　view；　in　giving　such　positive　orders　to　preserve　it；　and　keep　it　from　the　natives　of　the　country。　Petitions　were　addressed　to　me　from　all　quarters；　from　every　corporation　and　body　of　men　in　the　whole　empire。　The　majority　of　the　people　instructed　their　constituents；　and　the　parliament　presented　a　petition；　praying　that　I　would　be　pleased　to　take　the　state　of　the　nation　under　consideration；　and　give　orders　to　satisfy　the　people；　or　the　most　dreadful　consequences　were　to　be　apprehended。　To　these　requests；　at　the　entreaty　of　my　council；　I　made　no　reply；　or　at　best　but　unsatisfactory　answers。　Curiosity　was　on　the　rack；　they　forgot　to　lampoon　the　government；　so　engaged　were　they　about　the　fudge。　The　great　assembly　of　the　states　could　think　of　nothing　else。　Instead　of　enacting　laws　for　the　regulation　of　the　people；　instead　of　consulting　what　should　seem　most　wise；　most　excellent；　they　could　think；　talk；　and　harangue　of　nothing　but　fudge。　In　vain　did　the　Speaker　call　to　order；　the　more　checks　they　got　the　more　extravagant　and　inquisitive　they　were。

In　short；　the　populace　in　many　places　rose　in　the　most　outrageous　and　tumultuous　manner；　forced　open　the　granaries　in　all　places　in　one　day；