the sorrows of young werther-第21节
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of his passion； as well as of his doubts and struggles； and of his weariness of life。
DECEMBER 12。
Dear Wilhelm； I am reduced to the condition of those unfortunate wretches who believe they are pursued by an evil spirit。 Sometimes I am oppressed； not by apprehension or fear； but by an inexpressible internal sensation； which weighs upon my heart； and impedes my breath！ Then I wander forth at night； even in this tempestuous season； and feel pleasure in surveying the dreadful scenes around me。
Yesterday evening I went forth。 A rapid thaw had suddenly set in： I had been informed that the river had risen； that the brooks had all overflowed their banks； and that the whole vale of Walheim was under water！ Upon the stroke of twelve I hastened forth。 I beheld a fearful sight。 The foaming torrents rolled from the mountains in the moonlight； fields and meadows； trees and hedges； were confounded together； and the entire valley was converted into a deep lake； which was agitated by the roaring wind！ And when the moon shone forth； and tinged the black clouds with silver； and the impetuous torrent at my feet foamed and resounded with awful and grand impetuosity； I was overcome by a mingled sensation of apprehension and delight。 With extended arms I looked down into the yawning abyss； and cried； 〃Plunge！'〃 For a moment my senses forsook me； in the intense delight of ending my sorrows and my sufferings by a plunge into that gulf！ And then I felt as if I were rooted to the earth； and incapable of seeking an end to my woes！ But my hour is not yet come： I feel it is not。 O Wilhelm； how willingly could I abandon my existence to ride the whirlwind； or to embrace the torrent！ and then might not rapture perchance be the portion of this liberated soul？
I turned my sorrowful eyes toward a favourite spot； where I was accustomed to sit with Charlotte beneath a willow after a fatiguing walk。 Alas！ it was covered with water； and with difficulty I found even the meadow。 And the fields around the hunting…lodge； thought I。 Has our dear bower been destroyed by this unpitying storm？ And a beam of past happiness streamed upon me； as the mind of a captive is illumined by dreams of flocks and herds and bygone joys of home！ But I am free from blame。 I have courage to die！ Perhaps I have； but I still sit here； like a wretched pauper； who collects fagots； and begs her bread from door to door； that she may prolong for a few days a miserable existence which she is unwilling to resign。
DECEMBER 15。
What is the matter with me； dear Wilhelm？ I am afraid of myself！ Is not my love for her of the purest； most holy； and most brotherly nature？ Has my soul ever been sullied by a single sensual desire？ but I will make no protestations。 And now； ye nightly visions； how truly have those mortals understood you； who ascribe your various contradictory effects to some invincible power！ This night I tremble at the avowal I held her in my arms； locked in a close embrace： I pressed her to my bosom； and covered with countless kisses those dear lips which murmured in reply soft protestations of love。 My sight became confused by the delicious intoxication of her eyes。 Heavens！ is it sinful to revel again in such happiness； to recall once more those rapturous moments with intense delight？ Charlotte！ Charlotte！ I am lost！ My senses are bewildered； my recollection is confused； mine eyes are bathed in tears I am ill； and yet I am well I wish for nothing I have no desires it were better I were gone。
Under the circumstances narrated above； a determination to quit this world had now taken fixed possession of Werther's soul。 Since Charlotte's return； this thought had been the final object of all his hopes and wishes； but he had resolved that such a step should not be taken with precipitation； but with calmness and tranquillity； and with the most perfect deliberation。
His troubles and internal struggles may be understood from the following fragment； which was found； without any date； amongst his papers； and appears to have formed the beginning of a letter to Wilhelm。
〃Her presence； her fate； her sympathy for me； have power still to extract tears from my withered brain。
〃One lifts up the curtain； and passes to the other side； that is all！ And why all these doubts and delays？ Because we know not what is behind because there is no returning and because our mind infers that all is darkness and confusion； where we have nothing but uncertainty。〃
His appearance at length became quite altered by the effect of his melancholy thoughts； and his resolution was now finally and irrevocably taken； of which the following ambiguous letter； which he addressed to his friend； may appear to afford some proof。
DECEMBER 2O。
I am grateful to your love； Wilhelm； for having repeated your advice so seasonably。 Yes； you are right： it is undoubtedly better that I should depart。 But I do not entirely approve your scheme of returning at once to your neighbourhood； at least； I should Iike to make a little excursion on the way； particularly as we may now expect a continued frost； and consequently good roads。 I am much pleased with your intention of coming to fetch me； only delay your journey for a fortnight； and wait for another letter from me。 One should gather nothing before it is ripe； and a fortnight sooner or later makes a great difference。 Entreat my mother to pray for her son； and tell her I beg her pardon for all the unhappiness I have occasioned her。 It has ever been my fate to give pain to those whose happiness I should have promoted。 Adieu； my dearest friend。 May every blessing of Heaven attend you！ Farewell。
We find it difficult to express the emotions with which Charlotte's soul was agitated during the whole of this time； whether in relation to her husband or to her unfortunate friend； although we are enabled； by our knowledge of her character； to understand their nature。
It is certain that she had formed a determination； by every means in her power to keep Werther at a distance； and； if she hesitated in her decision； it was from a sincere feeling of friendly pity； knowing how much it would cost him； indeed； that he would find it almost impossible to comply with her wishes。 But various causes now urged her to be firm。 Her hushand preserved a strict silence about the whole matter； and she never made it a subject of conversation； feeling bound to prove to him by her conduct that her sentiments agreed with his。
The same day； which was the Sunday before Christmas； after Werther had written the last…mentioned letter to his friend； he came in the evening to Charlotte's house； and found her alone。 She was busy preparing some little gifts for her brothers and sisters； which were to be distributed to them on Christmas Day。 He began talking of the delight of the children； and of that age when the sudden appearance of the Christmas…tree； decorated with fruit and sweetmeats； and lighted up with wax candles； causes such transports of joy。 〃You shall have a gift too； if you behave well；〃 said Charlotte； hiding her embarrassment under sweet smile。 〃And what do you call behaving well？ What should I do； what can I do； my dear Charlotte？〃 said he。 〃Thursday night；〃 she answered； 〃is Christmas Eve。 The children are all to be here； and my father too： there is a present for each； do you come likewise； but do not come before that time。〃 Werther started。 〃I desire you will not： it must be so；〃 she continued。 〃I ask it of you as a favour； for my own peace and tranquillity。 We cannot go on in this manner any longer。〃 He turned away his face walked hastily up and down the room； muttering indistinctly； 〃We cannot go on in this manner any longer！〃 Charlotte； seeing the violent agitation into which these words had thrown him； endeavoured to divert his thoughts by different questions； but in vain。 〃No； Charlotte！〃 he exclaimed； 〃I will never see you any more！〃 〃And why so？〃 she answered。 〃We may we must see each other again； only let it be with more discretion。 Oh！ why were you born with that excessive； that ungovernable passion for everything that is dear to you？〃 Then； taking his hand； she said； 〃I entreat of you to be more calm： your talents； your understanding； your genius； will furnish you with a thousand resources。 Be a man； and conquer an unhappy attachment toward a creature who can do nothing but pity you。〃 He bit his lips； and looked at her with a gloomy countenance。 She continued to hold his hand。 〃Grant me but a moment's patience； Werther；〃 she said。 〃Do you not see that you are deceiving yourself； that you are seeking your own destruction？ Why must you love me； me only； who belong to another？ I fear； I much fear； that it is only the impossibility of possessing me which makes your desire for me so strong。〃 He drew back his hand； whilst he surveyed her with a wild and angry look。 〃'Tis well！〃 he exclaimed； 〃'tis very well！ Did not Albert furnish you with this reflection？ It is profound； a very profound remark。〃 〃A reflection that any one might easily make；〃 she answered； 〃and is there not a woman in the whole world who is at liberty； and has the power to make you happy？ Conquer yourself： look for such a being； and believe me when
