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no; you shoot wide of the mark a mile; indeed you do; that's not it;

Mr。 Careless; no; no; that's not it。



CARE。  No?  What can be the matter then?



SIR PAUL。  You'll scarcely believe me when I shall tell youmy lady

is so nice。  It's very strange; but it's true; too trueshe's so

very nice; that I don't believe she would touch a man for the world。

At least not above once a year; I'm sure I have found it so; and;

alas; what's once a year to an old man; who would do good in his

generation?  Indeed it's true; Mr。 Careless; it breaks my heart。  I

am her husband; as I may say; though far unworthy of that honour;

yet I am her husband; but alas…a…day; I have no more familiarity

with her personas to that matterthan with my own motherno

indeed。



CARE。  Alas…a…day; this is a lamentable story。  My lady must be told

on't。  She must i'faith; Sir Paul; 'tis an injury to the world。



SIR PAUL。  Ah! would to heaven you would; Mr。 Careless; you are

mightily in her favour。



CARE。  I warrant you; what! we must have a son some way or other。



SIR PAUL。  Indeed I should be mightily bound to you if you could

bring it about; Mr。 Careless。



LADY PLYANT。  Here; Sir Paul; it's from your steward。  Here's a

return of 600 pounds; you may take fifty of it for the next half

year。  'Gives him the letter。'





SCENE IX。





'To them' LORD FROTH; CYNTHIA。



SIR PAUL。  How does my girl?  Come hither to thy father; poor lamb:

thou'rt melancholic。



LORD FROTH。  Heaven; Sir Paul; you amaze me; of all things in the

world。  You are never pleased but when we are all upon the broad

grin:  all laugh and no company; ah; then 'tis such a sight to see

some teeth。  Sure you're a great admirer of my Lady Whifler; Mr。

Sneer; and Sir Laurence Loud; and that gang。



SIR PAUL。  I vow and swear she's a very merry woman; but I think she

laughs a little too much。



LORD FROTH。  Merry!  O Lord; what a character that is of a woman of

quality。  You have been at my Lady Whifler's upon her day; madam?



CYNT。  Yes; my lord。  I must humour this fool。  'Aside。'



LORD FROTH。  Well; and how? hee!  What is your sense of the

conversation?



CYNT。  Oh; most ridiculous; a perpetual comfort of laughing without

any harmony; for sure; my lord; to laugh out of time; is as

disagreeable as to sing out of time or out of tune。



LORD FROTH。  Hee; hee; hee; right; and then; my Lady Whifler is so

readyshe always comes in three bars too soon。  And then; what do

they laugh at?  For you know laughing without a jest is as

impertinent; hee! as; as …



CYNT。  As dancing without a fiddle。



LORD FROTH。  Just i'faith; that was at my tongue's end。



CYNT。  But that cannot be properly said of them; for I think they

are all in good nature with the world; and only laugh at one

another; and you must allow they have all jests in their persons;

though they have none in their conversation。



LORD FROTH。  True; as I'm a person of honour。  For heaven's sake let

us sacrifice 'em to mirth a little。  'Enter BOY and whispers SIR

PAUL。'



SIR PAUL。  Gads so。Wife; wife; my Lady Plyant; I have a word。



LADY PLYANT。  I'm busy; Sir Paul; I wonder at your impertinence。



CARE。  Sir Paul; harkee; I'm reasoning the matter you know。  Madam;

if your ladyship please; we'll discourse of this in the next room。



SIR PAUL。  O ho; I wish you good success; I wish you good success。

Boy; tell my lady; when she has done; I would speak with her below。





SCENE X。





CYNTHIA; LORD FROTH; LADY FROTH; BRISK。



LADY FROTH。  Then you think that episode between Susan; the dairy…

maid; and our coachman is not amiss; you know; I may suppose the

dairy in town; as well as in the country。



BRISK。  Incomparable; let me perish。  But then; being an heroic

poem; had you not better call him a charioteer?  Charioteer sounds

great; besides; your ladyship's coachman having a red face; and you

comparing him to the sunand you know the sun is called Heaven's

charioteer。



LADY FROTH。  Oh; infinitely better; I'm extremely beholden to you

for the hint; stay; we'll read over those half a score lines again。

'Pulls out a paper。'  Let me see here; you know what goes before;

the comparison; you know。  'Reads。'





For as the sun shines ev'ry day;

So of our coachman I may say。





BRISK。  I'm afraid that simile won't do in wet weather; because you

say the sun shines every day。



LADY FROTH。  No; for the sun it won't; but it will do for the

coachman; for you know there's most occasion for a coach in wet

weather。



BRISK。  Right; right; that saves all。



LADY FROTH。  Then I don't say the sun shines all the day; but that

he peeps now and then; yet he does shine all the day too; you know;

though we don't see him。



BRISK。  Right; but the vulgar will never comprehend that。



LADY FROTH。  Well; you shall hear。  Let me see。  'Reads。'





For as the sun shines ev'ry day;

So of our coachman I may say;

He shows his drunken fiery face;

Just as the sun does; more or less。





BRISK。  That's right; all's well; all's well。  'More or less。'



LADY FROTH reads:





And when at night his labour's done;

Then too; like Heav'n's charioteer the sun:





Ay; charioteer does better。





Into the dairy he descends;

And there his whipping and his driving ends;

There he's secure from danger of a bilk;

His fare is paid him; and he sets in milk。





For Susan you know; is Thetis; and so …



BRISK。  Incomparable well and proper; egadbut I have one exception

to makedon't you think bilk(I know it's good rhyme)but don't

you think BILK and FARE too like a hackney coachman?



LADY FROTH。  I swear and vow I'm afraid so。  And yet our Jehu was a

hackney coachman; when my lord took him。



BRISK。  Was he?  I'm answered; if Jehu was a hackney coachman。  You

may put that in the marginal notes though; to prevent criticism

only mark it with a small asterism; and say; 'Jehu was formerly a

hackney coachman。'



LADY FROTH。  I will。  You'd oblige me extremely to write notes to

the whole poem。



BRISK。  With all my heart and soul; and proud of the vast honour;

let me perish。



LORD FROTH。  Hee; hee; hee; my dear; have you done? won't you join

with us?  We were laughing at my Lady Whifler and Mr。 Sneer。



LADY FROTH。  Ay; my dear; were you?  Oh; filthy Mr。 Sneer; he's a

nauseous figure; a most fulsamic fop; foh!  He spent two days

together in going about Covent Garden to suit the lining of his

coach with his complexion。



LORD FROTH。  O silly! yet his aunt is as fond of him as if she had

brought the ape into the world herself。



BRISK。  Who; my Lady Toothless?  Oh; she's a mortifying spectacle;

she's always chewing the cud like an old ewe。



CYNT。  Fie; Mr。 Brisk; eringo's for her cough。



LADY FROTH。  I have seen her take 'em half chewed out of her mouth;

to laugh; and then put 'em in again。  Foh!



LORD FROTH。  Foh!



LADY FROTH。  Then she's always ready to laugh when Sneer offers to

speak; and sits in expectation of his no jest; with her gums bare;

and her mouth open …



BRISK。  Like an oyster at low ebb; egad。  Ha; ha; ha!



CYNT。  'Aside'  Well; I find there are no fools so inconsiderable in

themselves but they can render other people contemptible by exposing

their infirmities。



LADY FROTH。  Then that t'other great strapping ladyI can't hit of

her name; the old fat fool that paints so exorbitantly。



BRISK。  I know whom you meanbut deuce take me; I can't hit of her

name neither。  Paints; d'ye say?  Why; she lays it on with a trowel。

Then she has a great beard that bristles through it; and makes her

look as if she were plastered with lime and hair; let me perish。



LADY FROTH。  Oh; you made a song upon her; Mr。 Brisk。



BRISK。  He! egad; so I did。  My lord can sing it。



CYNT。  O good; my lord; let's hear it。



BRISK。  'Tis not a song neither; it's a sort of an epigram; or

rather an epigrammatic sonnet; I don't know what to call it; but

it's satire。  Sing it; my lord。



LORD FROTH sings。





Ancient Phyllis has young graces;

'Tis a strange thing; but a true one;

Shall I tell you how?

She herself makes her own faces;

And each morning wears a new one;

Where's the wonder now?





BRISK。  Short; but there's salt in't; my way of writing; egad。





SCENE XI。





'To them' FOOTMAN。



LADY FROTH。  How now?



FOOT。  Your ladyship's chair is come。



LADY FROTH。  Is nurse and the child in it?



FOOT。  Yes; madam。



LADY FROTH。  O the dear creature!  Let's go see it。



LORD FROTH。  I swear; my dear; you'll spoil that child; with sending

it to and again so often; this is the seventh time the chair has

gone for her to…day。



LADY FROTH。  O law!  I swear it's but the sixthand I haven't seen

her these two hours。  The poor creatureI swear; my lord; you don't

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