the darrow enigma(达罗之迷)-第18节
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any person on earth； but it seemed only to pique her； and I think she
determined then and there to make herself an exception to this universal
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rule。 This is how I came to marry your mother。 There was not the
slightest community of thought； sentiment； or interest between us。 The
things I liked did not interest her； what she liked bored me； yet she was
pre…eminently a sensible woman； and when she learned the real state of
affairs was the first to suggest a separation； which was effected。 We
parted with the kindliest feelings； and； as you know； remained fast friends
up to her death。
It was nearly a year after the affair on Malabar Hill before I had the
heart to return with your mother to Bombay。 I had thought all emotion
forever dead within me； but； ah！ how little do we understand ourselves。
Twelve months had not passed； and already I was conscious of a vague
ache … a feeling that something； I scarcely knew what； had gone wrong； so
terribly wrong！ I told myself that I was now married； and had a duty
both to my wife and society； and I tried hard to ignore the ache； on the one
hand； and not to permit myself to define and analyse it on the other。 But
a man does not have to understand anatomy in order to break his heart；
and so my longing defined itself even by itself。 The old fire； built on a
virgin hearth； was far from out。 Society had heaped a mouthful of
conventional ashes upon it； but they had served only to preserve it。 From
the fiat of the human heart there is no court of appeal。
One night； to my utter amazement； I received a letter from Lona which
you will find filed away among my other valuable documents。
It was addressed in her own quaint little hand； and I trembled violently
as I opened the envelope。 It was but a brief note； and ran as follows：
〃I am dying； and have much to explain before I go。 Be generous； and
do not think too harshly of me。 Suspend your judgment until I have
spoken。 You must come by stealth； or you will not be permitted to see
me。 Follow my directions carefully and you will have no trouble in
reaching me。 Go at once to the cave on Malabar Hill； whistle thrice； and
one will appear who will conduct you safely to me。 Follow him； and
whatever happens； make no noise。 Do not delay … I can last but little longer。
〃LONA。〃
I did not even pause to re…read the letter； or to ask why it was
necessary to follow such singular directions in order to be led to her。 I
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simply knew she had written to me； that she was dying； that she wanted
me； that was all； but it was enough。 Dazed； filled with a strange mixture
of dread and yearning； I hurried to the cave。 It was already night when I
reached it … just such a moonlit night as that on which； nearly a year before；
Lona and I had planned our elopement； and now that heart； which then had
beaten so wildly against mine； was slowly throbbing itself into eternal
silence； … and I … I had been more than dead ever since。
I looked about on all sides； but no human being was visible。 I
whistled thrice； but no sound came in response。 Again I whistled； with
the same result。 Where was my guide？ Perhaps he was in the cave and
had not heard me。 I entered it to see； but had barely passed the narrow
portal when a voice said close behind me： 〃Did you whistle； Sahib？〃 The
suddenness； the strangeness of this uncanny appearance； so close to me
that I felt the breath of the words upon my neck； sent a chill over me。 I
shall never forget that feeling！ Many times since then have I dreamt of a
hand that struck me from out the darkness； while the same unspeakable
dread froze up my life； until； by repetition； it has sunk deep into my soul
with the weight of a positive conviction。 I know； as I now write； that this
will be my end； and his will be the hand that strikes。 The fibre of our
lives is twisted in a certain way； and each has its own fixed mode of
unravelling； … this will be mine。
When I had recovered from the first momentary shock I turned and
looked behind me。 There； close upon me； with his huge form blocking
the narrow entrance； stood Rama Ragobah； my rival； his face hideous with
malignant triumph！ I was trapped； and that； too； by a man whom my
hatred； could it have worked its will； would have plunged into the
uttermost hell of torment。 I felt sure my hour had come； but my assassin
should not have the satisfaction of thinking I feared him。 I did not permit
myself to betray the slightest concern as to my position … indeed； after the
shock of the first surprise； I did not care so very much what fate awaited
me。 Why should I？ Had I not seriously thought of taking my own life？
Was it not clear now that Lona； whose own handwriting had decoyed me；
had most basely betrayed me into her husband's hands？ If I had wished
to end my own life before； surely now； death； at the hands of another； was
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no very terrible thing。 Could I have dragged that other down with me； I
would have rejoiced at the prospect！
Ragobah broke the silence。 〃You have left your stick this time； I
see；〃 he said； as he unsheathed the long knife I had once before escaped；
and ostentatiously felt its edge as if he were about to shave with it。
〃You were in haste； Sahib； when you left me last time； or I should not
now have the pleasure of this interview。 Be assured I shall do my work
more thoroughly this time。 Behind you there is a hole partly filled with
water。 If you drop a stone into this well； it is several seconds before you
hear the splash； and there is a saying hereabouts that it is bottomless。 I
am curious to know if this be true； and I am going to send you to see。 Of
course； if the story is well founded； I shall not expect you to come back。
That would be unreasonable； Sahib。〃
All this was said with a refined sarcasm which maddened me； and； as
he concluded； he began to edge stealthily toward me。 So strong is the
instinct of self…preservation within us that I doubt not a would…be suicide；
caught in the act of hanging himself； would struggle madly for his life
were someone else to forcibly adjust the noose about his neck。 At all
events； I found myself unwilling； at the last moment； to have someone else
launch me into eternity and； as I wished to gain time to think what I should
do to escape； I said to him：
〃Why do you bear me such malice？ Can you not see that any injury I
may have done you was purely in self…defence？ You sought the quarrel；
and I took the only means at hand to protect myself。 I did not； as you
know； seek to kill you； a thing I could easily have done； but was content
merely to make good my escape。 I …〃
〃Bah！〃 he said； interrupting me savagely。 〃That has nothing to do
with it。 Had you only pounded my head you might live； but you have
pounded my heart！ It is for that I hate you； and for that you die！〃
〃What have I done？〃 I asked。
〃What have you done？〃 he roared； furious with rage。 〃I will tell you。
You have by magic possessed the mind of my wife。 Your name； your
cursed name is ever upon her lips！ My entreaties； my supplications are
answered by nothing else。 Even in her sleep she starts up and calls for
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you。 You have cast a spell
