tommy and co[1].(托米和科)-第42节
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producing。〃
〃Quite so。 Then； on the other hand； Clodd； don't you think that
hearing the effect they are producing may sometimes discourage the
beginner？〃
Clodd's opinion was that such discouragement was a thing to be
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battled with。
Tommy； who had seated herself； commenced a scale in contrary
motion。
〃Well； I'm going across to the printer's now；〃 explained Clodd； taking
up his hat。 〃Got an appointment with young Grindley at three。 You
stick to it。 A spare half…hour now and then that you never miss does
wonders。 You've got it in you。〃 With these encouraging remarks to
Tommy； Clodd disappeared。
〃Easy for him；〃 muttered Peter bitterly。 〃Always does have an
appointment outside the moment she begins。〃
Tommy appeared to be throwing her very soul into the performance。
Passers…by in Crane Court paused； regarded the first…floor windows of
the publishing and editorial offices of Good Humour with troubled looks；
then hurried on。
〃She hasremarkably firm douch！〃 shouted the doctor into Peter's
ear。 〃Will see youevening。 Sometingsay to you。〃
The fat little doctor took his hat and departed。 Tommy； ceasing
suddenly； came over and seated herself on the arm of Peter's chair。
〃Feeling grumpy？〃 asked Tommy。
〃It isn't；〃 explained Peter； 〃that I mind the noise。 I'd put up with
that if I could see the good of it。〃
〃It's going to help me to get a husband； dad。 Seems to me an odd
way of doing it； but Billy says so； and Billy knows all about everything。〃
〃I can't understand you； a sensible girl； listening to such nonsense；〃
said Peter。 〃It's that that troubles me。〃
〃Dad； where are your wits？〃 demanded Tommy。 〃Isn't Billy acting
like a brick？ Why； he could go into Fleet Street to half a dozen other
papers and make five hundred a year as advertising…agentyou know he
could。 But he doesn't。 He sticks to us。 If my making myself
ridiculous with that tin pot they persuaded him was a piano is going to
please him； isn't it common sense and sound business； to say nothing of
good nature and gratitude； for me to do it？ Dad； I've got a surprise for
him。 Listen。〃 And Tommy； springing from the arm of Peter's chair；
returned to the piano。
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〃What was it？〃 questioned Tommy； having finished。 〃Could you
recognise it？〃
〃I think；〃 said Peter； 〃it sounded like It wasn't 'Home； Sweet
Home；' was it？〃
Tommy clapped her hands。 〃Yes； it was。 You'll end by liking it
yourself； dad。 We'll have musical 'At Homes。'〃
〃Tommy； have I brought you up properly； do you think？〃
〃No dad； you haven't。 You have let me have my own way too much。
You know the proverb： 'Good mothers make bad daughters。' Clodd's
right； you've spoilt me； dad。 Do you remember； dad； when I first came
to you； seven years ago； a ragged little brat out of the streets； that didn't
know itself whether 'twas a boy or a girl？ Do you know what I thought
to myself the moment I set eyes on you？ 'Here's a soft old juggins； I'll
be all right if I can get in here！' It makes you smart； knocking about in
the gutters and being knocked about； you read faces quickly。〃
〃Do you remember your cooking； Tommy？ You 'had an aptitude for
it；' according to your own idea。〃
Tommy laughed。 〃I wonder how you stood it。〃
〃You were so obstinate。 You came to me as 'cook and housekeeper；'
and as cook and housekeeper； and as nothing else； would you remain。 If
I suggested any change； up would go your chin into the air。 I dared not
even dine out too often； you were such a little tyrant。 The only thing
you were always ready to do； if I wasn't satisfied； was to march out of
the house and leave me。 Wherever did you get that savage
independence of yours？〃
〃I don't know。 I think it must have been from a womanperhaps she
was my mother； I don't knowwho used to sit up in the bed and cough；
all night it seemed to me。 People would come to see us ladies in fine
clothes； and gentlemen with oily hair。 I think they wanted to help us。
Many of them had kind voices。 But always a hard look would come
into her face； and she would tell them what even then I knew to be
untrueit was one of the first things I can recollectthat we had
everything we wanted； that we needed no help from anyone。 They
would go away； shrugging their shoulders。 I grew up with the feeling
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that seemed to have been burnt into my brain； that to take from anybody
anything you had not earned was shameful。 I don't think I could do it
even now； not even from you。 I am useful to you； dadI do help you？〃
There had crept a terror into Tommy's voice。 Peter felt the little
hands upon his arm trembling。
〃Help me？ Why； you work like a niggerlike a nigger is supposed
to work； but doesn't。 No onewhatever we paid himwould do half as
much。 I don't want to make your head more swollen than it is； young
woman； but you have talent； I am not sure it is not genius。〃 Peter felt
the little hands tighten upon his arm。
〃I do want this paper to be a success； that is why I strum upon the
piano to please Clodd。 Is it humbug？〃
〃I am afraid it is； but humbug is the sweet oil that helps this whirling
world of ours to spin round smoothly。 Too much of it cloys： we drop
it very gently。〃
〃But you are sure it is only humbug； Tommy？〃 It was Peter's voice
into which fear had entered now。 〃It is not that you think he
understands you better than I dowould do more for you？〃
〃You want me to tell you all I think of you； and that isn't good for
you； dadnot too often。 It would be you who would have swelled head
then。〃
〃I am jealous； Tommy； jealous of everyone that comes near you。
Life is a tragedy for us old folks。 We know there must come a day
when you will leave the nest； leave us voiceless； ridiculous； flitting
among bare branches。 You will understand later； when you have
children of your own。 This foolish talk about a husband！ It is worse
for a man than it is for the woman。 The mother lives again in her child：
the man is robbed of all。〃
〃Dad； do you know how old I am？that you are talking terrible
nonsense？〃
〃He will come； little girl。〃
〃Yes；〃 answered Tommy； 〃I suppose he will； but not for a long
whileoh； not for a very long while。 Don't。 It frightens me。〃
〃You？ Why should it frighten you？〃
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〃The pain。 It makes me feel a coward。 I want it to come； I want
to taste life； to drain the whole cup； to understand； to feel。 But that is
the boy in me。 I am more than half a boy； I always have been。 But
the woman in me： it shrinks from the ordeal。〃
〃You talk； Tommy； as if love were something terrible。〃
〃There are all things in it； I feel it； dad。 It is life in a single draught。
It frightens me。〃
The child
