the sorrows of young werther-第15节

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　〃You　know　my　aunt；〃　she　continued；　〃she　was　present：　and　in　what　light　does　she　consider　the　affair！　Last　night；　and　this　morning；　Werther；　I　was　compelled　to　listen　to　a　lecture　upon　my；　acquaintance　with　you。　　I　have　been　obliged　to　hear　you　condemned　and　depreciated；　and　I　could　not　　I　dared　not　　say　much　in　your　defence。〃

Every　word　she　uttered　was　a　dagger　to　my　heart。　　She　did　not　feel　what　a　mercy　it　would　have　been　to　conceal　everything　from　me。　She　told　me；　in　addition；　all　the　impertinence　that　would　be　further　circulated；　and　how　the　malicious　would　triumph；　how　they　would　rejoice　over　the　punishment　of　my　pride；　over　my　humiliation　for　that　want　of　esteem　for　others　with　which　I　had　often　been　reproached。　To　hear　all　this；　Wilhelm；　uttered　by　her　in　a　voice　of　the　most　sincere　sympathy；　awakened　all　my　passions；　and　I　am　still　in　a　state　of　extreme　excitement。　　I　wish　I　could　find　a　man　to　jeer　me　about　this　event。　　I　would　sacrifice　him　to　my　resentment。　　The　sight　of　his　blood　might　possibly　be　a　relief　to　my　fury。　　A　hundred　times　have　I　seized　a　dagger；　to　give　ease　to　this　oppressed　heart。　Naturalists　tell　of　a　noble　race　of　horses　that　instinctively　open　a　vein　with　their　teeth；　when　heated　and　exhausted　by　a　long　course；　in　order　to　breathe　more　freely。　　I　am　often　tempted　to　open　a　vein；　to　procure　for　myself　everlasting　liberty。

MARCH　24。　

I　have　tendered　my　resignation　to　the　court。　　I　hope　it　will　be　accepted；　and　you　will　forgive　me　for　not　having　previously　consulted　you。　　It　is　necessary　I　should　leave　this　place。　　I　know　all　you　will　urge　me　to　stay；　and　therefore　I　beg　you　will　soften　this　news　to　my　mother。　　I　am　unable　to　do　anything　for　myself：　how；　then；　should　I　be　competent　to　assist　others？　　It　will　afflict　her　that　I　should　have　interrupted　that　career　which　would　have　made　me　first　a　privy　councillor；　and　then　minister；　and　that　I　should　look　behind　me；　in　place　of　advancing。　　Argue　as　you　will；　combine　all　the　reasons　which　should　have　induced　me　to　remain；　I　am　going：　that　is　sufficient。　　But；　that　you　may　not　be　ignorant　of　my　destination；　I　may　mention　that　the　Prince　of　　is　here。　　He　is　much　pleased　with　my　company；　and；　having　heard　of　my　intention　to　resign；　he　has　invited　me　to　his　country　house；　to　pass　the　spring　months　with　him。　I　shall　be　left　completely　my　own　master；　and；　as　we　agree　on　all　subjects　but　one；　I　shall　try　my　fortune；　and　accompany　him。

APRIL　l9。

Thanks　for　both　your　letters。　　I　delayed　my　reply；　and　withheld　this　letter；　till　I　should　obtain　an　answer　from　the　court。　　I　feared　my　mother　might　apply　to　the　minister　to　defeat　my　purpose。　But　my　request　is　granted；　my　resignation　is　accepted。　　I　shall　not　recount　with　what　reluctance　it　was　accorded；　nor　relate　what　the　minister　has　written：　you　would　only　renew　your　lamentations。　The　crown　prince　has　sent　me　a　present　of　five　and　twenty　ducats；　and；　indeed；　such　goodness　has　affected　me　to　tears。　　For　this　reason　I　shall　not　require　from　my　mother　the　money　for　which　I　lately　applied。

MAY　5。　

I　leave　this　place　to…morrow；　and；　as　my　native　place　is　only　six　miles　from　the　high　road；　I　intend　to　visit　it　once　more；　and　recall　the　happy　dreams　of　my　childhood。　　I　shall　enter　at　the　same　gate　through　which　I　came　with　my　mother；　when；　after　my　father's　death；　she　left　that　delightful　retreat　to　immure　herself　in　your　melancholy　town。　　Adieu；　my　dear　friend：　you　shall　hear　of　my　future　career。

MAY　9。

I　have　paid　my　visit　to　my　native　place　with　all　the　devotion　of　a　pilgrim；　and　have　experienced　many　unexpected　emotions。　　Near　the　great　elm　tree；　which　is　a　quarter　of　a　league　from　the　village；　I　got　out　of　the　carriage；　and　sent　it　on　before；　that　alone；　and　on　foot；　I　might　enjoy　vividly　and　heartily　all　the　pleasure　of　my　recollections。　　I　stood　there　under　that　same　elm　which　was　formerly　the　term　and　object　of　my　walks。　　How　things　have　since　changed！　　Then；　in　happy　ignorance；　I　sighed　for　a　world　I　did　not　know；　where　I　hoped　to　find　every　pleasure　and　enjoyment　which　my　heart　could　desire；　and　now；　on　my　return　from　that　wide　world；　O　my　friend；　how　many　disappointed　hopes　and　unsuccessful　plans　have　I　brought　back！

As　I　contemplated　the　mountains　which　lay　stretched　out　before　me；　I　thought　how　often　they　had　been　the　object　of　my　dearest　desires。　Here　used　I　to　sit　for　hours　together　with　my　eyes　bent　upon　them；　ardently　longing　to　wander　in　the　shade　of　those　woods；　to　lose　myself　in　those　valleys；　which　form　so　delightful　an　object　in　the　distance。　　With　what　reluctance　did　I　leave　this　charming　spot；　when　my　hour　of　recreation　was　over；　and　my　leave　of　absence　expired！　　I　drew　near　to　the　village：　all　the　well…known　old　summerhouses　and　gardens　were　recognised　again；　I　disliked　the　new　ones；　and　all　other　alterations　which　had　taken　place。　　I　entered　the　village；　and　all　my　former　feelings　returned。　　I　cannot；　my　dear　friend；　enter　into　details；　charming　as　were　my　sensations：　they　would　be　dull　in　the　narration。　　I　had　intended　to　lodge　in　the　market…place；　near　our　old　house。　　As　soon　as　I　entered；　I　perceived　that　the　schoolroom；　where　our　childhood　had　been　taught　by　that　good　old　woman；　was　converted　into　a　shop。　　I　called　to　mind　the　sorrow；　the　heaviness；　the　tears；　and　oppression　of　heart；　which　I　experienced　in　that　confinement。　　Every　step　produced　some　particular　impression。　　A　pilgrim　in　the　Holy　Land　does　not　meet　so　many　spots　pregnant　with　tender　recollections；　and　his　soul　is　hardly　moved　with　greater　devotion。　　One　incident　will　serve　for　illustration。　　I　followed　the　course　of　a　stream　to　a　farm；　formerly　a　delightful　walk　of　mine；　and　paused　at　the　spot；　where；　when　boys；　we　used　to　amuse　ourselves　making　ducks　and　drakes　upon　the　water。　　I　recollected　so　well　how　I　used　formerly　to　watch　the　course　of　that　same　stream；　following　it　with　inquiring　eagerness；　forming　romantic　ideas　of　the　countries　it　was　to　pass　through；　but　my　imagination　was　soon　exhausted：　while　the　water　continued　flowing　farther　and　farther　on；　till　my　fancy　became　bewildered　by　the　contemplation　of　an　invisible　distance。　　Exactly　such；　my　dear　friend；　so　happy　and　so　confined；　were　the　thoughts　of　our　good　ancestors。　　Their　feelings　and　their　poetry　were　fresh　as　childhood。　　And；　when　Ulysses　talks　of　the　immeasurable　sea　and　boundless　earth；　his　epithets　are　true；　natural；　deeply　felt；　and　mysterious。　　Of　what　importance　is　it　that　I　have　learned；　with　every　schoolboy；　that　the　world　is　round？　　Man　needs　but　little　earth　for　enjoyment；　and　still　less　for　his　final　repose。

I　am　at　present　with　the　prince　at　his　hunting　lodge。　　He　is　a　man　with　whom　one　can　live　happily。　He　is　honest　and　unaffected。　　There　are；　however；　some　strange　characters　about　him；　whom　I　cannot　at　all　understand。　　They　do　not　seem　vicious；　and　yet　they　do　not　carry　the　appearance　of　thoroughly　honest　men。　　Sometimes　I　am　disposed　to　believe　them　honest；　and　yet　I　cannot　persuade　myself　to　confide　in　them。　　It　grieves　me　to　hear　the　prince　occasionally　talk　of　things　which　he　has　only　read　or　heard　of；　and　always　with　the　same　view　in　which　they　have　been　represented　by　others。

He　values　my　understanding　and　talents　more　highly　than　my　heart；　but　I　am　proud　of　the　latter　only。　　It　is　the　sole　source　of　everything　of　our　strength；　happiness；　and　misery。　　All　the　knowledge　I　possess　every　one　else　can　acquire；　but　my　heart　is　exclusively　my　own。

MAY　25。

I　have　had　a　plan　in　my　head　of　which　I　did　not　intend　to　speak　to　you　until　it　was　accomplished：　now　that　it　has　failed；　I　may　as　well　mention　it。　　I　wished　to　enter　the　army；　and　had　long　been　desirous　of　taking　the　step。　　This；　indeed；　was　the　chief　reason　for　my　coming　here　with　the　prince；　as　he　is　a　general　in　the　service。　　I　communicated　my　design　to　him　during　one　of　our　walks　together。　　He　disapproved　of　it；　and　it　would　have　been　actual　madness　not　to　have　listened　to　his　reasons。

JUNE　11。　　　Say　what　you　will；　I　can　remain　here　no　longer。　　Why　should　I　remain？　　Time　hangs　heavy　upon　my　hands。　　The　prince　is　as　gracious　to　me　as　any　one　could　be；　and　yet　I　am　not　at　my　ease。　　There　is；　indeed；　nothing　in　common　between　us。　　He　is　a　man　of　understanding；　but　quite　of　the　ordinary　kind。　　His　conversation　affords　me　no　more　amusement　than　I　should　derive　from　the　perusal　of　a　well…written　book。　　I　shall　remain　here　a　week　Ionger；　and　then　start　again　on　my　travels。　　My　drawings　are　the　best　things　I　have　done　since　I　came　here。　　The　prince　has　a　taste　for　the　arts；　and　would　improve　if　his　mind　were　not　fettered　by　cold　rules　and　mere　technical　ideas。　　I　often　lose　patience；　when；　with　a　glowing　imagination；　　I　am　giving　expression　to　art　and　nature；　he　interferes　with　learned　suggestions；　and　uses　at　random　the　technical　phraseology　of　artists。

JULY　16。

Once　more　I　am　a　wanderer；　a　pilgrim；　through　the　world。　　But　what　else　are　you！

JULY　18。

Whither　am　I　going？　　I　will　tell　you　in　confidence。　I　am　obliged　to　continue　a　fortnight　longer　here；　and　then　I　think　it　would　be　better　for　me　to　visit　the　mines　in　。　　But　I　am　only　deluding　myself　thus。　　The　fact　is；　I　wish　to　be　near　Charlotte　again；　that　is　all。　　I　smile　at　the　suggestions　of　my　heart