half a life-time ago-第5节

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state。　　She　felt　that　there　was　some　one　sitting　on　the　window…side

of　her　bed；　behind　the　curtain；　but　she　did　not　care　to　know　who　it

was；　it　was　even　too　great　a　trouble　for　her　languid　mind　to　consider

who　it　was　likely　to　be。　　She　would　rather　shut　her　eyes；　and　melt

off　again　into　the　gentle　luxury　of　sleep。　　The　next　time　she

wakened；　the　Coniston　nurse　perceived　her　movement；　and　made　her　a

cup　of　tea；　which　she　drank　with　eager　relish；　but　still　they　did　not

speak；　and　once　more　Susan　lay　motionlessnot　asleep；　but　strangely；

pleasantly　conscious　of　all　the　small　chamber　and　household　sounds；

the　fall　of　a　cinder　on　the　hearth；　the　fitful　singing　of　the　half…

empty　kettle；　the　cattle　tramping　out　to　field　again　after　they　had

been　milked；　the　aged　step　on　the　creaking　stairold　Peggy's；　as　she

knew。　　It　came　to　her　door；　it　stopped；　the　person　outside　listened

for　a　moment；　and　then　lifted　the　wooden　latch；　and　looked　in。　　The

watcher　by　the　bedside　arose；　and　went　to　her。　　Susan　would　have　been

glad　to　see　Peggy's　face　once　more；　but　was　far　too　weak　to　turn；　so

she　lay　and　listened。



〃How　is　she？〃　whispered　one　trembling；　aged　voice。



〃Better；〃　replied　the　other。　　〃She's　been　awake；　and　had　a　cup　of

tea。　　She'll　do　now。〃



〃Has　she　asked　after　him？〃



〃Hush！　　No；　she　has　not　spoken　a　word。〃



〃Poor　lass！　poor　lass！〃



The　door　was　shut。　　A　weak　feeling　of　sorrow　and　self…pity　came　over

Susan。　　What　was　wrong？　　Whom　had　she　loved？　　And　dawning；　dawning；

slowly　rose　the　sun　of　her　former　life；　and　all　particulars　were　made

distinct　to　her。　　She　felt　that　some　sorrow　was　coming　to　her；　and

cried　over　it　before　she　knew　what　it　was；　or　had　strength　enough　to

ask。　　In　the　dead　of　night；and　she　had　never　slept　again；she

softly　called　to　the　watcher；　and　asked　…



〃Who？〃



〃Who　what？〃　replied　the　woman；　with　a　conscious　affright；　ill…veiled

by　a　poor　assumption　of　ease。　　〃Lie　still；　there's　a　darling；　and　go

to　sleep。　　Sleep's　better　for　you　than　all　the　doctor's　stuff。〃



〃Who？〃　repeated　Susan。　　〃Something　is　wrong。　　Who？〃



〃Oh；　dear！〃　said　the　woman。　　〃There's　nothing　wrong。　　Willie　has

taken　the　turn；　and　is　doing　nicely。〃



〃Father？〃



〃Well！　he's　all　right　now；〃　she　answered；　looking　another　way；　as　if

seeking　for　something。



〃Then　it's　Michael！　　Oh；　me！　oh；　me！〃　　She　set　up　a　succession　of

weak；　plaintive；　hysterical　cries　before　the　nurse　could　pacify　her；

by　declaring　that　Michael　had　been　at　the　house　not　three　hours

before　to　ask　after　her；　and　looked　as　well　and　as　hearty　as　ever　man

did。



〃And　you　heard　of　no　harm　to　him　since？〃　inquired　Susan。



〃Bless　the　lass；　no；　for　sure！　　I've　ne'er　heard　his　name　named　since

I　saw　him　go　out　of　the　yard　as　stout　a　man　as　ever　trod　shoe…

leather。〃



It　was　well；　as　the　nurse　said　afterwards　to　Peggy；　that　Susan　had

been　so　easily　pacified　by　the　equivocating　answer　in　respect　to　her

father。　　If　she　had　pressed　the　questions　home　in　his　case　as　she　did

in　Michael's；　she　would　have　learnt　that　he　was　dead　and　buried　more

than　a　month　before。　　It　was　well；　too；　that　in　her　weak　state　of

convalescence　（which　lasted　long　after　this　first　day　of

consciousness）　her　perceptions　were　not　sharp　enough　to　observe　the

sad　change　that　had　taken　place　in　Willie。　　His　bodily　strength

returned；　his　appetite　was　something　enormous；　but　his　eyes　wandered

continually；　his　regard　could　not　be　arrested；　his　speech　became

slow；　impeded；　and　incoherent。　　People　began　to　say　that　the　fever

had　taken　away　the　little　wit　Willie　Dixon　had　ever　possessed　and

that　they　feared　that　he　would　end　in　being　a　〃natural；〃　as　they　call

an　idiot　in　the　Dales。



The　habitual　affection　and　obedience　to　Susan　lasted　longer　than　any

other　feeling　that　the　boy　had　had　previous　to　his　illness；　and；

perhaps；　this　made　her　be　the　last　to　perceive　what　every　one　else

had　long　anticipated。　　She　felt　the　awakening　rude　when　it　did　come。

It　was　in　this　wise：…



One　Jane　evening；　she　sat　out　of　doors　under　the　yew…tree；　knitting。

She　was　pale　still　from　her　recent　illness；　and　her　languor；　joined

to　the　fact　of　her　black　dress；　made　her　look　more　than　usually

interesting。　　She　was　no　longer　the　buoyant　self…sufficient　Susan；

equal　to　every　occasion。　　The　men　were　bringing　in　the　cows　to　be

milked；　and　Michael　was　about　in　the　yard　giving　orders　and

directions　with　somewhat　the　air　of　a　master；　for　the　farm　belonged

of　right　to　Willie；　and　Susan　had　succeeded　to　the　guardianship　of

her　brother。　　Michael　and　she　were　to　be　married　as　soon　as　she　was

strong　enoughso；　perhaps；　his　authoritative　manner　was　justified；

but　the　labourers　did　not　like　it；　although　they　said　little。　　They

remembered　a　stripling　on　the　farm；　knowing　far　less　than　they　did；

and　often　glad　to　shelter　his　ignorance　of　all　agricultural　matters

behind　their　superior　knowledge。　　They　would　have　taken　orders　from

Susan　with　far　more　willingness；　nay；　Willie　himself　might　have

commanded　them；　and　from　the　old　hereditary　feeling　toward　the　owners

of　land；　they　would　have　obeyed　him　with　far　greater　cordiality　than

they　now　showed　to　Michael。　　But　Susan　was　tired　with　even　three

rounds　of　knitting；　and　seemed　not　to　notice；　or　to　care；　how　things

went　on　around　her；　and　Williepoor　Willie！there　he　stood　lounging

against　the　door…sill；　enormously　grown　and　developed；　to　be　sure；

but　with　restless　eyes　and　ever…open　mouth；　and　every　now　and　then

setting　up　a　strange　kind　of　howling　cry；　and　then　smiling　vacantly

to　himself　at　the　sound　he　had　made。　　As　the　two　old　labourers　passed

him；　they　looked　at　each　other　ominously；　and　shook　their　heads。



〃Willie；　darling；〃　said　Susan；　〃don't　make　that　noiseit　makes　my

head　ache。〃



She　spoke　feebly；　and　Willie　did　not　seem　to　hear；　at　any　rate；　he

continued　his　howl　from　time　to　time。



〃Hold　thy　noise；　wilt'a？〃　said　Michael；　roughly；　as　he　passed　near

him；　and　threatening　him　with　his　fist。　　Susan's　back　was　turned　to

the　pair。　　The　expression　of　Willie's　face　changed　from　vacancy　to

fear；　and　he　came　shambling　up　to　Susan；　who　put　her　arm　round　him；

and；　as　if　protected　by　that　shelter；　he　began　making　faces　at

Michael。　　Susan　saw　what　was　going　on；　and；　as　if　now　first　struck　by

the　strangeness　of　her　brother's　manner；　she　looked　anxiously　at

Michael　for　an　explanation。　　Michael　was　irritated　at　Willie's

defiance　of　him；　and　did　not　mince　the　matter。



〃It's　just　that　the　fever　has　left　him　sillyhe　never　was　as　wise　as

other　folk；　and　now　I　doubt　if　he　will　ever　get　right。〃



Susan　did　not　speak；　but　she　went　very　pale；　and　her　lip　quivered。

She　looked　long　and　wistfully　at　Willie's　face；　as　he　watched　the

motion　of　the　ducks　in　the　great　stable…pool。　　He　laughed　softly　to

himself　every　now　and　then。



〃Willie　likes　to　see　the　ducks　go　overhead；〃　said　Susan；

instinctively　adopting　the　form　of　speech　she　would　have　used　to　a

young　child。



〃Willie；　boo！　　Willie；　boo！〃　he　replied；　clapping　his　hands；　and

avoiding　her　eye。



〃Speak　properly；　Willie；〃　said　Susan；　making　a　strong　effort　at　self…

control；　and　trying　to　arrest　his　attention。



〃You　know　who　I　amtell　me　my　name！〃　　She　grasped　his　arm　almost

painfully　tight　to　make　him　attend。　　Now　he　looked　at　her；　and；　for

an　instant；　a　gleam　of　recognition　quivered　over　his　face；　but　the

exertion　was　evidently　painful；　and　he　began　to　cry　at　the　vainness

of　the　effort　to　recall　her　name。　　He　hid　his　face　upon　her　shoulder

with　the　old　affectionate　trick　of　manner。　　She　put　him　gently　away；

and　went　into　the　house　into　her　own　little　bedroom。　　She　locked　the

door；　and　did　not　reply　at　all　to　Michael's　calls　for　her；　hardly

spoke　to　old　Peggy；　who　tried　to　tempt　her　out　to　receive　some　homely

sympathy；　and　through　the　open　easement　there　still　came　the　idiotic

sound　of　〃Willie；　boo！　　Willie；　boo！〃







CHAPTER　III。







After　the　stun　of　the　blow　came　the　realization　of　the　consequences。


Susan　would　sit　for　hours　trying　patiently　to　recall　and　piece

together　fragments　of　recollection　and　consciousness　in　her　brother's

mind。　　She　would　let　him　go　and　pursue　some　senseless　bit　of　play；

and　wait　until　she　could　catch　his　eye　or　his　attention　again；　when

she　would　resume　her　self…imposed　task。　　Michael　complained　that　she

never　had　a　word　for　him；　or　a　minute　of　time　to　spend　with　him　now；

but　she　only　said　she　must　try；　while　there　was　yet　a　chance；　to

bring　back　her　brother's　lost　wits。　　As　for　marriage　in　this　state　of

uncertainty；　she　had　no　heart　to　think　of　it。　　Then　Michael　stormed；

and　absented　himself　for　two　or　three　days；　but　it　was　of　no　use。

When　he　came　back；　he　saw　that　she　had　been　crying　till　her　eyes　were

all　swollen　up；　and　he　gathered　from　Peggy's　scoldings　（which　she　did

not　spare　him）　that　Susan　had　eaten　nothing　since　he　went　away。　　But

she　was　as　inflexible　as　ever。