bleak house(凄凉的房子)-第200节
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of exchanging a few words with Mr Jarndyce and his wards； on the
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occasion of an accidental meeting during their sojourn in the
vicinity。 Permit me； Mr Jarndyce； to repeat to yourself； and to
these ladies； the assurance I have already tendered to Mr
Skimpole。 Circumstances undoubtedly prevent my saying that it
would afford me any gratification to hear that Mr Boythorn had
favoured my house with his presence； but those circumstances are
confined to that gentleman himself； and do not extend beyond
him。”
“You know my old opinion of him；” said Mr Skimpole； lightly
appealing to us。 “An amiable bull； who is determined to make
every colour scarlet！”
Sir Leicester Dedlock coughed； as if he could not possibly hear
another word in reference to such an individual； and took his
leave with great ceremony and politeness。 I got to my own room
with all possible speed； and remained there until I had recovered
my self…command。 It had been very much disturbed； but I was
thankful to find； when I went downstairs again； that they only
rallied me for having been shy and mute before the great
Lincolnshire baronet。
By that time I had made up my mind that the period was come
when I must tell my Guardian what I knew。 The possibility of my
being brought into contact with my mother； of my being taken to
her house；—even of Mr Skimpole’s； however distantly associated
with me； receiving kindnesses and obligations from her
husband；—was so painful； that I felt I could no longer guide myself
without his assistance。
When we had retired for the night； and Ada and I had had our
usual talk in our pretty room； I went out at my door again； and
sought my Guardian among his books。 I knew he always read at
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that hour； and as I drew near； I saw the light shining out into the
passage from his reading…lamp。
“May I come in； Guardian？”
“Surely； little woman。 What’s the matter？”
“Nothing is the matter。 I thought I would like to take this quiet
time of saying a word to you about myself。”
He put a chair for me； shut his book； and put it by； and turned
his kind attentive face towards me。 I could not help observing that
it wore that curious expression I had observed in it once before—
on that night when he had said that he was in no trouble which I
could readily understand。
“What concerns you； my dear Esther；” said he； “concerns us all。
You cannot be more ready to speak than I am to hear。”
“I know that； Guardian。 But I have such need of your advice
and support。 O！ you don’t know how much need I have tonight。”
He looked unprepared for my being so earnest； and even a little
alarmed。
“Or how anxious I have been to speak to you；” said I； “ever
since the visitor was here today。”
“The visitor； my dear！ Sir Leicester Dedlock？”
“Yes。”
He folded his arms； and sat looking at me with an air of the
profoundest astonishment； awaiting what I should say next。 I did
not know how to prepare him。
“Why； Esther；” said he； breaking into a smile； “our visitor and
you are the two last persons on earth I should have thought of
connecting together！”
“O yes； Guardian； I know it。 And I too； but a little while ago。”
The smile passed from his face； and he became graver than
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before。 He crossed to the door to see that it was shut （but I had
seen to that）； and resumed his seat before me。
“Guardian；” said I； “do you remember； when we were
overtaken by the thunderstorm； Lady Dedlock’s speaking to you of
her sister？”
“Of course。 Of course I do。”
“And reminding you that she and her sister had differed； had
‘gone their several ways？’“ “Of course。”
“Why did they separate； Guardian？”
His face quite altered as he looked at me。 “My child； what
questions are these！ I never knew。 No one but themselves ever did
know； I believe。 Who could tell what the secrets of those two
handsome and proud women were！ You have seen Lady Dedlock。
If you had ever seen her sister； you would know her to have been
as resolute and haughty as she。”
“O Guardian； I have seen her many and many a time！”
“Seen her？”
He paused a little； biting his lip。 “Then； Esther； when you spoke
to me long ago of Boythorn； and when I told you that he was all
but married once； and that the lady did not die； but died to him；
and that that time had had its influence on his later life—did you
know it all； and know who the lady was？”
“No； Guardian；” I returned； fearful of the light that dimly broke
upon me。 “Nor do I know yet。”
“Lady Dedlock’s sister。”
“And why；” I could scarcely ask him； “why； Guardian； pray tell
me why were they parted？”
“It was her act； and she kept its motives in her inflexible heart。
He afterwards did conjecture （but it was mere conjecture） that
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some injury which her haughty spirit had received in her cause of
quarrel with her sister； had wounded her beyond all reason； but
she wrote him that from the date of that letter she died to him—as
in literal truth she did—and that the resolution was exacted from
her by her knowledge of his proud temper and his strained sense
of honour； which were both her nature too。 In consideration for
those master points in him； and even in consideration for them in
herself； she made the sacrifice； she said； and would live in it and
die in it。 She did both； I fear； certainly he never saw her； never
heard of her from that hour。 Nor did any one。”
“O Guardian； what have I done！” I cried； giving way to my grief；
“what sorrow have I innocently caused！”
“You caused； Esther？”
“Yes； Guardian。 Innocently； but most surely。 That secluded
sister is my first remembrance。”
“No； no！” he cried； starting。
“Yes； Guardian； yes！ And her sister is my mother！”
I would have told him all my mother’s letter； but he would not
hear it then。 He spoke so tenderly and wisely to me； and he put so
plainly before me all I had myself imperfectly thought and hoped
in my better state of mind； that penetrated as I had been with
fervent gratitude towards him through so many years； I believed I
had never loved him so dearly； never thanked him in my heart so
fully； as I did that night。 And when he had taken me to my room
and kissed me at the door； and when at last I lay down to sleep； my
thought was how could I ever be busy enough； how could I ever be
good enough； how in my little way could I ever hope to be forgetful
enough of myself； devoted enough to him； and useful enough to
others； to show him how I blessed and honoured him。
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Chapter 44
The Letter And The Answer
y Guardian called me into his room next morning； and
then I told him what had been left untold on the
M
previous night。 There was nothing to be done； he said；
but to keep the secret； and to avoid another such encounter as that
of yesterday。 He understood my feeling； and entirely shared it。 He
charged himself even with restraining Mr Skimpole from
improving his opportunity。
