the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第13节
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are up in arms； and down on knee； Fighting and praying till the foe is
gone。
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OCTOBER。
1。
REMEMBER； Lord； thou hast not made me good。 Or if thou didst； it
was so long ago I have forgottenand never understood； I humbly think。
At best it was a crude； A rough…hewn goodness； that did need this woe；
This sin； these harms of all kinds fierce and rude； To shape it out； making
it live and grow。
2。
But thou art making me； I thank thee； sire。 What thou hast done and
doest thou know'st well； And I will help thee：gently in thy fire I will lie
burning； on thy potter's…wheel I will whirl patient； though my brain should
reel； Thy grace shall be enough the grief to quell； And growing strength
perfect through weakness dire。
3。
I have not knowledge； wisdom； insight； thought； Nor understanding； fit
to justify Thee in thy work； O Perfect。 Thou hast brought Me up to this
and； lo！ what thou hast wrought； I cannot call it good。 But I can cry 〃O
enemy； the maker hath not done； One day thou shalt behold； and from the
sight wilt run。〃
4。
The faith I will； aside is easily bent； But of thy love； my God； one
glimpse alone Can make me absolutely confident With faith； hope； joy；
in love responsive blent。 My soul then； in the vision mighty grown； Its
father and its fate securely known； Falls on thy bosom with exultant moan。
5。
Thou workest perfectly。 And if it seem Some things are not so well； 'tis
but because They are too loving…deep； too lofty…wise； For me； poor child；
to understand their laws： My highest wisdom half is but a dream； My love
runs helpless like a falling stream： Thy good embraces ill； and lo！ its
illness dies！
6。
》From sleep I wake； and wake to think of thee。 But wherefore not with
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sudden glorious glee？ Why burst not gracious on me heaven and earth In
all the splendour of a new…day…birth？ Why hangs a cloud betwixt my lord
and me？ The moment that my eyes the morning greet； My soul should
panting rush to clasp thy father…feet。
7。
Is it because it is not thou I see； But only my poor； blotted fancy of
thee？ Oh！ never till thyself reveal thy face； Shall I be flooded with life's
vital grace。 Oh make my mirror…heart thy shining…place； And then my soul；
awaking with the morn； Shall be a waking joy； eternally new…born。
8。
Lord； in my silver is much metal base； Else should my being by this
time have shown Thee thy own self therein。 Therefore do I Wake in the
furnace。 I know thou sittest by； Refininglook； keep looking in to try Thy
silver； master； look and see thy face； Else here I lie for ever； blank as any
stone。
9。
But when in the dim silver thou dost look； I do behold thy face； though
blurred and faint。 Oh joy！ no flaw in me thy grace will brook； But still
refine： slow shall the silver pass 》From bright to brighter； till； sans spot or
taint； Love； well content； shall see no speck of brass； And I his perfect face
shall hold as in a glass。
10。
With every morn my life afresh must break The crust of self； gathered
about me fresh； That thy wind…spirit may rush in and shake The darkness
out of me； and rend the mesh The spider…devils spin out of the flesh
Eager to net the soul before it wake； That it may slumberous lie； and listen
to the snake。
11。
'Tis that I am not goodthat is enough； I pry no fartherthat is not the
way。 Here； O my potter； is thy making stuff！ Set thy wheel going； let it
whir and play。 The chips in me； the stones； the straws； the sand； Cast them
out with fine separating hand； And make a vessel of thy yielding clay。
12。
What if it take a thousand years to make me； So me he leave not； angry；
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on the floor！ Nay； thou art never angry！that would break me！ Would I
tried never thy dear patience sore； But were as good as thou couldst well
expect me； Whilst thou dost make； I mar； and thou correct me！ Then were
I now content； waiting for something more。
13。
Only； my God； see thou that I content thee Oh； take thy own content
upon me； God！ Ah； never； never； sure； wilt thou repent thee； That thou hast
called thy Adam from the clod！ Yet must I mourn that thou shouldst ever
find me One moment sluggish； needing more of the rod Than thou didst
think when thy desire designed me。
14。
My God； it troubles me I am not better。 More help； I pray； still more。
Thy perfect debtor I shall be when thy perfect child I am grown。 My
Father； help meam I not thine own？ Lo； other lords have had dominion
o'er me； But now thy will alone I set before me： Thy own heart's lifeLord；
thou wilt not abhor me！
15。
In youth； when once again I had set out To find thee； Lord； my life； my
liberty； A window now and then； clouds all about； Would open into heaven：
my heart forlorn First all would tremble with a solemn glee； Then；
whelmed in peace； rest like a man outworn； That sees the dawn slow part
the closed lids of the morn。
16。
Now I grow old； and the soft…gathered years Have calmed； yea dulled
the heart's swift fluttering beat； But a quiet hope that keeps its household
seat Is better than recurrent glories fleet。 To know thee； Lord； is worth a
many tears； And when this mildew； age； has dried away； My heart will
beat again as young and strong and gay。
17。
Stronger and gayer tenfold！but； O friends； Not for itself； nor any
hoarded bliss。 I see but vaguely whither my being tends； All vaguely spy a
glory shadow…blent； Vaguely desire the 〃individual kiss；〃 But when I think
of God； a large content Fills the dull air of my gray cloudy tent。
18。
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Father of me； thou art my bliss secure。 Make of me； maker； whatsoe'er
thou wilt。 Let fancy's wings hang moulting； hope grow poor； And doubt
steam up from where a joy was spilt I lose no time to reason it plain and
clear； But fly to thee； my life's perfection dear： Not what I think； but
what thou art； makes sure。
19。
This utterance of spirit through still thought； This forming of heart…
stuff in moulds of brain； Is helpful to the soul by which 'tis wrought； The
shape reacting on the heart again； But when I am quite old； and words are
slow； Like dying things that keep their holes for woe； And memory's
withering tendrils clasp with effort vain？
20。
Thou； then as now； no less wilt be my life； And I shall know it better
than before； Praying and trusting； hoping； claiming more。 》From effort
vain； sick foil； and bootless strife； I shall； with childness fresh； look up to
thee； Thou； seeing thy child with age encumbered sore； Wilt round him
bend thine arm more carefully。
21。
And when grim Death doth take me by the throat； Thou wilt have pity
on thy handiwork； Thou wilt not let him on my suffering gloat； But draw
my soul outgladder than man or boy； When thy saved creatures from the
narrow ark Rushed out； and leaped and laughed and cried for joy； And the
great rainbow strode across the dark。
22。
Against my fears； my doubts； my ignorance； I trust in thee； O father of
my Lord！ The world went on in this same broken dance； When； worn and
mocked； he trusted and adored： I too will trust； and gather my poor best To
face the truth…faced false。 So in his nest I shall awake at length； a little
scarred and scored。
23。
Things cannot look all right so long as I Am not all right who see
therefore not right Can see。 The lamp within sends out the light Which
shows the things； and if its rays go wry； Or are not white； they must part
show a lie。 The man； half…cured； did men not trees conclude； Because he
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moving saw what
