louisa of prussia and her times-第24节

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triumph　over　others；　fills　me　with　the　wildest　delight。　My　father
spoke　of　my　debts；　my　creditors　threatened　me　with　suits　and
imprisonment〃

〃And　thus；〃　she　interrupted　him〃thus　you　sacrificed　me　to　your
vanity　and　to　your　debtsyou　falsely　vowed　a　love　to　me　which　you
never　felt；　and　accepted　my　hand。　My　father　paid　your　debts；　you
solemnly　promised　to　all　of　us　not　to　incur　any　new　ones；　but　you
utterly　broke　your　pledges。　Instead　of　squandering　hundreds　as
heretofore；　you　henceforth　lavished　thousands；　until　my　whole
maternal　property　was　goneuntil　my　father；　in　a　towering　passion；
turned　his　back　upon　us　and　swore　never　to　see　us　again。　The
creditors；　the　debts；　the　embarrassments；　reappeared；　and　as　I　had
no　money　left　with　which　to　extricate　you　from　your　difficulties；
you　thought　you　owed　me　no　further　respect　and　were　not　under　the
necessity　of　remembering　that　I　was　your　wife。　You　had　a　number　of
love…affairs；　as　I　knew　very　well；　but　was　silent。　Love…letters
arrived　for　you；　not　from　one　woman　with　whom　you　had　fallen　in
love；　but　from　God　knows　how　many。　I　was　aware　of　it　and　was　silent。
And　when　you　were　finally　shameless　enough　to　let　the　whole　city
witness　your　passion　for　an　actresswhen　all　Berlin　spoke
contemptuously　of　this　flame　of　yours　and　of　the　follies　you
committed　in　consequencethen　I　could　be　silent　no　longer；　and　my
honor　and　dignity　commanded　me　to　apply　for　a　divorce。〃

〃And　every　one　must　acknowledge　that　you　were　perfectly　right。　As　a
friend　I　could　not　have　given　you　myself　any　other　advice；　for　I
shall　not　and　cannot　alter　my　nature。　I　am　unable　to　accustom　myself
to　a　quiet　and　happy　family　lifedomestic　felicity　is　repulsive　to
me；　and　a　feeling　of　restraint　makes　me　rear　and　plunge　like　the
noble　charger　feeling　his　bit　and　bridle　for　the　first　time。　I　can
bear　no　chains；　Julia；　not　even　those　of　an　excellent　and
affectionate　wife　such　as　you　have　been　to　me。〃

〃You　can　bear　no　chains；〃　she　said；　bitterly；　〃and　yet　you　are
always　in　chainsin　the　chains　of　your　debts；　your　love…affairs；
and　your　frivolity。　Oh；　listen　to　meheed　my　words　for　once。　They
are　as　solemn　as　though　they　were　uttered　on　a　death…bed；　for　we
shall　never　see　each　other　again。　Fancy　a　mother　were　speaking　to
youa　mother　tenderly　loving　you。　For　I　confess　to　you　that　I　still
love　you；　Gentzmy　heart　cannot　yet　break　loose　from　you；　and　even
now　that　I　have　to　abandon　you；　I　feel　that　I　shall　forever　remain
tenderly　attached　to　you。　Oh；　true　love　is　ever　hopeful；　and　that
was　the　reason　why　I　remained　in　your　house；　although　my　father　had
applied　for　a　divorce。　I　was　always　in　hopes　that　your　heart　would
return　to　meoh；　I　did　not　suspect　that　you　had　never　loved　me！
and　thus　I　hoped　in　vain；　and　must　go　now；　for　our　divorce　will　be
proclaimed　to…day；　and　honor　forbids　me　to　remain　here　any　longer。
But　now　that　I　am　going；　listen　once　more　to　the　warning　voice　of　a
friend。　Frederick　Gentz；　turn　back！　Pursue　no　longer　the　slippery
path　of　frivolity　and　voluptuousness。　Break　loose　from　the　meshes　of
pleasures　and　sensuality。　God　has　given　you　a　noble　mind；　a　powerful
intellectmake　good　use　of　your　surpassing　abilities。　Become　as
great　and　illustrious　as　Providence　has　intended　you　if　you　but　be
true　to　yourself。　See；　I　believe　in　you；　and　although　you　only　seem
to　live　for　pleasure　and　enjoyment；　I　know　you　are　destined　to
accomplish　great　things；　provided　you　strive　to　do　so。　Oh；　let　me
beseech　you　to　change　your　course；　and　to　emerge　from　this　whirlpool
of　dissipation　and　profligacy。　Close　your　ears　to　the　alluring　songs
of　the　sirens；　and　listen　to　the　sublime　voices　resounding　in　your
breast　and　calling　you　to　the　path　of　glory　and　honor。　Follow　them；
Frederick　Gentzbe　a　man；　do　not　drift　any　longer　aimlessly　in　an
open　boat；　but　step　on　a　proud　and　glorious　ship；　grasp　the　helm　and
steer　it　out　upon　the　ocean。　You　are　the　man　to　pilot　the　ship；　and
the　ocean　will　obey　you；　and　you　will　get　into　port　loaded　with
riches；　glory；　and　honor。　Only　make　an　effort。　Remember　my　words；
and　now；　Frederick　Gentz；　in　order　to　live　happily；　never　remember
me！〃

She　turned　round　and　hastily　left　the　room。　He　stood　immovable　for
several　minutes；　dreamily　gazing　after　her；　while　her　words　were
still　resounding　in　his　ears　like　an　inspired　prophecy。　But　when　he
heard　the　carriage　roll　away　on　the　street；　he　started；　passed　his
hand　across　his　quivering　face　and　whispered：　〃I　have　deeply　wronged
her；　may　God　forgive　me！〃

Suddenly；　however；　he　drew　himself　up　to　his　full　height；　and　a
gleam　of　intense　joy　burst　forth　from　his　eyes。　〃I　am　free！〃　he
exclaimed；　loudly　and　in　a　tone　of　exultation。　〃Yes；　I　am　free！　My
life　and　the　world　belong　to　me　again。　All　women　are　mine　again；
Cupid　and　all　the　gods　of　love　will　boldly　flit　toward　me；　for　they
need　not　conceal　themselves　any　longer　from　the　face　of　a　husband
strolling　on　forbidden　grounds；　nor　from　the　spying　eyes　of　a
jealous　wife。　Life　is　mine　again；　and　I　will　enjoy　it；　yes　I　enjoy
it。　I　will　enjoy　it　like　fragrant　wine　pressed　to　our　lips　in　a
golden　goblet；　sparkling　with　diamonds。　Ah；　how　they　are　hammering
and　battering　in　the　anteroom！　Every　stroke　of　theirs　is　a　note　of
the　glorious　song　of　my　liberty。　The　furniture　of　my　household　is
gone；　the　pictures　and　looking…glasses　are　all　gonegone。　The　past
and　every　thing　reminding　me　thereof　shall　disappear　from　these
rooms。　I　will　have　new　furniturefurniture　of　gold　and　velvet；
large　Venetian　mirrors；　and　splendid　paintings。　Oh；　my　rooms　shall
look　as　glorious　and　magnificent　as　those　of　a　prince；　and　all
Berlin　shall　speak　of　the　splendor　and　luxury　of　Frederick　Gentz。
And　to　whom　shall　I　be　indebted　for　it？　Not　to　any　wife's　dower；　but
to　myselfto　myself　alone；　to　my　talents；　to　my　genius！　Oh；　in
regard　to　this　at　least；　poor　Julia　shall　not　have　been　mistaken。　I
shall　gain　fame；　and　glory；　and　honors；　my　name　shall　become　a
household　word　throughout　all　Europe；　it　shall　reecho　in　every
cabinet；　every　minister　shall　have　recourse　to　me；　andhark！　What's
that？〃　he　suddenly　interrupted　himself。　〃I　really　believe　they　are
quarrelling　in　the　anteroom。〃

Indeed；　a　violent　altercation　was　heard　outside。　Suddenly　the　door
was　pushed　open；　and　a　vigorous；　broad…shouldered　man；　with　a
flushed　and　angry　face；　appeared　on　the　threshold。

〃Well；〃　he　exclaimed；　with　a　bitter　sneer；　turning　to　the　footman
who　stood　behind　him；　〃was　I　not　right　when　I　told　you　that　Mr。
Counsellor　Gentz　was　at　home？　You　would　not　announce　me；　because
your　master　had　ordered　you　not　to　admit　any　visitors　of　my　class。
But　I　want　to　be　admitted。　I　will　not　permit　myself　to　be　shown　out
of　the　anteroom　like　a　fool；　while　the　counsellor　here　is　snugly
sitting　on　his　sofa　laughing　at　me。〃

〃You　see；　my　dear　Mr。　Werner；　I　am　neither　sitting　on　my　sofa　nor
laughing　at　you；〃　said　Gentz；　slowly　approaching　his　angry　visitor。
〃And　now　let　me　ask　you　what　you　want　of　me。〃

〃What　I　want　of　you？〃　replied　the　stranger；　with　a　sneer。　〃Sir；　you
know　very　well　what　I　want　of　you。　I　want　my　money！　I　want　the　five
hundred　dollars　you　have　been　owing　me　for　the　last　twelve　months。　I
trusted　your　word　and　your　name；　I　furnished　you　my　best　winesmy
choicest　champagne　and　the　most　exquisite　delicacies　for　your　dinner
parties。　You　have　treated　your　friends；　that　was　all　right　enough；
but　it　should　have　been　done　at　your　expense；　and　not　at　mine。　For
that　reason　I　am　here；　and　you　must　pay　me。　For　the　hundredth　and
last　time；　I　demand　my　money！〃

〃And　if　I　now　tell　you　for　the　hundredth；　but　not　the　last　time；
that　I　have　not　got　any　money？〃

〃Then　I　shall　go　to　the　war　department　and　attach　your　salary。〃

〃Ah；　my　dear　friend；　there　you　would　be　altogether　too　late；〃
exclaimed　Gentz；　laughing。　〃My　honorable　landlord　has　outstripped
you　as　far　as　that　is　concerned；　he　has　attached　my　salary　for　a
whole　year；　and　I　believe　it　is　even　insufficient　to　cover　what　I
owe　him。〃

〃But　in　the　dl's　name；　sir；　you　must　find　some　other　means　of
satisfying　my　claim；　for　I　tell　you　I　shall　not　leave　this　room
without　getting　my　money。〃

〃My　dear　Mr。　Werner；　pray　do　not　shout　so　dreadfully；〃　said　Gentz；
anxiously；　〃my　ears　are　very　sensitive；　and　such　shouting　terrifies
me　as　much　as　a　thunderstorm。　I　am　quite　willing　to　pay　you；　only
point　out　to　me　a　way　to　do　it！〃

〃Borrow　money　of　other　people　and　then　pay　me！〃

〃My　dear　sir；　that　is　a　way　I　have　exhausted　long　ago。　There　is　no
one　willing　to　advance　me　money　either　on　interest　or　on　my　word　of
honor。〃

〃But　how　in　the　dl's　name　are　you　going　to　pay　me　then；　sir？〃

〃That　is　exactly　what　I　don't　know　yet；　but　after　a　while　I　shall
know；　and　that　time　will　come　very　soon。　For　I　tell　you；　sir；　these
days　of　humiliations　and　debts　will　soon　cease　for　me。　I　shall
occupy　an　exalted　and　brilliant　position；　the　young　king　will　give
it　to　me；　and〃

〃Fiddlesticks！〃　exclaimed　Wemer；　interrupting　him；　〃do　not　feed　me
with　such　empty　hopes　after　I　have　fed　you　with　delicacies　and
quenched　your　thirst　with　my　champagne。〃

〃My　dear　sir；　I　have　not　partaken　all　alone　of　your　good　cheer；　my
friends　have　helped　me；　and　now