the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第15节
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neither fly nor run。 I cannot feel as thou and I both would； But； Father； I
am willingmake me good。 What art thou father for； but to help thy son？
Look deep； yet deeper； in my heart； and there； Beyond where I can feel；
read thou the prayer。
16。
Oh what it were to be right sure of thee！ Sure that thou art； and the
same as thy son； Jesus！ Oh； faith is deeper； wider than the sea； Yea； than
the blue of heaven that ever flees us！ Yet simple as the cry of sore…hurt
child； Or as his shout； with sudden gladness wild； When home from school
he runs； till morn set free。
17。
If I were sure thou； Father； verily art； True father of the Nazarene as
true； Sure as I am of my wife's shielding heart； Sure as of sunrise in the
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watching blue； Sure as I am that I do eat and drink； And have a heart to
love and laugh and think； Meseems in flame the joy might from my body
start。
18。
But I must know thee in a deeper way Than any of these ways； or
know thee not； My heart at peace far loftier proof must lay Than if the
wind thou me the wave didst roll； Than if I lay before thee a sunny spot；
Or knew thee as the body knows its soul； Or even as the part doth know its
perfect whole。
19。
There is no word to tell how I must know thee； No wind clasped ever a
low meadow…flower So close that as to nearness it could show thee； No
rainbow so makes one the sun and shower。 A something with thee； I am a
nothing fro' thee。 Because I am not save as I am in thee； My soul is ever
setting out to win thee。
20。
I know not howfor that I first must know thee。 I know I know thee
not as I would know thee； For my heart burns like theirs that did not know
him； Till he broke bread； and therein they must know him。 I know thee；
knowing that I do not know thee； Nor ever shall till one with me I know
thee Even as thy son； the eternal man； doth know thee。
21。
Creation under me； in； and above； Slopes upward from the base； a
pyramid； On whose point I shall stand at last； and love。 》From the first
rush of vapour at thy will； To the last poet…word that darkness chid； Thou
hast been sending up creation's hill； To lift thy souls aloft in faithful
Godhead free。
22。
I think my thought； and fancy I think thee。 Lord； wake me up； rend
swift my coffin…planks； I pray thee； let me livealive and free。 My soul
will break forth in melodious thanks； Aware at last what thou wouldst have
it be； When thy life shall be light in me； and when My life to thine is
answer and amen。
23。
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How oft I say the same things in these lines！ Even as a man； buried in
during dark； Turns ever where the edge of twilight shines； Prays ever
towards the vague eternal mark； Or as the sleeper； having dreamed he
drinks； Back straightway into thirstful dreaming sinks； So turns my will to
thee； for thee still longs； still pines。
24。
The mortal man； all careful； wise； and troubled； The eternal child in
the nursery doth keep。 To…morrow on to…day the man heaps doubled； The
child laughs； hopeful； even in his sleep。 The man rebukes the child for
foolish trust； The child replies； 〃Thy care is for poor dust； Be still； and let
me wake that thou mayst sleep。〃
25。
Till I am one； with oneness manifold； I must breed contradiction； strife；
and doubt； Things tread Thy courtlook realtake proving hold My
Christ is not yet grown to cast them out； Alas！ to me； false…judging 'twixt
the twain； The Unseen oft fancy seems； while； all about； The Seen doth
lord it with a mighty train。
26。
But when the Will hath learned obedience royal； He straight will set
the child upon the throne； To whom the seen things all； grown instant loyal；
Will gather to his feet； in homage prone The child their master they have
ever known； Then shall the visible fabric plainly lean On a Reality that
never can be seen。
27。
Thy ways are wonderful； maker of men！ Thou gavest me a child； and I
have fed And clothed and loved her； many a growing year； Lo！ now a
friend of months draws gently near； And claims her futureall beyond his
ken There he hath never loved her nor hath led： She weeps and moans；
but turns； and leaves her home so dear。
28。
She leaves； but not forsakes。 Oft in the night； Oft at mid…day when all
is still around； Sudden will rise； in dim pathetic light； Some childish
memory of household bliss； Or sorrow by love's service robed and
crowned； Rich in his love； she yet will sometimes miss The mother's
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folding arms； the mother's sealing kiss。
29。
Then first； I think； our eldest…born； although Loving； devoted； tender；
watchful； dear； The innermost of home…bred love shall know！ Yea； when at
last the janitor draws near； A still； pale joy will through the darkness go； At
thought of lying in those arms again； Which once were heaven enough for
any pain。
30。
By love doth love grow mighty in its love： Once thou shalt love us；
child； as we love thee。 Father of loves； is it not thy decree That； by our
long； far…wandering remove 》From thee； our life； our home； our being
blest； We learn at last to love thee true and best； And rush with all our
loves back to thy infinite rest？
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DECEMBER。
1。
I AM a little weary of my life Not thy life； blessed Father！ Or the
blood Too slowly laves the coral shores of thought； Or I am weary of
weariness and strife。 Open my soul…gates to thy living flood； I ask not
larger heart…throbs； vigour…fraught； I pray thy presence； with strong
patience rife。
2。
I will what thou will'stonly keep me sure That thou art willing； call to
me now and then。 So； ceasing to enjoy； I shall endure With perfect
patiencewilling beyond my ken Beyond my love； beyond my thinking
scope； Willing to be because thy will is pure； Willing thy will beyond all
bounds of hope。
3。
This weariness of mine； may it not come 》From something that doth
need no setting right？ Shall fruit be blamed if it hang wearily A day before
it perfected drop plumb To the sad earth from off its nursing tree？
Ripeness must always come with loss of might。 The weary evening fall
before the resting night。
4。
Hither if I have come through earth and air； Through fire and waterI
am not of them； Born in the darkness； what fair…flashing gem Would to the
earth go back and nestle there？ Not of this world； this world my life doth
hem； What if I weary； then； and look to the door； Because my unknown
life is swelling at the core？
5。
All winged things came from the waters first； Airward still many a one
from the water springs In dens and caves wind…loving things are nursed：
I lie like unhatched bird； upfolded； dumb； While all the air is trembling
with the hum Of songs and beating hearts and whirring wings； That call
my slumbering life to wake to happy things。
6。
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I lay last night and knew not why I was sad。 〃'Tis well with God；〃 I
said； 〃and he is the truth； Let that content me。〃'Tis not strength； nor
youth； Nor buoyant health； nor a heart merry…mad； That makes the fact of
things wherein men live： He is the life； and doth my life outgive； In him
there is no gloom； but all is solemn…glad；
7。
I said to myself； 〃Lo； I lie in a dream Of separation； where there comes
no sign； My waking life is hid with Christ in God； Where all is true and
potentfact divine。〃 I will not heed the thing that doth but se
