tommy and co[1].(托米和科)-第20节
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would fill one's whole life； make it beautiful； make every day worth
living； I think that would be better still。 To work merely for one's self；
to think merely for one's self； it is so much less interesting。〃
Then； at some such point of the argument； Miss Ramsbotham would
jump up from her chair and shake herself indignantly。
〃Why； what nonsense I'm talking；〃 she would tell herself； and her
listeners。 〃I make a very fair income； have a host of friends； and enjoy
every hour of my life。 I should like to have been pretty or handsome；
of course； but no one can have all the good things of this world； and I
have my brains。 At one time； perhaps； yes； but nowno； honestly I
would not change myself。〃
Miss Ramsbotham was sorry that no man had ever fallen in love with
her； but that she could understand。
〃It is quite clear to me。〃 So she had once unburdened herself to her
bosom friend。 〃Man for the purposes of the race has been given two
kinds of love； between which； according to his opportunities and
temperament； he is free to choose： he can fall down upon his knees and
adore physical beauty （for Nature ignores entirely our mental side）； or he
can take delight in circling with his protecting arm the weak and helpless。
Now； I make no appeal to either instinct。 I possess neither the charm
nor beauty to attract〃
〃Beauty；〃 reminded her the bosom friend； consolingly； 〃dwells in the
beholder's eye。〃
〃My dear；〃 cheerfully replied Miss Ramsbotham； 〃it would have to be
an eye of the range and capacity Sam Weller frankly owned up to not
possessinga patent double…million magnifying； capable of seeing
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through a deal board and round the corner sort of eyeto detect any
beauty in me。 And I am much too big and sensible for any man not a
fool ever to think of wanting to take care of me。
〃I believe；〃 remembered Miss Ramsbotham； 〃if it does not sound like
idle boasting； I might have had a husband； of a kind； if Fate had not
compelled me to save his life。 I met him one year at Huyst； a small；
quiet watering…place on the Dutch coast。 He would walk always half a
step behind me； regarding me out of the corner of his eye quite
approvingly at times。 He was a widowera good little man； devoted to
his three charming children。 They took an immense fancy to me； and I
really think I could have got on with him。 I am very adaptable； as you
know。 But it was not to be。 He got out of his depth one morning； and
unfortunately there was no one within distance but myself who could
swim。 I knew what the result would be。 You remember Labiche's
comedy； Les Voyage de Monsieur Perrichon？ Of course； every man
hates having had his life saved； after it is over； and you can imagine how
he must hate having it saved by a woman。 But what was I to do？ In
either case he would be lost to me； whether I let him drown or whether I
rescued him。 So； as it really made no difference； I rescued him。 He
was very grateful； and left the next morning。
〃It is my destiny。 No man has ever fallen in love with me； and no
man ever will。 I used to worry myself about it when I was younger。
As a child I hugged to my bosom for years an observation I had
overheard an aunt of mine whisper to my mother one afternoon as they
sat knitting and talking； not thinking I was listening。 'You never can
tell；' murmured my aunt； keeping her eyes carefully fixed upon her
needles； 'children change so。 I have known the plainest girls grow up
into quite beautiful women。 I should not worry about it if I were you
not yet awhile。' My mother was not at all a bad… looking woman； and my
father was decidedly handsome； so there seemed no reason why I should
not hope。 I pictured myself the ugly duckling of Andersen's fairy…tale；
and every morning on waking I would run straight to my glass and try to
persuade myself that the feathers of the swan were beginning at last to
show themselves。〃 Miss Ramsbotham laughed； a genuine laugh of
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amusement； for of self… pity not a trace was now remaining to her。
〃Later I plucked hope again；〃 continued Miss Ramsbotham her
confession； 〃from the reading of a certain school of fiction more popular
twenty years ago than now。 In these romances the heroine was never
what you would call beautiful； unless in common with the hero you
happened to possess exceptional powers of observation。 But she was
better than that； she was good。 I do not regard as time wasted the hours
I spent studying this quaint literature。 It helped me； I am sure； to form
habits that have since been of service to me。 I made a point； when any
young man visitor happened to be staying with us； of rising
exceptionally early in the morning； so that I always appeared at the
breakfast…table fresh； cheerful； and carefully dressed； with； when
possible； a dew… besprinkled flower in my hair to prove that I had already
been out in the garden。 The effort； as far as the young man visitor was
concerned； was always thrown away； as a general rule； he came down
late himself； and generally too drowsy to notice anything much。 But it
was excellent practice for me。 I wake now at seven o'clock as a matter
of course； whatever time I go to bed。 I made my own dresses and most
of our cakes； and took care to let everybody know it。 Though I say it
who should not； I play and sing rather well。 I certainly was never a fool。
I had no little brothers and sisters to whom to be exceptionally devoted；
but I had my cousins about the house as much as possible； and damaged
their characters； if anything； by over…indulgence。 My dear； it never
caught even a curate！ I am not one of those women to run down men； I
think them delightful creatures； and in a general way I find them very
intelligent。 But where their hearts are concerned it is the girl with the
frizzy hair； who wants two people to help her over the stile； that is their
idea of an angel。 No man could fall in love with me； he couldn't if he
tried。 That I can understand； but〃 Miss Ramsbotham sunk her voice to
a more confidential tone〃what I cannot understand is that I have never
fallen in love with any man； because I like them all。〃
〃You have given the explanation yourself；〃 suggested the bosom
friendone Susan Fossett； the 〃Aunt Emma〃 of The Ladies' Journal； a
nice woman； but talkative。 〃You are too sensible。〃
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Miss Ramsbotham shook her head； 〃I should just love to fall in love。
When I think about it； I feel quite ashamed of myself for not having
done so。〃
Whether it was this idea； namely； that it was her duty； or whether it
was that passion came to her； unsought； somewhat late in life； and
therefore all the stronger； she herself would perhaps have been unable to
declare。 Certain only it is that at over thirty years of age this clever；
sensible； clear…seeing woman fell to sighing and blushing； starting and
stammering at the sounding of a name； as
