donal grant-第14节

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〃Yes；　indeed！〃　answered　Donal；　to　whom　the　idea　of　his　aerie　was
growing　more　and　more　agreeable。　〃But　would　there　be　no　objection　to
my　using　the　place　for　such　a　purpose？〃

〃What　objection？〃　returned　his　guide。　〃I　doubt　if　a　single　person
but　myself　knows　it。〃

〃And　shall　I　be　allowed　to　carry　up　as　much　as　I　please？〃

〃I　allow　you；〃　said　the　butler；　with　importance。　〃Of　course　you　will
not　wasteI　am　dead　against　waste！　　But　as　to　what　is　needful；　use
your　freedom。Dinner　will　be　ready　for　you　in　the　schoolroom　at
seven。〃

At　the　door　of　his　room　the　old　man　left　him；　and　after　listening
for　a　moment　to　his　descending　steps；　Donal　re…entered　his　chamber。

Why　they　put　him　so　apart；　Donal　never　asked　himself；　that　he　should
have　such　command　of　his　leisure　as　this　isolation　promised　him　was
a　consequence　very　satisfactory。　　He　proceeded　at　once　to　settle
himself　in　his　new　quarters。　　Finding　some　shelves　in　a　recess　of
the　wall；　he　arranged　his　books　upon　them；　and　laid　his　few　clothes
in　the　chest　of　drawers　beneath。　　He　then　got　out　his　writing
material；　and　sat　down。

Though　his　window　was　so　high；　the　warm　pure　air　came　in　full　of　the
aromatic　odours　rising　in　the　hot　sunshine　from　the　young　pine　trees
far　below；　and　from　a　lark　far　above　descended　news　of　heaven…gate。
The　scent　came　up　and　the　song　came　down　all　the　time　he　was
writing　to　his　mothera　long　letter。　　When　he　had　closed　and
addressed　it；　he　fell　into　a　reverie。　　Apparently　he　was　to　have　his
meals　by　himself：　he　was　glad　of　it：　he　would　be　able　to　read　all
the　time！　　But　how　was　he　to　find　the　schoolroom！　　Some　one　would
surely　fetch　him！　　They　would　remember　he　did　not　know　his　way　about
the　place！　　It　wanted　yet　an　hour　to　dinner…time　when；　finding
himself　drowsy；　he　threw　himself　on　his　bed；　where　presently　he　fell
fast　asleep。

The　night　descended；　and　when　he　came　to　himself；　its　silences　were
deep　around　him。　　It　was　not　dark：　there　was　no　moon；　but　the
twilight　was　clear。　　He　could　read　the　face　of　his　watch：　it　was
twelve　o'clock！　　No　one　had　missed　him！　　He　was　very　hungry！　　But　he
had　been　hungrier　before　and　survived　it！　　In　his　wallet　were　still
some　remnants　of　oat…cake！　　He　took　it　in　his　hand；　and　stepping　out
on　the　bartizan；　crept　with　careful　steps　round　to　the　watch…tower。
There　he　seated　himself　in　the　stone　chair；　and　ate　his　dry　morsels
in　the　starry　presences。　　Sleep　had　refreshed　him；　and　he　was　wide
awake；　yet　there　was　on　him　the　sense　of　a　strange　existence。　　Never
before　had　he　so　known　himself！　　Often　had　he　passed　the　night　in
the　open　air；　but　never　before　had　his　night…consciousness　been
such！　　Never　had　he　felt　the　same　way　alone。　　He　was　parted　from　the
whole　earth；　like　the　ship…boy　on　the　giddy　mast！　　Nothing　was　below
but　a　dimness；　the　earth　and　all　that　was　in　it　was　massed　into　a
vague　shadow。　　It　was　as　if　he　had　died　and　gone　where　existence　was
independent　of　solidity　and　sense。　　Above　him　was　domed　the　vast　of
the　starry　heavens；　he　could　neither　flee　from　it　nor　ascend　to　it！
For　a　moment　he　felt　it　the　symbol　of　life；　yet　an　unattainable
hopeless　thing。　　He　hung　suspended　between　heaven　and　earth；　an
outcast　of　both；　a　denizen　of　neither！　　The　true　life　seemed　ever　to
retreat；　never　to　await　his　grasp。　　Nothing　but　the　beholding　of　the
face　of　the　Son　of　Man　could　set　him　at　rest　as　to　its　reality；
nothing　less　than　the　assurance　from　his　own　mouth　could　satisfy　him
that　all　was　true；　all　well：　life　was　a　thing　so　essentially　divine；
that　he　could　not　know　it　in　itself　till　his　own　essence　was　pure！
But　alas；　how　dream…like　was　the　old　story！　　Was　God　indeed　to　be
reached　by　the　prayers；　affected　by　the　needs　of　men？　　How　was　he　to
feel　sure　of　it？　　Once　more；　as　often　heretofore；　he　found　himself
crying　into　the　great　world　to　know　whether　there　was　an　ear　to
hear。　　What　if　there　should　come　to　him　no　answer？　　How　frightful
then　would　be　his　loneliness！　　But　to　seem　not　to　be　heard　might　be
part　of　the　discipline　of　his　darkness！　　It　might　be　for　the
perfecting　of　his　faith　that　he　must　not　yet　know　how　near　God　was
to　him！

〃Lord；〃　he　cried；　〃eternal　life　is　to　know　thee　and　thy　Father；　I　do
not　know　thee　and　thy　Father；　I　have　not　eternal　life；　I　have　but
life　enough　to　hunger　for　more：　show　me　plainly　of　the　Father　whom
thou　alone　knowest。〃

And　as　he　prayed；　something　like　a　touch　of　God　seemed　to　begin　and
grow　in　him　till　it　was　more　than　his　heart　could　hold；　and　the
universe　about　him　was　not　large　enough　to　hold　in　its　hollow　the
heart　that　swelled　with　it。

〃God　is　enough；〃　he　said；　and　sat　in　peace。




CHAPTER　XIII。

A　SOUND。

All　at　once　came　to　his　ear　through　the　night　a　strange　something。
Whence　or　what　it　was　he　could　not　even　conjecture。　　Was　it　a　moan
of　the　river　from　below？　　Was　it　a　lost　music…tone　that　had　wandered
from　afar　and　grown　faint？　　Was　it　one　of　those　mysterious　sounds　he
had　read　of　as　born　in　the　air　itself；　and　not　yet　explained　of
science？　　Was　it　the　fluttered　skirt　of　some　angelic　song　of
lamentation？for　if　the　angels　rejoice；　they　surely　must　lament！
Or　was　it　a　stilled　human　moaning？　　Was　any　wrong　being　done　far
down　in　the　white…gleaming　meadows　below；　by　the　banks　of　the　river
whose　platinum…glimmer　he　could　descry　through　the　molten
amethystine　darkness　of　the　starry　night？

Presently　came　a　long…drawn　musical　moan：　it　must　be　the　sound　of
some　muffled　instrument！　　Verily　night　was　the　time　for　strange
things！　　Could　sounds　be　begotten　in　the　fir　trees　by　the　rays　of
the　hot　sun；　and　born　in　the　stillness　of　the　following　dark；　as　the
light　which　the　diamond　receives　in　the　day　glows　out　in　the　gloom？
There　are　parents　and　their　progeny　that　never　exist　together！

Again　the　soundhardly　to　be　called　sound！　　It　resembled　a
vibration　of　organ…pipe　too　slow　and　deep　to　affect　the　hearing；
only　this　rather　seemed　too　high；　as　if　only　his　soul　heard　it。　　He
would　steal　softly　down　the　dumb　stone…stair！　　Some　creature　might
be　in　trouble　and　needing　help！

He　crept　back　along　the　bartizan。　　The　stair　was　dark　as　the　very
heart　of　the　night。　　He　groped　his　way　down。　　The　spiral　stair　is
the　safest　of　all：　you　cannot　tumble　far　ere　brought　up　by　the
inclosing　cylinder。　　Arrived　at　the　bottom；　and　feeling　about；　he
could　not　find　the　door　to　the　outer　air　which　the　butler　had　shown
him；　it　was　wall　wherever　his　hands　fell。　　He　could　not　find　again
the　stair　he　had　left；　he　could　not　tell　in　what　direction　it　lay。

He　had　got　into　a　long　windowless　passage　connecting　two　wings　of
the　house；　and　in　this　he　was　feeling　his　way；　fearful　of　falling
down　some　stair　or　trap。　　He　came　at　last　to　a　doorlow…browed　like
almost　all　in　the　house。　　Opening　itwas　it　a　thinner　darkness　or
the　faintest　gleam　of　light　he　saw？　　And　was　that　again　the　sound　he
had　followed；　fainter　and　farther　off　than　beforea　downy
wind…wafted　plume　from　the　skirt　of　some　stray　harmony？　　At　such　a
time　of　the　night　surely　it　was　strange！　　It　must　come　from　one　who
could　not　sleep；　and　was　solacing　himself　with　sweet　sounds；
breathing　a　soul　into　the　uncompanionable　silence！　　If　so　it　was；　he
had　no　right　to　search　farther！　　But　how　was　he　to　return？　　He　dared
hardly　move；　lest　he　should　be　found　wandering　over　the　house　in　the
dead　of　night　like　a　thief；　or　one　searching　after　its　secrets。　　He
must　sit　down　and　wait　for　the　morning：　its　earliest　light　would
perhaps　enable　him　to　find　his　way　to　his　quarters！

Feeling　about　him　a　little；　his　foot　struck　against　the　step　of　a
stair。　　Examining　it　with　his　hands；　he　believed　it　the　same　he　had
ascended　in　the　morning：　even　in　a　great　castle；　could　there　be　two
such　royal　stairs？　　He　sat　down　upon　it；　and　leaning　his　head　on　his
hands；　composed　himself　to　a　patient　waiting　for　the　light。

Waiting　pure　is　perhaps　the　hardest　thing　for　flesh　and　blood　to　do
well。　　The　relations　of　time　to　mind　are　very　strange。　　Some　of
their　phenomena　seem　to　prove　that　time　is　only　of　the
mindbelonging　to　the　intellect　as　good　and　evil　belong　to　the
spirit。　　Anyhow；　if　it　were　not　for　the　clocks　of　the　universe；　one
man　would　live　a　year；　a　century；　where　another　would　live　but　a
day。　　But　the　mere　motion　of　time；　not　to　say　the　consciousness　of
empty　time；　is　fearful。　　It　is　this　empty　time　that　the　fool　is
always　trying　to　kill：　his　effort　should　be　to　fill　it。　　Yet　nothing
but　the　living　God　can　fill　itthough　it　be　but　the　shape　our
existence　takes　to　us。　　Only　where　he　is；　emptiness　is　not。
Eternity　will　be　but　an　intense　present　to　the　child　with　whom　is
the　Father。

Such　thoughts　alighted；　flitted；　and　passed；　for　the　first　few
moments；　through　the　mind　of　Donal；　as　he　sat　half　consciously
waiting　for　the　dawn。　　It　was　thousands　of　miles　away；　over　the
great　round　of　the　sunward…turning　earth！　　His　imagination　woke；　and
began　to　picture　the　great　hunt　of　the　shadows；　fleeing　before　the
arrows　of　the　sun；　over　the　broad　face　of　the　mighty　worldits
mountains；　seas；　and　plains　in　turn　confessing　the　light；　and
submitting　to　him　who　slays　for　them　the　haunting　demons　of　their
dark。　　Then　again　the　moments　were　the　small　cogs