three men on the bummel-第24节

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began〃

〃Oh；　you're　a　silly　ass！〃　said　George；　cutting　him　short；　〃you　know
everything。〃

He　was　really　most　unpleasant　in　his　manner。

We　took　him　round　by　the　riverside　of　the　theatre。　　We　told　him　it
was　the　shortest　way；　and；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　it　was。　　In　the
open　space　behind　the　theatre　stood　the　second　of　these　wooden
apparitions。　　George　looked　at　it；　and　again　stood　still。

〃What's　the　matter？〃　said　Harris；　kindly。　　〃You　are　not　ill；　are
you？〃

〃I　don't　believe　this　is　the　shortest　way；〃　said　George。

〃I　assure　you　it　is；〃　persisted　Harris。

〃Well；　I'm　going　the　other；〃　said　George；　and　he　turned　and　went；
we；　as　before；　following　him。

Along　the　Ferdinand　Strasse　Harris　and　I　talked　about　private
lunatic　asylums；　which；　Harris　said；　were　not　well　managed　in
England。　　He　said　a　friend　of　his；　a　patient　in　a　lunatic　asylum　…

George　said；　interrupting：　　〃You　appear　to　have　a　large　number　of
friends　in　lunatic　asylums。〃

He　said　it　in　a　most　insulting　tone；　as　though　to　imply　that　that
is　where　one　would　look　for　the　majority　of　Harris's　friends。　　But
Harris　did　not　get　angry；　he　merely　replied；　quite　mildly：

〃Well；　it　really　is　extraordinary；　when　one　comes　to　think　of　it；
how　many　of　them　have　gone　that　way　sooner　or　later。　　I　get　quite
nervous　sometimes；　now。〃

At　the　corner　of　the　Wenzelsplatz；　Harris；　who　was　a　few　steps
ahead　of　us；　paused。

〃It's　a　fine　street；　isn't　it？〃　he　said；　sticking　his　hands　in　his
pockets；　and　gazing　up　at　it　admiringly。

George　and　I　followed　suit。　　Two　hundred　yards　away　from　us；　in　its
very　centre；　was　the　third　of　these　ghostly　statues。　　I　think　it
was　the　best　of　the　threethe　most　like；　the　most　deceptive。　　It
stood　boldly　outlined　against　the　wild　sky：　　the　horse　on　its　hind
legs；　with　its　curiously　attenuated　tail；　the　man　bareheaded；
pointing　with　his　plumed　hat　to　the　now　entirely　visible　moon。

〃I　think；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　said　Georgehe　spoke　with　almost　a
pathetic　ring　in　his　voice；　his　aggressiveness　had　completely
fallen　from　him；〃that　I　will　have　that　cab；　if　there's　one
handy。〃

〃I　thought　you　were　looking　queer；〃　said　Harris；　kindly。　　〃It's
your　head；　isn't　it？〃

〃Perhaps　it　is；〃　answered　George。

〃I　have　noticed　it　coining　on；〃　said　Harris；　〃but　I　didn't　like　to
say　anything　to　you。　　You　fancy　you　see　things；　don't　you？〃

〃No；　no；　it　isn't　that；〃　replied　George；　rather　quickly。　　〃I　don't
know　what　it　is。〃

〃I　do；〃　said　Harris；　solemnly；　〃and　I'll　tell　you。　　It's　this
German　beer　that　you　are　drinking。　　I　have　known　a　case　where　a
man〃

〃Don't　tell　me　about　him　just　now；〃　said　George。　　〃I　dare　say　it's
true；　but　somehow　I　don't　feel　I　want　to　hear　about　him。〃

〃You　are　not　used　to　it；〃　said　Harris。

〃I　shall　give　it　up　from　to…night；〃　said　George。　　〃I　think　you　must
be　right；　it　doesn't　seem　to　agree　with　me。〃

We　took　him　home；　and　saw　him　to　bed。　　He　was　very　gentle　and　quite
grateful。

One　evening　later　on；　after　a　long　day's　ride；　followed　by　a　most
satisfactory　dinner；　we　started　him　on　a　big　cigar；　and；　removing
things　from　his　reach；　told　him　of　this　stratagem　that　for　his　good
we　had　planned。

〃How　many　copies　of　that　statue　did　you　say　we　saw？〃　asked　George；
after　we　had　finished。

〃Three；〃　replied　Harris。

〃Only　three？〃　said　George。　　〃Are　you　sure？〃

〃Positive；〃　replied　Harris。　　〃Why？〃

〃Oh；　nothing！〃　answered　George。

But　I　don't　think　he　quite　believed　Harris。

From　Prague　we　travelled　to　Nuremberg；　through　Carlsbad。　　Good
Germans；　when　they　die；　go；　they　say；　to　Carlsbad；　as　good
Americans　to　Paris。　　This　I　doubt；　seeing　that　it　is　a　small　place
with　no　convenience　for　a　crowd。　　In　Carlsbad；　you　rise　at　five；
the　fashionable　hour　for　promenade；　when　the　band　plays　under　the
Colonnade；　and　the　Sprudel　is　filled　with　a　packed　throng　over　a
mile　long；　being　from　six　to　eight　in　the　morning。　　Here　you　may
hear　more　languages　spoken　than　the　Tower　of　Babel　could　have
echoed。　　Polish　Jews　and　Russian　princes；　Chinese　mandarins　and
Turkish　pashas；　Norwegians　looking　as　if　they　had　stepped　out　of
Ibsen's　plays；　women　from　the　Boulevards；　Spanish　grandees　and
English　countesses；　mountaineers　from　Montenegro　and　millionaires
from　Chicago；　you　will　find　every　dozen　yards。　　Every　luxury　in　the
world　Carlsbad　provides　for　its　visitors；　with　the　one　exception　of
pepper。　　That　you　cannot　get　within　five　miles　of　the　town　for
money；　what　you　can　get　there　for　love　is　not　worth　taking　away。
Pepper；　to　the　liver　brigade　that　forms　four…fifths　of　Carlsbad's
customers；　is　poison；　and；　prevention　being　better　than　cure；　it　is
carefully　kept　out　of　the　neighbourhood。　　〃Pepper　parties〃　are
formed　in　Carlsbad　to　journey　to　some　place　without　the　boundary；
and　there　indulge　in　pepper　orgies。

Nuremberg；　if　one　expects　a　town　of　mediaeval　appearance；
disappoints。　　Quaint　corners；　picturesque　glimpses；　there　are　in
plenty；　but　everywhere　they　are　surrounded　and　intruded　upon　by　the
modern；　and　even　what　is　ancient　is　not　nearly　so　ancient　as　one
thought　it　was。　　After　all；　a　town；　like　a　woman；　is　only　as　old　as
it　looks；　and　Nuremberg　is　still　a　comfortable…looking　dame；　its
age　somewhat　difficult　to　conceive　under　its　fresh　paint　and　stucco
in　the　blaze　of　the　gas　and　the　electric　light。　　Still；　looking
closely；　you　may　see　its　wrinkled　walls　and　grey　towers。



CHAPTER　IX



Harris　breaks　the　lawThe　helpful　man：　　The　dangers　that　beset
himGeorge　sets　forth　upon　a　career　of　crimeThose　to　whom
Germany　would　come　as　a　boon　and　a　blessingThe　English　Sinner：
His　disappointmentsThe　German　Sinner：　　His　exceptional
advantagesWhat　you　may　not　do　with　your　bedAn　inexpensive　vice…
…The　German　dog：　　His　simple　goodnessThe　misbehaviour　of　the
beetleA　people　that　go　the　way　they　ought　to　goThe　German　small
boy：　　His　love　of　legalityHow　to　go　astray　with　a　perambulator
The　German　student：　　His　chastened　wilfulness。

All　three　of　us；　by　some　means　or　another；　managed；　between
Nuremberg　and　the　Black　Forest；　to　get　into　trouble。

Harris　led　off　at　Stuttgart　by　insulting　an　official。　　Stuttgart　is
a　charming　town；　clean　and　bright；　a　smaller　Dresden。　　It　has　the
additional　attraction　of　containing　little　that　one　need　to　go　out
of　one's　way　to　see：　　a　medium…sized　picture　gallery；　a　small
museum　of　antiquities；　and　half　a　palace；　and　you　are　through　with
the　entire　thing　and　can　enjoy　yourself。　　Harris　did　not　know　it
was　an　official　he　was　insulting。　　He　took　it　for　a　fireman　（it
looked　liked　a　fireman）；　and　he　called　it　a　〃dummer　Esel。〃

In　German　you　are　not　permitted　to　call　an　official　a　〃silly　ass；〃
but　undoubtedly　this　particular　man　was　one。　　What　had　happened　was
this：　　Harris　in　the　Stadgarten；　anxious　to　get　out；　and　seeing　a
gate　open　before　him；　had　stepped　over　a　wire　into　the　street。
Harris　maintains　he　never　saw　it；　but　undoubtedly　there　was　hanging
to　the　wire　a　notice；　〃Durchgang　Verboten！〃　　The　man；　who　was
standing　near　the　gates　stopped　Harris；　and　pointed　out　to　him　this
notice。　　Harris　thanked　him；　and　passed　on。　　The　man　came　after
him；　and　explained　that　treatment　of　the　matter　in　such　off…hand
way　could　not　be　allowed；　what　was　necessary　to　put　the　business
right　was　that　Harris　should　step　back　over　the　wire　into　the
garden。　　Harris　pointed　out　to　the　man　that　the　notice　said　〃going
through　forbidden；〃　and　that；　therefore；　by　re…entering　the　garden
that　way　he　would　be　infringing　the　law　a　second　time。　　The　man　saw
this　for　himself；　and　suggested　that　to　get　over　the　difficulty
Harris　should　go　back　into　the　garden　by　the　proper　entrance；　which
was　round　the　corner；　and　afterwards　immediately　come　out　again　by
the　same　gate。　　Then　it　was　that　Harris　called　the　man　a　silly　ass。
That　delayed　us　a　day；　and　cost　Harris　forty　marks。

I　followed　suit　at　Carlsruhe；　by　stealing　a　bicycle。　　I　did　not
mean　to　steal　the　bicycle；　I　was　merely　trying　to　be　useful。　　The
train　was　on　the　point　of　starting　when　I　noticed；　as　I　thought；
Harris's　bicycle　still　in　the　goods　van。　　No　one　was　about　to　help
me。　　I　jumped　into　the　van　and　hauled　it　out；　only　just　in　time。
Wheeling　it　down　the　platform　in　triumph；　I　came　across　Harris's
bicycle；　standing　against　a　wall　behind　some　milk…cans。　　The
bicycle　I　had　secured　was　not　Harris's；　but　some　other　man's。

It　was　an　awkward　situation。　　In　England；　I　should　have　gone　to　the
stationmaster　and　explained　my　mistake。　　But　in　Germany　they　are
not　content　with　your　explaining　a　little　matter　of　this　sort　to
one　man：　　they　take　you　round　and　get　you　to　explain　it　to　about
half　a　dozen；　and　if　any　one　of　the　half　dozen　happens　not　to　be
handy；　or　not　to　have　time　just　then　to　listen　to　you；　they　have　a
habit　of　leaving　you　over　for　the　night　to　finish　your　explanation
the　next　morning。　　I　thought　I　would　just　put　the　thing　out　of
sight；　and　then；　without　making　any　fuss　or　show；　take　a　short
walk。　　I　found　a　wood　shed；　which　seemed　just　the　very　place；　and
was　wheeling　the　bicycle　into　it　when；　unfortunately；　a　red…hatted
railway　official；　with　the　airs　of　a　retired　field…marshal；　caught
sight　of　me　and　came　up。　　He　said：

〃What　are　you　doing　with　that　bicycle？〃