louisa of prussia and her times-第84节

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implored　my　pride　to　sustain　and　support　me；　and　I　swore　to　my
maidenly　honor　that　I　would　preserve　it　unsullied　and　sacred　to　my
end。〃

〃Oh；　good　Heaven！〃　groaned　the　baron；　tottering　backward　like　a　man
suddenly　seized　with　vertigo。

Fanny；　in　her　own　glowing　excitement；　did　not　notice　it。

〃And　thus　I　commenced　my　new　life；〃　she　said；　〃a　life　of　splendor
and　magnificence；　it　was　glittering　without；　but　dreary　within；　and
in　the　midst　of　our　most　brilliant　circles　I　constantly　felt　lonely；
surrounded　by　hundreds　who　called　themselves　friends　of　our　house；　I
was　always　aloneI；　the　wife　of　your　reception…room；　the　disowned
of　my　boudoir！　Oh；　it　is　true　I　have　obtained　many　triumphs；　I　have
seen　this　haughty　world；　that　only　received　me　hesitatingly；　at　last
bow　to　me；　the　Jewess　has　become　the　centre　of　society；　and　no　one
on　entering　our　house　believes　any　longer　that　he　is　conferring　a
favor　upon　us；　but；　on　the　contrary；　receiving　one　from　us。　It　is
the　TON　now　to　visit　our　house；　we　are　being　overwhelmed　with
invitations；　with　flattering　attentions。　But　tell　me；　sir；　is　all
this　a　compensation　for　the　happiness　which　we　are　lacking　and　which
we　never　will　obtain？　Oh；　is　it　not　sad　to　think　that　both　of　us；　so
young；　so　capable　of　enjoying　happiness；　should　already　be　doomed　to
eternal　resignation　and　eternal　loneliness？　Is　it　not　horrible　to
see　us；　and　ought　not　God　Himself　to　pity　us；　if　from　the　splendor
of　His　starry　heavens　He　should　look　down　for　a　moment　into　our
gloomy　breasts？　I　bear　in　it　a　cold；　frozen　heart；　and　you　a　coffin。
Oh；　sir；　do　not　laugh　at　me　because　you　see　tears　in　my　eyesit　is
only　Fanny　Itzig　who　is　weeping；　Baroness　von　Arnstein　will　receive
your　guests　to…night　in　your　saloons　with　a　smiling　face；　and　no　one
will　believe　that　her　eyes　also　know　how　to　weep。　But　here；　here　in
my　widow…room；　here　in　my　nun's　cell；　I　may　be　permitted　to　weep
over　you　and　me；　who　have　been　chained　together　with　infrangible
fetters；　of　which　both　of　us　feel　the　burden　and　oppression　with
equal　bitterness　and　wrath。　May　God　forgive　our　parents　for　having
sacrificed　our　hearts　on　the　altar　of　THEIR　God；　who　is　Mammon；　_I_
shall　ever　hate　them　for　it；　I　shall　never　forgive　them；　for　they
who　knew　life　must　have　known　that　there　is　nothing　more　unhappy；
more　miserable；　and　more　deplorable　than　a　wife　who　does　not　love
her　husband；　is　not　beloved　by　him。〃

〃Is　not　beloved　by　him！〃　repeated　the　baron；　approaching　his　wife
who；　like　a　broken　reed；　had　sunk　down　on　a　chair；　and　seizing　her
hand；　he　said：　〃You　say　that　I　do　not　love　you；　Fanny！　Do　you　know
my　heart；　then？　Have　you　deemed　it　worth　while　only　a　single　time　to
fix　your　proud　eyes　on　my　poor　heart？　Did　you　ever　show　me　a　symptom
of　sympathy　when　I　was　sick；　a　trace　of　compassion　when　you　saw　me
suffering？　But　no；　you　did　not　even　see　that　I　was　suffering；　or
that　I　was　sad。　Your　proud；　cold　glance　always　glided　past　me；　it
saw　me　rarely；　it　never　sought　me！　What　can　you　know；　then；　about　my
heart；　and　what　would　you　care　if　I　should　tell　you　now　that　there
is　no　longer　a　coffin　in　it；　that　it　has　awoke　to　a　new　life；　and〃

〃Baron！〃　exclaimed　Fanny；　rising　quickly　and　proudly；　〃will　you；
perhaps；　carry　your　magnanimity　and　delicacy　so　far　as　to　make　me　a
declaration　of　love？　Did　I　express　myself　in　my　imprudent
impetuosity　so　incorrectly　as　to　make　you　believe　I　was　anxious　even
now　to　gain　your　love；　and　that　I　was　complaining　of　not　having
obtained　it？　Do　you　believe　me　to　be　an　humble　mendicant；　to　whom　in
your　generosity　you　want　to　throw　the　morsel　of　a　declaration　of
love？　I　thank　you；　sir；　I　am　not　hungry；　and　do　not　want　this
morsel。　Let　us　at　least　be　truthful　and　sincere　toward　each　other；
and　the　truth　is；　we　do　not　love　each　other　and　shall　never　do　so。
Let　us　never　try　to　feign　what　we　never　shall　feel。　And　if　you　now
should　offer　me　your　love　I　should　have　to　reject　it；　for　I　am
accustomed　to　a　freezing　temperature；　and　I　should　fare　like　the
natives　of　Siberia；　I　should　die　if　I　were　to　live　in　a　warmer　zone。
Both　of　us　are　living　in　Siberia；　well；　then；　as　we　cannot　expect
roses　to　bloom　for　us；　let　us　try　at　least　to　catch　sables　for
ourselves。　The　sable；　moreover；　is　an　animal　highly　valued　by　the
whole　world。　People　will　envy　our　sable　furs；　for　they　know　them　to
be　costly；　they　would　laugh　at　us　if　we　should　adorn　our　heads　with
roses；　for　roses　are　not　costly　by　any　means；　they　are　common；　and
every　peasant…girl　may　adorn　herself　with　them。〃

〃You　are　joking；〃　said　the　baron；　mournfully；　〃and　yet　there　are
tears　glistening　in　your　eyes。　However；　your　will　shall　be　sacred　to
me。　I　shall　never　dare　to　speak　to　you　again　about　my　heart。　But　let
us　speak　about　you　and　your　future。　The　five　years　of　our　agreement
have　elapsed；　and　I　am　here　to　confer　with　you　about　your　future。
Tell　me　frankly　and　honestly；　Fanny；　do　you　wish　to　be　divorced　from
me？〃

She　started　and　fixed　a　long　and　searching　look　on　her　husband。

〃Your　father　died　a　year　ago；〃　she　said；　musingly；　〃you　are　now　the
chief　of　the　firm；　no　one　has　a　right　to　command　any　longer　what　you
are　to　do；　and　being　free　now；　you　may　offer　your　hand　to　her　whom
you　love；　I　suppose？〃

The　baron　uttered　a　shriek；　and　a　death…like　pallor　overspread　his
face。　〃Have　I　deserved　to　be　thus　deeply　despised　by　you？〃　he
ejaculated。

Fanny　quickly　gave　him　her　hand。　〃Pardon　me；〃　she　said；　cordially。
〃I　have　pained　you　quite　unintentionally；　the　grief　of　this　hour　has
rendered　me　cruel。　No；　I　do　not　believe　that　you；　merely　for　your
own　sake；　addressed　this　question　to　me；　I　know；　on　the　contrary；
that　you　entertain　for　me　the　sympathy　of　a　brother；　of　a　friend；
and　I　am　satisfied　that　your　question　had　my　happiness　in　view　as
well　as　yours。〃

〃Well；〃　he　said；　with　the　semblance　of　perfect　calmness；　〃let　me
repeat　my　question；　then：　do　you　want　to　be　divorced　from　me？〃

Fanny　slowly　shook　her　head。　〃Why？〃　she　asked；　sadly。　〃I　repeat　to
you　what　I　told　you　once　already；　we　are　living　in　Siberialet　us
remain　there。　We　are　accustomed　to　a　freezing　temperature；　we　might
die；　perhaps；　in　a　warmer　zone。〃

〃Or　your　heart　might　exult；　perhaps；　with　happiness　and　delight；〃
said　the　baron；　and　now　HIS　eyes　were　fixed　inquiringly　upon　her
face。　〃You　called　me　just　now　your　friend；　you　admitted　that　I　felt
for　you　the　sympathy　of　a　brother；　well；　then；　let　me　speak　to　you
as　your　brother　and　friend。　Do　not　reject　the　offer　of　a　divorce　so
quickly；　Fanny；　for　I　tell　you　now　I　shall　never　renew　it；　and　if
you　do　not　give　me　up　to…day；　you　are　chained　to　me　forever；　for　I
shall　never　be　capable　again　of　a　courage　so　cruel　against　myself。
Consider　the　offer　well；　therefore。　Think　of　your　youth；　your
beauty；　and　your　inward　loneliness。　Remember　that　your　heart　is
yearning　for　love　and　pining　away　in　its　dreary　solitude。　And　now
look　around；　Fanny；　see　how　many　of　the　most　distinguished　and
eminent　cavaliers　are　surrounding　you；　and　longing　for　a　glance；　for
a　smile　from　you。　See　by　how　many　you　are　being　loved　and　adored；
and　then　ask　yourself　whether　or　not　among　all　these　cavaliers　no
one　would　be　able　to　conquer　your　heart　if　it　were　free？　For　I　know
your　chaste　virtue；　I　know　that；　although　chained　to　an　unbeloved
husband；　you　never　would　prove　faithless　to　him　and　avow　love　to
another　so　long　as　you　were　not　free。　Imagine；　then；　you　were　free；
and　then　ask　your　heart　if　it　will　not　decide　for　one　of　your　many
adorers。〃

〃No；　no；〃　she　said；　deprecatingly；　〃I　cannot　imagine　a　state　of
affairs　that　does　not　exist；　as　I　am　not　free；　I　must　not　entertain
the　thoughts　of　a　free　woman。〃

Her　husband　approached　her；　and　seizing　her　hand；　looked　at　her　in　a
most　touching　and　imploring　manner。

〃Then　you　have　forgotten　that　five　years　ago；　on　our　wedding…day；
you　promised　me　always　to　trust　me？〃　he　asked。　〃You　have　forgotten
that　you　took　an　oath　that　you　would　tell　me　so　soon　as　your　heart
had　declared　for　another　man？〃

Fanny　could　not　bear　his　look；　and　lowered　her　eyes。

〃It　has　not　declared　for　another　man；　and；　therefore；　I　have　nothing
to　confide　to　you；〃　she　said；　in　a　low　voice。

The　baron　constantly　held　her　hand　in　his　own；　and　his　eyes　were
still　fixed　on　her　face。

〃Let　us　consider　the　matter　together；〃　he　said。　〃Permit　me　to　review
your　cavaliers　and　admirers；　and　to　examine　with　you　if　there　is　not
one　among　them　whom　you　may　deem　worthy　of　your　love。〃

〃What！〃　ejaculated　Fanny；　having　recourse　to　an　outburst　of
merriment　in　order　to　conceal　her　embarrassment；　〃you　want　to　make
me　a　Portia；　and　perform　with　me　a　scene　from　the　'Merchant　of
Venice？'〃

〃Yes；　you　are　Portia；　and　I　will　play　the　role　of　your　confidant；〃
said　Baron　Arnstein；　smiling。　〃Well；　let　us　begin　our　review。　First；
there　is　Count　Palfy；　a　member　of　the　old　nobility；　of　the　most
faultless　manners；　young；　rich；　full　of　ardent　love　for〃

〃For　your　dinner…parties　and　the　rare　dishes　that　do　not　cost　him
any　thing；〃　interrupted　Fanny。　〃He　is　an　epicure；　who　prefers　dining
at　other　people's　tables　because　he　is　too　stingy　to　pay　for　the
Indian　birds'…nests　which　he　relishes　greatly。　As　for　myse