the sorrows of young werther-第8节

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？　　dare　I　pronounce　the　divine　words？　　that　she　loves　me！

That　she　loves　me！　　How　the　idea　exalts　me　in　my　own　eyes！　　And；　as　you　can　understand　my　feelings；　I　may　say　to　you；　how　I　honour　myself　since　she　loves　me！

Is　this　presumption；　or　is　it　a　consciousness　of　the　truth？　　I　do　not　know　a　man　able　to　supplant　me　in　the　heart　of　Charlotte；　and　yet　when　she　speaks　of　her　betrothed　with　so　much　warmth　and　affection；　I　feel　like　the　soldier　who　has　been　stripped　of　his　honours　and　titles；　and　deprived　of　his　sword。

JULY　16。

How　my　heart　beats　when　by　accident　I　touch　her　finger；　or　my　feet　meet　hers　under　the　table！　　I　draw　back　as　if　from　a　furnace；　but　a　secret　force　impels　me　forward　again；　and　my　senses　become　disordered。　　Her　innocent；　unconscious　heart　never　knows　what　agony　these　little　familiarities　inflict　upon　me。　　Sometimes　when　we　are　talking　she　Iays　her　hand　upon　mine；　and　in　the　eagerness　of　conversation　comes　closer　to　me；　and　her　balmy　breath　reaches　my　lips；　　when　I　feel　as　if　lightning　had　struck　me；　and　that　I　could　sink　into　the　earth。　　And　yet；　Wilhelm；　with　all　this　heavenly　confidence；　　if　I　know　myself；　and　should　ever　dare　　you　understand　me。　　No；　no！　　my　heart　is　not　so　corrupt；　it　is　weak；　weak　enough　but　is　not　that　a　degree　of　corruption？

She　is　to　me　a　sacred　being。　　All　passion　is　still　in　her　presence：　I　cannot　express　my　sensations　when　I　am　near　her。　　I　feel　as　if　my　soul　beat　in　every　nerve　of　my　body。　　There　is　a　melody　which　she　plays　on　the　piano　with　angelic　skill；　　so　simple　is　it；　and　yet　so　spiritual！　　It　is　her　favourite　air；　and；　when　she　plays　the　first　note；　all　pain；　care；　and　sorrow　disappear　from　me　in　a　moment。

I　believe　every　word　that　is　said　of　the　magic　of　ancient　music。　How　her　simple　song　enchants　me！　　Sometimes；　when　I　am　ready　to　commit　suicide；　she　sings　that　air；　and　instantly　the　gloom　and　madness　which　hung　over　me　are　dispersed；　and　I　breathe　freely　again。

JULY　18。

Wilhelm；　what　is　the　world　to　our　hearts　without　love？　　What　is　a　magic…lantern　without　light？　　You　have　but　to　kindle　the　flame　within；　and　the　brightest　figures　shine　on　the　white　wall；　and；　if　love　only　show　us　fleeting　shadows；　we　are　yet　happy；　when；　like　mere　children；　we　behold　them；　and　are　transported　with　the　splendid　phantoms。　　I　have　not　been　able　to　see　Charlotte　to…day。　I　was　prevented　by　company　from　which　I　could　not　disengage　myself。　What　was　to　be　done？　　I　sent　my　servant　to　her　house；　that　I　might　at　least　see　somebody　to…day　who　had　been　near　her。　　Oh；　the　impatience　with　which　I　waited　for　his　return！　　the　joy　with　which　I　welcomed　him！　　I　should　certainly　have　caught　him　in　my　arms；　and　kissed　him；　if　I　had　not　been　ashamed。

It　is　said　that　the　Bonona　stone；　when　placed　in　the　sun；　attracts　the　rays；　and　for　a　time　appears　luminous　in　the　dark。　　So　was　it　with　me　and　this　servant。　　The　idea　that　Charlotte's　eyes　had　dwelt　on　his　countenance；　his　cheek；　his　very　apparel；　endeared　them　all　inestimably　to　me；　so　that　at　the　moment　I　would　not　have　parted　from　him　for　a　thousand　crowns。　　His　presence　made　me　so　happy！　Beware　of　laughing　at　me；　Wilhelm。　　Can　that　be　a　delusion　which　makes　us　happy？

JULY　19。

〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　I　exclaim　with　delight；　when　I　rise　in　the　morning；　and　look　out　with　gladness　of　heart　at　the　bright；　beautiful　sun。　　〃I　shall　see　her　today！〃　　And　then　I　have　no　further　wish　to　form：　all；　all　is　included　in　that　one　thought。

JULY　2O。

I　cannot　assent　to　your　proposal　that　I　should　accompany　the　ambassador　to　_______。　　I　do　not　love　subordination；　and　we　all　know　that　he　is　a　rough；　disagreeable　person　to　be　connected　with。　You　say　my　mother　wishes　me　to　be　employed。　　I　could　not　help　laughing　at　that。　　Am　I　not　sufficiently　employed？　　And　is　it　not　in　reality　the　same；　whether　I　shell　peas　or　count　lentils？　　The　world　runs　on　from　one　folly　to　another；　and　the　man　who；　solely　from　regard　to　the　opinion　of　others；　and　without　any　wish　or　necessity　of　his　own；　toils　after　gold；　honour；　or　any　other　phantom；　is　no　better　than　a　fool。

JULY　24。

You　insist　so　much　on　my　not　neglecting　my　drawing；　that　it　would　be　as　well　for　me　to　say　nothing　as　to　confess　how　little　I　have　lately　done。

I　never　felt　happier；　I　never　understood　nature　better；　even　down　to　the　veriest　stem　or　smallest　blade　of　grass　；　and　yet　I　am　unable　to　express　myself：　my　powers　of　execution　are　so　weak；　everything　seems　to　swim　and　float　before　me；　so　that　I　cannot　make　a　clear；　bold　outline。　　But　I　fancy　I　should　succeed　better　if　I　had　some　clay　or　wax　to　model。　　I　shall　try；　if　this　state　of　mind　continues　much　longer；　and　will　take　to　modelling；　if　I　only　knead　dough。

I　have　commenced　Charlotte's　portrait　three　times；　and　have　as　often　disgraced　myself。　　This　is　the　more　annoying；　as　I　was　formerly　very　happy　in　taking　likenesses。　　I　have　since　sketched　her　profile；　and　must　content　myself　with　that。

JULY　25。

Yes；　dear　Charlotte！　　I　will　order　and　arrange　everything。　　Only　give　me　more　commissions；　the　more　the　better。　　One　thing；　however；　I　must　request：　use　no　more　writing…sand　with　the　dear　notes　you　send　me。　　Today　I　raised　your　letter　hastily　to　my　lips；　and　it　set　my　teeth　on　edge。

JULY　26。

I　have　often　determined　not　to　see　her　so　frequently。　　But　who　could　keep　such　a　resolution？　　Every　day　I　am　exposed　to　the　temptation；　and　promise　faithfully　that　to…morrow　I　will　really　stay　away：　but；　when　tomorrow　comes；　I　find　some　irresistible　reason　for　seeing　her；　and；　before　I　can　account　for　it；　I　am　with　her　again。　　Either　she　has　said　on　the　previous　evening　〃You　will　be　sure　to　call　to…morrow；〃　　and　who　could　stay　away　then？　or　she　gives　me　some　commission；　and　I　find　it　essential　to　take　her　the　answer　in　person；　or　the　day　is　fine；　and　I　walk　to　Walheim；　and；　when　I　am　there；　it　is　only　half　a　league　farther　to　her。　　I　am　within　the　charmed　atmosphere；　and　soon　find　myself　at　her　side。　My　grandmother　used　to　tell　us　a　story　of　a　mountain　of　loadstone。　When　any　vessels　came　near　it；　they　were　instantly　deprived　of　their　ironwork：　the　nails　flew　to　the　mountain；　and　the　unhappy　crew　perished　amidst　the　disjointed　planks。

JULY　30。

Albert　is　arrived；　and　I　must　take　my　departure。　　Were　he　the　best　and　noblest　of　men；　and　I　in　every　respect　his　inferior；　I　could　not　endure　to　see　him　in　possession　of　such　a　perfect　being。　Possession！　　enough；　Wilhelm：　　her　betrothed　is　here；　　a　fine；　worthy　fellow；　whom　one　cannot　help　liking。　　Fortunately　I　was　not　present　at　their　meeting。　　It　would　have　broken　my　heart！　　And　he　is　so　considerate：　he　has　not　given　Charlotte　one　kiss　in　my　presence。　　Heaven　reward　him　for　it！　　I　must　love　him　for　the　respect　with　which　he　treats　her。　　He　shows　a　regard　for　me；　but　for　this　I　suspect　I　am　more　indebted　to　Charlotte　than　to　his　own　fancy　for　me。　　Women　have　a　delicate　tact　in　such　matters；　and　it　should　be　so。　　They　cannot　always　succeed　in　keeping　two　rivals　on　terms　with　each　other；　but；　when　they　do；　they　are　the　only　gainers。

I　cannot　help　esteeming　Albert。　　The　coolness　of　his　temper　contrasts　strongly　with　the　impetuosity　of　mine；　which　I　cannot　conceal。　He　has　a　great　deal　of　feeling；　and　is　fully　sensible　of　the　treasure　he　possesses　in　Charlotte。　　He　is　free　from　ill…humour；　which　you　know　is　the　fault　I　detest　most。

He　regards　me　as　a　man　of　sense；　and　my　attachment　to　Charlotte；　and　the　interest　I　take　in　all　that　concerns　her；　augment　his　triumph　and　his　love。　　I　shall　not　inquire　whether　he　may　not　at　times　tease　her　with　some　little　jealousies；　as　I　know；　that；　were　I　in　his　place；　I　should　not　be　entirely　free　from　such　sensations。

But；　be　that　as　it　may；　my　pleasure　with　Charlotte　is　over。　　Call　it　folly　or　infatuation；　what　signifies　a　name？　　The　thing　speaks　for　itself。　　Before　Albert　came；　I　knew　all　that　I　know　now。　　I　knew　I　could　make　no　pretensions　to　her；　nor　did　I　offer　any；　that　is；　as　far　as　it　was　possible；　in　the　presence　of　so　much　loveliness；　not　to　pant　for　its　enjoyment。　　And　now；　behold　me　like　a　silly　fellow；　staring　with　astonishment　when　another　comes　in；　and　deprives　me　of　my　love。

I　bite　my　lips；　and　feel　infinite　scorn　for　those　who　tell　me　to　be　resigned；　because　there　is　no　help　for　it。　　Let　me　escape　from　the　yoke　of　such　silly　subterfuges！　　I　ramble　through　the　woods；　and　when　I　return　to　Charlotte；　and　find　Albert　sitting　by　her　side　in　the　summer…house　in　the　garden；　I　am　unable　to　bear　it；　behave　like　a　fool；　and　commit　a　thousand　extravagances。　　〃For　Heaven's　sake；〃　said　Charlotte　today；　〃let　us　have　no　more　scenes　like　those　of　last　night！　　You　terrify　me　when　you　are　so　violent。〃　Between　ourselves；　I　am　always　away　now　when　he　visits　her：　and　I　feel　delighted　when　I　find　her　alone。

AUGUST　8。

Believe　me；　dear　Wilhelm；　I　did　not　allude　to　you　when　I　spoke　so　severely　of　those　who　advise　resignation　to　inevitable　fate。　　I　did　not　think　it　possible　for　you　to　indulge　such　a　sentiment。　But　in　fact　you　are　right。　　I　only　suggest　one　objection。　　In　this　world　one　is　seldom　reduced　to　make　a　selection　between　two　alternatives。　　There　are　as　many　varieties　of　conduct　and　opinion　as　there　are　turns　of　feature　between　an　aquiline　nose　and　a　fla