the darrow enigma(达罗之迷)-第55节
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punishment of the next。 Lest some may fancy I do not believe this； …
thinking that if I did I could not so have acted； … let me say there is no
moral restraining power in fear。 Fear is essentially selfish； and
selfishness is at the bottom of all crimes； my own among the rest。 I leave
behind me none who will mourn me； and have but one satisfaction； viz。：
the knowledge that I shall be regarded as an artist in crime。 I take this
occasion to bid the public an adieu not altogether； I confess； unmixed with
regrets。 I am now on that eminence called 'Life'； in a few minutes I shall
have jumped off into the darkness； and then … all is mystery。〃
When I had finished reading this article we all remained silent for a
long time。 Gwen was the first to speak； and then only to say slowly； as if
thinking aloud： 〃 And so it is all over。〃
CHAPTER IV
It often happens that two souls who love are； like the parts of a
Mexican gemel…ring； the more difficult to intertwine the better they fit
each other。
You may be assured that； after reading M。 Godin's confession； we
looked forward to seeing Maitland with a good deal of interest。 We knew
this new turn of affairs would cause him to call at once； so we all strove to
possess our souls in patience while we awaited his coming。 In less than
half an hour he was with us。 〃The news of your success has preceded
you；〃 said Gwen as soon as he was seated。 〃I wish to he the first to offer
you my congratulations。 You have done for me what none other could
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have done and I owe you a debt of gratitude I can never repay。 The
thought that I was unable to carry out my father's wishes； … that I could do
nothing to free his name from the reproaches which had been cast upon it；
was crushing my heart like a leaden weight。 You have removed this
burden； and； believe me； words fail to express the gratitude I feel。 I shall
beg of you to permit me to pay you the sum my father mentioned and to …
to … 〃 She hesitated and Maitland did not permit her to finish her
sentence。
〃You must pardon me； Miss Darrow；〃 he replied； 〃but I can accept no
further payment for the little I have done。 It has been a pleasure to do it
and the knowledge that you are now released from the disagreeable
possibilities of your father's will is more than sufficient remuneration。 If
you still feel that you owe me anything； perhaps you will be willing to
grant me a favour。〃
〃There is nothing；〃 she said earnestly； 〃within my power to grant for
which you shall ask in vain。〃
〃Let me beg of you then；〃 he replied； 〃never again to seek to repay me
for any services you may fancy I have rendered。 There is nothing you
could bestow upon me which I would accept。〃 She gave him a quick；
searching glance and I noticed a look of pain upon her face； but Maitland
gave it no heed； for； indeed； he seemed to have much ado either to know
what he wanted to say； or knowing it； to say it。
〃And now；〃 he continued； 〃I must no longer presume to order your
actions。 You have considered my wishes so conscientiously； have kept
your covenant so absolutely； that what promised to be a disagreeable
responsibility has become a pleasure which I find myself loth to
discontinue。 All power leads to tyranny。 Man cannot be trusted with it。
Its exercise becomes a consuming passion； and he abuses it。 The story is
the same； whether nations or individuals be considered。 I myself； you
see； am a case in point。 I thank you for the patience you have shown and
the pains you have taken to make everything easy and pleasant for me； and
now I must be going； as I have yet much to do in this matter。 〃It may be
a long time；〃 he said； extending his hand to her； 〃before we meet again。
We have travelled the same path … 〃 but he paused as if unable to proceed；
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and a deadly pallor overspread his face as he let fall both her hand and his
own。 He made a heroic effort to proceed。
〃I … I shall miss … very … very much miss … pray pardon me … I … I
believe I'm ill … a little faint I'd … I'd better get out into the air … I shall …
shall miss … pardon … I … I'm not quite myself … goodbye； good…bye！〃 and he
staggered unsteadily； half blindly to the door and out into the street
without another word。 He certainly did look ill。
Gwen's face was a study。 In it surprise； fear； pain； and dismay； each
struggled for predominance。 She tried to retain her self…control while I
was present； but it was all in vain。 A moment later she threw herself
upon the sofa； and； burying her face in the cushions； wept long and bitterly。
I stole quietly away and sent Alice to her； and after a time she regained her
self…control； if not her usual interest in affairs。
As day after day passed； however； and Maitland neglected to call；
transacting such business as he had through me； the shadow on Gwen's
face deepened； and the elasticity of manner； whereof she had given such
promise at Maitland's last visit； totally deserted her； giving place to a
dreamy； far…away stolidity of disposition which I knew full well boded no
good。 I stood this sort of thing as long as I could； and then I determined
to call on Maitland and give him a 〃piece of my mind。〃
I did call； but when I saw him all my belligerent resolutions vanished。
He was sitting at his table trying to work out some complicated problem；
and he was utterly unfitted for a single minute's consecutive thought。 I
had not seen him for more than two weeks； and during that time he had
grown to look ten years older。 His face was drawn； haggard； and deathly
pale。
〃For Heaven's sake； George；〃 I exclaimed； 〃what is the matter with
you？〃
〃I've an idea I'm spleeny；〃 he replied with a ghastly attempt at a smile。
This was too much for me。 He should have the lecture after all。 The
man who thinks he is dying may be spleeny； but the man who says he is
spleeny is； of the two； the one more likely to be dying。
〃See here； old man；〃 I began； 〃don't you get to thinking that when you
hide your own head in the sand no one can see the colour of your feathers。
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You might as well try to cover up Bunker Hill Monument with a wisp of
straw。 Don't you suppose I know you love Gwen Darrow？ That's
what's the matter with you。〃
〃Well；〃 he replied； 〃and if it is； what then？〃
〃What then？〃 I ejaculated。 〃What then？ Why go to her like a man；
tell her you love her and ask her to be your wife。 That's what I'd do if I
loved … 〃 But he interrupted me before I had finished the lie； and I was
not sorry； for； if I had thought before I became involved in that last
sentence； how I feared to speak to Jeannette … well； I should have left it
unsaid。 I have made my living giving advice till it has become a fixed
habit。
〃See here； Doc；〃 he broke in upon me； 〃I do love Gwen Darrow as few
men ever love a woman； and the knowledge that she can never be my wife
is killing me。 Don't interrupt me！ I know what I am saying。 She can
never be my wife！ Do you think I would sue for her hand？ Do you think
I would be guilty of making traffic of her gratitude？ Has she not her
father's command to wed me if I but ask her； even as she would have wed
that scoundrel； Godin； had things gone as he planned them？ Did she not
tell us both that she should keep her covenant with her father though it
