three men on the bummel-第14节

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popular　a　calling；　in　spite　of　its　many　drawbacks；　is　this：　　each
journalist　feels　he　is　the　boy　walking　up　and　down　with　the　cane。
The　Government；　the　Classes；　and　the　Masses；　Society；　Art；　and
Literature；　are　the　other　children　sitting　on　the　doorstep。　　He
instructs　and　improves　them。

But　I　digress。　　It　was　to　excuse　my　present　permanent
disinclination　to　be　the　vehicle　of　useful　information　that　I
recalled　these　matters。　　Let　us　now　return。

Somebody；　signing　himself　〃Balloonist；〃　had　written　to　ask
concerning　the　manufacture　of　hydrogen　gas。　　It　is　an　easy　thing　to
manufactureat　least；　so　I　gathered　after　reading　up　the　subject
at　the　British　Museum；　yet　I　did　warn　〃Balloonist；〃　whoever　he
might　be；　to　take　all　necessary　precaution　against　accident。　　What
more　could　I　have　done？　　Ten　days　afterwards　a　florid…faced　lady
called　at　the　office；　leading　by　the　hand　what；　she　explained；　was
her　son；　aged　twelve。　　The　boy's　face　was　unimpressive　to　a　degree
positively　remarkable。　　His　mother　pushed　him　forward　and　took　off
his　hat；　and　then　I　perceived　the　reason　for　this。　　He　had　no
eyebrows　whatever；　and　of　his　hair　nothing　remained　but　a　scrubby
dust；　giving　to　his　head　the　appearance　of　a　hard…boiled　egg；
skinned　and　sprinkled　with　black　pepper。

〃That　was　a　handsome　lad　this　time　last　week；　with　naturally　curly
hair；〃　remarked　the　lady。　　She　spoke　with　a　rising　inflection；
suggestive　of　the　beginning　of　things。

〃What　has　happened　to　him？〃　asked　our　chief。

〃This　is　what's　happened　to　him；〃　retorted　the　lady。　　She　drew　from
her　muff　a　copy　of　our　last　week's　issue；　with　my　article　on
hydrogen　gas　scored　in　pencil；　and　flung　it　before　his　eyes。　　Our
chief　took　it　and　read　it　through。

〃He　was　'Balloonist'？〃　queried　the　chief。

〃He　was　'Balloonist；'〃　admitted　the　lady；　〃the　poor　innocent　child；
and　now　look　at　him！〃

〃Maybe　it'll　grow　again；〃　suggested　our　chief。

〃Maybe　it　will；〃　retorted　the　lady；　her　key　continuing　to　rise；
〃and　maybe　it　won't。　　What　I　want　to　know　is　what　you　are　going　to
do　for　him。〃

Our　chief　suggested　a　hair　wash。　　I　thought　at　first　she　was　going
to　fly　at　him；　but　for　the　moment　she　confined　herself　to　words。
It　appears　she　was　not　thinking　of　a　hair　wash；　but　of
compensation。　　She　also　made　observations　on　the　general　character
of　our　paper；　its　utility；　its　claim　to　public　support；　the　sense
and　wisdom　of　its　contributors。

〃I　really　don't　see　that　it　is　our　fault；〃　urged　the　chiefhe　was
a　mild…mannered　man；　〃he　asked　for　information；　and　he　got　it。〃

〃Don't　you　try　to　be　funny　about　it；〃　said　the　lady　（he　had　not
meant　to　be　funny；　I　am　sure；　levity　was　not　his　failing）　〃or
you'll　get　something　that　YOU　haven't　asked　for。　　Why；　for　two
pins；〃　said　the　lady；　with　a　suddenness　that　sent　us　both　flying
like　scuttled　chickens　behind　our　respective　chairs；　〃I'd　come
round　and　make　your　head　like　it！〃　　I　take　it；　she　meant　like　the
boy's。　　She　also　added　observations　upon　our　chief's　personal
appearance；　that　were　distinctly　in　bad　taste。　　She　was　not　a　nice
woman　by　any　means。

Myself；　I　am　of　opinion　that　had　she　brought　the　action　she
threatened；　she　would　have　had　no　case；　but　our　chief　was　a　man　who
had　had　experience　of　the　law；　and　his　principle　was　always　to
avoid　it。　　I　have　heard　him　say：

〃If　a　man　stopped　me　in　the　street　and　demanded　of　me　my　watch；　I
should　refuse　to　give　it　to　him。　　If　he　threatened　to　take　it　by
force；　I　feel　I　should；　though　not　a　fighting　man；　do　my　best　to
protect　it。　　If；　on　the　other　hand；　he　should　assert　his　intention
of　trying　to　obtain　it　by　means　of　an　action　in　any　court　of　law；　I
should　take　it　out　of　my　pocket　and　hand　it　to　him；　and　think　I　had
got　off　cheaply。〃

He　squared　the　matter　with　the　florid…faced　lady　for　a　five…pound
note；　which　must　have　represented　a　month's　profits　on　the　paper；
and　she　departed；　taking　her　damaged　offspring　with　her。　　After　she
was　gone；　our　chief　spoke　kindly　to　me。　　He　said：

〃Don't　think　I　am　blaming　you　in　the　least；　it　is　not　your　fault；
it　is　Fate。　　Keep　to　moral　advice　and　criticismthere　you　are
distinctly　good；　but　don't　try　your　hand　any　more　on　'Useful
Information。'　　As　I　have　said；　it　is　not　your　fault。　　Your
information　is　correct　enoughthere　is　nothing　to　be　said　against
that；　it　simply　is　that　you　are　not　lucky　with　it。〃

I　would　that　I　had　followed　his　advice　always；　I　would　have　saved
myself　and　other　people　much　disaster。　　I　see　no　reason　why　it
should　be；　but　so　it　is。　　If　I　instruct　a　man　as　to　the　best　route
between　London　and　Rome；　he　loses　his　luggage　in　Switzerland；　or　is
nearly　shipwrecked　off　Dover。　　If　I　counsel　him　in　the　purchase　of
a　camera；　he　gets　run　in　by　the　German　police　for　photographing
fortresses。　　I　once　took　a　deal　of　trouble　to　explain　to　a　man　how
to　marry　his　deceased　wife's　sister　at　Stockholm。　　I　found　out　for
him　the　time　the　boat　left　Hull　and　the　best　hotels　to　stop　at。
There　was　not　a　single　mistake　from　beginning　to　end　in　the
information　with　which　I　supplied　him；　no　hitch　occurred　anywhere；
yet　now　he　never　speaks　to　me。

Therefore　it　is　that　I　have　come　to　restrain　my　passion　for　the
giving　of　information；　therefore　it　is　that　nothing　in　the　nature
of　practical　instruction　will　be　found；　if　I　can　help　it；　within
these　pages。

There　will　be　no　description　of　towns；　no　historical　reminiscences；
no　architecture；　no　morals。

I　once　asked　an　intelligent　foreigner　what　he　thought　of　London。

He　said：　　〃It　is　a　very　big　town。〃

I　said：　　〃What　struck　you　most　about　it？〃

He　replied：　　〃The　people。〃

I　said：　　〃Compared　with　other　townsParis；　Rome；　Berlin；what　did
you　think　of　it？〃

He　shrugged　his　shoulders。　　〃It　is　bigger；〃　he　said；　〃what　more　can
one　say？〃

One　anthill　is　very　much　like　another。　　So　many　avenues；　wide　or
narrow；　where　the　little　creatures　swarm　in　strange　confusion；
these　bustling　by；　important；　these　halting　to　pow…wow　with　one
another。　　These　struggling　with　big　burdens；　those　but　basking　in
the　sun。　　So　many　granaries　stored　with　food；　so　many　cells　where
the　little　things　sleep；　and　eat；　and　love；　the　corner　where　lie
their　little　white　bones。　　This　hive　is　larger；　the　next　smaller。
This　nest　lies　on　the　sand；　and　another　under　the　stones。　　This　was
built　but　yesterday；　while　that　was　fashioned　ages　ago；　some　say
even　before　the　swallows　came；　who　knows？

Nor　will　there　be　found　herein　folk…lore　or　story。

Every　valley　where　lie　homesteads　has　its　song。　　I　will　tell　you
the　plot；　you　can　turn　it　into　verse　and　set　it　to　music　of　your
own。

There　lived　a　lass；　and　there　came　a　lad；　who　loved　and　rode　away。

It　is　a　monotonous　song；　written　in　many　languages；　for　the　young
man　seems　to　have　been　a　mighty　traveller。　　Here　in　sentimental
Germany　they　remember　him　well。　　So　also　the　dwellers　of　the　Blue
Alsatian　Mountains　remember　his　coming　among　them；　while；　if　my
memory　serves　me　truly；　he　likewise　visited　the　Banks　of　Allan
Water。　　A　veritable　Wandering　Jew　is　he；　for　still　the　foolish
girls　listen；　so　they　say；　to　the　dying　away　of　his　hoof…beats。

In　this　land　of　many　ruins；　that　long　while　ago　were　voice…filled
homes；　linger　many　legends；　and　here　again；　giving　you　the
essentials；　I　leave　you　to　cook　the　dish　for　yourself。　　Take　a
human　heart　or　two；　assorted；　a　bundle　of　human　passionsthere　are
not　many　of　them；　half　a　dozen　at　the　most；　season　with　a　mixture
of　good　and　evil；　flavour　the　whole　with　the　sauce　of　death；　and
serve　up　where　and　when　you　will。　　〃The　Saint's　Cell；〃　〃The　Haunted
Keep；〃　〃The　Dungeon　Grave；〃　〃The　Lover's　Leap〃call　it　what　you
will；　the　stew's　the　same。

Lastly；　in　this　book　there　will　be　no　scenery。　　This　is　not
laziness　on　my　part；　it　is　self…control。　　Nothing　is　easier　to
write　than　scenery；　nothing　more　difficult　and　unnecessary　to　read。
When　Gibbon　had　to　trust　to　travellers'　tales　for　a　description　of
the　Hellespont；　and　the　Rhine　was　chiefly　familiar　to　English
students　through　the　medium　of　Caesar's　Commentaries；　it　behoved
every　globe…trotter；　for　whatever　distance；　to　describe　to　the　best
of　his　ability　the　things　that　he　had　seen。　　Dr。　Johnson；　familiar
with　little　else　than　the　view　down　Fleet　Street；　could　read　the
description　of　a　Yorkshire　moor　with　pleasure　and　with　profit。　　To
a　cockney　who　had　never　seen　higher　ground　than　the　Hog's　Back　in
Surrey；　an　account　of　Snowdon　must　have　appeared　exciting。　　But　we；
or　rather　the　steam…engine　and　the　camera　for　us；　have　changed　all
that。　　The　man　who　plays　tennis　every　year　at　the　foot　of　the
Matterhorn；　and　billiards　on　the　summit　of　the　Rigi；　does　not　thank
you　for　an　elaborate　and　painstaking　description　of　the　Grampian
Hills。　　To　the　average　man；　who　has　seen　a　dozen　oil　paintings；　a
hundred　photographs；　a　thousand　pictures　in　the　illustrated
journals；　and　a　couple　of　panoramas　of　Niagara；　the　word…painting
of　a　waterfall　is　tedious。

An　American　friend　of　mine；　a　cultured　gentleman；　who　loved　poetry
well　enough　for　its　own　sake；　told　me　that　he　had　obtained　a　more
correct　and　more　satisfying　idea　of　the　Lake　district　from　an
eighteenpenny　book　of　photographic　views　than　from　all　the　works　of
Cole